34. I've Been Waiting For You Since You've Been Gone.
Sandor had been tossing and turning ever since he went to bed that night. It had been the same for two weeks, ever since he went to Casterly Rock. Sleep couldn't find him in that place, and when he did sleep his was tormented by nightmares. Sansa was always in them. He sometimes woke up startled and covered in cold sweat, and he had come to dread the moment to go to sleep.
He had his eyes wide open that night. The moon was shinning brightly on the sky. The moonlight came through his windows and lit up his room with a silvery and spooky light. It just served to keep him even more awake. He tried taking sleeping tablets a few nights ago, but they only served to give him more hours of restless nights filled with nightmares. If sleeping less meant less nightmares then he preferred to be fucking tired in the morning. He hated seeing Sansa in his nightmares, it was worse than when he saw fire in them.
The worst one that he had had so far involved both Sansa and fire. In his nightmare he had seen Sansa jumping off the stern of the cruise ship, but instead of falling to the waters of the Caribbean she fell to a sea of green flames that licked her body and covered her completely until only a blackened skeleton was left behind. The night he dreamed that was the only night that Sandor woke up with a scream. He never screamed.
It was already 4:00 AM, and he had accepted the fact that he was going to be working the next day walking like a zombie and with dark circles under his eyes. He didn't care. He didn't care about anything lately.
"Fuck," he cursed out loud when he realized how screwed he was.
He heard something then that called his attention. He heard the sound of a car getting closer to the Casterly Rock mansion, and then he saw the bright lights of the car coming through his window. The car parked, and he heard voices. Sandor frowned. Who the fuck was coming so late at night to the mansion? That wasn't usual.
Full of curiosity he got off the bed and walked over to the window. The chill air of his room made the hair of his naked torso stand on end, but he didn't mind the cold. He approached the window and looked through it down to the front gate of the mansion, and he saw a black car parked there. The butler had come out of the mansion and was opening the door of the car while the driver took luggage out of the trunk. The butler offered his hand to whomever was inside the car to help them out, and Sandor gasped when he saw a woman's feminine and delicate hand coming out of the car and holding the butler's hand. Sandor held his breath as he watched Sansa emerge from the car, and he almost laughed with joy. He didn't, though, because that would have been stupid and he would have woken up the entire household.
He watched Sansa start walking towards the front door of the mansion while the butler and the driver carried her luggage behind her. Sandor could not believe that he was seeing Sansa there, in the same place as him. He felt a joy inside of him that he didn't know he was so able of feeling. It had only been two weeks since he saw Sansa board that plane, but they had felt like an eternity in Hell. But that was over. She was there, with him...
His smiled faded from his face when she came closer to the door and he could see her face. She looked thinner, and she wasn't smiling. She looked exhausted, but it wasn't like she was feeling tired physically, it was more like... like she couldn't even with the weight of her own soul. Her exhaustion was emotional, he could see it in her eyes. There was something off about her, like she had been drained of happiness.
He almost slammed his hand against the window when he saw her like that. He knew exactly what was wrong with her, and he wished he could break the little shit's neck with his own hands right that instant...
He waited for Joffrey to come out of the black car, but that didn't happen. Only Sansa's bodyguard, Arys Oakheart, came out of the car. Joffrey wasn't there, Sansa had returned alone. Sandor felt relieved. He wanted that fucker as many miles away from Sansa as possible.
Sansa entered the mansion, and Sandor wished that he could run to see her. He felt like he couldn't wait a second longer, but he had to. It was so late at night, and he didn't have an excuse to appear in front of Sansa and in front of the people that accompanied her, and she was probably exhausted. She needed to rest, and Sandor had to force himself to survive that night without seeing her.
He heard steps in the staircase. The mansion was so silent that he could heard every single sound made, and he knew that that was Sansa heading towards her room in Casterly Rock. He waited until the sound of her steps disappeared and then, when everything was silent again, he returned to his bed. It felt awfully empty and cold, and more like a torture instrument now that he had to go to sleep without being able to say one word to Sansa, or give her one quick kiss... Oh, what he wouldn't give just to see her one short second that night, and tell her how much he had missed her.
