"Be sure to text as soon as you land. I don't need another near heart attack like last summer."
I don't think Mom will ever forgive Jamie and me for not charging our phones before our flight back to school at the end of the summer. We caught a really late flight because it was cheaper and both of us were so beat by the time we made it to the apartment, we passed out. Mom was blowing up Kelsey's phone at six in the morning, to Kelsey's extreme annoyance.
"I'm sure with the four of us flying together, someone is bound to be capable of letting you know we survived. You know, just like we've survived the last thirteen flights." I roll my eyes and give her one last hug before we reach the escalators leading us to the security checkpoint. Dad is with Jamie and Jared, having 'man time' as they called it. Not too far from where we stand, Dean and Danny are kissing and hugging their mom and Nick goodbye.
"Don't worry, Mrs. M. I'll text if they don't," Kelsey says as she embraces Mom even tighter than I did. Kelsey hasn't spoken about it much since she arrived, but I know she and her mother had a little it of a falling out before she left to come visit. She doesn't like to talk about it, but I know she looks at Mom as more of a mother to her than her own.
"That's my girl. You sure you don't want to put through the name change, Kelsey? Officially become one of our kids? It's too late for adoption, but I think the Maddox name would suit you," Mom jokes with her arm around Kelsey's shoulder.
"I wish…" Kelsey trails off, her mood slipping.
I frown at her, wondering if things are so bad why won't she talk to me about it? I think a girl's night is in order when we get back to L.A.
The arm around my shoulders brings me out of my thoughts. "All set?" Dean asks.
"Yeah, I think that's about all the goodbyes Mom can take before the waterworks start," I tell him, lifting my tote and backpack.
"Standing right here," she reminds.
"I really enjoyed meeting you Mrs. Maddox," Dean starts as Mom pulls him in for a brief hug as well. "All of you," he adds when Dad and the boys join our little group. "You'll have to let me know how the rebuild goes," he tells Dad as they shake hands.
"No problem, kid. Just concentrate on keeping those legs in shape for next season. No way U.C. is getting knocked out of next year's finals without a fight." He slaps him on the back and I feel like he's stamping him with his version of a seal of approval. Dad likes Dean. What an absolute relief.
"Don't forget to practice that sidefoot shot, dude. You've just about got it down, so when I'm back this summer I wanna see something," Dean tells Jared as they do some goofy version of a handshake.
"Totally. Thanks for all the help. Don't forget about Skyping on Thursday so I can tell you if the varsity coach is teaching my gym class this semester."
My heart warms at Jared's words. Dean fits in so well with my whole family. They all accept him better than I could've ever asked. I sigh and think that it's got to be a good sign.
"Jessie, hun, I'm so sad we won't have more time together. Your mom and I will have to go on all those fabulous wine tours together just to cope with your absence," Kathy teases me.
She and Mom have hit it off just as well as Jared and Dean. They spent the last couple of days planning their wine tour for when the weather breaks.
"Oh, I'm sure that just breaks your heart," I say, laughing, as she embraces me.
"Yes well, now that the in-laws are all squared away, we need to go unless you all plan to walk back to the west coast. Our flight is starting to board in, like, ten minutes." Jamie nudges us away from the doting parents and we all shout goodbyes back and forth, along with a few tossed air kisses. At the last minute, I remember something and jump down from the third escalator step. Running back to my dad, I throw my arms around him and he lifts me off the ground, spinning us in a slow circle. Just like he always does.
"Almost thought you forgot about me, baby girl," he whispers, then clears his throat quickly.
"Never. Love you, Daddy," I tell him and give him a peck on the cheek.
"Love you more," he says just before letting me go.
"HOME! Ugh, I never want to board another cross country flight again. I don't know how you all do this three times a year. Screw that, give me the coast baby!" Kelsey dumps all of her bags in front of the couch and runs to her room to, presumably, crash land on her bed.
"I'm with her right now. Why do all the cheap flights get us here in the middle of the damn night?" Jamie complains.
"It's only one in the morning, Jay," I say with a yawn.
"No, it's four in the morning per my internal clock which just finally stopped keeping me up until three in the morning every night. I'm out. Wake me when school starts." He waves over his head as he turns toward his bedroom door.
"You realize that's not for another week, right?" I call a after him.
"Yup. Fully aware. G'night. Keep it down, I don't feel like fishing out the ear plugs tonight." He closes the door and I'm alone. With Dean.
