Chapter 6
Barry was sitting in his office playing with his rubix cube contemplating the events of the morning. After Sheldon had left, he had entered the lab to try to talk to Amy. She was a mess, with tears running down her face, and was clearly embarrassed to be seen like that. She told him that she couldn't talk right now, and tried to get him to leave. He kept trying to talk to her, but she was too upset and clearly didn't want to be around anyone. He gave her the scones and wine, but she just burst out crying again when she saw them. She seemed quite anxious that he was there, so he told her he could call her later, and left the lab.
He hated leaving Amy like that. It was hard to see her cry. She looked so small and little at that point. All he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and tell her that everything was going to be alright.
Stupid Cooper. He did this to her. He was so confused about the conversation that he had overheard. From what Cooper had told him, they were all over each other like two dogs in heat. But Amy was saying something like, she wants to touch Sheldon and she wants to be touched? That's what romantic partners do? Sheldon saying that she's all about coitus and that she knows that he has real feelings for her? And why was she running experiments, to make him increase his feelings for her? The whole thing made no sense whatsoever. Maybe they were having problems in the last few months? It sounded to him like Cooper wasn't giving up the loving anymore. What an idiot. If Amy was his girlfriend, he would hold her and… Barry shook his head. He couldn't start thinking like that. The fact was that she was Cooper's girlfriend not his.
The truth was he was starting to think about Amy a bit differently. At the beginning, it was mainly out of curiosity on what type of girl would date such a strange guy like Sheldon. The first thing he noticed was her quick wit. Then he noticed that she was quite funny and sarcastic. Now, as he got to know her better, he was noticing her physical attributes. Her long dark brown hair, her beautiful green eyes with flecks of gold in them... The fact that her eyes sparkled every time she started talking about something she was passionate about. Her lips looked so soft and sweet. She was a cute little thing, not very tall, but she had a curvy body, just the way he liked. He shook his head again. This type of thinking was not going to help anyone…least of all him.
But Amy was his friend, and he wanted to find out the truth about what was going on. Clearly, Amy and Sheldon weren't going to tell him. He would need to find out the truth from someone else.
His calendar popped up a reminder. Caltech Friday Night Faculty and Staff Mixer at Rathskeller. Well that sounded like fun. Maybe it would help get his mind off of Amy, and he'd meet some other nice ladies. Barry grabbed his wallet and headed out the door
"Raj, you may want to slow down there a bit. I don't know why you still drink grasshoppers. It's not very manly looking." Howard said as he sipped his beer at Rathskeller. They had decided to hit the faculty mixer as Emily and Bernadette both had to work late tonight.
"Beer? Dude…this is a sweet minty delight. Why would I want to drink something so bitter. Besides, I've got nothing to prove." Raj said happily.
"Yes…yes…we all know you are having sex with Emily. I think everyone and their dog knows you are having sex with Emily." Howard muttered.
"Hey, I finally have the opportunity to brag…don't rain on my parade." Raj protested.
"Fine….fine." Howard looked up towards the bar. "Hey, isn't that Kripke?". Barry was over at the bar chatting with the female bartender. When he saw the guys, he lifted his drink to say hello.
"Of course, it's Kripke. Where there is social event with women, Kripke will be there." They watched as Kripke was laughing talking with bartender. She gave him a clear drink, and he started heading their way.
"Hello gentlemen. Quite the sausage fest in here again, isn't it?" Barry stated.
"Well as we are BOTH off the market now, it doesn't really make a difference to us. But yes, there appears to be quite a few sausages and not a lot of….what is the expression?" Raj asked.
"Buns?" Howard joked. Raj and Barry both started laughing. Barry sat down at their table and set his drink down.
"So Kripke, your paper sure is getting a lot of buzz. It's all I've been hearing about today." Howard said.
"Yeah, I'm really stoked about it. But I really need to give credit to Amy, her modeling idea, got me thinking in a whole different direction." Barry said with a smile.
"Yeah, dude what's with that? Since when are you chummy with Amy? I'm surprised that Sheldon didn't throw a fit about her helping you and not him." Raj slurred.