He covered himself with the bedsheets, trying to shield himself from the cold. The alarm on his bedside table read 4:20 in big green letters, and he groaned. It was late at night indeed, but it would still be many more hours until he could finally see Sansa. And when that happened he would probably only be able to greet her politely, like any bodyguard greeted the wife of his boss. Damn that place, and damn all those fucking Lannisters that were around them!
He saw the hour change as time passed by. It was already almost 5:00 AM and sleep still didn't come to him. He didn't expect to sleep even a single second that night, not with the knowledge that Sansa was sleeping just over him killed him. He just hoped that that night, when sleep finally came, his nightmares would go away and they would be replaced by sweet dreams of her instead...
His eyelids had started to feel a bit heavy finally when suddenly he heard a careful knock on the door. At first he thought he had imagined it, but he opened his eyes again and raised his head a bit and looked at the door. He frowned when he heard a knock again and he sat up on the bed. Before he could say anything the door opened carefully, and Sansa snuck inside his room, catching him completely off guard. He gasped sharply as she closed the door carefully behind her, and his eyes roamed her. She was wearing a pink silk pajama, but he couldn't care less about that. The only thing that he could focus on was her, Sansa, and the fact that she was there! There, in his room, in front of him!
She did look thinner, and he still thought that something in her looked off, but her eyes kept having that brave glow that they had always had. Sansa had been brave since the beginning, even though she was scared. In fact, she was brave because she was scared. He saw something else in her eyes too, a defiance that hadn't been there before, but it wasn't directed towards him. What was directed to him in her eyes was the intense and at the same time tender look that took over then as soon as she stared at him.
"Sandor..." she whispered, and hearing her voice in person after so long made him feel a cold shiver running down him spine.
"Sansa," was all he got to say before she ran towards the bed and jumped over him.
His arms were around her immediately after her body crashed against his, and the force of the impact him back and he fell on his back on the bed again, with Sansa on top of him. His arms embraced her and pulled her closer to him, and his eyes roamed all over her face over and over again, as if he could to believe that she was real, that she was there. Sandor smiled, and right afterwards Sansa lowered her head and kissed him full in the mouth. Sandor kissed her back and closed his eyes to feel her more intensely. His hand moved towards her head and his fingers became tangled in her hair, and his other hand went up and down her back. Sansa's hands were on his naked chest, and the contact sent sparks through his entire body. They stayed like that, pressed together and kissing until they ran out of breath and parted to get some air. Their were both panting.
"Sansa..." Sandor whispered again, caressing her soft skin. Sansa lifted her hand from his chest and put it over his hand in a loving way. She smiled at him.
"I missed you so much," she murmured.
"I missed you too," he said, and then he was the one that kissed her.
Sansa's lips tasted salty, and Sandor realized that she had started crying and that her tears were running down her face. He separated a little bit from her and wiped the tears away with his thumb.
"What's wrong?" he asked, worried. She shook her head.
"It's nothing," she told him. He tried to see if her eyes have something away, and he expected to see pain or sadness in them but he just saw a brilliant glow in them that his all her other emotions. "I'm just so happy to be here... I wanted to see you so badly that I couldn't wait till morning."
He could understand her perfectly, because he had felt the same. Being away from Sansa had hurt physically, and he felt so relieved that she was there with him now. Finally the wait was over, and those terrible two weeks that she had been away were a thing of the past. Now Sandor could see her, take care of her, know that she was fine. He would have to suffer those terrible nightmares again...
"And I'm happy that you are here," he confessed softly.
Sansa smiled. Sandor's thumb caressed her soft and full lips, which parted for him. Sandor locked his eyes on them. How much he had wanted to kiss those lips again... He sat up on the bed again, and Sansa sat on his lap. She put one hand behind his head and the other one on the burnt side of his face. Sandor wished that he could feel Sansa's touch there, but he was glad that Sansa didn't mind his scars at all and felt comfortable touching them. He put one hand on her waist and the other behind her back, pulling her closer to him. He wasn't shirtless, and the too of her pajama was thin so her could feel her body perfectly. They locked their eyes on each other, and after a few moments of silence they kissed again.
