Chapter 8

"What the hell Sheldon?" Amy sputtered glaring at her tall blue eyed boyfriend. He stared at her with a guilty look on his face.

"What did you hear?" he asked quietly. He bit his lip and looked at her nervously.

"Don't worry about what I did or didn't hear. I want you to tell me everything. Now. From the very beginning. If you care about me or our relationship at all, then you will be completely honest with me" Amy said sternly.

Sheldon gulped and felt his mouth go dry. He was hoping to avoid this conversation at all costs, but it didn't look like there was any way out of it. This was all Kripke's fault. Him and his big mouth.

Sheldon took a big breath. "Ok. I'll tell you everything, but just remember, my intentions were not bad with this. It was an unfortunate white lie that got a bit out of hand."

Amy gave him an unimpressed look. She crossed her arms, waiting for him to begin.

"So, do you remember when I had to work with Kripke earlier in the year? And I was upset about his work being more advanced than mine?" Sheldon cleared his throat. "Well, Kripke came to my office, to enquire why my work wasn't up to my usual brilliant standard. I didn't really have a good reason. He suggested that I couldn't concentrate because I had a girlfriend."

"So you have a girlfriend. But I am not distracting you, how did it get from that statement to what I heard?" Amy asked.

"What did you hear?" Sheldon tried again.

"Enough to be pissed off. Keep talking." Amy stated.

Sheldon sighed. "Ok, well Kripke said that he would be distracted too, if he was getting laid all the time. I didn't want to admit that I had no good reason for my distraction, so I just went along with his reason."

"So you told him you were distracted by all the sex we were having!" Amy exclaimed.

"I didn't tell him that. I just didn't refute what he was suggesting. He was the one that went on and on asking me for more and more details. I kept trying to change the subject back to physics, but he is such a pervert he kept asking about our sex life. Asking me if I gave it to you good. I mean I corrected his grammar and told him I gave it to you well. Asking if you wore lingerie, if we used toys and stuff like that. I just went along with it, to get him off my back. I mean I don't know why we would play with toys while having sex, it must be part of his weird deviant sexual lifestyle."

Amy's eyes went wide as he said that. She could not believe what she was hearing. "Who knows about this" she whispered. Her face was flushed with embarrassment.

"Umm…well Leonard and Penny know, because I told them. And Kripke was spreading it around the Physics building, so Howard and Raj must have found out from him. So if Howard knows, that must mean Bernadette knows also. So I would say Leonard, Penny, Howard, Bernadette, Raj, Emily, the physics department, and the deviants the Kripke hangs out with from other departments. That's it." Sheldon looked at Amy as her eyes bugged out. "It's Kripke! He's the one running around with his big mouth telling everyone about it."

"You knew he was telling everyone about it? So why didn't you try to put a stop to this rumour. Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed."

Sheldon bit his lip and stared at her. He then started pacing around the room, not saying anything.

"Well Sheldon? I'm waiting…. Why? Especially when you know how embarrassing it would be for me. I feel like I can't show my face in the building now…God, anywhere on campus!"

"I ahhh….Well, I wasn't the one spreading this lie around. That was Kripke."

"Sheldon, not correcting a lie is just as bad as lying."

"Oh I don't know if I agree with that…"Sheldon began.

Amy sat down on the chair and burst into tears. Sheldon felt his heart skip a beat, he did not mean to upset Amy like this. He was just trying to avoid looking stupid in front of Kripke and the guys. He kneeled down in front of her. "Amy? It's not that bad really…. I mean most boyfriend/girlfriend relationships include coitus, so people thinking we are having coitus, is not that bad."

"It's not so bad? It's not so bad. Let me tell you, it IS that bad!" Amy snapped wiping the tears from her eyes. "You hardly even touch me, you won't kiss me without rules, but you have absolutely no issue with telling people that we are having sex! I'm so pissed off right now, I don't even have the words. I hate being the butt of the joke. I want my personal life to be private. I don't want to be the water cooler talk for people. I can't believe you didn't correct Barry's assumption, and then perpetuated it forward. If you are so cool with not having coitus, then why weren't you honest with him?"

Sheldon looked at her sadly, but words were escaping him. Amy continued sobbing into her hands. He tried to hold her hand but she shoved it away. "You know what? I am so happy, that you find it so easy to lie, when it benefits yourself. You have no problem talking about your imaginary sex life, but when it comes to reality you clam up and shy away. Do you think I want this stuff getting back to my department? Nobody should be talking about our sex life. What hurts is how easily you can talk about it with others, and you can't even let me know one iota of your real feelings for me. It's like squeezing water from a stone. And everyone knows except me? Every single person in our group of friends knew about this, and no one bothered to tell me. You were going on the other day about honesty and loyalty in our relationship? What is this? You have no problem besmirching my reputation around campus, instead of just telling people you were in a rut. Or anything for that matter. There was no reason to pull me into this at all" Amy ranted.

