A/N: Thank everyone for following my story, which I don't update nearly as much as I would like to.

No valid excuses for only updating now. Lack of inspiration I guess… and I've been struggling with Eight months, which I really want to continue with. I've decided to not write about details of Mia's wedding as it just wasn't working and finally have an update almost ready.

Important: I do not own the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters. They belong to the very talented E.L. James.

Ana POV:

"When exactly were you planning on asking me if I want a bodyguard?" I ask more calmly than I feel.

"I wasn't." The audacity of this man truly knows no bounds.

"Were you planning to even discuss it with me?" Even before he says a word, I can see the answer in his eyes. He can be a real ass when he wants to be.

"No." Well, he did say that he will always be honest with me.

"Let me just get this straight… I don't get a say in this?"

"No." Okay, another one word answer.

"I see." Is all I say as there is really nothing more I can say to this man right now. 'Fuck you!' has been on the tip of my tongue for the last couple of hours, but something is keeping the words from coming out.

"That is actually the problem. I don't think that you do, Anastasia." His hand comes up and gently cups my cheek with his thumb tracing my bottom lip. The tenderness with which he touches me takes me totally by surprise. I should be asking him to explain, but my lust filled brain is running pictures through my mind. Pictures of my lip between his teeth and him between my legs…

"You don't see that I can't stand to not know where you are because I'm scared shitless that something will happen to you. You don't see that I don't quite know how to handle what is between us and where this is going. I've never relied on anyone for anything. I've never needed anyone, but I need you and I don't know why. All I know right now is that I need you safe and protected. When people find out about us, and they will after today, you will be approached by all sorts of people. Some will want to be your friend just to get publicity. Some will want to get close to you to get close to me. Some might even want to get their hands on you in order to get to me and make a quick buck. Sooner or later, you would have had to get a CPO anyway." When I don't react at all, mainly because the last thing I want to do is talk, he drops his hand and moves to the other side of the elevator. "You knew this was coming, Ana. You knew that part of having a relationship with me meant having a bodyguard. You can keep on ignoring me but actually, this should not have come as a surprise to you. I honestly don't understand why you are pissed off when you knew this was coming." And just like that, any thoughts of sex disappear.

"You should have stopped after saying that I would have had to get a CPO sooner or later. Your little speech had me… until that last part. Assuming that you can dictate what goes on in my life, by saying that I knew it was coming, is just bullshit. A person dying of cancer knows death is coming, but I bet you that when it does come, it still takes him by surprise. Just because I know what a relationship with you mean, does not mean that you get to make the decisions by yourself and expect me to just follow. I'm not your employee and I'm not your sub. Dictating to me will not go down well. If you want me to do something or you want to make a change to my life, you discuss it with me before you do anything." I glance at the lights and see that we have just four more floors to go. "And for the record, I wasn't ignoring you. Your close proximity in this small elevator made me think of things we should be doing rather than us standing here and discuss your decision making techniques, or rather lack thereof, and I got a bit distracted for a moment." I explain as if it is really nothing at all.

"Really? Like what?" he asks, superior attitude gone and replaced with the predator now slowly stalking me. I retreat back to my side and just before he reaches for me, the elevator bell goes off indicating our arrival at the penthouse.

"Oh no, Grey, I'm not telling you now that you've pissed me off… again." I say, bending to slip underneath his arms through the open elevator doors. Discarding my jacket and handbag somewhere on the floor, I quickly make my way to the bedroom with him hot on my heels.

"You can run, but you can't hide from me Anastasia," he says and then I feel his arms snake around me. I start giggling and kicking at the same time.

"Put… me… down," I manage to get out through my fit of giggles, but immediately stop when he starts laughing with me. He puts me on my feet and I turn in his arms to look into his eyes, "You have a beautiful laugh, Christian. I haven't heard you laugh before."

"That will be because I can't remember the last time I actually laughed. You bring out my softer side, Ms. Steele." He says matter-of-factly and tightens his hold around my waist. "So, now that I have you imprisoned here, what were you thinking of in the elevator as I was giving you my very good reasons for employing Sawyer?" With those reasons, even though his execution sucked, how can I stay mad at this man?

"When your thumb brushed across my lip I imagined it between your teeth and… you… between my legs. As you were giving me your reasons for excluding me in your decision making regarding my life, I was seeing images of you making love to me. I wasn't ignoring you, I was thinking about a response, but you kind off distracted me." And in return for my honestly, I get silence. I think I shocked the poor man.

