Lord Darth Yoda - I always wanted to include a character that was a healer, and Eida is a character that I enjoy. And you are right to point out that Sascha is getting good advice, he's just a bit too blind to know it. The vision that Sascha got is pretty ominous, but this vision was more of a nightmare, more of what Sascha fears than an actual vision of the future. I mean basically everyone from Yoda on down says that the future is always in motion, so its best not to read too much into it.

thejoker122-That's certainly part of it (though it's a bit too dark for me to go there. That kind of mental trauma is also really hard to write, in my (limited) experience.

A/N - Combining a couple of chapters so it might seem a little choppy, but I wanted to cover a lot of ground in this chapter so we can get on with some more interesting things.

Please enjoy the next chapter! As always, follows, favourites and reviews are appreciated.

Chapter 4: Diagnosis

One Week later, Jedi Temple, Coruscant

The sizzle of lightsabers echoed around the sparring arena. Aurine, for what felt like the millionth time, tried to batter away at her opponent's defences, but her opponent simply did not yield time or space, nor did her implacable opposition make a mistake. She tried a high strike and was matched by a parry, she cut low and her opponent simply leapt out of the way. Aurine backed off and then tried to strike at her opponent with a low kick, but it was absorbed on her opponent's shin.

Rivulets of sweat dripped down her forehead, and she wiped her face with the sleeve to make sure none of it dropped into her eyes. She attacked once again, flying with precision towards her opponent. It wasn't as if her opponent was stronger than her, faster than her, or even older than her, she was just better than her and it frustrated her to no end. Funneling that frustration into determination, she brought her green blade in an overhead slash, which was met by the cool green blade of her opponent. Aurine despaired, no matter how hard she tried, no matter where her attack went, a response was always ready for her.

Her opponent sensed her flagging confidence, and for the first time went on the offensive. It was not long before Aurine was pressed backward. Aurine's parries came closer and closer to her skin and she could feel the heat of her opponent's blade as she dodged out of the way. Fatigue was setting in on Aurine Brynar, and she knew that she couldn't keep up her defences for much longer.

Yet even she was surprised how quickly it ended. On the defensive Aurine had always thought that she was still a dangerous opponent, all she needed was one opening and she could end a fight in a myriad of ways. But her opponent didn't give her one, she kept pressing her, giving her no room or even to think. She was so distracted by her opponent's blade, she wasn't paying attention to her legs, and her opponent simply swept her legs out from under her.

Aurine fell hard on her flank, "Damn it, Luminara, can't you at least give me the illusion of hope?" She disengaged her blade and pounded the floor in frustration, it had been a long time since she had been able to beat her best friend in a sparring session, but she didn't usually lose in such a pathetic manner either.

Luminara disengaged her blade, looking none the worse for wear despite their spirited sparring session, perhaps that was why she had recently been made a Jedi Master, "You are off balance today, old friend." The olive-skinned Miralian looked as stately as ever in her customized Miralian garments, and Aurine envied the graceful way she moved, in and out of combat, it had always made her feel like an oaf in comparison. Her friend sat beside her, "Sascha weighs on your mind, Aurine. He distracts you."

She sighed and laid back for a brief moment, "Yes, he does. I've left him alone this week, and Eida Nascal has been with him every day." She turned to Luminara, "Have you seen Sascha since Bothawui, Luminara? He values your advice still, you might be able to help him."

The Miralian nodded, "I have. He was very polite and engaged me in conversation, but when I tried to turn the conversation towards more serious matters, he simply clammed up and shut me out. I didn't think he would ever retreat into himself like he has. When I first met him, the only thing I could think was that he was born to be a Jedi, now I do not know if that person that I once saw remains. I hold out hope that he does though."

"I do too," Aurine said numbly. Over the past few weeks she had tried everything with her apprentice short of shaking him by the collar and beating some sense into him. Nothing had seemed to get through to him. He was depressed, that was clear, but even with a Jedi healer giving him personal care and support from his friends, he hadn't snapped out of it.

"Perhaps…it would not be so bad if he was released from being a Padawan," commented Luminara.

Aurine sat up and starred daggers at her friend, "No, he is a Jedi, he will find his path again."

The Miralian offered her a comforting look, "His path is not for you to set, Aurine. I know it would be a test for you, but if it is the best thing for him, you must release him from his apprenticeship."

"And is there someone besides me better suited to make that determination? I've known Sascha for longer, I've fought beside him, and I owe him my life. I'll give him every opportunity to rebound, it's the least I can do."