She got up and started pacing around the office. "The thing that hurts the most, is in all of this, you haven't even apologized. You were dishonest to me, you lied about our relationship, you let people believe stuff about me that was untrue. All our friends know, and are probably laughing behind my back about it. I expected more from you Sheldon. I really did" Amy glared at Sheldon.

"But Kripke…" Sheldon began.

"But Kripke what? Spread it around. Believe me, he's on my list too. But to be honest, I hold you to a much higher standard than him. Because you are my boyfriend. I thought you of all people would want to protect my feelings. But I guess I was wrong."

"Amy, you are not wrong. I should have given Kripke a different excuse." Sheldon said quietly.

Amy stared at Sheldon. Everything that she thought they had felt like it was crumbling down. Their intimacy was always such a big thing for them, new and personal. But now it felt tainted. Everyone was talking about their sex life. And the fact that is was still "theoretical" as Bernadette has so succinctly put it, made it all the more painful. What was she doing in this relationship? He didn't really care about her…how could he, if he didn't even realize how much this would hurt her? And then to go on for so long, without even confessing it to her? What happened to Sheldon not being able to lie? Maybe it was just when it didn't benefit him?

She had given him too much power in this relationship. It was time to take a step back and decide what she really wanted. She didn't want a boyfriend who had so little respect for her.

She stared Sheldon in the eye as tears filled hers. "Sheldon, I'm done" she croaked.

"Done? What do you mean done?" he said urgently. Sheldon felt his heart racing, panic was starting to overtake his body.

"I can't do this anymore. We don't want the same things. You don't even respect me. You can joke around about something that I desire so much for our relationship without a second thought. Maybe it is a joke to you, but its not to me. "

"Amy it's not a joke to me. It's important to me too. It was just a misunderstanding that got out of hand…. Amy don't do this. I - "

"You never even apologized to me. It's all you. It's always you." Amy sniffed. "I need a break. I need time away from you. Consider us on hiatus. I suggest you think also, whether you truly want this relationship or not."

"Amy…I don't need to think about it. I do –"

Amy grabbed her purse and wiped tears from her eyes. "Please don't contact me. I'll contact you when I'm ready." She walked out the door.

Sheldon watched her, and felt like he had been kicked in the stomach. How did this all blow up in his face. He didn't mean to hurt her. He was just trying to avoid embarrassment himself. He cared so much about Amy. More than she could ever know….

Amy took a few jagged breaths in the hallway. What had she just done? She loved Sheldon so much, but she had never had the nerve to tell him. But this wasn't the act of a person in love. This wasn't an act of a loving boyfriend. She shuddered as waves of panic rode through her body. Confusion, love, anger, pain were all coursing down her veins. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. Breathe, Amy breathe.

She stared down the hall and saw that Kripke's office door was closed. Was the reason that he sought her out was because her sex life? All his little statements, about taking it easy on Cooper now made sense. She thought that he truly was her friend. Everything she thought was true was no longer, everything was ringing false. He had no right to spread that rumour around about her, false or not. She was going to tell him exactly what she thought of him.

Kripke was in his office staring blankly at his computer screen. He was completely and totally pissed off at Sheldon. How dare he say those things to him, like he was some dirty degenerate. And now Amy….the first girl he really cared about in a long time, would probably never talk to him again. He was sure Cooper was putting the blame all on him. He shook his head. He pushed the stack of papers aside by his computer screen and picked up the old photo frame. It was a picture of his mother holding him as a six month old baby. His mom looked so young and beautiful, her sandy brown hair pulled up in a ponytail. She looked happy holding him, with a large smile splayed across her face. She must have loved him…but how could she leave? Mother's don't leave their children. Was Cooper right? Was he a person not even a mother could love? He shook his head. He couldn't start thinking about this, it always left him in a dark place. He feared he was already there…

Knock Knock

"If that's you Cooper, you can go to hell. I don't want to talk to you." Barry yelled out.

"It's me" he heard Amy's voice call. He got up quickly and opened the door. Amy was standing there, her eyes stained red from crying.

"Amy, are you ok?" he said softly as he ushered her into his office.

"No, I am not ok. I just found out my boyfriend has been lying about our sex life. I found out my new friend spread that rumour around campus, and I found out that all my friends knew about it, and not one bothered to tell me. So no, I am not ok." Amy sputtered.

She slammed herself down in the chair. "Barry, how could you? How could you spread that rumour around? True or false, it wasn't a nice thing to do at all."

Barry sat down at his desk and put his hands between his head. "Amy, I'm really sorry I am. I didn't know you then. You were just a faceless person then…Cooper's girlfriend. Cooper and I have that kind of relationship, where we kind of prank each other. I get a kick out of getting a rise out of him. Honestly, I didn't mean to hurt you."

Amy stared at him as waves of anger were resonating within her. She wasn't sure that she knew the whole truth about what happened. "What do you know? And who told you?" Amy demanded.

"Does it really matter Amy? I know the truth, and now you do too. I was in the dark about everything until last Friday also. I could just kick myself ok. I guess that's a lesson for me, because I hurt the most amazing person that I've met in a long time." he sighed.

