A blue ceiling? A white fan? Where am I?

Shulk sat up while gasping in pain. "Oh that's right!" he whispered out loud. "I'm at the hospital." He began to cough as Mist walked in.

"I-I" Shulk stammered. DAMMIT! Why is breathing so hard? "I t-take it I'm n-no-not cured?"

Mist shook her head. "No. It didn't lung cancer… is really bad so far."

"D-Dammit." He coughed. Blood, as red as rust fell onto his shirt.

"Tell me Shulk." Mist said. "Have you ever smoked?"

Shulk shook his head. "No. M-my guardian did though. B-but he was n-ne-never in the lab with me." Why do I feel like I'm about to barf. Is this a side effect?

Mist tilted her head. "And you were a walking corpse for the first 18 years of your life. So I have no idea how you got it." She forced a smile. "Lucina sent someone to pick you up. Her mother actually."

1 hour later

Shulk put his hand on the wall as he walked down the hall to the headquarters of the fighting force.

"I had no idea the rooms for the patients had so little air." Robin mused as she walked down the hall. "But you did a good thing helping them out."

Thank Bionis Lucina told Robin that I was at the hospital doing volunteer work. But I know I can't keep this up forever.

"I k-know." Shulk said. "So wh-what is so impor-ACHOO?"

"Bless you." Robin said while walking down the hall. "First is becoming the eyes and ears of the fighting force!"

"W-what does that mean?" Shulk asked.

"He and his retainers are going to become your scouts!" Robin hummed happily.

"Wha-have they decided to j-join us?" Shulk asked.

Robin nodded. "Yup. Turns out he didn't want to serve Galaxia Knight"

"Wh-why are you so happy?"

Robin opened the door and smiled. "Because it turns out first is my husband."

Shulk looked inside to see Lucina and Lucario talking to a man with blue hair. Ike and Hoopa where there as well sitting at a round oak table similar to the one in Impa's house. Ike making a house out of cards and Hoopa was counting tubes of glue. Suddenly, the blue haired man looked over in there

"R-robin?" he stammered.

Ahh that must be Chrom. I can already tell I'm going to be a nervous wreck.

"Chrom." Robin said walking up to him. The two hugged then kissed.

"EW!" Hoopa screamed. "GET A ROOM!"

The two pulled apart. "It's good to see you again." He said.

"You to." She whispered. "Now. We have something serious we need to talk about."

"Anytime." Chrom purred.

"Good." Robin said. To Shulk's surprise she grabbed Chrom's collar and pulled him close. "HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET KIDNAPPED?"

Chrom looked scared. "Well… you see… I uh."

Don't be scared. Walk up to him and introduce yourself. Shulk thought while walking towards Chrom. "H-hey the- ACHOO!"

Chrom turned around as Robin let him go. Suddenly he didn't look scared as he narrowed his eyes. "Who are you?"

"Father." Lucina said. "This is my first retainer, Shulk."

Chrom's eyes narrowed even further. "Nice to meet you." He hissed.

Why do I get the impression he doesn't like me? Shulk thought to himself. "S-so… uh where are your retainers? I'd ACHOO l-like t-to me-meet them"

"Registering to become part of Master Hand's army." Chrom snapped. "If you weren't so lazy you would know that."

It's not just my imagination. Shulk realized. He really doesn't like me. I wonder why. Did he find out about the incident at the pool that happened three months ago? Or maybe he's just mad I didn't join Lucina and Hoopa to go meet him.

"Anyways." Chrom continued. "My daughter put you and Hoopa on kitchen duty."

"Actually." Lucina said. "It's just Hoopa tonight."

"WHAT!" Hoopa screamed. "NOT FAIR!"

"Be quiet." Chrom said. "Lucina it's important the boy goes. If he doesn't he might view you as a friend."

"But" Lucina said. "He is my friend."

Chrom crossed his arms. "Then he might start to view you as more."

Wha- this that why Chrom doesn't like me? Shulk thought in shock. Is he paranoid I'm going to hit on Lucina? Well she did have five boyfriends who all dumped her. Maybe he just doesn't want her to be hurt again.

Lucina's face grew bright red. "Wha-Whats that supposed to mean?"

"I-it's alright." Shulk said. "I can ACHOO do it."

"Shulk." Lucario said. "Do you have a cold?"

Ike nodded. "He did volunteer work at the hospital" he answered for Shulk. "It's only natural he's a little sick."

Shulk stood in shock. Ike just lied to his liege. For me of all people.

Lucina looked worried. "Alright. But if you need anything let me know."

10 minutes later.

"GET OFF THE FLOOR!" Hoopa screamed.

"Wha?" Shulk said. The young man was lying on the floor about to fall asleep. "A-alright. I g-guess." He stood up to see Hoopa in a chef's outfit. "W-when did you put on the outfit?"

"Just now!" Hoopa said proudly while heating up a pot. "I'm on a roll today!"

"Wa-what did you do?" Shulk asked.

Hoopa held out his arms. "I get to cook again! It's SUCH A GOOD FEELING!"

"Wow." Shulk said. "D-do ACHOO you l-like to cook?"

Hoopa nodded. "Yup! IT'S SO MUCH FUN!" he exclaimed. "These people want fine cuisine and I'm gonna give it to them! Now pass the gummy bears."

