A/N: Just a side note, this chapter is rated M for some lemony content. ;-) You've been advised.
"I don't understand how she kept this a secret. And from me!" I hear Kelsey hiss in a stage whisper.
"Kelsey, drink your coffee. We're not going through this again until you're sober." Jamie sighs in exasperation.
"I am sober. Pretty much. I'm just pissed. I'm her best friend," she gripes.
"Guys, maybe you should go to your rooms. We can talk in the morning. She just needs rest right now." Dean's voice breaks through my grogginess. Everything is so fuzzy. I remember dancing and drinking and…Will. Will trying to make excuses. Dean attacking him. Danny sucker punching him. Jamie knocking him into the lake. Then everything going dark.
My head is pounding but I push through the haze and blink my eyes open. I'm in a wide, comfortable bed with a fluffy down comforter wrapped around me. The eggshell colored walls are warmed by the dim recessed lighting along the outer edges of the ceiling and the small bedside lamp. I turn slowly and sitting at the foot of the bed is Dean. Across the room on a long window seat, Kelsey is sprawled with her arm covering her eyes. Jamie is in a desk chair, elbows wresting on his knees and hands clasped in front of him.
"Where exactly am I?" My raspy voice takes me by surprise causing me to clear my throat as I push myself up to a seated position.
Dean moves to my side and brushes my hair out of my face, kissing my forehead and inhaling a breath. "My room. You passed out. How's your head feeling?"
I take a minute to assess myself for any pain or discomfort. There's a dull throbbing in my temples, but other than that and a severe case of dry mouth I seem to be okay. "A little bit of a headache, but nothing unmanageable. My parents?" I look from Dean to Jamie, suddenly wondering where they think I am and whether or not they're aware of anything that's happened tonight.
"Everyone left. It's just past two in the morning," Dean explains, threading his fingers through mine. "The party started wrapping up a little bit ago. You were in and out for a little while, but you didn't seem to be concussed. Between the alcohol and everything with…everything that happened, we thought you could use some sleep. So I brought you up here. Kelsey and Jamie convinced your parents to let you stay, as long as they stayed too. They think you all just partied a little too hard. It's one big dysfunctional sleepover." He laughs but there's no real feeling behind it. His eyes keep scanning my face, for what I don't know exactly.
I hear a throat clear, but I don't know whose it is. Everyone looks at the space next to Jamie and I lean over to see Danny sitting on the floor. The collar of his shirt is unbuttoned and I see him gripping his tie, wrapping and unwrapping it around his hand as both arms rest on his upraised knees. His face is set in a pained grimace and I can't help but feel for him. He lost something, or rather someone, pretty important tonight.
He raises his eyes to mine and I'm confused by what I see. "Do you guys mind giving me and Jessie a few minutes?" he asks, looking from face to face.
They nod and file out of the room, Dean lingers to plant a kiss on my forehead before he follows them out and closes the door behind him. I turn my attention to Danny, puzzled over his request to speak to me privately. Danny and I have never been all that close. Come to think of it, I don't think we've ever shared a private conversation.
I slowly climb out of Dean's bed and make my way over to the window seat previously occupied by Kelsey. I adjust the skirt of my dress so that I can sit cross-legged and I pat the space in front of me signaling for Danny to move closer. He does get up but sits as far from me as possible, on the very edge of the seat cushion. He fiddles with his hands in his lap and doesn't turn to make eye contact. I'm beginning to wonder why he asked to talk to me if he isn't planning to, I don't know, talk? A few more awkward moments pass before he finally breaks the ice.
"I don't even know how to begin to apologize," he starts. I narrow my eyes at him and now the look he gave me earlier begins to make sense. It was guilt I was seeing.
"Danny, what are you trying to apologize for? You invited your friend to a party. How could you feel responsible for anything that happened tonight when you had no idea who Will really was?" I reach out to place a hand on his wide shoulder and his eyes flash to mine. They're glistening and I am completely taken aback.
"I knew."
His words are so soft I don't think I hear him correctly. I couldn't have. "I'm sorry, what?"
"I said, I knew." A tear spills over and races down Danny's cheek before he can swipe at it with his large, calloused hand. I just stare at him, stunned.
"H-how…," I stutter.
"Not that it was you. But I knew that he'd done something before he got to rehab. I overheard his parents when they were visiting one day talking about how there wouldn't be any problems because the girl wasn't talking. They asked him if he was sure there was no DNA evidence… That's when I figured it out. I never mentioned it to him. I figured he was trying to clean up his act, so why bring shit up? I forgot about it until tonight. Until I heard Dean. When I realized it was you, I lost it." He sniffs and drags the heels of his hands across his eyes, looking up at the ceiling before finally turning his eyes on me.
