Lord Darth Yoda - Yeah, Nara's still a little full over herself, but she's probably dialed down her arrogance from a 9/10 to a 6/10. Which is pretty good. Sascha did go back to being antisocial, but Nara's not going to give up that easily...

thejoker122- Nara's definately stubborn and impulsive and all those good things. We'll get another taste of that in this chapter.

A/N - I've got nothing.

Anyways, please enjoy the next chapter!

Chapter 9: A Tenacious Togruta, A Ferocious Friend

After the sparring session, Sascha made his way back to his room, and showered. For such a quick sparring session, he had managed to sweat up quite a storm. "Cause you are out of shape," he said out loud, shaking the water out of his short brown hair.

Once he was dried off, he laid on top of his bedroll, folding his hands peacefully on top of his stomach. He had just managed to get comfortable, when his datapad beeped, indicating an incoming message. He thought about using the Force to summon the datapad to his hand, but discarded that idea as being incomprehensibly lazy. Instead he sat up and fished around, looking for his datapad. When he found it buried under an old robe, he looked up to see that the message was from Nara, issuing a vague ultimatum about forcing him to talk to her.

He sighed an put down his datapad. While he was glad that Nara had seen fit to include him in that sparring session, he wanted a little bit of space from her. Nara was just so...enthusiastic, and he wasn't really in the mood for dealing with her. Maybe tomorrow he'd get breakfast with her or something. Right now, he had his own problems and he wanted to continue to deal with them. That was the only thing on his mind – getting himself back in the right frame of mind. He was getting there, but he wanted to get there.

He lay back down on his bedroll and started preparations for meditation. He started slowing down his breathing and focusing his mind towards finding his personal area of peace. But peace was not to be his today, as his reverie was interrupted by a loud, insistent, knock on his door. He knew that it could only be one person, "Go away Nara."

"I'm not going anywhere until you open this door and talk with me," replied the Togruta through the door.

Sascha held his head in his hands, all he wanted was to be left alone, but his slightly obnoxious friend wouldn't do so. "I'm not opening the door, so are you just going to camp outside my door all day?"

"You know, that does sound like a good idea! Thanks, Sascha!"

Sascha rolled his eyes, got up and went to the door, intending on giving Nara a talking to that she'd remember for the rest of her life. Except when he opened the door, the Togruta simply barged right past him and into his room.

"Nara, get out of my room," he said, exasperated.

"Yes, I can see you're hard at work," she replied sarcastically. "So I'm here now, so you start talking about what is bothering you, I'm not leaving until I get an answer." To emphasize her words, she sat in the middle of his room and stared up at him expectantly.

Sascha could feel his patience fraying, "Nara, get out! What happened to me is none of your kriffing business." He held an arm out indicating the door, and where he wanted her to go.

Nara shrugged, "I guess you've chosen the hard way then."

Before he could ask what she meant, the Togruta leapt up from her seated position, and tackled him to the ground. Surprised at being assaulted in the middle of his room, he offered little resistance as Nara sat lightly on his stomach and pinned his hands beside his head as he lay flat on the ground. "Nara, what are you doing! Get the kriff off of me!"

The Togruta cocked her head to one side, considering the statement, "I'm doing what needs to be done. Believe me, I'm not enjoying this any more than you are. I'm not leaving here until you tell me why you've stopped training and become a recluse."

Sascha did not intend to have a conversation with Nara while being pinned to the ground in the middle of his room. In fact, he did not intend to have a conversation with her at all. He swung his hips and surprised Nara by throwing her off of him. The Togruta reacted quickly, keeping a hold of Sascha's left wrist and using that leverage to plant him back on his back.

"I don't want to hurt you, but you will talk to me," she said.

"Make me," he responded defiantly.

The two started wrestling. Sascha searched for a limb of hers that he could utilize to get the upper hand, but Nara was too fast for him and kept a hold of his wrist, eventually securing enough control of his body to twist his wrist in a way it wasn't supposed to bend. As a shot of pain pulsed down his arm, he found himself whimpering pitifully, and called "Solah!" the traditional call of surrender during a sparring match. Nara hadn't done any real damage to him, but with his wrist being twisted, he was under her control, and he felt his will to resist her fading. He remembered why it was occasionally annoying to have friends that were superior fighters.

"You done fighting?" asked Nara, who kept a firm hold of his wrist. At least now she wasn't twisting it, so he wasn't in any pain, but he was in no position to resist either.

He kept his body calm, "Yes, Nara."

"You are going to talk to me, right?"