That's when my inner goddess decides to take over again. I hold onto him while stepping out of my shoes and kicking them to the side, feeling sorry for them when they hit something, but don't bother looking where they landed.

I lift my hands and push his jacket from his shoulders, careful not to let my hands touch anywhere else. When his tie joins his jacket, he grabs my hand and turns me in order to face away from him, my back against his front.

"Nothing will make me happier than to make love to you right now." He whispers close to my ear before kissing me on that spot that he knows drive me out of my mind. "First, let me help you out of this very sexy dress. You looked beautiful today, Ana." I feel his hand at the bottom of the zipper and then he slides the zip down slowly, his fingers constantly touching my naked back as it gets exposed. "Step out of the dress, baby." I follow the instruction while he removes my bra and then slide down my panties, so turned on that he could bend me over right now and take me from behind and I will love every minute of it. I feel him step away from me and a short while later, I feel his naked skin on the back of my body. I can literally feel him everywhere. Even where his knee is touching my leg is turning me on.

"You feel it, don't you? You still feel the spark when we touch. You crave my touch on your skin." He goes on, his hands sliding across my skin and leaving goose bumps in his path.

"Yes," I whisper and he pulls me harder against him.

"I do too. I also miss you in my bed when you are not there. I miss you next to me when you are away." He brings his mouth close to my ear again, "And… I miss feeling you around my dick as I slide into you." I can feel wetness forming between my legs and when my legs give way under me, he picks me up and places me on the bed as if I'm made of glass. Funny how quickly a woman can go from pissed to needy and desperate with a few soft words together with tender touches.

"Please make love to me… now," I beg and I have no idea what he had planned, but when he parts my legs and positions himself in front of my sex, I relax and welcome the feeling of him filling me completely, like we really were made for each other. He is kissing me tenderly everywhere he can reach with his hands roaming over my body like he is trying to memorize everything about it. Where this morning and last night was hard and rough and very, very satisfying, he is thrusting into me slowly. I can feel every inch of his penis rubbing against the walls of my sex. I moan in ecstasy every time he hits the back at just the right angle, as if he knows exactly what I look like on the inside. I can feel the climax creeping up on me, but I fight it, not wanting this to end anytime soon.

"Let it go. Come with me baby. Show me how good I make you feel." And I couldn't stop it anymore even if I wanted to. I could feel it coming from every part of my body. My muscles in my thighs and stomach contracted, my blood felt like it was on fire and this feeling kept building until I shattered into a million pieces. I felt my virginal muscles milking the proof of his orgasm out of him and the hot moisture shooting into me. Fucked into oblivion… this must be what Kate meant by that.

"I don't want this to end, Ana. I don't want you to leave me." I hear him say softly into the dark as we lie in bed, naked with limbs entwined and my head on his shoulder.

"I don't want to leave you, Christian." The mere thought is making my chest feel as if someone is forcing the life out of me. What will I do when the day comes that he gets tired of me?

"But you will," he says, barely a whisper, after a long moment of silence and then fall asleep, with me wondering what he possibly could have done to make him believe that I will not be able to look past it. The sadness with which it was said haunted me until I finally found sleep at two in the morning.

Christian POV:

I've been sitting on this balcony for two hours thinking of ways to tell Ana about my dark side without her running for the hills. I'm not sure what the correct approach is. Do I start at the beginning? Do I go all in and hope for the best?

As much as I want to tell her everything, I'm far too selfish and I don't want to lose her. For that reason I've decided to start with the things that she already knows and work backwards. It might be better to leave the part about Elena for last as I'm sure that Ana will not understand if I start with that. Knowing Ana, she will hate Elena and hate me. I'm wrecking my brain, trying to find a way to be honest and not fuck things up.

"Why are you hiding out here?" she asks as she walks through the door with a blanket wrapped around her. Just a blanket and wearing my shirt, not really the correct attire for the conversation I know we will be having… right now. Not even a work out with Bastille can get my heart to beat this fast.

"I needed some time to think. Did you sleep well?" I pull her down to sit on top of my lap and then adjust the blanket to cover us both. Her sleep warmed body soaking my cold heart and stiff limbs. I can't lose her, I simply can't imagine not having her in my life anymore. I hope Flynn knows that he is going to be busy for the foreseeable future. Longer if this goes south.

