Chapter 13

The room felt like all the air had been sucked out of it. Sheldon was still kneeling in front of Amy but he had dropped her hands suddenly at Amy's revelation. Amy looked him, he couldn't look her in the eye, his eyes were just focused on the floor. She couldn't stop shaking, and now she could see that Sheldon's hands were trembling also. He didn't need to say anything, the heartbreak was evident on his face.

"What do you mean Barry and you kissed?" Sheldon said in a barely audible whisper.

Amy wiped the tears from her eyes. "Sheldon, it's not what you think. Please, hear me out."

Sheldon stood up and stumbled over to the chair. He crashed down into it, still staring at the floor. "I'm listening" he said.

Amy shifted over to his spot, so that she was closer to him. She faced him and began "Ok, after I left the Cheesecake Factory, I just needed a friend. I needed someone to talk to."

"Kripke." Sheldon said flatly.

Amy paused. "Yes" she said quietly. "I went to his apartment." Sheldon gave her an alarmed look, but didn't say anything. "He was watching a movie, Starship Troopers, so I watched it with him. He had cut up his hands building some razor clawed robot and they were really bothering him. So I told him I had some cream in my purse. I put the cream on his hands. When I finished applying the cream, he turned and kissed me."

He stared at her with an emotionless expression. "He kissed you?"

"Yes…"

"And what did you do?"

"I…ah.."

"Did you kiss him back?" Sheldon said, his quiet voice shaking.

Amy started crying again. "Sheldon, I wouldn't say that I kissed him back, but more responded to his kiss." Sheldon drew a sharp breath of air in. "But then I shoved him back. I told him that it was wrong. It didn't feel right. I didn't want to be kissing him. It felt wrong because it wasn't you. I wanted to be kissing you!"

"Yet, you still let him kiss you. I think I've heard enough." Sheldon got up and walked over to his computer desk and sat down. He opened his laptop, and was waiting for the computer to wake up.

"Sheldon, please! I am so sorry that I put myself in that situation. I was just so upset after the Cheesecake Factory, and I had no idea that Barry was going to kiss me. It really came out of the blue."

"Really Amy? Really?" Sheldon said incredulously. "Let's see, let's go over the facts. You went over to Kripke's apartment. You knew he has feelings for you, you must have. Even I knew that he has feelings for you, he admitted it to me."

"What?" Amy said shocked.

"So you choose to go alone to this man's apartment…a man you know I loathe…and a man you know has feelings for you. Then you watch a Sci-Fi movie with him, which I know you hate to watch. Then you rub cream into open cuts on his hands, exposing yourself to a myriad of whatever infectious diseases he is sure to be carrying. He kisses you and you RESPOND? What does that even mean? I know what it means. It means you continued kissing that miscreant, before your guilt kicked in and you finally shoved him away." Sheldon sputtered.

"Sheldon" Amy sobbed. "The kiss felt so wrong. I didn't want to kiss him. After it happened, I felt terrible. It felt wrong. I only want to kiss you. I was foolish to go over there-"

"-Foolish? Clearly there is only one fool here, and it is me." Sheldon said coldly. He banged the touchpad of his laptop. "Why isn't this damn thing waking up?" He held down the power button to restart the machine.

"Sheldon… I should have never gone over to Barry's apartment. I honestly never thought anything would happen with him. Perhaps I felt that way after four years of coming over to my own boyfriends house and nothing ever happening.."

"Are you really trying to put you and another man kissing on me?" Sheldon shook his head. "Unbelievable."

"This is the first time in four years..FOUR YEARS..that you've ever expressed your feelings for me! I had no idea what you were feeling about me, about us. I had no idea whether you desired me at all. I felt like part of your routine, and not like a woman. A woman that you loved and desired. How am I supposed to know that? If you never tell me, or show me with affection?"

"I thought you understood me…I thought that you knew me. I'm not overly expressive but I though you understood how much I cared about you. All that time we spent together, doing things together, talking together. I only spend that much time with people I truly care about.."

"I always understood that you cared about me, but I didn't know if you loved me! Loved me! Not like you love Leonard and Penny. Love. Like how a man and woman love each other. Romantic love." Amy walked over and picked up the journal that she had dropped on the floor earlier and held it to her heart. "Do you know how much this journal means to me? It's amazing. It's what I've been longing for. It shows me how much you care about me. That you do truly love me."

Sheldon stared at her and then his eyes filled with tears. He was trying desperately to hold back his emotions, to not further reveal himself. It couldn't be done. He was exposed…raw…for the world to see.

"I….I do love you Amy. I love you so much" he whispered with a broken voice.

Amy rushed over to Sheldon and kneeled in front of him, grabbing his hands. "Sheldon, I love you too. I love you so much. I've loved and adored you for so long, and I've wanted to tell you. I was just scared that you didn't feel the same" she said tearfully.

Sheldon pulled his hands out of hers. "No" he croaked out softly.

Amy looked up at him confused. "No what?"

"No. You. Do. Not. Love. Me" Sheldon stuttered out.

"What are you talking about? I do Sheldon! I love you so much!" Amy protested wearily.

"No. No you don't. Because I couldn't even fathom kissing another woman. RESPONDING, to another woman. It is impossible. The only woman I've ever wanted to touch is you. It's always been only you. I thought you felt the same way about me…but I was wrong."