Luminara smiled wanly at her passionate response, "Sascha is lucky to have you as his Master, I could not have trained him as well as you have. Just remember Aurine, listen to the Force, if it is trying to tell you something, do not stand in its way. I know you will make the right decision."

Aurine showered after her sparring session and decided to put on her emerald coloured robe. That robe had been a gift from her Master on her sixteenth birthday, though like everything that Nova Trynith had done, there had been a lesson attached to the gift.

Nova Trynith had been a typical Zeltron beauty and as such, she attracted more than her fair share of male interest, both inside the Temple and outside. Her Master had hated the unwanted attention and she would deal with her prospective suitors with a coolness that left no question as to what her intentions were. As a physical way of concealing her beauty, she wore some of the most modest set of Jedi robes that Aurine had ever seen, they were so unflattering that they almost made her look ugly.

But that was not at all what she had wanted as a young woman. She had wanted to be courted by her peers and noticed by other people when she went on a mission. It was a bad attitude for a Jedi to have, but she had possessed plenty of bad attitude as a young apprentice. In one of her dumber moments, she had assumed that boys weren't paying attention to her because of the way she dressed and she had peevishly told that to Master Trynith one night in the middle of an argument. A week later, it had been her birthday and Nova had presented her with this emerald robe.

It suited her perfectly, everything from the colour to the cut accentuated her modest beauty and she'd been overwhelmed by the lengths that her Master had gone to acquire the robe and thanked her profusely. She'd worn the beautiful green robe on a mission to Basarais; confidently strutting around as if she owned the place, and to her delight she attracted the attentions of the governor's son, who seemed smitten with her. The mission had been so routine, Master Trynith had allowed her to spend quite some time with…Force…what was his name? Tafo…Tafo Banab. Tafo had been an amiable companion he had been more than handsome enough for Aurine to flirt with, even going to far as to surprise him with a kiss during a private moment.

Unfortunately, for her and her big mouth, she had revealed the real reason behind the Jedi's involvement on Basarais was to evaluate the political system of the planet and see if the rumors were true – that the governors were planning to seize power from the ruling monarch. Of course, Tafo had run to his father and told him what the Jedi were up to, and Aurine had to trudge back to Master Trynith in disgrace, telling her what she had done. Nova had simply shook her head at her idiot apprentice and went and made things right on the planet. As soon as she got back to Coruscant, Aurine had almost torn off her emerald robe in absolute disgust and went back to wearing her old beige robe, the one that made her feel like a Jedi, not a stupid little girl.

Now she mostly wore the emerald robe as a reminder of how headstrong and stupid she had been, though she still appreciated how lovely it still looked on her, more than ten years after it had been purchased. The robe was the same, but the Jedi who wore it had changed.

Aurine walked down the halls of the Temple, passing by a clump of young Initiates who were furiously debating who was the better swordsman, Master Yoda, or Master Windu. She smiled and left them to their debate, she remembered having the exact same conversation with Luminara as a young Initiate.

Something about that moment crystallized a thought in her mind and she turned around and headed in the other direction. After a brisk walk, she stopped outside of the door of Eida Nascal. She ran the chime, and was immediately admitted entrance.

The Carthasian was kneeling in a meditative position, looking totally and utterly relaxed. If she was being honest with herself, the Carthasian unnerved her more than a little. It was the eyes. Eida's orange eyes were both penetrating and uniquely alien. Her eyes seemed to evaluate her all in one glance and she got the sense that she knew her feelings better than even she did. "I'd offer for you to sit down, but I think you might believe that I'll start psychoanalyzing you," commented Eida with an unexpected dry wit.

"That's okay, I'll sit. I'm not afraid."

"I suppose that you wanted to talk about Sascha."

Aurine made herself comfortable on the floor, "I did. Have you made any progress with my Padawan?"

Eida hesitated, "In some ways yes, in others...no."

"Uh, explain?"

Eida shrugged slightly, "When I first met Sascha, it was clear that he was depressed. I was also able to determine that he was dealing with some minor Post-Traumatic Stress. Both of which I have treated this week."

"So, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that physically, Sascha Whitestar is perfectly healthy," said Eida.

Aurine was relieved. "That's excellent news. Is he ready to start his training again?"

Eida's four-fingered hand twitched, "No."

"Excuse me?"

"Sascha's problems are not physical, they are mental."

