Note: I'm keeping up with updates today (Lithium was updated, chapter 52 is posted. I bet you didn't expect this after almost two years *lol* and to think that there's still as much to come...)
Happy New Year everyone!

Matt
The owner of the store grinned at me with a look I'd define as 'is-he-gay-is-he-straight-will-I-get-my-chance-or-will-the-kid-scream-murder?'. Not exactly reassuring. I made my way through the aisles although I had already spotted various lubes that obviously had to be right next to the counter where the old fart was standing. I wanted to brace myself before I faced him, because I was growing really uncomfortable. Even more so when a couple entered the store a few seconds later, but they didn't even spare me a look so I just shied away and stopped in front of whatever rack display was there, out of sight of everyone so I could breathe.

Dildos. Great. I didn't even know there were so many different shapes, colours, sizes... I felt like a puppy looking at something he didn't understand, my head cocked to the side, as my eyes surveyed the rack, opening wider and wider every second.
'The Black Mamba'. Insert Mail fainting here. That thing was huge! How can someone even want to stick that somewhere. I don't want to know where. Thirteen inches long, three inches thick. Holy shit. Breathe. Breathe Mail. Open mouth, fill lungs, exhale, and again. Your boyfriend is German. With a white dick. A very, very normal sized dick. If this thing is the Black Mamba, then Mihael is the white worm. Mmh.

I suddenly had to refrain myself not to explode in giggles. If Mihael knew I had called him that, he would kill me. It was a direct attack to his male pride. No, he wasn't small in any way, it was just my poor attempt at reassuring myself. A worm doesn't hurt... and a large portion of the male population would look like a worm compared to the Black Mamba anyway.

I looked away from the horrible item and my eyes fell on something that resembled a bunny. A pink bunny. This was closer to something human sized... oh...
I grabbed the item all of a sudden, walked to the counter, grabbed the cheapest lube, paid and ran away from the store.

Sat in my car, I shamefully hid my purchases in the glove compartment. Why did I buy this thing?
Oh hell, I knew why. But I didn't know if I would have the courage to do it.
I spare you the mental images that crossed my mind all the way home. Once arrived, I ran upstairs, and breathed once I was safe in my room. No one saw anything. Phew...

I hid the brown paper bag containing my 'tools' in the most improbable place where I knew no one would look (not that my parents would rummage in my room anyway, but all this was making me extra cautious and nervous).
Ok, let's forget it, it's not because I bought it that I'm forced to use it. We'll see that later. Much later.

I had to meet Mihael in the afternoon and I was already tapping the floor with my foot as I tried to focus on the web page I was looking at. We had spent all our time together these last days and still I couldn't get enough. I knew it was normal to have time without him, to spend time with my family, my parents really wanted me here, we were only at the beginning of our relationship, but I couldn't find anything normal in being away from him. There was nothing normal in our relationship after all.

I sometimes imagined what it would be like to date a girl, before I met Mihael. Not just to fuck them in the backseat of my 'Love Machine', a real exclusive relationship with a girl, taking her out and such. I never took my imagination too far since I wasn't up for that kind of relationship but still I wondered, looking at my parents, what my one and only would be like, and how things would go, because at some point I guessed I would settle somehow. It's what people do, usually. I imagined seeing her once in a while, getting to know her, and things would progress from that until we got married.
And it was so not like this with Mihael. I just... fell for him, and no matter how much I thought it came little by little, I have to admit now that it was meant to be from the beginning. That attraction I had for the person he was, even when I hated him, maybe it was my heart telling me he was my one and only right from the start?
I would probably never know for sure. All I knew was that there was no way we would see randomly like any young couple. I wanted his presence all the time. The time without him was just not life, it was just a painful wait.

Not being able to keep waiting anymore, I just drove to his place. I was two hours early. I did a U-turn once his building in sight and went to a shopping area. I bought Mihael's favourite pastries, some chocolate, and... flowers. I wouldn't know if gay couples would buy each other flowers. But I bought some. Yellow miniature sunflowers, it just seemed right to me. They were beautiful like him.

I was still an hour early when I rang to Mihael's door. But I got no answer. He was probably still sleeping. No, he would have heard me anyway, the door ring was so loud you could hear it through the whole corridor.
I used the key he had given me and entered, trying to spot him in the bed, but he wasn't in. I closed the door behind me, calling him as I deposited the food and flowers on the kitchen table.
"Mihael?"

The door of the bathroom opened.
"Mail? Is it two already? I thought it was earlier..." His voice came out of the small room, muffled by the towel he was drying his face with. Obviously out of the shower, his hair was wet and tousled.
"Nah, I'm one hour early..." I suddenly felt extremely stupid for my impatience and I was about to apologize when Mihael's face appeared finally now that he had thrown the towel back in the bathroom, a huge smile on his lips.
Mello
I was feeling all fuzzy inside again. Only Mail could do that to me... Knowing that he had been unable to wait to see me was a great ego boost, but it wasn't exactly what I felt right now.
I was just melting because of the way he made me feel important, and captivated by the look he was settling on me just as I strode out of the bathroom.
Oh fuck, the way he came to me, looking predatory, pinning me to the wall and kissing me roughlier than usual, and yet his hands were soft on my back, caressing me, pushing me closer to him... and he just held me there for a few minutes, tenderly.

I was oscillating between the feeling he treated me like a chick he wanted to fuck, and the feeling he really wanted me for what I truly was, again. I didn't know where to stand, I really wanted this sorted out. Hell, I knew he loved me, but that didn't mean he wasn't fooling himself.