"I did, thank you." She looks up and gives me a quick kiss on the lips before snuggling back into my chest. "What did you need to think about?"

"Where to start to tell you about my past. I'm still not sure, but I know that I have to start somewhere. Is there anything specific you want to ask me?" I can see the wheels turning in that pretty head of hers and when she bites her lip I just know that this will not be good, but I encourage her nonetheless. She has the right to know about my past and the type of man she is in a relationship with.

"I've been wondering how many submissives you've had?"

"Fifteen." That was not too bad.

"Did you have contracts with all of them?"

"Yes. I can give you a copy to see what it says if you want to see it." Please say no. Please say no.

"Okay," Of course she would not say no, idiot!

"What else do you want to ask Ana?"

"I was just wondering if you ever had… more… with one of the women?"

"More?" I ask.

"Yes, more. Like going on dates and stuff." Oh… more.

"No, Ana. Apart from weekends I didn't have any contact with them. I already told you that I didn't date before you. You are my more." She seems to like my response. As weird as that just sounded, it also makes my heart skip a beat to hear myself say it. If I thought that that last part would put an end to this uncomfortable moment, I would have been wrong. What was to come is not what I expected however.

"Do you remember your birth parents?" From uncomfortable to painful with one question. When I don't respond as quickly as the other times, she turns and must have seen something in my eyes that made her regret her question as the regret is instantly visible in her clear blue eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up painful memories." Maybe that would be a better start to revealing who I am. But the one thing I don't want to see in her eyes when she looks at me is pity. I won't be able to handle pity and I don't want pity.

"I was four when she died. I stayed with her body, alone, for four days. I remember her being so cold and I tried to warm her up. I put blankets over her and slept next to her, but she never woke up." I tell her and then stop for some reason, instantly regretting it. I wanted to start with the simple stuff, like a brief overview, but nothing slips past Ana.

"Why didn't anyone check up on you? Was there no one you could call?" Okay then, I decide to go for broke on those first four years and then distract her by fucking her senseless to get rid of the tension building inside me.

"My birth mother was a crack whore, Ana and her pimp is the one that used me as his astray when he wasn't beating me. She did nothing. She never attempted to stop him. She never chose me. He came to the dump where we lived in while I was alone with her body and he did nothing. What kind of person would abuse a four year old boy and then leave him alone with his mother's corpse? Some of my nightmares are about those four days. Some of my nightmares are about him looking for me to beat me up. Some of my nightmares are about him beating my mother. But every single nightmare is about him." I stop and look down at her and decide that it's time to stop. "I still remember the smell of her hair and I remember being so, so hungry. I was four and couldn't make food for myself, not that there was much that could be made, but I ended up eating peas. When it was finished, I slept as much as possible in order to not feel the hunger. That's why I get upset when you don't eat as often as you should or if food is wasted. I promised myself that I would never be hungry again and when I started my company that was what drove me to succeed." I get up with her in my arms and walk back into the bedroom.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm going to fuck you and after a nice long shower and breakfast, we are going to look for Kate, Elliot and Maya. Then we are going to pack up the rest of your stuff and get you ladies back to Seattle. I was thinking that you and I can fly back and Elliot can drive back with Kate." Looking down at her, I don't think she heard a word after I told her that I'm going to fuck her.

Without another word, I drop her onto the bed and waste no time to bury myself in her as deep as I can go. I love the fact that her responsiveness to me ensures that she is ready for me whenever I want to fuck her. I never thought that I would be a fan of vanilla, but with Ana it is better than any scene I have ever been part of.

When we are done, I pick her up and carry her into the shower. The cold water luckily gets warm quickly and I put Ana on her feet. We take out time to wash each other. I wash her hair and then her entire body before she washes my body as she did last weekend. She is careful not to touch my chest and back and I actually start to resent the fact that she can't touch me. I want to feel her hands on my back as I fuck her. I feel her hands stop when she reaches my thighs and when I look down, it's just as she takes my dick into her mouth.

"Fuck, Ana." I manage to get out and put my hands on the shower walls to prevent myself from losing my balance. After the initial shock wore off, I lower my hand to her hair. "Harder, Ana. Suck me harder." And then she does, taking me all the way to the back of her throat and scraping her teeth against my dick as she pulls back.