"If you want to talk, we'll talk," he said agreeably. He was running out of willpower and ways to resist the persistent Togruta, and was frankly tired of freezing out his friend as well. Well, he decided, if she really wanted to know what had happened...

"Okay," said Nara, releasing the hold on his wrist.

Sascha sat up rubbed his wrist gently. Nara hadn't done any damage to it, but there were some small tendrils of pain still shooting down his wrist. "Nice wrist lock."

"Thanks," smiled Nara, "I'll teach it to you if you want?"

"I'll pass, thanks. But what was up with you pinning me to the ground?"

Nara looked coy, "What, didn't you like it?"

"Oh yeah, I'm a huge fan of being accosted in the middle of my room."

"Well you probably should have done a better job resisting then," Nara joked lightly. "You outweigh me, and I'm pretty sure that you are physically stronger than me - you should have been able to get me off of you. But you barely tried."

That was true, Nara was roughly his size, but she was thinner than he was. While Nara was quicker, he was undoubtedly stronger. So why hadn't he put up a real fight against Nara? Maybe he had been too shocked to try hard? "I guess that's true," he admitted.

"I know why you didn't push me away – you didn't want to." Nara blushed deeply, the dark red parts of her lekku and montrals brightening slightly, "I didn't mean it, uh, like that, I meant..."

While it was amusing to see Nara so obviously embarrassed, he decided to spare her, "It's okay Nara, you are right. I didn't want to push you away anymore. Literally and figuratively."

Nara was still seemingly upset at herself, "I shouldn't have done it, I don't know what I was thinking…" Nara tapped her head lightly, "Stupid brain short-circuited again, I think."

Sascha wasn't quite sure if Nara was acting or legitimately embarrassed. "It's okay, Nara. It's not like I've never been in close quarters with you before. Remember like when we practiced grappling for like an hour straight?"

"Yeah, I made you submit like fifteen times," smiled Nara.

Sascha remembered it being less than fifteen, but she had certainly won that session pretty handily, "And I made you tap out like ten times," he retorted (more like seven). "But that's not my point, my point is it wasn't weird being in close contact with you until you just made it weird."

Nara shrank slightly, "Can I make it unweird? I just wanted to show that I was serious in getting you to talk. This past month it's felt like I've needed to take drastic actions just to get your attention. I think I just went a tad too drastic."

"Just a tad," he said sarcastically.

Nara held her hands out, "Okay, okay, enough of embarrassing the idiot Togruta. I guess I've learned my lesson for the day - 'do not wrestle Padawan Whitestar,'" she replied drolly. "But I'd like to hear what happened to you."

Sascha started with his story, detailing what had happened since he left the Temple on the mission to Bothawui. He found that it was actually cathartic to tell one of his peers what had happened instead of a Jedi Knight or Master.

That opinion was clearly not shared by his Togruta friend. By the end of his tale, the deep red markings on her montrals and lekku were as bright in embarrassment as he'd ever seen them. "Sascha…I'm so sorry…if I had known what had happened between you and Tyra, I never would have pinned you like that. Force, I'm such an idiot. You must hate me right now. I just thought we were flirting harmlessly…it was supposed to be a way of getting your mind off what had happened. I'm so sorry, I'll go now." The Togruta rose and headed for the door looking dejected.

Sascha reached out and grabbed her arm, making sure that she wasn't going to leave. He gave her a sympathetic look, "It's okay Nara…you couldn't have known what had happened. Don't worry about it. If being tackled by a Togruta is the worst thing that happens to me today, it'll have been a pretty good day. And it feels good to talk about this. I've been bottling everything up inside, I just needed someone to talk to. I pushed all my friends away. All of them except for you, you never gave up on me, and you were even willing to tackle me in my own room to get me to talk…so let's talk."

Despite the fact that he was holding onto her arm, it looked like Nara might still decide to run, if she did, he decided that she'd have to physically drag him along with her. "Are you sure?" she asked. "I feel like a total idiot right now."

"Nara. Sit. Let's talk."

He released the light grip he had on Nara's arm and she compliantly sat across from him, "I'm not exactly sure where to start, but to me seems like you are healed. You look fine – a bit fat maybe- but fine. You fought fine against those Initiates, sure you were rusty, but there was nothing wrong with you."

"There's still plenty wrong with me Nara. Everyone says that I'm healed, but I don't always feel that way. I'm still afraid."

"Afraid of what?" she asked, obviously confused.