"And have you fixed those?"

Eida smiled slightly, "I cannot."

Aurine shook her head in confusion, "Please explain."

Eida shifted in her seated position, "Sascha isn't sure if he wants to be a Jedi. He's still hurt over the way his relationship with Tyra imploded. These are things I cannot fix. Sure, I can cajole him, try to convince him that he wants to be a Jedi and that he will eventually get over Tyra, but I cannot do it for him."

"So we are right back to where we started," she muttered.

"I wouldn't be so glib," said Eida. "Sascha wasn't an easy patient to treat. He would often resist when I was attempting to heal him. Only time and patience allowed me to do so."

"Sorry," Aurine bowed her head for a moment, "I didn't mean it like that. I'm thankful for all the work that you've done with him."

Eida smiled, showing that she was not offended, "I know. I just have a...thing about when people discount the work that healers do."

"Perhaps you can help shed some light on what Sascha's current state is," she said, directing the conversation where she wanted it to go. Somehow, she was forgetting that Eida was a Padawan and she was a Jedi Knight. To be fair, Eida's poise, grace, and confidence made her seem much older than she actually was.

"As I said, he's healed, but not recovered, but only because he doesn't want to recover. He no longer seems to want to be Padawan Whitestar or even Jedi Whitestar." Eida stood up, "I think part of the problem with someone like Sascha is that he is...too smart, too introspective for his own good. He dwells on the past, when he knows full well that he can't change it." She stared out her half-closed window, "I've tried to help him, but he is stubborn, sometimes."

"So you are saying its up to me to get him to see where he's going wrong."

"That, and I think time will heal his psyche." Eida sat again, "Sascha's a complicated person. Very emotional while at the same time being quite an intellectual – certainly a contradiction. And his relationship with Tyra...well you could probably write an entire textbook on it. It's a wound that will take some time to heal."

"What do you think I should do?"

"Instead of asking permission to restart this training...just do it." Eida offered her a smile, "He has a deep and profound respect for you, Master Brynar. I know you don't like ordering him around, but at this point, I think he needs a strong figure in his life to direct him, and I see no better person than yourself." The Carthasian shrugged, "And Sascha has always been led by strong female figures. It was something I was able to take advantage of when treating him."

Aurine wasn't so sure that things would be as easy as Eida was making it seem, but at least it was a proactive plan. And that was better than just sitting and waiting for her Padawan to feel better. "I think I'll start training Sascha again tomorrow. Will you be staying on Coruscant?"

Eida nodded, "I'll be working out of the Halls of Healing for a few months."

Aurine rose, "Thank you for your work with Sascha...it means something to me."

Eida met her gaze, "It was nothing. I owed Sascha, and was happy to return a favour that I've longed owed him."

Aurine bowed politely, "I may be calling upon you later."

"I'm always happy to help."

Aurine went out the door, feeling a lot better about the future.

The day after receiving the diagnosis from Eida Nascal, Aurine was feeling surprisingly energized. She decided that Eida was right and she might have been too lenient with Sascha. She had treated him with kid gloves, giving him time to recover and deal with his trauma. Now it was the time for the Master to show the Padawan the correct path. And she was going to do that starting today.

She went to Sascha's room in the early morning and rang the chime. Sascha answered the door with a greeting, and prepared to follow her to the refectory as had become tradition for them. Instead, she blocked the doorway, "I think it's time we had a talk, Sascha."

A flicker of emotion played across his face, but he concealed it quickly, "As you wish, Master."

Her Padawan sat on his bedroll, while she continued to stand, "I talked with Eida yesterday. Your sessions with her are at an end, and she believes that you are healed."

Sascha's eyes narrowed, "I don't feel healed, Master."

"And you feel it is your place to question the word of a Jedi healer," she said sharply.

He hesitated, "I feel…better than I have been, Master, but I'm not even close to my old self. Maybe our definitions of 'healed' are different."

"Perhaps, or maybe it's time to continue with your training again."

"I…don't think I'm in any shape to do so, Master."

"So what is your plan Sascha? Wait until you magically feel better? Wait until I'm forced to tell the Reassignment Council that you cannot go on with your training? You can't just sit in your room all day."

Her Padawan looked stricken at the mention his apprenticeship coming to an end, which Aurine took as a good sign, at least he still at least thought that he wanted to be her apprentice. "I don't know what to do, Master," he admitted. "I just don't feel like myself since…since Bothawui. For the first time in my life, I feel scared."