"W-wha do you me-ACHOO!" Shulk coughed. He looked at his shelve, which was covered with blood. Thank goodness my sleeves are black so people can't see the blood. But I still feel so… weak.

"Listen pretty boy, I don't know what you meant." Hoopa said while pouring hot sauce into the pot. "I'm just doing what I always do."

Shulk put the Monado on strength. I'll be doing this from this moment on to hide my sickness. "What's that?" he asked.

"I put a bunch of yummy stuff in a pot and mix it all together!" Hoopa said proudly. "Ten cups of hot sauce! 3 cups of gummy bears and worms! A pound of chocolate syrup! A whole bag of marshmallows!" Hoopa put the ingredients he was talking about in the pot.

"You can't ACHOO actually think that those things will taste good together." Shulk said. Breathing is still kinda hard and I'm still coughing blood. But at least I'm talking normally.

"Yes I do!" Hoopa said while adding in some sprinkles. "The gods didn't like it when I tried it, but mortals have different tastes!"

Some time passed after that. Shulk had decided to make ramen. It seemed simple enough, and not many indigents where needed to make. About 30 minutes later someone walked through the door.

"Hello. I've come to see whose cooking." A voice suddenly said.

"Hello Melly!" Hoopa said.

"Oh hi… WAIT A SECOND HOOPA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE KICHEN?" a girl's voice screamed.

"Cooking dinner." Hoopa answered.

"IS LUCINA CRAZY?" The voice screamed again. "THE LAST TIME YOU COOKED EVERYONE GOT SICK!"

Suddenly someone grabbed Shulk from behind. He turned around to see a young girl with blue hair and a penguin like creature on her head. "So you're cooking as well."

Shulk nodded. "Yep. My name is Shulk-ACHOO. Nice to meet you."

"Shulk." The girl mused. "I've heard that name before. Anyways my name is Dawn. This is my partner Piplup!"

"PIPLUP!" Piplup said.

"Cute." Shulk said ignoring the argument in the back. "Where's your co-worker? I'd like to meet him."

Dawn looked away. "Writing a book" she muttered clearly embarrassed.

"So" Shulk said feeling excited. "He's an-ACHOO author?"

"Oh heck no!" Dawn cried. "He's writing a book about all of the times he saved the day, which is never as far as I can tell. Darkrai gave him the idea. It might be her worst sin to this day."

Shulk tilted his head. "Are you saying he's egotistical?"

"Oh he definitely has an ego." Dawn said. "He's always shouting stupid things."

Shulk opened his mouth to respond, but at that time strength had worn out and he collapsed onto the floor.

"Are you OK?" Dawn screamed.

"DAWN!" a voice that sounded almost… familiar screamed. "What happened?"

"I don't know!" she cried. "I was talking to him and he suddenly collapsed!"

"I-I'm fine." Shulk put the Manado back on strength. "Just t-tired that's all."

"Thank Arceus." Dawn breathed.

Her co-worker however let out a gasp. "Shulk is that you?"

Shulk stood up. "You sound like we've met-" Shulk froze the second he saw the man that was Chrom's first admin in pure and utter shock.

"R-reyn?" he asked feeling numb with shock and nausea.

Reyn nodded. "It's really me. Wow. You've gotten paler."

"REYN!" Shulk yelled as he gave him a hug. Reyn looked surprised for a moment then hugged Shulk back. "I can't believe it's really you. Wait a second…" Shulk pulled away for a moment. "What are you doing here? You didn't get kidnapped did you?"

Reyn nodded. "It's kinda funny actually. The bad guys actually thought I was the heir to the Manado! Ha ha! Talk about stupid!"

Shulk felt a stab of guilt. "I'm sorry ACHOO Reyn. It's all my fault you got kidnapped."

"What are you talking about?" Reyn said. "You don't have to blame yourself at all. I'm happy you were here this whole time. It means you were spread the cruelty of Darkrai and Yveltal."

"Wha-you to know each other?" Dawn exclaimed.

Shulk nodded. "We've been friends since childhood."

"Wow." Dawn said. "I never would've guessed. Anyways Lucario and his team just left to free a group of prisoners! Now come on." She said grabbing Reyn. "We have to watch that tape… what was it called again? Oh right! Two Girls One Cup!"

"I'll come with ACHOO you." Shulk said.

"But what about your ramen?" Dawn asked.

"I can finish it!" Hoopa said. A pile of whipped cream stood on top of the pot.

"Thank you." Shulk screamed as the trio ran out together.

"Meloetta said she'd catch up with us!" Reyn said. "For now we have to buy lots of food!"

"What is this about?" Shulk asked while get a series of chest pains.

"Darkrai told us if he was going to let Lord Chrom go, we'd have to watch it while eating" Reyn mused. "I mean come on. How bad can one tape be?"

Bad. Really really bad. If you are curious here's the basic plot of the video there going to watch.

2007/11/25/two-girls-one-cup-a-plot-synopsis/

Or if your stupid you can actually watch the video. Just don't watch it. But in case if you want to die of puke, here's the link to the video (I MEAN IT! DON'T WATCH! IF YOUR GOING TO DO NOT BLAME ME BECAUSE I WARNED YOU!) If you actually watched it I'll see you at your funeral. Why am I even posting the stupid link!

/

Don't say I didn't warn you!