Author's Note: I'm so, so sorry for the slight delay! This was a really hard chapter to write. I had a thousand words down and then decided it was garbage and deleted the whole thing. I spent most of the weekend rewriting, and I hope you all approve of the direction the story is taking. I promise, I was not trying to be cruel leaving you with that cliff-hanger for an extra couple of days. I just had to get this right! Without further ado...
"Hey Jackson! You're back!" Kelsey dances her way over to Will, calling him by his last name, and my whole body tenses at seeing him so close to my best friend.
"This is my bestie, Jessie. Isn't she just the most gorgeous little thing?" Kelsey drunkenly babbles beside him.
I haven't taken my eyes off of him since I recognized his face. I feel like a deer in headlights. I know there's danger, but I just can't seem to get my body's self-preservation mode to kick into gear. He has changed very little over the years. He seems a little taller, definitely broader, and I notice his nose is bent at the bridge from a break. My break. The one I gave him that night. But his blonde hair is still short and spiky and his brown eyes are still almost as dark as his pupils as they widen with recognition.
"Yep, she sure is," he says in reply to Kelsey's question, but the fact that his voice is so low makes me think he wasn't really counting on her hearing the answer.
I don't have time to react before Dean is back in front of me, handing me a glass of champagne and wrapping his free arm around me as the crowd counts down three, two, one…
"Happy New Year!" Voices ring out loudly all around me. My head spins with confusion, shock, terror.
Dean's lips are on mine and I have to force myself to respond. "Happy New Year, baby," he murmurs with his mouth pressed against mine. I urge the corners of my mouth to form a smile and reply, "Happy New Year."
He swings around as Danny bounds up to us, blowing into a plastic horn hanging from the side of his mouth. "Happy New Year, bro," he says as he throws an arm around Dean. Kelsey has wrapped her arms around my neck and is placing a noisy kiss on my cheek when the last thing I would've ever expected happens.
"Yo, Jackson! It's good to see you. Glad you could make it." Danny shakes hands and does the obligatory guy hug, with Will. He knows Will. Will knows Danny. And obviously pretty well, since it seems Danny might've been the one to invite him here. If Dean's arm was not around my waist holding me up, I might just slide bonelessly to the floor.
"Yeah man, thanks for the invite. This is pretty epic." Will slides his gaze over to me and I think he's going to address me, but to my surprise his eyes keep moving until they fall on the man beside me.
"Dean, what's up? Long time." They shake hands, the man I love and the one who taught me the meaning of fear. And that's about all I can take. I need out. Now.
"I need some air, I'll be back," I tell Dean as I slide out of his grasp.
"You want some company?"
"No, I'm good. Just a little too much champagne, I think. Stay, have fun. I'll find you in a bit." I turn and walk away as fast as my heels will carry me, not looking back.
Once I'm outside the tent and the cold air hits me full force, I expel a breath and feel as though I just ran five miles. I spot the adirondack chairs by the lake and pick my way over the grass and stones to take a seat in one. Safe in my solitary, I wrap my arms tightly around my middle and rock gently back and forth, trying to work through everything I've just been hit with.
Will is here. He isn't gone, he's here. He knows Danny and Dean. He seems to be friends with them. But they don't know about him. They don't know who he really is. They can't. There is no way Dean would let him within a ten mile radius of this place if he had any idea who Will really was. I cling to this thought and try to come up with a way to tell him that won't end in a horrendous scene in front of both of our families. There would be no explaining that away, and I still don't want my parents to know what happened all those years ago.
My mind races through memories from that night, memories I was just starting to let go of and stop reliving night after night. Afterwards, Will just disappeared. None of his friends at school seemed to know where he went. Once it was clear that he and I were done, I faded into the background again and didn't spend much time with any of the people who knew him. Could he really have been just a few towns away all this time?
My thoughts are interrupted by footsteps behind me on the stone walkway. I shiver and rub my hand up and down my one bare arm. "Dean, I told you I'm fine. There's no need for you to be out here in the cold, too. I'll come back in in a few minutes, okay?"
"Nope, I'd much rather be out here with you. Hop up," he says holding a hand out for me. Resigned, I take it and he helps me to my feet just to take my seat. He pulls me down onto his lap and I rest my head just under his chin. I take a few deep breaths and try to find my center, something that has eluded me ever since the clock struck midnight and my carefully crafted wall crumbled around me.
"What's on your mind, Jessie?" he asks, bringing our joined hands to his lips. "We were having a good time, then when I came back from the bar it's like all the shutters came down. Did I miss something?"
"I'm—"
"Don't say you're fine," he interrupts. "Give me a little more credit than that, I know you're not fine." Lifting my chin so that we're eye level, there's no way to avoid his penetrating stare.