When I feel my climax building, her hands reaches for my balls and starts to gently squeeze it. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep control for long, but that just destroyed the little bit of control I was holding on to. Tightening the hand in her hair, I keep her head in place and fuck her mouth. When her eyes meet mine, I come, never breaking eye contact. I don't know what it was that I saw in her eyes, but I do know that I will never forget that look. No one has ever looked at me the way she just did. And fuck… that was smoking hot!

"Ana, you already went through the apartment twice. We didn't forget anything. Now, let's get out of here. Christian is taking you back to his place and Elliot will drive with me. Jackson also finished early and he will drive behind us. Maya is already waiting downstairs." Kate says and we all agree that it's time to go, but for some reason Ana can't seem to get out of here.

"Kate, we will lock up. Why don't you guys leave for Seattle and we will see you at dinner later. I made reservations for us at the Mile high club. Please tell Maya and Jackson as well." I tell Kate to get her out of here.

After they said their goodbyes, they leave and I close the door behind them with Taylor and Sawyer waiting for us in the hallway. I need to find out what is going on with Ana if I want to get out of Portland anytime soon.

"Baby, what is it? It seems as if you don't want to leave." I ask as I lift her onto the kitchen counter and stand between her legs.

"I have never been unsure about anything in all the time that I lived here. I knew where my life was going and what had to be done daily. Now I'm leaving here to go live in a city that I don't really know. I don't have a job yet. I have nothing that needs to be done. My future is unsure and I don't like feeling as if I have no purpose." I wipe the tear from her cheek and lift her head for her to look at me.

"You have a purpose, Ana. You simply need to find the right place where you are going to help a lot of families. And until you do, you can help me."

"You need help?" She asks and I laugh,

"Flynn has been telling me that for years so yes, I do need help in more ways that you can imagine. But I'm actually serious. We can discuss it after you come back from your visit to your mom. For now, why don't we get out of here and close this chapter of your life. We will do it together and start the new chapter together."

"I guess we shouldn't keep the pilot waiting, but there is something that I still need to do." With a kiss she pushes me away and walks past me out the front door. After I closed the door, I turn to see Ana offering her hand to Sawyer.

"Hey, my name is Anastasia Steele, but you can call me Ana," she says and I shoot a look at Taylor. No way in hell will I allow the staff to get that comfortable with Ana.

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Steele. My name is Luke Sawyer." He responds, immediately earning brownie points.

"Okay, Ms. Steele if you want, but do not for one minute think that I'm calling you Mr. Sawyer." She tells him and turn to me, "I'm good to go now."

"Good. Taylor, we will see you and Sawyer in Seattle. Both of you can take the rest of the night off though. After we land we will quickly shower before going to the Mile High for dinner with Elliot and the rest of Ana's friends. Should we go somewhere afterwards, I will text you an update."

On the way to the helipad, I text Elliot and ask him if he and Kate can rather meet us at Escala as there is something that I need to discuss with him. When we get to Charlie Tango she looks surprised to see that it's just the two of us.

"Where is the pilot?" she asks as I help her into the front passenger seat.

"You are looking at him," I tell her and continue to strap her in. Admittedly, I'm taking my time to do it and also loving it a bit too much. "There, you won't be going anywhere now, Ms. Steele."

After a quick kiss to her stunned lips, I finish the inspection and get into my seat. Ana is yet to regain her speech so I use the moment of silence to communicate with the control tower and then take off. When we are in the air and on our way to Seattle, she looks at me with eyes filled with wonder. I file that look in my memory as well, still trying to get as many memories with Ana as I possibly can. Unsure of how long this will last.

"Is there anything you can't do?" Yes, keep you in my life forever.

"A lot actually, but I'm not about to paint myself in an even worse light. Ever been in a helicopter before?" I quickly change the subject before we dwell on the things that I can't do.

"Nope, this is my first time actually." I glance at her and she looks deep in thought.

"You don't like talking about yourself, do you? When I mention that people care about you, you change the subject. When we talk about what you're good at, you change the subject. I ask about the things you can't do and you change the subject." She's not wrong, but I still keep quiet with my eyes now fixed on the open sky in front of us. "You are a highly successful twenty eight year old man with looks to die for and the ability to make a woman feel as if she is special, but you keep thinking only bad things about yourself. Why is that?" Unable to think of a lie on short notice and remembering my promise to always be honest with her, I avoid making eye contact and give her the truth.