"Jessie, if I'd have pushed back then, if I'd have made him tell me about it, maybe I could have—"
"Don't do that to yourself, Danny." I cut him off, because I've been down that road. That what-if-I-said-something-or-did-something road, and it leads to a big fat dead end. "Even if you found out for sure, he'd have never told you who it was. And if he did, I wouldn't have talked."
"But, why? Why would you let him get away with it?" His voice is thick with emotion and I uncross my legs so that I can sit next to him.
"Danny, you love Dean more than anything, right?"
"Of course," he answers without hesitation.
"If something happened to him, something horrible, you'd want to hurt whoever did it, right?"
"I'd kill them."
"Well, multiply that by one hundred, and you've got my dad. He's a serious badass. He could kill a man with his bare hands if he was pushed. I know he could. So when everything happened with Will, I knew I couldn't say anything. Because my dad would find him, and my dad would kill him. Not just mess him up, Danny. He would kill him. What do you think that would've done to my family? My mom, my brothers, my aunts and uncles and cousins? I would have singlehandedly destroyed my entire family, just to get justice on one pathetic guy. It wasn't worth it. Nothing is worth my family."
We're both quiet for a moment. I think he's at a loss for words, not sure where to go from here. I know why he initiated this conversation now, and I feel like it's up to me to ease his mind. "I don't blame you Danny, and neither would Dean."
"You don't know that. He loves you, Jess. He loves you like he loves me and mom. If he knew that there was a chance I could've helped you…"
I place my hand on his back and try to hold in my anger at Will for affecting yet another life. "Danny, you were just a kid. You couldn't have done anything. No one could have. I was stubborn and I'd never have let anyone in. Not you, not Dean. It took me six years just to have enough courage to talk about it with someone other than Jamie. Believe me when I say that there is nothing you could've done differently to change that."
He breathes deep, and I feel like I'm starting to get through. I know the guilt will linger. It always does. Guilt defies all logic and common sense. It feeds into the darkest, most insecure parts of ourselves. But Danny will get past it. I'll make sure of that.
I reach around him with my other arm and pull him into a hug. It's sort of like hugging one of those giant teddy bears you win at the carnival when you're little. He hugs me back gently and I feel his body sag in relief that I'm not condemning him for this secret.
He stands and, although he's a year younger than me, ruffles my hair like I'm his kid sister. He opens and closes the door almost inaudibly and I stretch out across the window seat just in time for Kelsey to come barreling into the room. I close my eyes tight, bracing of the onslaught of questions and accusations of betrayal. When they don't come, I peek an eye open to see her on her knees beside me, sitting back on her feet. Tears are streaming down her face and for the second time in the past hour, I am utterly boggled.
"I thought I was the one who had the anxiety attack tonight? Why is everyone else so upset?"
She slaps my arm weakly and curses at me. "How could you not tell me? Did you think I wouldn't understand? That I wouldn't believe you? What was it?"
I cringe and look away, out the window beside me at the clear, dark night. "I never told anyone Kelsey. No one but Jamie knew, until Dean. And that was only because he was the first guy since…"
I tell her the whole story. She cries along with me, like a best friend would. She threatens murder and castration, like a best friend would. Then she climbs off the floor and sits behind me, resting my head across her lap, and listens to my reasons for keeping quiet without judgment, like only a sister would.
When we're both emptied out and exhausted, she looks down at me with a serious expression. "No more secrets. From now on, we share it all. Good or bad. Got it?"
I smile up at her. "Got it."
"Well, I'm going to go pick out one of the fifty guest rooms to spend the night in. I'll see you in the morning."
As she approaches the door, Jamie pokes his head in. "Is it safe?"
I roll my eyes as Kelsey leaves and Jamie enters. "Next in line…"
He sits opposite me on the window seat and I plop my feet in his lap. "So, how was your night?" I ask nonchalantly.
"Oh you know, the usual," he quips.
We both sigh simultaneously. He looks at me. I look at him. He raises his eyebrow and I shrug my shoulder. We communicate with our non-verbal twin powers and it's the least exhausting conversation I've had all night.
"Wanna grab dinner tomorrow? Talk?" he asks, knowing that I'm completely burned out on verbal communication at this point.
I nod with a half smile and he gets up, kisses my forehead and leaves me to myself.