"Scared of what Sascha? You are in the safest place in the galaxy, surrounded by friends and people that care about you." She paused, "Why don't we meditate together?"

Sascha hesitated, "I haven't meditated since the day I got that vision, I'm scared of what else I will see if I submerge myself in the Force."

Aurine nodded, knowing that his fear of visions was legitimate; it had been in Eida's full report regarding her Padawan's health. "Okay, maybe let's do something simple, how about you levitate your lightsaber for me."

"I don't want to, Master."

"Why not?"

"Because when I use the Force, people get hurt. I get hurt, people I care about get hurt. People die."

"People die all the time Sascha, why don't you think of the lives you've saved!"

Sascha shook his head sadly, "I can't handle being responsible for any more deaths. I didn't sign up for any of this, Master. Maybe I had a romanticized version of how my life would be as a Padawan, but now that I see the reality, I'm not sure I can handle it. Master, I nearly saw you die. I've lost count of how many times I've been close to death, and I've only been on two missions! I don't know what kind of mental fortitude other Jedi have, but I don't have it. You've said if yourself, I'm too emotional, I never figured out how to deal with all the emotions I feel from others, so the simplest thing to do is to shut them all out. Don't use the Force. It at least gives me some inner peace."

Aurine paced for a minute, Sascha was speaking honestly she knew, but she was looking for a way to get him to break out of his shell, yet he was resisting adamantly. "What do you want me to do Sascha? Do you want me to say that you are a good apprentice? You are. Do you want me to hold your hand while we meditate? I'll do that. What I cannot do is have you sit in this room and mope around like a depressed teenager, you're a Jedi, Sascha, act like one!"

She realized too late that she was letting her frustration pour out of her and that Sascha was physically reacting, pulling himself into a little ball sitting on his bedroll. Repair this, Aurine told herself. She sat beside her Padawan, "I'm sorry for that outburst, Padawan, but I'm trying to get through to you, but you just keep stonewalling me. I don't know what to do."

"I don't know either, Master, all I know is that I'm not ready to resume being your apprentice, and I'm not sure I'll ever be ready. I'm sorry for failing you." Curled into a little ball, Sascha Whitestar did not look like much, he was pale, skinny and clearly wanted to be anywhere but here, and having this conversation. This was supposedly her apprentice, the Jedi she had chosen to be her Padawan. His apprenticeship was not entirely going the way she had foreseen it going and neither was this conversation.

Aurine tried another idea, "Perhaps we should start with something that doesn't require you to use the Force. What if I could book us some time in the simulator, practice some Starfighter tactics? No pressure, just doing something that you love, and we are both good at."

Sascha was smart enough to realize when he was being thrown a bone, but he did love flying and even if she wasn't about to let him fly a real ship, doing so in the simulator was probably the next best thing. They hadn't spent much time together working on his piloting skills, as he already was one of the better pilots amongst his Padawan peers, so there was little need to focus on them when he had so many weaknesses to work on.

"Okay, Master Brynar…but can we eat breakfast first?"

She slung an arm around him and he leaned into it gratefully, "Of course we can eat breakfast, but as long as we do it in total silence like usual. Traditions must be preserved Padawan, even in our darkest moments."

For the next week she gradually brought Sascha out of his shell. It was frustrating work, one day he would be the bright, energetic Padawan she remembered, the next day he went back to being stubborn and withdrawn. In that week she saw just about every part of her Padawan's personality, some she liked, some she tolerated, and some she grew to outright hate.

Sascha Whitestar had always had a petulant streak to him, but he usually had enough goodwill with her to make her ignore his little moods. Currently, he did not have that sort of goodwill with her and she knew that she was not the most patient of teachers even with a perfectly pliant student. Now with her patience fraying on a daily basis and no dramatic improvements being made, both Master and apprentice were feeling the pressure on their friendship.

Sascha was recovering very slowly, he would use the Force, but only when prompted and when she was around. And instead of using it like a person trained from the crèche to be at home with using his natural talent with the Force, he only dipped his toe into the pool that was the Force, never committing himself fully to it. It was beyond worrying for her, if he couldn't trust the Force there was absolutely no way he could cut it as a Padawan.

Eventually, with tensions rising between her and Sascha, it was inevitable that it would all come to a head. And it did.

She and Sascha were in one of the myriad sparring rooms in the Jedi Temple. Though Sascha was still not carrying his lightsaber, she was still intent on keeping his technique sharp. And the only way of doing that without using his lightsaber was to work on his form.