"Because I'm not a good man, Ana. Apart from my business, I destroy everything in my path and sometimes even in business. I take pleasure from inflicting pain on others. I like to tie women up to do with as I please. I'm unable to show emotion and I'm pretty sure I don't have a heart. Everyone cares about my money and success, but no one cares about me. And they shouldn't. I should let you go, but I simply can't find the strength to stay away from you."

When she doesn't say anything, I think that I've done it this time. I succeeded in pushing her away, but then she takes a deep breath and starts to speak.

"I've read a little about you, Christian Grey. I know about the charities you support and know about your outreach program in Darfur. Someone without a heart will not care if people halfway across the world have food and basic necessities. As for the inflicting pain part, not that I completely understand that, but you did that to women who wanted it as much as you wanted to do it. It was consensual Christian. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it is right to do it, but in this case, I don't think it was wrong either. You do know how to show emotion when you let your guard down. You show me how much you care about me every time I see you. Granted, you also show me how angry I make you, but anger is also an emotion. I heard once that you can only be truly mad at someone you care about so anger is also a sign that you care. And for just in case you don't know, Christian, there are a lot of people that care about more than your money and if you take a moment to be honest with yourself, you would see that. I think you are a good man, Christian. Look at everything you have accomplished. Look at how many jobs you've created and how many people you feed. That is not the workings of without a heart." Fuck, is she in for a rude awakening, but because she is Ana, I really do want her to think I'm a good man, even just for a short while.

"Look over there is the Space Needle. Have you ever been there?"

"No, maybe we can go there together and continue the conversation you are trying to get out off… again." Well, the distraction was very obvious.

With Ana busy getting ready in my room and Kate on her phone with Maya, I ask Elliot to join me in my study for a discussion we should have had in Portland already. Even if he made Ana and her friends feel inferior to him before I met her, she is mine now and I protect what's mine.

"What's up?" Elliot asks as he sits down on the chair in front of my desk. I pour a drink for each of us and place Elliot's in front of him before taking my seat behind my desk.

"Jackson." I slide him the folder with Jackson's information and continue to talk while he reads through it. "He is extremely talented and has a love for architecture, but because he failed to find employment in Seattle before graduation, he is forced to start working on his dad's company on Monday. He would rather not work with his dad, but cannot afford to be without employment as his father will not support him."

"And this is my problem because?" he asks as puts the folder down and takes his drink.

"Because I'm asking you to make it your problem." I say and he almost chokes on his drink. I've never asked Elliot to do anything for me.

"Why? What does this have to do with you? Or me for that matter?"

"Well, it seems that Mr. Daily don't feel that Maya, Ana and Jose are the kind of people his son should have in his life. I want to make a statement to him. I want him to know that Jackson does not need him and that he should be careful who he pisses off. You mentioned once that you want to employ your own architect and stop giving contracts to Gia and this is your chance. I'm sure Kate would not want you to work with a woman that you fucked, even casually." I say and ignore the guilty feeling in the back of my mind when I think of Ana's friendship with Elena. "Jackson is talented and needs a job and you need an architect. Maya needs a job in Public Relations and I will gladly give her a job, which I plan to do tonight. As for Ana, well… I don't want to sound like an ass, but she has me."

"Oh no, that does not make you sound like an ass at all," he says sarcastically and I shoot him a look. "Okay, I can see how you want this to go. Let me chat with Jackson tonight and see what we can do. I think his first project can be the renovation of this museum you call home."

"Excuse me? There is nothing wrong with my fucking apartment."

"Why don't we ask Ana what she thinks?" Ana?

"I never cared what other people think, Elliot." I say and Elliot knows better than anyone how true that is.

"I know. You are doing a lot of things you never used to do and I think it's great." Elliot gulps down the rest of his drink and puts the glass on my desk before getting up. "It feels as if I have a brother again, Christian. I like having a brother again. This girl did in two weeks what we all tried to do in over two decades and we will never be able to thank her enough for it. My advice to you, little brother… embrace this. Go with the flow. Enjoy what you have and stop this constant fear that something will go wrong or that you don't deserve happiness. But most of all, don't fuck this up. Now, let's get the fuck out of here because I'm starving."

A/N: If there are a lot of errors, my apologies. I will honestly try to update soon.