"How do you know that guy?" I ask quickly, without taking the time to overthink it.
"Who?"
I swallow the hard lump in my throat. "The one who's been hanging around with Kelsey all night." I don't know if I want the answer. I have a feeling there is more history between Dean's family and Will than I can possibly understand right now. I need the answers before I send all of our worlds into a tailspin.
"Jess, don't try to change the subject."
"Dean, just answer me." The tremble in my voice betrays the emotion beneath.
Eyeing me carefully, he goes on to explain. "He's just a friend of Danny's, and mine really. They met the year that Danny had all that trouble with the drinking and steroids. They were in the same rehab program together and ended up bonding over football and their recovery. We were all really grateful that Danny wasn't alone in that mess. Jackson got himself back in shape and he left for Penn State the year before I left for UCLA. We don't see him much unless we're back in town on break. He's been a good friend to Danny. Now can you tell me why we're talking about this instead of what's bugging you?"
I feel like I'm going to hyperventilate. This can't be the same person, there has to be some kind of mistake. The Will I knew, the one who…he just isn't capable of being a good friend, of supporting someone. He's a sociopath. He hurt me, traumatized me. He tore my life apart and I was forced to pick up the pieces. How can this possibly be the same guy? And how do I tell Dean that the person he thinks he knows is really an abusive liar? Because he is. I don't care what kind of front he has put on these last six years, he's still the same.
Just then, I remember something and my morbid curiosity gets the better of me. "Has he ever mentioned how he broke his nose?"
Dean sits up straighter in the chair and I shift so that I'm facing him while he searches my face for an explanation to my random line of questioning. "What the hell does that have to do with anything?" At my hard glare and silence, he goes on. "He took a hard hit on the field during practice, lost his helmet and took an elbow to the face. It was right before he went to rehab. He was still healing when we met him."
The blood drains from my face and I feel like my stomach is going to expel the little bit of food I've eaten tonight. So that's where he went. Everyone at school thought his parents took him and just disappeared for no reason, but he didn't go too far. He was just a few towns over. In rehab. Spinning a new web of lies.
I can't take it anymore. I leap out of the chair and run to the trees nearby, leaning against one for support as I empty the contents of my stomach onto the patchy snow-covered lawn. I feel Dean's warm hand against my back, attempting to comfort me. He hands me a handkerchief from his pocket and I wipe my mouth as I straighten, leaning weakly against the tree trunk.
"Baby, please tell me what's going on!" Dean's voice is panic-stricken and I know he is trying to understand why the information about his old friend is upsetting me so badly.
I turn my tear streaked face to his and with a feeble expression, somewhere between a weak smile and a grimace, I ask him, "Dean, what's Jackson's first name?"
His brow creases and I can tell he is more confused now than ever. As soon as he gets it, I see the emotions literally pass over his face. First awareness, then doubt, then anger fading quickly into unbridled rage. "Jessie. When did it happen? How long ago?"
"Almost six years. The same year that Danny went into rehab. A week or so beforehand I'd say. Not enough time for the broken nose I gave him to heal. But long enough for him to come up with an acceptable story."
With his hands folded behind his head, Dean paces the small area in front of me, eyes closed tight. Dragging a hand through his hair so hard I'm afraid he might tear it from its roots, he raises his face to the night sky and yells, "Fuck!"
The few staff lingering outside of the tent several yards away turn concerned eyes towards us. Once they see that there is no actual violence taking place, they resume their positions.
He stops his pacing and finally looks at me. Really looks. It's like he's trying to search for something that will tell him this is a mistake. I wish I could make this not true. I wish I could give him back the pristine image of his reformed friend, but I can't. I can't undo what he did to me. I can't turn off my feelings.
"He…Will, William Jackson, he's your ex. He's the one who…"
I nod my head once, knowing he isn't really asking, just needing to confirm what he already knows to be true. Fresh tears trickle down my cheeks. "I'm sorry, Dean."
"What—what the hell are you apologizing for?! Jessie, I'm the one who knew he'd be here."
"But Dean, you had no idea—," I'm cut off before I think he even realizes I'm talking.
"I left you alone in the same room with him! Do you know how badly that fact is tearing up my insides right now? I left you alone. And he found you. He lied to us all this time. To me and Danny. I'll fucking kill him."
Dean turns and storms off in the direction of the tent. I pick up the skirt of my dress and scramble after him.
"Dean, no! My parents are in there. Please, please don't." Panic is rising in my chest. The fury in his eyes had not ebbed one bit.
"You expect me to just act like I don't know what he did to you? Like everything is okay?"
We're so close to the tent and, despite the music blaring inside, I don't want to take the chance of my family overhearing us. I take his hand and drag him along behind me, back to the chairs by the lake. I turn on my heel at the edge of the water and begin speaking before he can open his mouth.