Sansa wasn't crying anymore, but Sandor could still taste the salt of her tears in her lips. He kissed her softly, but at the same time hungrily. Their lips moved together and in harmony, like they were dancing a perfectly choreographed dance. The room, whose silence had previously been disturbed only by the sound of the wind outside, was now filled with the sound of their heavy breaths and their slow but intense kissing.
Sandor felt like he was going to explode. He wanted to have all of Sansa for himself that night, he wanted to kiss every inch of her and eat her up, but he knew that that would be stupid. The entire mansions would hear them, and besides, he didn't want to hurt her. He had never hurt Sansa before, but the situation was so different now. He was no fool, he knew that he had to be gentle with her. That moment wasn't about him satiating the need of her that he had been feeling for two weeks and that had now intensified, it was about him giving Sansa the attention and the love and the care that she needed and that she had lacked. Sandor was always a selfish dog with everything, except when it came to Sansa. His little bird's needs would always come before his, and so he was careful.
He could feel her want, though, and the passion behind her kisses. Slowly, Sandor's tongue licked her lips softly and parted her lips. Sansa parted them enough for him, and his tongue met hers, and the kiss became wet and more heated. Sandor groaned in the back of his throat with the contact of their tongues, and he shivered with pleasure. Sansa had that effect with him, he felt pleasure with just the slightest touch... The hand that Sansa had on the side of his face moved down to his chest. Sansa felt Sandor's skin starting to burn up, and she moved her hand up and down his torso, grazing his skin with the tips of her fingers. Sandor groaned again in the back of his throat, and Sansa smiled against his mouth.
"They are going to hear us," Sandor said during a brief moment in which they stopped kissing to breath a little. "If they find us here like this..."
"Damn them," Sansa said then, surprising Sandor. "I need you now. They won't hear us, they are all sleeping... Sandor, please, don't make me leave."
That was the last thing that he wanted to do, so he wrapped his arms around her and shut her up with his mouth. He was surprised by the intensity with which Sansa kissed him back, hungrily joining her lips to his. Sandor was still conscious that he had to be careful with her, but he responded to her kiss with the same ferocity that Sansa was displaying. Gods, he had missed her so much... She had missed him just as much as well.
He snuck his hands under her top, and his hands touched her skin. She was cold, but his hands were warm and transmitted some of that warmth to her. Sansa shivered when she felt Sandor's hands on her, and she moaned against his mouth when he started caressing her softly. Sandor fell back against the bed again, taking Sansa with him, and he rolled over until Sansa was the one on her back and he was on top of her. He put his arms on both sides of Sansa, balancing his weight on them so that he wouldn't crush her small body. His lips left her mouth and he kissed her jaw. Sansa purred like a kitty, making Sandor smile. Sansa had missed the way in which Sandor's shirt beard scratched her skin when he kissed her, and she moaned softly when Sandor's kissed her neck, nipped gently at her skin. His right hand moved to the bottom of her too and lifted it up a little bit, exposing part of her skin.
Sandor felt Sansa tensing up underneath him, and he stopped. He looked at her in the eyes, and found that she was looking at him too. A glimpse of uneasiness had appeared in her eyes. Sandor understood it.
"Don't worry," Sandor murmured. "I'm not going to... I'm not going to do anything that you don't want me to do, Sansa, I swear. I don't want to hurt you."
"I know," she said, nodding her head. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, it's just that..."
"You don't have to apologize about anything," Sandor said then, and his voice was low and serious. "You hear me? You are not the one that has to apologize."
Sansa didn't say anything, she just nodded. Sandor pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes and did nothing for a couple of seconds, he just stood there in that position feeling Sansa's breath on him and her fast heartbeat in her chest under him. Sansa put her hand on his neck and caressed him with her fingers. She was the first one to move and start kissing him again. That kiss was soft and careful, and Sandor didn't complain. He was more than happy that Sansa still wanted to kiss him, he was ecstatic.
He felt Sansa slightly pushing him off her with her free hand, and he moved a little bit away from her, confused. He sat up, and Sansa did the same but instead of getting off the bed like Sandor was afraid she might do and walk up she grabbed her top and pulled it off. She was left with only a revealing white lace bra, and Sandor's eyes roamed her body with lustful hunger.