"It does matter to me. I want to know exactly what everyone knows. All I know is that you suggested that we were having wild sex all the time, and Sheldon didn't correct you. I want to know who told you, and if there is anything else missing."

"Amy, I still think that this is a pointless conversation. Why go over the details, it's just going to upset you. You know the jist of what was said, I think that's enough." Barry looked over at Amy who looked like she was going to throttle him. "Ok, you are the wronged party here, so I'll tell you whatever you want to know" he said quietly.

"Who told you?" Amy asked.

Barry sighed. "Ok, Amy, I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, and you're probably going to hate me even more. I overhead you and Sheldon arguing in your office on Friday, but I just caught the end of your conversation. You were upset about wanting to touch him, and he was saying something about you are all about coitus. It just wasn't adding up with all the sex I thought you two were having. So I got Raj and Howard drunk and got the truth out of them."

"You got them drunk?" Amy looked at him incredulously.

"Yeah…." Barry said slowly.

"And what exactly did they tell you?"

"That you and Cooper haven't had sex. The relationship agreement. That you are both virgins." Barry said quietly.

Amy's face went white. He knew that they were both virgins? That was their private business….she was going to kill Howard and Raj. She felt her stomach go queazy. Sex, their agreement, virgins…God was nothing private anymore?

"I feel so embarrassed right now. I don't want the general public knowing about my personal life." She whispered.

"Amy, there is really nothing for you to feel embarrassed about." Barry said softly.

"Even if you didn't know it was me, you would have been hurting someone, and that's not cool."

"Yeah, well I guess you know that I'm not a great person" Barry muttered. He moved the stack of papers in front of the photo again. "That seems to be the general consensus around here. I'm just a dirty man-whore after all." Amy watched as he hid the picture.

Barry sighed. "Amy you are right, it wasn't nice of me. It wasn't a very cool thing to do, to you or to anyone. I'm really sorry. I'm just pissed, cause I think I pretty much screwed up our relationship, and you are the coolest girl l that I think I've ever met" he said sadly.

"Well did you just become friends with me, because of what you thought Sheldon and I were doing?" Amy asked.

"If I'm being fully honest with you, I was curious. Mostly I wanted to know what kind of girl would date Cooper. But as I got to know you, I really liked you. And not cause of the stuff I heard, but from being with you and learning about you. You really are a special girl Amy."

Amy looked sadly at him. "I don't feel particularly special right now. I never had a boyfriend before you know? Guys weren't interested in girls like me. I kind of threw myself into my studies, and convinced myself that I wasn't looking for a relationship. But then I met Sheldon, and I started to get overwhelmed by all these feelings. I want my boyfriend to find me desirable. I want him to touch me. I don't want to feel like it's wrong to feel this way. But maybe I am just kidding myself. Nobody was interested in me that way before, why should Sheldon be any different…" Amy said as tears welled up in her eyes.

Barry shook his head. He couldn't believe that Amy didn't know how beautiful she was. He thought that she was absolutely gorgeous…inside and out.

"Cooper's an idiot Amy. He's not like most men, you know that." Barry said sternly.

"Well most men, seem to have the same opinion" Amy said quietly, as a tear rolled down her face. She broke down and started crying. All the memories of her life came flooding over her. The jeers, the rejection, the pain of never being wanted.

Kripke walked up to her and pulled Amy into his arms, stroking her back softly as she cried. She felt so small in his arms, as he could feel her body shaking as sobbed. He held her tightly, and rested his head on hers. He could smell the soft floral scent of her shampoo from her chestnut hair. "Amy?" he whispered. She looked up at him. He took his hand, and gently wiped a tear away from her eyes, and then held it against her cheek. "Let me tell you how a real man thinks. A real man would be dying to kiss these soft lips." Kripke gently ran his finger across her lips. "A real man would want to hold you…touch you" He put his forehead against hers and stared into her eyes. "A real man would be dying to make love to you, and kiss every inch of your beautiful body."

Amy gasped and stared up at him. Her heart was racing. She could feel her whole body begin to shake. She didn't know what to say…She had to say something….anything.

"Your eyes are blue...I never noticed before" she stuttered nervously.

Barry smiled. "And yours are green" he replied.

Amy backed out of his embrace, walking awkwardly backwards. "I've got to go. Umm..yes, I need to leave. Now. Ok, I'm going." Amy gasped as she tried to clumsily grab her bag.

Barry looked at her and smiled. "Am I still on your shit list?"

"What? No…I mean yes. Yes! What? Umm…I haven't decided. Listen I need to go." She ran out of Kripke's office and closed the door behind her. She leaned against the wall in the hallway gasping for air. What had just happened? The words Barry had just told her were running through her head. Kiss every inch of her body? What? Kripke has feelings for her? But what about Sheldon? She loved Sheldon. Sheldon was her boyfriend. But why was her heart racing so badly?

A/N: Well Barry has made it clear as day to Amy that he wants her, but what about her dear boyfriend Sheldon? Will he step up to the plate, or try to keep her at arms length. How does Amy feel about all of this? Will she be interested? Stay tuned! Thanks for all the reviews!