"Yeah, well, I'm getting the impression, that he was not really all that happy about it. Amy told me that she tried to tell him the idea first, but he just wasn't interested."
"Yup, that sounds like our Sheldon. Head stuck too far up his own ass to see what's in front of him. Dude, you should have seen his face when we told him that Amy collaborated with you." Raj joked.
"Oh really? Yeah, I got the impression that he was not too pleased about that this morning." Kripke said quietly.
That was surprising…did Amy not tell Sheldon that she had helped him? Kripke looked at Raj and Howard as they were chatting at the table. He knew from Howard's bachelor party that Raj was quite a talker when he drinks. He didn't hold anything back. Raj was already was halfway looped, he just needed a little push to get the floodgates open. He looked over at the waitress and gave her a little smile. She nodded at him, that she would be right there.
"Why is your drink fluorescent green? It looks disgusting." Kripke said.
"What's with all the hate on my drink? You should give it a try, you might like it." Raj slurred.
"Yeah, no thanks, I'll just stick to my gin and tonic."
"Geez, am I the only man around here that drinks an actual beer?" Howard chuckled.
"I just wasn't in a mood for a beer tonight" Kripke stated. "How is it that Howard, who looks all of 90 lbs, is less drunk than Koothrappali?" Kripke joked.
"I'm not 90 lbs! I'm just…svelte. Streamlined. And I can handle my drinks like a man." Howard retorted.
"Streamlined? The word is skinny as fu-" Raj started.
"-Hey Raj, I know a drink you would just love." Kripke interrupted. "It's sweet and fruity, I think you'd really like it…it's called a Zombie."
"A Zombie…well that sounds like an Emily approved drink if I ever heard one. I might give it a shot."
The waitress showed up at their table. "Could I order two zombies for my friends here, and a gin and tonic" Barry asked her. "Don't worry, it's on me" he added. She nodded and went back to the bar.
"Hey, what about you? Why aren't you getting one?" Howard asked.
"It's a little too sweet for my tastes, and I'm not 'off the market' like you two are. Gotta look good for the ladies, right?"
The waitress brought over two orange looking cocktails, and one gin and tonic. Barry lifted up his glass to Raj and Howard. "Cheers" he said, and the three of them clinked their glasses.
Three Zombies later…
"Duuude…Have you seen Emily? She is so smoking hot….I can't believe I get to have sex with her." Raj slurred heavily. "What the hell are in those drinks….they ARE a fruity delight, but they are really kicking my ass…"
Kripke grinned at Raj and Howard. They were a complete mess. Both of their eyes were glazed and unfocused. Raj was waxing on poetic about him and Emily's sex life, which was more interesting and kinky than he had thought. Howard was starting to chirp in a bit about him and Bernadette. This was turning out to be a very informative and funny evening. Time to try to open the broken "vault of secrets"…
"Oh you know… just white rum, golden rum, dark rum, apricot brandy, 151 proof rum, pineapple juice and a little lime juice for a kick." Kripke laughed.
"One..three..two….five types of liquor? Oh my god…that's going to hit me hard tomorrow morning…I'll just be bent over." Howard said slowly.
"That's what she said!" Raj laughed. Howard burst out laughing.
"No…that's what Sailor Moon said!" Raj said. Now they were both howling with laughter. Howard wiped tears from his eyes.
"Now back to Emily….did you know she likes to –" Raj started.
"God! Enough about Emily! You're not the only one with a hot sex life you know." Howard interrupted.
"Yeah, what about Cooper and Amy? From what Cooper told me they go at it like animals. Cosplay…Toys? He even told me they use a model rocket!" Kripke stated.
Howard and Raj looked at each other and burst out laughing.
"What? What's so funny?"
"Dude, I can't believe you actually believed Cooper." Raj giggled.
"What do you mean?" Barry said confused.
"We'll describe their hot relationship to you. Erotic Eye staring." Howard started
"Sexy tea drinking" Raj replied.