"Unless you want the entire police department to crash your mother's party, my father can not find out about what happened with Will. I know you don't understand, and probably don't approve, but I've managed to keep this from them for almost six years. I'm not letting him showing up here ruin everything."
"Jessie, he was my friend. He spent holidays with us. He went to meetings with Danny. They helped each other recover. What do you think it's doing to me to know that this person I thought I knew also attacked the woman I love when she was barely a kid herself? And got away with it?"
"I love you so much for wanting to protect me, but this isn't the time or…"
My words trail off when I see Kelsey coming down the path to the lake followed by Danny and, of course, Will. I inch back out of instinct and Dean reaches out to grab me as my heel dangles precariously over the stone ledge next to the water. He turns to see what has stolen my attention and all of the color from my face. Moving forward in their direction, Dean gently pushes me behind him and assumes a protective stance in front of me.
"What happened to you guys? We've been looking all over for you," Kelsey slurs a bit as she approaches us but Dean doesn't even acknowledge her.
"You've got some goddamn nerve," he spits in Will's direction. I lean to the side and see around Dean's arm that Danny looks bewildered by his brother's aggression toward his friend, while Will just looks resigned.
He stops several paces away from us and Kelsey comes to stand at my side, linking arms with me probably more to keep herself standing than to offer any type of support. Danny has paused in the space between Will and Dean, off to the side, looking back and forth between them.
"What's up, bro?" Danny asks Dean.
"Ask your buddy Jackson. Or should I say Will? That's what all your old friends used to call you, right?" Dean folds his arms across his chest, most likely to keep his hands from reaching out and strangling Will.
"Look man, you don't know the whole story." Will starts and I'm incensed that he would have the gall to try and explain himself.
"Why don't you tell your best friend how you really got that broken nose?" Dean's voice is getting progressively louder and more aggressive.
Will's gaze passes Dean and lands on me now. A look that could almost be construed as remorse flashes over his face but it turns to fear when Dean charges forward and grabs him by the collar.
"Don't you dare look at her." His voice is almost a growl. "You lost all right to look at her when you tried to force yourself on her. When you hit her, tore her clothes and tried to rape her. Don't you ever fucking look at her again!"
"What is he talking about?" Kelsey looks at me in astonishment.
"What the hell?" Danny asks, completely baffled.
"Tell them!" He screams in Will's face, still clutching at his shirt, nearly nose to nose. "Tell them what you did to her! Tell Danny how you lied to us both all these years. How you tried to rape her then ran away to start your life over while hers fell apart, you piece of shit! Tell them!" Dean doesn't give him the opportunity to speak. His fist connects with Will's jaw as the last word leaves his lips. Kelsey clutches my arm like a lifeline and I'm grateful because I would probably not still be on my feet right now if it weren't for her.
I cringe as Dean kneel's over Will's body and pounds into him over and over again. Danny finally shakes himself out of his daze and wraps his arms around Dean's midsection, hauling him to his feet and holding him back with one hand when Will tries to get shakily to his feet.
"Is it true?" Danny asks Will.
"Man, you know how I was when I first showed up at rehab. You know what that shit does to your head!"
"IS IT FUCKING TRUE?!" Danny screams in his face, no longer caring to hold his brother back.
Will takes one last look at me and hangs his bloodied head in shame. "Yes."
With lightning speed, Danny's fist connects with Will's stomach and he sinks to his knees as the air whooshes out of him.
Dean wraps his arms around me and I bury my face in his chest, not wanting to see this beaten and bloodied pathetic excuse for a human being any longer. My entire body begins to tremble. I know I'm breathing in and out too quickly and if I don't get it under control soon, I'm going to end up in a full blown panic attack.
Danny is next to me now with a hand on my shoulder murmuring apologies, as if it's his fault that my past is coming back to haunt me right now. Kelsey is sniffling and rubbing my back gently. Neither of them had any clue what happened to me all those years ago. Now they're painfully aware.
"Jessie! Jessie, what's going on?" I hear Jamie's voice through the pounding in my ears. Dean turns and I see Will getting back to his feet just as Jamie reaches us.
"What the hell is this scum bag doing here?" Jamie demands, looking from me to Dean then back to Will. Taking in the scene he concludes what has just gone down. Surprising me more than just about anything else that has happened tonight, my normally even tempered pacifist brother rears back and connects with Will's jaw just hard enough to knock him off balance and send him into the freezing cold lake water.
"That's for my sister. I should've done that years ago." Jamie says when Will surfaces.
It's all too much and I can no longer control my shallow heaving breaths. I vaguely register the sound of the staff running to help Will out of the water, just before the whole world fades to black and I slip into oblivion.