"A bunch of things," he admitted. "I'm afraid of these visions of Tyra that I keep getting when I use the Force. I'm afraid of having them show up at the worst possible times and having it cost someone's life." He sighed, "And I'm afraid of getting too close with someone again, and becoming attached to them. I gave up one friend, my best friend, I'm not sure I can bear to lose another one. I'm just not sure I have it in me to be a Jedi anymore. I think I'd like to be, but I'm not sure I can be."

Sascha was surprised when Nara burst out into a peal of laughter. "Did I say something funny Nara?"

Nara laughed again, "Yeah, you should take your comedy routine to the main dining hall. You know who gets scared a lot, and about all those things you just mentioned? I do. Trigg does. Doro does. We all do. But we don't let those fears influence us," she said, poking Sascha in the chest with a purple finger. "And if you aren't sure if you can be a Jedi, we're all hopeless then."

"You are telling me that everyone is scared?"

"Yeah, it's called being alive and having emotions. Being a Jedi doesn't rip those out of your chest. But we learned to control them. Remember?"

"I must have forgotten the lessons," he said bitterly.

Nara paused for a moment, and then chose a different tactic, "Do you know what my biggest fear is?"

Sascha shook his head and Nara continued, "My biggest fear is that when I die, no one will remember me, no one will mourn me. My nightmare is that my life will disappear without a trace once I'm gone."

"Nara, that's ridiculous, I'm your friend, Doro and Trigg are your friends, and Master Tiplee will certainly mourn you if happen to die."

Nara smiled weakly, "I know that my fear is not rational. But because I know what I fear, I know how to combat it. I combat it by doing things like this, by making an impression on people's lives. Why don't we do the same with you. What's your biggest fear Sascha?"

He was silent for a long moment, as he considered the question.

"Come on, I told you mine," said Nara, putting a childish whine into her voice.

"Hold on, I'm trying to rank them all," he said with a half-smile. "I think that my biggest fear is that…I can't be a good Jedi if Tyra isn't around to help me."

The Togruta looked stunned for a brief moment before recovering admirably, "You know that's ridiculous right?"

"Why? Tyra and I used to do everything together, we both got to where we are today because we could always rely on each other…but now…that's gone, for both of us. She killed it."

"First," said Nara, "You have to let go of this idea that she did this to you. You are both equally guilty."

"But…"

"No Buts!" said Nara, who had gotten up on her haunches and was looking like she might tackle him again. "You loved each other. That's a two way street. Tyra ended things, sure, but they were going to end, Sascha."

"But she didn't have to abandon me!"

"Abandon you?!" exclaimed Nara. "She didn't abandon you! She risked her life for you, you laser-brained idiot!"

"But she left me, and she didn't even talk to me!" he exclaimed.

"And what was that you would want her to say that isn't completely bleeding obvious?" replied Nara evenly. "Have you looked at things from her perspective yet? Maybe she knew that a clean break, while painful, would be the best way to end things. This way there could be no confusion. No second guessing. And you have to realize that what she did was as painful for her as it was for you."

"I…hadn't thought of that," he admitted.

"Which is something I thought that Sascha Whitestar would never do. You were so obsessed with your feelings you forgot to consider how Tyra was feeling. Tell me, does that sound like the selfless Sascha Whitestar that existed a few months ago?"

"It doesn't." How had he not thought about how Tyra felt? He was always the person thinking about other people! Why had he become so selfish?

Nara sat back down, seemingly satisfied that she had made her point, "I understand that you were hurt," she said softly, "But don't become bitter because something bad happened to you. Don't shut out your friends – we aren't tragedies waiting to happen."

Something from Yoda's conversation with him finally clicked into place, "I won't shut out my friends anymore," he said, and he meant it. "But I'm still afraid of losing my friends."

"Don't," said Nara. "Our lives are not yours to control. You have to let go, and accept it."

Sascha found himself nodding. His friend's lives weren't his to control – they never had been. Being worried about Doro or Trigg or Tyra while they were on a mission was both totally useless, and completely counterproductive. "I'll work on letting go."

Nara smiled and nodded, "Good. Now the second thing. You fear that you can't be a good Jedi if Tyra's not here to help you."

He scratched the back of his neck nervously, "Yeah."

"So you are saying that Tyra was like a crutch for you."

"That's a crude metaphor, but sure."

Nara reached out and gently grabbed his hand, "Sascha, that's a crutch neither of you have needed for years."

Sascha fought his natural reaction to pull away from her grasp, "I don't think you know either of us well enough to say that, Nara."

"Sure I do," Nara said perkily, "When we fought in the apprentice tournament, was it just you I was fighting, or was Tyra there too?"

"Just me, but you beat me, as I recall."