Mail let go of me when he felt me stiffen because of my thoughts and looked at me questioningly. I gave him a reassuring smile and spotted the... what the fuck, flowers?
He brought me flowers. Really, ok, gays like flowers too, but it wasn't of any help with my feeling that he may still be fooling himself into dating a girl.

"Shit, I knew it was stupid," he mumbled, "It seemed normal when I bought them, I mean, they reminded me of you... but it's just ridiculous, I know..."
"I love them." It was true. Especially since he had bought them because they reminded him of me, not because he followed some cliché. I found a glass big enough for the bouquet and placed it on the kitchen table. And there were pastries, and chocolate too.
I kissed him. Deeply. He was just the sweetest guy on earth. I felt guilty for my previous thoughts. I couldn't help them, but shit. It wasn't like that. It was stupid to think he was fooling himself. Not after all we've been through. Not after sucking my dick. Ok... I'm not the most subtle guy on earth. I know.

We ate breakfast in silence, his legs trapping mines under the table, my foot stroking his calf, both smiling to each other like two teenagers in love.
I'm usually not that sappy but I was probably discovering what was true love with Mail, and it relinquished all my past relationships, I mean the serious ones, to some childish romances. I wasn't counting the guys I dated for sex only.
When you're a teenager, each time you get into something possibly serious, you wonder if it's true love, if it's the one, if it's gonna last forever, and when you find the right one, you just don't question yourself anymore. Much.
Ok, I still had doubts, but it was more related to the fact that I was dating a guy that wasn't even gay to begin with. Which, if I was being logical, should have erased my doubts. Who, except someone that really loves you, dates you despite the fact you're not the gender he likes?

"By the way, I'm taking you on a date on saturday evening." Mail suddenly said, grinning.
"Great!" I was excited. It would be our first official date, and I was really wondering where he would take me. Fucking shit. The feeling of being taken for a chick was back. I obviously wouldn't get rid of it as long as I wouldn't have fucked Mail, it seemed.

It was still four days to go though, until saturday. It would put a great strain to my patience.
Would we go to the cinema? To a restaurant? To our usual café? No, knowing Mail it would be something unusual.
This would kill me.

"What have you planned?" I tried innocently.
"Do you really think I'll be ruining the surprise by telling you?" he chuckled, and I frowned, frustrated.
"Come oooon, I need to know what I should wear, at least!" second trial.
"Nothing special, just come as you are." Mail chuckled again, "well, not as you are now, of course." he corrected himself. I was still naked. And he knew me so well...

It was very hot today, and none of us felt like wandering around the city so we just stayed lazily on my couch, listening to music, watching movies, playing sex games... could've been worse.
I think we also wanted to make the best out of the last days we had before uni would start again.

Mail left around 8pm. He offered me to come with him since he had to be home to have dinner with his parents, like he had promised his mother, but I thought it was better to leave them be just the three of them, I didn't want to interfere with his family meetings all the time, they invited me already quite often and it was normal that Mail saw his parents alone from time to time, since he was very close to them.

Mail
My parents and me chatted quite long after dinner had ended, and it was obvious they liked Mihael a lot. My father had even given me some advices for places to go for a date (yeah, I hadn't told anything to Mihael only because I didn't know myself what we would do. All I knew was that I wanted to make something really special).
The fancy restaurant was out of the question since I had told Mihael he could come as he usually was, so they would probably not let us enter with his sexy leather, and I didn't have the money anyway, I still had to work with my father a lot to pay for the flight to Berlin.)

Around midnight, I went to bed since I had to wake up at 7am the next day to effectively help my father at the garage. Even Mihael would be there. I was pretty sure he wanted to help too more because otherwise we wouldn't see each other for the next days as much as we wanted than because he liked mechanics, but I was fine with it, I couldn't imagine to just see him a few hours in the evening, and I would probably fall asleep anyway.

I was slowly dozing off when it came to my mind that I didn't know how the date would end. It woke me up instantly. I mean, we had already kissed and even if what we did was not having sex completely, it still counted as sexual so the only thing that would make this date special was obviously me taking it up the ass.
I thought about my morning purchase. No. It was... weird. Was it?

I took the pink bunny out of the place I had hid it, along with the lube.
In the moonlight passing through the curtains, I stared at the plastic item. It wasn't that big.
Fuck, yes it was. And yet, if I wanted Mihael to take me, t would be pretty much the same. Same size, I mean.

Still holding the dildo, I lubed my fingers and gave another try at stretching myself. It was SO weird.
Strangely less painful than the day before, maybe because of the lube.
I had three fingers in my rear when I realised it was fine now.
Lubing the bunny, I rubbed it around my hole before lightly probing it. It seemed ok.
OUCH!
The head of the bunny was out as soon as it was in. That thing hurt!
Cleaning everything, I hid the whole stuff away and got back to bed. There was no way I would bottom. NO WAY!

That night, a giant plastic bunny ran after me with a giant black dildo, and no matter how fast I ran, he kept on poking me with it. I woke up sweaty when my alarm rang. Already seven...
I got out of bed with difficulty, and felt last night's intrusion as I sat on the border of the bed.

I showered, and as I came in the dining room, I laughed as I saw Mihael being stuffed with pastries like a turkey getting prepared for Thanksgiving by my mother who was urging him to eat.
That was a sight I loved, Mihael in the middle of my family. I think he was just my family as well.