He saw then a bruise on Sansa's side. It was only one, not very big, but it still looked painful and recent. Sandor watched it and saw red. He felt his blood starting boiling with anger, and he clenched his fists imagining that that monster was a tiny insect that was crushed inside of them. Sansa noticed him looking staring at her bruise, and she held Sandor's face carefully with her hands to make him look at her. Her eyes locked on his.
"It's okay," she whispered. "It's alright..."
"No, it's not..." he rasped, slowly shaking his head.
"It is," she insisted softly. "It's only you and me now..."
When Sansa laid back on the bed again Sandor moved and put himself on top of her again. The contact of Sansa's skin against his drive him crazy, and he felt like every single nerve of his body was on fire.
"Can I touch you?" he asked.
Sansa nodded, and then she cupped his face between her hands and brought his face closer to hers so that she could kiss him. Once their lips touched again, Sandor's slowly and carefully out his hands on Sansa's body, and he started caressing her naked skin. He felt Sansa shivering underneath her, and then her arms surrounded him and her hands roamed his back. She lifted her legs and surrounded Sandor's waist with them, bringing him even closer to her.
Sandor stopped kissing and touching Sansa when he thought he heard a noise in the hallway outside the bedroom, and he turned his head around to look at the door. He was afraid for a second that they had been discovered and someone was going to burst the door open and enter the room to find them there, and what were they to do then? He felt panic for a second until time passed and he realized that he had imagined it, that there was no one there. He sighed in relief, and looked at Sansa again.
"We shouldn't be doing this," he reminded her. "But I don't want you to go."
"I'll stay until the sun starts coming up," she told him. "If you want."
"Of course I do," he said. He kissed her briefly. "Should we be expecting your shithead of a husband anytime soon, though?"
He damn hoped he didn't have to see Joffrey the following days, because he wasn't sure that he had it in him to not knock the prick's teeth out as soon as he saw him. Sansa shook her head.
"He has stayed in King's Landing. We have to move for the Red Keep so that Robb can move in, and Joffrey is organizing everything. He wanted me to come here before him because we are going to live here until he finds a new place. Besides, he has political stuff to do and I have some filming to do, so I won't be seeing him for quite some time," she said. Sandor smiled when he heard that, he was happy that Sansa was going to be away from Joffrey for a while. But then his heart sank in his chest when he realized the downside of that.
"Then I guess I will be called to King's Landing soon and I'll have to leave you here..." he rasped. He felt devastated. He had just gotten Sansa back, and now he was the one that had to leave her.
It didn't escape him the way in which Sansa was suddenly grinning. He raised an eyebrow and looked at her confused.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was going to tell you in the morning. Joffrey got very angry with my bodyguard because I kept escaping from them in the ship and they couldn't find me for hours sometimes. He's going to assign them to Tommen and Myrcella, and Arys Oakheart has been assigned to guard Cersei. And... Well, Joffrey thinks that you are the only one able to control me."
"What are you saying, Sansa?"
Sansa giggled, delighted. "He's giving you to me! You will work for him sometimes, of course, but you are my personal bodyguard now!"
Sandor couldn't believe it. Joffrey was assigning him to Sansa... That meant that he would be able to go everywhere with her, every day. He would always be with her, and he wouldn't need to excuse to do so! Joffrey was giving Sansa to Sandor in a silver platter and he didn't even know it. Sandor couldn't help it and he laughed under his breath, and he couldn't hide the smile that spread over his face.
"That man is a fucking idiot," he murmured. If Joffrey was hoping to that Sandor would keep an eye on Sansa and make sure that she was being faithful, then he could go right ahead and fuck himself.
"I know," Sansa agreed, and she chuckled.