"Because I'm a better fighter and stronger in the Force, yes, I won that day, but it was your tenacity and toughness that pushed me to my absolute limit, not hers. And in the end we both won, because we both ended up as Padawans."

"I suppose that's true," he admitted.

"And Tyra, she has survived almost three years as a Padawan, is it because you've held her hand all this time?"

"Of course not!"

"So was she a crutch for you or not?"

Sascha shook his head, trying to clear his mind and attempting to sort through the ideas presented to him. Still holding his hand in hers, Nara continued, "She was a friend to you Sascha, nothing more. A good friend, a source of strength, and yes, you loved her, but you are confusing your relationship for something that it wasn't. You are a Jedi Sascha Whitestar, always were, always will be."

Realization seemed to dawn on Sascha Whitestar all at once. "I've been a fool," he whispered.

He tried to pull away from Nara, but the Togruta stubbornly held on to his hand. "Sometimes, it's easier for a person who is removed from the situation to come in and provide wisdom. I could see it, because I've only known you for a few months. And it works in other ways too, you were the person that saw the Jedi I could become instead of the person I was, because we had barely even spoke before the Tournament…I don't know if anyone else did."

"I'm sure other Jedi saw you had potential, but also that you were a massive screw-up," he joked, before realizing that what he said could refer just as easily to himself, which caused him to laugh ruefully.

Nara smiled, "You see my point? Remember the Jedi Code, Sascha, there is no ignorance, there is knowledge. Usually, I think that is supposed to mean that you should study and know things about the galaxy, but it also means you have to know yourself."

Sascha grinned weakly, "Since when are you a scholar, Nara?"

"Oh, I'm not much of one, I just know how to twist the Jedi Code to fit my arguments," she said with a lopsided smile.

"A handy talent."

"It's helpful from time to time," she agreed.

He hesitated, "Can I tell you another fear I have?"

Nara nodded solemnly, "Of course. I'm your friend, Sascha."

"I'm afraid to use the Force."

"You used it yesterday without any problems," Nara said, rolling her eyes.

"I mean…yeah, but what happens when it isn't as easy as yesterday, what happens if I freak out like I have been?"

"What happens if a ship crashes into the Temple and kills us all? Stop living in the world of hypotheticals. The Sascha that I knew before you were 'broken' would always see the good in something rather than focusing on the bad. Don't think, feel. You haven't forgotten how to use the Force, it seems like you just lost yourself."

He stroked his chin, absorbing that last statement, "Even if that's true Nara, I'm not sure I want it back. I've taken lives by my own hand, I've had people die because of me…I'm not sure I want that responsibility back."

"Is that why you don't carry your lightsaber anymore?"

"Yeah, I don't like having that sort of responsibility."

"Holonewsflash Sascha, there are millions and billions of beings that carry the responsibility of having to make life or death decisions every day. You aren't special in that way."

"What?"

Nara seemed increadulous, "You think that you are the only one that makes decisions that deal with life and death? Do you know how many police officers there are in the Republic? How many surgeons there are? Hell, there are droids that make life-and-death decisions. Are you saying that you are worse equipped to make decisions than a droid that was programmed by someone?"

"I...don't know." What Nara was somehow both confusing to him while making complete and total sense. It was like he was experiencing cognitive dissonance within himself...which also didn't make any sense.

Nara adjusted herself, "Let me put it this way – I just told you my biggest fear, Sascha. Something that outside of my Master, no one else knows. You know why I did that?" Nara poked him in the chest, "Because I trust you. Just like Trigg does. Just like Doro does. Just like Tyra does. You know why all these people trust you? Because you are worthy of trust."

"I..."

Nara shrugged casually, "Or, you could take the alternative, you can walk away from the Jedi Order, but you've made the galaxy a darker place if you do," Nara said offhandedly.

Sascha finally found his feet in the conversation again, "I'm just one person, Nara."

Nara poked a purple finger into his chest with force, and he half expected her to tackle him to the ground again, "One Jedi. You talk about how many people died because of you, well how many people have you saved? How many more people will you save in your career as a Jedi? How in the hell can you be so selfish, Sascha! You're one of the few people in a galaxy of trillions and trillions that can use the Force, and just because you're a little scared, you're going to run away from all the years of training that have been given to you? Do you think this was what Tyra would have wanted?"

"I...don't want to run from my problems anymore."

Maybe it was this talk with Nara, maybe it was the conversation with Master Yoda finally falling into place, but he was finally starting to find himself again. The conversation with Master Yoda had been about finding himself, this conversation with Nara seemed to be about who he wanted to be. And he did want to be a Jedi. And while he wasn't thrilled by the idea of being able to take another being's life – Nara was right, this wasn't something that was unique to him, or the Jedi.