The knock on the door several minutes later causes me to jump and I go to the door and open it a crack. When I see Dean looking back at me through the tiny space I step back, opening the door the rest of the way.
"You know, you don't have to knock on your own door," I say with my back to him as I walk over to the bed and turn to sit on the edge.
"I know, but I wasn't sure if Grand Central Station had finally emptied out for the night." He closes and locks the door behind him and my body responds to the fact that we're completely alone for the first time in weeks.
"Well everyone made the rounds, so I think we're good for the duration." My breath catches when I really stop to take in the sight of him. His jacket is long gone and his tie hangs loosely around the collar of his shirt which is unbuttoned to the top of his chest. He stands across from me with his hands jammed into the pockets of his pants, looking at me intently.
"How are you feeling?" he asks.
"Restless," I tell him as I get to my feet and cross the room to stand in front of him, my previous exhaustion forgotten.
"You were out for a while. I was starting to get worried." He cups my cheek with his hand and his thumb passes over my cheek. "That son of a bitch…"
"Don't." I place both hands on his chest and he looks down at me, fury turning his eyes a stormy gray. "I don't want to think about him anymore tonight. I mean it. I've spent more than enough of this night on him. I'm done. He got what was coming to him. Now, I want to focus on you, and me."
I trail my fingers to the buttons of his shirt and start to undo the next one. His hand reaches up to circle my wrist, causing me to hesitate. His knuckles are battered and raw. I bring his hand to my lips to kiss away the pain he'll never let on that he's feeling.
"Jessie, we don't have to do this tonight. You've been through a lot. Maybe you should just lie down."
"I'm okay Dean, and I'm not going to let him take this from us. I want you, now, badly. And unless you can look me in the eye right now and tell me you don't want this too, I don't see a reason to stop." I back up and pull the pins from my hair, my eyes never leaving his. I toss them on the side table and shake my head so that my hair tumbles around my shoulders. When I reach for my side and lower the zipper of the dress, Dean's eyes go from stormy to molten.
Something inside of him snaps and he is in front of me before I can figure out how he got there so quickly. His hands are tangled in my hair, dragging my head back to expose my throat. With his lips grazing my skin, he utters two words. "Be sure."
Breathless, I reply, "I am." This sets him off and I can only hold on as he batters my senses and leaves me weak and wanting.
His mouth sears a path from my throat to my one lace-clad shoulder. When he reaches it, his hand tugs the material down my arm as his lips and tongue follow. Once my arm is free, he lets go so that the dress pools at my feet. Taking me by surprise, he spins me around and pushes me up against the wall, teeth feeding on my neck as his hands work to remove the bits of lace the dress was covering. He moves with such urgency and sheer need, it's exactly what I need from him right now. Unrestrained passion.
I whirl around and take his lips with mine, pouring myself into the kiss. He is still fully clothed and the feel of the stiff material against my skin makes me ache. I rip the shirt out of his waistband and make quick work of the few buttons still fastened. When he tears his mouth from mine and fuses it to a spot just under my ear, I can't help the sounds that escape me. I yank his belt loose, tug down the zipper and let his pants drop to the ground with my dress. There is just one thin layer of cotton between us now.
Dean grips the back of my thighs and lifts me up so that I am forced to wrap my legs around his waist. He brings his mouth back to mine and completely devours me, nipping my bottom lip and soothing it with his tongue. Holding me against him tightly, he turns and walks us over to the bed and lays me down in front of him. Losing the last piece of clothing, he covers my body with his and I gasp as he presses himself against me, beyond ready. I rake my nails down his chest to his abdomen then lower, and his whole body shudders in response. I position him exactly where my body has been craving him and he doesn't make me wait any longer.
Hissing out a breath, he begins to move with me. "God, Jessie, you feel so good."
I can only moan a response as he twists his hips and sends my body into a mind shattering free fall. He closes his lips over mine to keep us both from alerting the entire mansion to our actions. Time passes in a blur as we roll over the bed together, unable to get enough of each other.
When Dean shudders and his body finally stills, I am sore and exhausted and utterly content. Dean's lips move to kiss my neck, my jaw, my cheek and finally my lips, before coming to rest against my ear as he whispers, "I love you, so much. And I will never let anything bad happen to you again."
Shaken to my core by the emotion lacing his voice, I whisper back, "I love you, too. More than you'll ever know."
Dean tucks us both under his blanket and I sprawl out on his chest. His arm is tucked beneath me and his hand, drawing lazy circles on my back, lulls me into a deep and dreamless sleep.