In his joy Sandor kissed Sansa again, and he felt her lips curling up in a smile. Sansa then covered his face in kisses, still smiling, feeling just as happy as he was by the fact that they were going to be together almost always from them on. Sandor buried his face in Sansa's neck and kissed her there. He went down her neck leaving a trail of kisses on her skin, and then he kissed the tips of her breasts, still covered by her revealing and sexy white lace bra. Had that been another day, and had Sandor not promised himself earlier that he would not take things too far with Sansa that night, he would have unhooked the clasp of her bra and left her breasts bare and done all kinds of things to them. That night, however, he left her bra on and was satisfied with only kissing the soft skin of the areas that were exposed. His hand grazed one of her breasts, but he didn't leave his hand there. He wasn't an idiot and he knew what Sansa needed that night.
After kissing the fullness of the top of Sansa's breasts, Sandor continued kissing Sansa's body: he went down her flat belly until he reached her bellybutton, and he reached her jeans. His hands were on her waist.
He felt Sansa moving and sitting up all of a sudden. She gasped, and he stopped kissing her to look at her.
"Wait-" she was starting to say, but Sandor interrupted her.
"I know, I know. Don't worry, Sansa, I'm not going to do anything," he assured her. "I know you need some time."
"I'm sorry..." Sansa whispered, even though Sandor had told her earlier that she did not have to apologize for anything. It wasn't her fault! "It's not you, it's me, I-"
"No, it's not you, it's him," Sandor rasped a bit angrily. "That thrice-damned son of a bitch..."
Sansa didn't say anything. Sandor could notice that strange look that he had noticed on her earlier coming back, that sensation that something was off about Sansa... He wished he could take it away, but he didn't know how. He did know how to not make it worse.
"I won't sleep with you tonight," he told her. "It's not the right moment."
"But I love you..."
"I know. I know, little bird, and you have more than proven it to me just by coming here tonight. I don't need anything else."
Sansa smiled again. It wasn't that she wanted to sleep with Sandor ever again, it was just that she was exhausted, physically and mentally, and she needed to rest from those two weeks that she had lived. Just a little bit of rest, a short time to heal, and then she would be ready again to have Sandor again in every way that she could. Because she wanted him, oh, how much she wanted him... She was burning up with desire for him, and she ached to be in his arms and have him so to her all those things that she loved. She ached to feel him deep inside her and know that he was hers in every way. She just wasn't ready. Her body needed some time for itself... And knowing that Sandor was not just willing to give her that time, but that he had been the one that had decided that he was going to give her that time before she even realized herself that she needed it, was priceless. It was another one of the things that made her realize what an incredible and worthy man he was.
"Kiss me," she whispered, and the glimmer of desire returned to her eyes.
Sandor happily complied and his lips met her mouth in the dark. With his hands still on Sansa's hips, he rolled until he was laying on his back and Sansa was then the one that was on top of him, and he let her do with him and she pleased. He loved to see that genuine smile on her face, and he felt happy that he had done what he had thought was the right thing to do. He wouldn't touch her in any way that she did not wished to be touched, ever. He wasn't about to stop kissing her, though. Kissing her felt so good...
"I love you," Sansa whispered against his mouth. That felt even better. Knowing that she was speaking the truth when she said those words...
Gods, Sansa, what are you doing to me? he thought desperately in his mind.
"I love you too, little bird."
"Don't stop kissing me," she panted, and she kissed him more fiercely then. Sandor happily kissed her back with the same passion.
Alone time later they laid down on the bed, resting in each other's arms. Sansa fell asleep with her head on Sandor's chest, listening to his heartbeat, but he didn't fall asleep because he was afraid they would oversleep and be discovered by someone. He wasn't tired or sleepy anyways. He stayed there, guarding Sansa in her sleep, surrounding her with on of his arms and caressing her hair and her face and her back with his free hand. He didn't stop watching her for a single moment, and he smiled when he heard her whisper his name in her sleep.
When the first rays of sunlight started showing in the horizon he gently woke her up. It was time for her to go back to her bedroom and act as if she had been there the entire night since she arrived in the mansion. While Sansa put on her top Sandor opened the door of the bedroom and looked up and down the hallway, making sure that there was no one there. When he saw that the hallway was empty he kissed Sansa goodbye, and he watched her sneak back to her bedroom with a smile.
He wasn't sad to let her go that time, because he knew that in a few hours he could be with her again.