But it was that last remark about Tyra that had really hit home.

While he still disagreed with what Tyra had done, leaving him on Bothawui without having a conversation, he badly doubted that Tyra had done it completely selfishly. Tyra was still Tyra. She was still his best friend, and she had always had his best interests at heart. And how could he sit here, call Tyra his best friend and biggest influence and push away his friends? How could he honor Tyra and even think about leaving the Jedi Order? How could he sit here, totally useless to the galaxy, when Tyra was out there doing good?

But he also didn't want to live his life in relation to Tyra. He wanted to find his own path, irrespective of what Tyra was doing. Because she couldn't live his life for him. And he wanted to live for himself, be the Jedi that he had been born to be.

Nara waved her hand in front of his eyes, "Sascha, you in there still? Or has my great wisdom rendered you comatose?"

Sascha playfully swatted her hand away, "I was doing what most Jedi like to call 'thinking' – you might try it one day," he joked.

Nara smiled, "Normally I'd take offence to that. But I'm so happy to see you making a joke that I'm going to ignore it."

"Nara Nalto taking the moral high ground? This is a first"

The Togruta wagged a finger at him, "You get those two jokes for free. The next one gets you a punch on the shoulder."

"And the one after that?" he teased

"Stomach."

"And the one after that?"

Nara smiled predatorily, "You don't want to know."

Feeling slightly absurd at being even vaguely intimidated by the playful threat from Nara, he grinned sheepishly, "I guess I don't want to find out."

"No, you don't."

He barked a laugh, "Thanks for this Nara. I needed this talk. I needed a friend to say what you just said to me."

Nara bowed her head slightly, "No problem, my friend. I just want the old Sascha back. This new Sascha was not a very good friend."

"No he wasn't, was he?"

"You're going to need to apologize to your Master when she gets back," Nara warned.

"I will," he said. "I haven't been a very good apprentice to her for the past month."

"Nope," said Nara lazily, "But as long as you're committed to being the person you were, you'll be fine."

"Thanks, Nara." He hesitated for a moment, "Do you want to meditate with me?"

The Togruta cocked her head to one side, "Well, as you know, I hate meditating. But for a friend, I'll do it."

Nara put words to action immediately, dropping assuredly into a light trance. Sascha hesitated briefly before joining her. He is surprised by how different Nara seems in meditation than she does normally. While he usually thinks of her as a 'fierce little Togruta,' and very similar to Tyra in terms of temperament, right now she lacks Tyra's trademark intensity and while there is an undercurrent of restlessness to her, he gets the sense that there are many more complex emotions lying underneath.

The two Jedi don't do anything special in their meditation, they just drifted along the currets of the the Force together. It was peaceful and calm and this was the sort of meditation that Sascha had always loved. The fact that he could do it again, and even do it with a friend was heartening. It made him feel like his old self.

The meditation came to a sort of natural end, and he opened his eyes to realize that many hours had passed and it was dark outside. Nara swatted him on the shoulder as she rose, "Yup, just as boring as I remember."

He smiled fondly at his friend, "Thanks, Nara…I owe you."

Nara smiled back, "You owe me nothing."

"Do you want to maybe spar tomorrow? I could use the practice."

The Togruta bounced lightly on her feet and started shadowboxing, "Any chance I get to knock you around the sparring arena like a discount duelling droid is a chance I'm going to take. Maybe one day you'll even beat me in a sparring session."

"Nara, no one 'wins' in sparring sessions, they are for practice."

"Spoken like a true loser," Nara laughed.

Sascha tried not to laugh, but failed. "Okay Nara, see you tomorrow."

Nara bowed politely and exited his room, a little bounce in her step, obviously pretty happy with herself.

None of that had particularly gone as he had expected. But unexpected had been good recently. He'd fallen into a rut, and he hadn't been particularly sure how to get out of that rut. The talk with Master Yoda had dragged him nearly out of it, and this last talk with Nara had been the last kick in the rear that he had needed to get him back to somewhat normal.

Sascha lay back against the cold stone floor of his room. He felt the presence of his lightsaber in his room, the crystal in the hilt was attuned to him, and though he wasn't quite sure where the cylinder actually was, he visualized it in his hand. Sure enough, his lightsaber emerged from under a pile of clothes and flew into his palm. He grinned, feeling his mind clear of distractions for the first time in a long while and the growing seeds of confidence within himself. He placed his most treasured possession back on his belt, feeling very much like a Jedi again.