"Can I go outside?" She asked once she and Dean were back from her shower.
"No!" Dean shot her down.
Roman gave Dean an annoyed look.
"Yes, you can. I'll go with you," he said.
They walked outside in the garden, leaving Seth and Dean inside the house. Dean watched them through the window. So many throughts were running through his mind. Seth walked over and stood next to him.
"How are you holding up, man?" Seth asked.
"I'm not sure," Dean answered and sighed. "I did something bad last night."
"What?" Seth asked.
"I almost forced myself on her," Dean answered.
"You what?" Seth raised his voice.
"I just wanted to hurt her so bad," Dean said.
"So you figured rape was the right way to go?" Seth asked shocked.
"No! And I didn't do it! But for a brief moment there, I just wanted to bring her so much pain. I wanted to hear her cry and beg below me. And she did nothing. She just laid there and waited for me to do it. Even said that she deserved it for what she's done to us," Dean said.
"So if she had fought you, would you have done it?" Seth asked.
"I don't know." Dean answered.
"You wouldn't. I know you, Dean. You may drag people all the way to the edge but you never push them over it. If anything, they jump themselves while you watch. You would never have done it to her no matter how angry you were," Seth said.
"I know you're right. I just wanted her to feel some of the pain I was feeling," Dean said.
Seth turned his head and looked at him for a couple of seconds.
"You love her, don't you?" He finally asked.
"I do. God! I wanna hate her so bad, I really do, but I can't," Dean said angrily.
"Feelings don't go away over night. You can press them down and maybe in time they'll disappear but not as long as you keep her around," Seth said.
"We need her around right now," Dean said.
"I know that. Just laying it out there for you to see," Seth said.
"Stop being so god damn smart about everything," Dean said and pushed Seth with a smile on his face.
"Do you hate me too, Roman?" She asked once they were outside in the garden.
"None of us hate you. We're angry with you but we don't hate you," he answered.
"Dean hates me," she said.
Roman put his arm around her shoulders.
"He's hurting because of what you did. He'll get over it with time," he said.
She spent the day sitting on the couch, not saying much, just observing their every move. She was still on edge and had no idea what would happen to her in the end, but for now she could do nothing but watch. As nightfall approached, Dean walked her into his room again.
"Can I get a shirt to sleep in or do I have to sleep naked again?" She asked while looking down at the floor, too afraid to meet his eyes.
He grabbed a t-shirt from his closet and threw it on the bed next to her.
"Thanks," she whispered.
She pulled the dress off and put on the shirt. Once she was ready, she sat down on the bed. She watched him strip down to his boxers. She was surprised. She didn't think he would wanna be in the same room as her. He didn't the night before. As he walked over to the bed, she held out her wrist towards him.
"What?" He asked.
"Aren't you gonna cuff me again?" She asked surprised.
"Are you gonna run?" He asked back as he raised an eyebrow.
"No," she said silently and laid down.
He laid down next to her and turned off the lamp next to the bed.
"Besides, I'm a light sleeper. You won't get out of bed without waking me," he said, not sure if he tried to convince her or himself.
She woke up in the middle of the night. She had to pee.
"Dean?" She tried shaking him awake.
"Go away," he muttered in his sleep.
She sighed, crawled out of bed and walked to the bathroom. It wasn't until she was out of the room, Dean woke up and noticed her gone.
"What the..." he mumbled as he felt the bed empty next to him.
He sat up in a rush and was just about to take off as she came back in.
"Where the hell were you?" He asked angrily and jumped to his feet.
"I had to pee. I tried waking you up but you told me to go away," she answered scared.
She took a step backwards, afraid what he might do.
"Get back in bed," he growled.
She hurried back in bed and laid with her back against him. He laid down behind her and looked at her silhouette in the darkness for a little while.
"Why didn't you come to us and tell us what was really going on with you and Hunter?" He suddenly asked.
"Does it really matter?" She asked.
"It matters to me," he answered.
"I was scared, alright? I just wanted to get away from him as fast as possible," she answered.
"We could have helped you," he said.
"I know that now but it's a little too late to think about that," she said and sighed. "I blew my chance with you guys and I deserve all the hate you feel for me."
She was taken by surprise as he wrapped an arm around her waist.
"I don't hate you," he said in a low tone.
She moved her hand down and laid it over his. He spread his fingers so her fingers could glide in between them. He gave them a little squeeze once they were settled in between his.
"I don't hate you, angel. I wish I did but I don't," he said.
"But you're still mad as hell," she said.
"I'm fucking pissed off at you," he said and squeezed her fingers again.
She smiled into the darkness. There was no need for her to say anymore right at that point. She just enjoyed having him close to her again.
"Goodnight angel," he whispered.