"Hot arrogant conversations about physics versus biology" Howard retorted.
"Robotic hugging" Raj responded.
"Relationship Agreement sanctioned one minute kisses" Howard added.
"Date night only, don't forget." Raj said.
"Yes, date night only" Howard agreed.
"Whaaa? I'm totally confused. Relationship agreement? What's that? I don't get it, what are you guys talking about?" Kripke said stunned.
"Dude, they've never had sex. They barely even kiss. Sheldon has all their physical contact limited and laid out in this crazy relationship agreement that he wrote up and Amy signed. I'm actually surprised Sheldon managed to stay in a relationship this long, but Amy is a bit of a nutcase herself" Raj slurred.
Barry was floored. "Wow…I mean. I still don't quite get it. They've been dating for four years? Doesn't Sheldon want to sleep with Amy?"
"Oh you know Sheldon. Who knows what's going on in that mysophobic head of his. I'm not even sure if he has hormones" Howard muttered.
"What about Amy? Is she ok with this? I mean, she must be going crazy by now." Kripke asked. He was thinking about what Amy had said in the lab this morning. That she wanted to touch Sheldon and she wanted to be touched herself. It was all starting to make sense.
"Aahh..Amy is a strange duck herself. I think the first couple of years it didn't bug her. I think that the whole thing is starting to frustrate her though. Well, that's what you get for willingly getting into a relationship with Dr. Strangelove. Maybe cause they are both virgin's they don't know what they are missing" Raj said.
Barry spit out his drink. "Virgins?"
"Raj, shut up. You don't need to announce that to everyone." Howard said in an annoyed tone.
"What, it's both their own doing. Sheldon cause he's not a real boy and hasn't really looked at a woman before with any interest. Amy, cause she's socially awkward and dresses like a sixty year old librarian." Raj responded.
"I really don't think you of all people should be talking about being socially awkward Raj, mister 'I couldn't talk to women my whole life'. And Amy is a sweetheart, she was a little awkward when she first met us, but now she is fine." Howard said heatedly.
"Oh you just like Amy since your Neil Diamond bonding session." Raj replied.
"Amy is beautiful and interesting. She doesn't need to change a thing about herself." Kripke said quietly. Howard and Raj both looked at each other and gave Kripke a funny look. Kripke cleared his throat and tried to get the conversation back onto Sheldon.
"Why did Sheldon say all that stuff about their sex life then? He's never lied about women in the past." he asked.
"Aawh, he was just going with your excuse on why his work wasn't stellar. He just didn't have an excuse, so it was easier to go along with your reason. Plus it kind of makes him look like a stud."
Howard moaned. "Oh the room is starting to spin…." he complained.
Kripke and Raj both looked at Howard who was looking more and more nauseous. "I think you better get this guy home, before he pukes. If he does, then no cab will take you… Here I've got a cab driver buddy, let me call him and see if he'll pick you two up." Kripke pulled out his phone, and called his friend. "Ok, he'll be outside in about five minutes. Howard, do you think you can make it home without yakking?"
"I've plummeted to earth at breakneck speeds. I think I can handle a cab drive home." Howard muttered. He tried standing up, but was wobbling around.
"Are you sure you two are ok to get home?" Barry asked.
"Yeah, we're fine. But you're definitely not choosing the drinks next time." Raj slurred. They both headed towards the door. They waved goodbye and headed out.
Barry was sitting at the table trying to take in everything he had heard. Virgins? Barely kiss? Time sanctioned kissing? Relationship Agreement? This was way more bizarre than he was ever expecting. It made a lot of sense with what he had overhead from this morning though. It sounded like Amy was tired of this arrangement; that she wanted a more physical relationship with Sheldon.
He couldn't imagine that Amy would be ok with Cooper talking about their "sex life" though, especially in light of what he just learned. He wondered if she even knew about what Sheldon had said. Interesting. Very interesting indeed…..
A/N: So Kripke knows everything now. But what's he going to do about it? Thanks again for the reviews, I absolutely love reading them!