Neal stumbled from the interview room… limbs trembling violently… he tried reflexively to cover the emotions that tore through his mind, his heart... but it was no use. They were a raging inferno consuming his control, his mind, his soul, leaving him to stagger in a blind haze… he made it as far as the first step before his legs collapsed… he sank down… sitting on that top step…staring out at the room below… the buzzing hive of activity that had no idea his world had just imploded…. Oblivious to all the air being sucked from the room… "I'm a dad… I'm a dad… I'm A DAD!" it screamed in his head… roaring… "I'm a dad and the KID IS MISSING!" he choked… gagged… tried to rise… he fell back gasping… "You have to stop… breathe slowly" an annoying voice in his head told him "you're going to pass out", but panic made that impossible… he couldn't get enough air… he was drowning in stark terror… in the cold emptiness of his mind…
"Neal!" the voice in his ear registered vaguely… "Neal … breathe" a hand on his shoulder… Peter… he tried to control his lungs, but they felt frozen… someone brought his hands up to cover his face, cupping them over his mouth and nose…in and out … in and out…in and out… better… Slowly the world slid back into focus… "You ok?" his friend asked, his tone far to gentle… the young man nodded… if he tried to speak he was certain he would be sick… and he would never live that down… hyperventilating on the stairs was bad enough…
"Sorry…" he managed after a moment.
"It's ok" Peter grinned ruefully "I'm going to guess you didn't know about this…" he shook his head "not even about the boy?"
"No…G** no…!" his chest constricted again…
"Ok… ok… breathe… it will be ok… just breathe… slowly" that seemed like all Peter could think of to say…
"You think…" Neal swallowed the sick feeling that surged in his stomach "you think if I knew I had a son …I would abandon him?" Peter gave an almost laugh
"No, probably not…" he patted his shoulder softly again "but adoption isn't abandoning… given your circumstances seven years ago… it probably was the best thing for him" Neal nodded. That was true, rationally considered, it was true …though he doubted he would have been able to agree to it…
"I… I didn't know…" his voice betrayed him… cracking sharply… the taste of bile rising in the back of his throat with the words… he gulped convulsively…. He closed his eyes and forced himself to breathe slowly again. Peter waited, watching him… he could feel the man watching him…
"Ok…Neal…I have to ask…" he hesitated… "Do you know who his birth mother is?" Neal stared at him… he hadn't considered that, but there was only one possibility… only one who fit the time frame… suddenly he was shivering again… the boy must have been born when they were separated… she must have been pregnant when he left for Europe…she might have even known before he left… she never told him… why didn't she tell him…? Retching, he staggered to his feet and fled again… running this time, he made it down the stairs and into the elevator.
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Peter watched the younger man disappear… he thought about following him, but maybe he just needed to be alone to get his thoughts together. Finding out you had a seven year old child would be quite a blow to anyone… finding out that child had been kidnapped… he couldn't even imagine.
"Peter?" Jones' voice broke through his reverie… "What's going on with Caffrey… he just blew past me like a whirlwind."
"I'm not surprised." He sighed… "It's going to be an interesting day…"
"It have something to do with the arrest you two made this morning? Definitely something off with that story… a math teacher and an electrician suddenly decide they are thieves…?"
"Yeah…" he scrubbed his hands over his face and through his hair "Jones… get missing persons up here."
"On it Boss." he gave him a questioning look "I'm going to want to hear this story later, aren't I?" he grinned as hurried away with one last look in the direction Neal vanished.
"I hope so…"he scrubbed his hand over his face roughly… he slowly made his way back to the interrogation room.
Diana stopped him just outside… her eyes wide…
"What is going on boss?"
"You were listening, right?"
"Caffrey's freaking out?"
"That's one way of putting it."
"Did you know about the kid, boss?"
"Neal didn't even know about him."
"They said he signed the papers…"her voice trailed off. "D***"
"You said it"
"You think the kid is really his?"
"I don't know… I need you to pull the original birth certificate… but we won't know for sure until we find the boy and get a DNA test…"
"But do you think he is?"
"He sure looks like Neal" he handed her the photograph… and smiled at her whistle.
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"Thought I'd find you here" he smiled as he sat down beside the younger man… the CI sat on a park bench, staring at his clasped hands… oblivious of the swirling colors of the sunset behind the statue of the violinist, the people strolling past or the bird song floating in the twilight… There was some color back in his cheeks at least and his breathing was quiet… though his hands still shook slightly… his body shivering occasionally in the cool evening breeze
"You found me…" Neal glanced up, then returned to studying his hands
"Always…" the grin was forced, but he thought it was worth a shot.
"What took so long?" Neal managed a hint of teasing… a good sign
"I thought you might need a little time…"
"Thanks" he gave a pained little laugh. They fell into a companionable silence "She loved this place…" the way his voice caught barely noticeable
"I know…" Peter watched him "you come here a lot"
"You've noticed that huh?"
"I still keep an eye on where you are."
"Good to know…" he sighed, they sat silently in the waning light "do you think he's ok?" the question wavered just a tiny bit.
"I think so… I hope so" Peter said. Neal nodded quietly "The kidnapper gave them a week to get the money… three days ago."
"So we still have a little time…?" his voice broke
"We still have a little time."
"He's only seven…he's got to be so scared…"
"I don't doubt it" Peter regarded the other man, "but he'll hold up."
"I hope so"
"If he's anything like you he's more resilient than most"
"I don't have three million dollars…" he sighed looking at the statue "anymore" clearly thinking about the ring he gave up for his friend…
"We'll find him and bring him home safely"
"How can you be sure?"
"Because if he's your son…" he smiled "there is one thing I am really good at… finding a Caffrey" Neal managed a chuckle at that.
"Then we better get started" the younger man stood up. If his legs still trembled a little he was able to hide it now.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()(
He jerked awake… the dream of rough hands grabbing… pulling him, fading away…
Dark… still dark…
He wasn't afraid of the dark… only babies were afraid of the dark, and he wasn't a baby… he was seven and a half years old… almost eight… He was not afraid of the dark. He shivered, but that wasn't fear… it was just so cold in here and they didn't give him a blanket. Nathen sat up curling into the corner of the wall…pulling his skinny legs into his chest. He wasn't scared… he tucked is arms around himself trying to stop shaking… Cold … yeah that's what he was… and lonely and bored… he had no idea how long he had been here… the dark seemed to last forever… amplifying every sound. His breathing echoed. He didn't even know breathing could echo… and the sound his shoes made on the hard floor was loud… unnaturally loud, but he wasn't scared, but he did want his mama… daddy… someone… he didn't like being alone.
The man said he was here because they wanted to hurt his daddy. Nate didn't understand why. His daddy was nice man… sure sometimes he made him stand in the corner… or sit on his bed, but his daddy never made him sit in the dark forever like this… unless they meant his other dad… the one he never met… maybe the man meant him, but the man was just mean, his arms still hurt were the man grabbed them…his face hurt too, because the man hit him… and he wanted to hurt his daddy… he shivered harder. He didn't want them to do that… not to either daddy…
The dark was bigger and blacker than anything he had ever seen…he couldn't even see his hands… tears leaked out of his eyes and he tried to brush them away, because big boys didn't cry if they weren't hurt … they weren't afraid of the dark…
Except he was… he was really, really afraid… he hid his face against his knees and cried