He pushes off of the wall where he's been leaning. I take his hand and lead him to my room. I don't even bother with a light, I just flop down on the bed. Dean climbs in next to me and we both kick off our shoes. I'm so tired, I don't know how I managed even that much.
"Am I the worst boyfriend in the world if I don't try to take your clothes off right now?" he mumbles next to my ear.
"If you tried to take my clothes off right now, I'd probably let you. But then I'd be asleep two seconds later. No judgement here, baby." I cuddle into his side and tangle my feet with his.
"I kind of like it when you call me baby," he says, kissing my forehead.
"Good." It's the last thing I remember before drifting off into a deep, dreamless sleep.
The next week passes by in a blur. Kelsey and I have a girl's day, which for her means shopping for a new semester wardrobe and thrusting five new outfits on me. I object, but she's hellbent on burning a hole through her new credit card's balance. Something about payback for her mom humiliating her over the holidays. She doesn't elaborate, and I cease my protests because she has been so down lately, I just want her to smile again. Even if it is a devious, vengeful smile. Plus, hey, free clothes.
Dean and I spend most of the week together, but to break up the monotony we go on a double date with Kelsey and Paul, and hit the bookstore with Jamie to pick up the new semester's materials. Luckily, I'm just taking an independent study course this semester, plus a couple of electives since the three required courses I have left before my externship are only offered in the fall. That means an easy semester for me, both academically and financially since I don't have too much required reading, so less texts to buy.
Speaking of finances, in the middle of the week David calls to ask me if I'm interested in a fight for Saturday. Of course it's early in the semester and I need to build up my bank account a bit, so I agree. Which is what led me here.
It's Saturday night and I have to be at the gym in half an hour. Yet Dean and I have been arguing for the past twenty-five minutes with no end in sight.
"I just don't understand why you can't back off of the fighting since you've got your tuition paid through graduation next year. A retail job could handle the rest of your expenses just as easily. And you know I'd help you—"
"Stop!" I whirl around and cut the air with my hand in a sweeping motion because I've had just about enough of the conversation. To the point that I'm about to walk out and leave him in my room to seethe on his own. "I told you, I'm not taking money from you. I love you, but I won't depend on you for money. So stop offering. You're only pissing me off. And you know I can make more in three fights per semester than I would working twenty-five hours a week at some coffee shop or bar where I have to push my boobs up and leave a few buttons open for tips from slobbering idiots. Is that really where you want to see me?"
Dean sits on the edge of my bed and drags his hand through his hair. "You know I don't. But I can't just be okay with you risking yourself in these fights. If something were to happen to you, all because of something as stupid as money, I would never forgive myself for letting you go out there."
Heat prickles at the back of my neck and my shoulders stiffen at his words. "Let me? Dean, let's be clear on one thing. Nobody let's me do anything. I make my own decisions." Furious now and running short on time, I move to my closet and change clothes for the fight as I continue to defend my position. "I've been taking care of myself just fine for the past year. You saw my worst injury. A little black eye, and it healed in less than a week. If that's the price I have to pay for knowing that my education and housing are secured, then I'm fine paying it. If you're not, then maybe you shouldn't stick around to watch." My chest is heaving and there's a tingling across my shoulder blades. I realize what I've said about five seconds too late, and now I wish I could swallow down those words and never let them see the light of day.
Dean looks like I've just slapped him across the face with a two by four. He's on his feet and toe to toe with me as I stand just inside the doorway to my closet. "Let me be clear on something. I'm in love with you. I respect your independence. I understand your need to provide for yourself. I can try, as much as I hate it, to accept the fights. But what I won't do is let you push me away when things aren't going your way or when things get hard. And yes, I said let you. Because I'm in this too. It's not just your decision. It's ours. And I'm not walking away from us. So you can take some time to let that sink in. I'll see you at the gym."
He storms out of my bedroom, door slamming behind him with a loud crack, followed by another fainter one from the front door seconds later. Me and my big, stupid mouth. But he was questioning my judgment and throwing his male ego into the ring. What else was I supposed to do? Just let him order me around and take it like a good little brainless female who can't think for herself? No. That's not me. It'll never be me. He needs to accept that. And if he can't…
I cannot even bring myself to think about the 'what if' in that sentence. It makes me feel physically ill. Instead, I throw on my hoodie, grab my iPod, and stomp down the flights of stairs to Kelsey's waiting car. The whole way I'm thinking, How did everything fall apart so quickly? What have I done?