Lightsaber forms, or katas, or whatever you wanted to call them, were ritualized exercises that had been perfected over thousands of years by the Jedi Order. They were designed to teach the most important positions of a lightsaber form, though much of lightsaber combat was improvised, it was these foundations that most relied upon to form the core of their technique. It was like any combat sport. You taught students how to throw a picture, perfect attack, and expected them to learn that there was rarely time in a fight to actually use such perfect technique.

Unfortunately, at the moment, Sascha's form was hardly perfect.

At first, she ignored it, assuming that it was partially just the rarity of performing lightsaber forms without the lightsaber. She found herself struggling at times to perform the moves without the weight of the lightsaber in her hand and the visual indicator of her blade, but she learned that all she had to do was think about having her lightsaber in her hand and she could feel the weight of the hit in her hand, even if the physical hilt was still latched to her belt.

But the longer they got into the session, and the more Sascha's form continued to deteriorate. It almost offended her how bad he was at this relatively simple task. And it was a task she had drilled and drilled into him at the start of her apprenticeship, and he had made progress and become good at this specific form. But right now, he was moving like he was drunk.

She controlled her emotions and said, "Form follows function. Function may be found in form," in a neutral tone.

"What does that even mean," Sascha muttered.

"It means that forms, like the ones that we are currently doing, are central to what it is to be a Jedi. By following the forms, we can find function in our own lives."

Sascha rolled his eyes, not very discreetly.

Aurine decided it was time to lose her cool slightly. "You don't want to be doing this, do you?"

"Very perceptive, Master."

Aurine brought herself into a typical form three defensive posture, her right foot back, holding her blade back in a one-handed grip with her right hand angled towards her invisible opponent, with her left arm held parallel to her body. Sascha badly aped the movement, and almost lost his balance.

"Stop," she commanded.

Sascha relaxed his body, and shook his head slightly. "I'm sorry, I wasn't very good."

"No, you weren't. Your mind seemed to be totally elsewhere."

"That's because it is, Master."

"And why is that?"

He looked downward, "Because I can't summon any enthusiasm for these drills anymore. I perfected these forms when I really, truly cared about being a Jedi Knight, when it was the only thought on my mind. But now, I just can't bring myself to care."

"Do you really not want to be a Jedi anymore, Sascha?"

Sascha met her gaze and then looked away, "Not at the moment, Master. Maybe I'll find my motivation again, but right now, I don't have it."

Aurine despaired. Weeks after Bothawui, weeks after treatment, Sascha still displayed little intent to resume his path to becoming a Jedi Knight. In fact, it seemed as if he'd taken several steps backward. And despite spending the week with him, she was having trouble in coming up with any way to turn Sascha back into the promising apprentice he had once been.

So she went with honesty, "There is a limit to how much patience I can have with you, Sascha."

"I know."

"There is only so long I can go before advising the Reassignment Council that you aren't fit to become a Jedi Knight. Do you really want to be assigned to the agricultural corps?"

He shook his head, "No."

She looked at her apprentice, exasperated, "Then what do you want?"

"I honestly, don't know, Master."

"Can you at least see this from my perspective, Sascha? Do you know how frustrating this week has been for me? I've tried to make everything as normal as possible for you, but its not working, is it?"

Sascha shook his head sadly, "No."

"You have to give me something, Sascha. I can't just have my life wait in limbo while you decide what you want out of your life."

Sascha stared at the floor, "I know I'm not being fair to you. I just think I need more time. I need to figure out who I am before I can make a decision about my future. And the truth is, I don't know who I am anymore."

It was times like these where Aurine badly wanted some sort of 'Masters Guide to Training Your Padawan Manual' to actually exist. But it didn't, so she had to come up with a plan herself. "Okay, Sascha. I'll give you time. If you give you give me a plan for how you are going to decide what your path is. And I want it tomorrow."

Sascha looked for a moment like he might argue with her. That moment passed and he bowed politely to her, "That's fair, Master Brynar. May I be excused to think about this?"

"It's a better idea than watching you try lightsaber forms," she jested lightly.

The old Sascha Whitestar would have laughed, or at least smirked at her joke. This 'new' Sascha Whitestar, however, just blinked at her joke and walked out the door.

Aurine stared at the ceiling, wondering if there was any way to get her apprentice's training back on track. She wondered if the old Sascha Whitestar was well and truly gone.