"Sheldon that kiss meant nothing to me. It was unwelcome, and not any indication of my real feelings. I love you Sheldon. I don't know how to convince you, other than telling you, but I love you so much!" Amy said emphatically.

Sheldon wiped the tears from his eyes with his sleeve and looked at his computer again. It still had not rebooted. He tapped the power button again in frustration. He closed his eyes and cleared his throat. "Amy, you violated the relationship agreement."

Amy just stared at him with a stunned look on her face. She could feel her hands going cold, and the room started to lose its colour.

"The Relationship agreement states that no other man is allowed to touch you romantically. You broke the clause. And as such-"

"-Sheldon, what are you doing?" Amy cried.

"The agreement has been broken. It's broken…broken…we are broken." Sheldon started tearing up again. "I was trying to turn on my computer to print out the termination agreement. But my computer won't turn on for some reason, and my IPad is broken. I should have sprung for Apple Care…"

Amy stared at Sheldon in the eyes. "You don't want to do this Sheldon. I don't want this either."

"You are right, I don't want to do this, but it is what it is" he said quietly as a lone tear rolled down his face.

"So what…just like that. You're going to give up on us?" Amy hissed with tears in her eyes. She held the journal to her heart. "The man who thought of me all the time, and wrote all these beautiful entries, is just going to give up on us…on our relationship…that we invested four years in. If you truly loved me, you would fight for this relationship." Amy wiped the tears from her eyes. She stared at Sheldon's laptop and paused. "Perhaps it's destiny that your laptop won't turn on" she whispered.

He stared at her with his red-tinged eyes, he was taken aback. She was quoting his favourite passage in her fanfiction. How could she have known? "I'm a man of science…I don't believe in destiny." Sheldon said slowly, with his voice cracking.

Amy grabbed his hand. "Some things are beyond science." She stood up and cupped his tear stained face in her hands. She bent down and gave him a slow soft tentative kiss on his lips. She could feel Sheldon's entire body shuddering beneath her as she placed her lips were on his. She kept her lips on his, not letting him go. She could feel his body tense up, like he was fighting the kiss, fighting himself. But then he changed. She could feel the tension flow away from his body. He pulled her down onto his lap and put arms around her waist holding her close, their lips never losing contact. His lips betrayed him as he returned the kiss with such a hunger that it shocked and excited her. He was devouring her, his lips hungry for hers. He kissed her passionately, as he slowly slipped his tongue in her mouth. Amy felt shocked at the sensation. The moment she had longed for had finally arrived in this kiss. She eagerly returned the kiss, sliding her tongue along his. They continued kissing more and more passionately, drowning in the sensation, feeling like their souls had finally connected.

The oven timer went off to indicate the sourdough bread was done baking. They stopped kissing abruptly and looked at each other. Their eyes were both dilated and they were breathing heavily. This felt nothing like her kiss with Kripke. She felt amazing…amazing and totally and completely in love. All she wanted was more…

Sheldon indicated that he needed to stand up, so she got up from his lap. He stood up and faced the kitchen, his back to her. He just stood there not moving, but after a couple of minutes she could see that his shoulders were shaking.

Amy walked over to him, and placed her hand on his back. "Sheldon? Why are you just standing there? Are you ok?"

He turned around slowly, and she could see the tears streaming down his face. He desperately tried to wipe them away with his sleeve.

"Sheldon..why-"

"Amy you need to leave. Please."

"What is going on? Why are you crying?"

"Amy…I just can't. I can't deal with this. I need you to go now." Sheldon said as he continued wiping tears from his eyes.

"What? No…Not until I know what is going on. We just shared the most intimate amazing kiss –"

"Exactly. It was the most intimate thing I've ever experienced." Sheldon said softly.

"Then why do you want me to leave? Is the increased intimacy scaring you? Is that what it is?" Amy asked.

"No…it's not that."

"Then?" Amy enquired with a worried look on her face.

"That was the most intimate experience of my life. I've never felt this way before. But all I can think of is the thought that you shared this kind of close intimacy with another man. You responded Amy…you responded. And now I understand what that means..." Sheldon said as he closed his eyes.

"My kiss with Barry was nothing like this. I didn't want him to kiss me. After he kissed me, I felt horrible. I wanted to throw up I felt so bad. I've only ever wanted to kiss you! It was nothing like this! Our kiss felt amazing because our kiss came out of true love. It felt wonderful. It was the first and only time I ever experienced anything like that!"

"Amy, I'm sorry…I just can't. I don't understand. I just need you to go. I need to be alone."

"And what does that mean for us? Are we together? Are we not? Are you still wanting to terminate our relationship?" Amy asked tearily.

"I don't know…I just don't know anymore. I don't know what 'we' are…Please Amy."

Amy grabbed the journal, and walked towards the door. "Sheldon, you need to think long and hard about us, because you are at real risk of losing me forever. And it's not because of another man. I love you with all of my heart, but it doesn't mean that that love cannot be destroyed. Think about that before tossing it all away." Amy opened the door and walked out.

Sheldon slumped down into his spot. Tears refilled his eyes as he was overwhelmed by the flood of emotions. Could he get past Kripke kissing his girlfriend? The thought of it just enraged and infuriated him. Amy responding to his kiss? He just didn't know anymore. What he did know for sure, was all he wanted to do right now is put one lecherous physicist in his place.

A/N: Wow, this chapter did not go at all how I planned it…sometimes this story takes on a different path than I what I had thought. Sheldon's upset…and pissed at Kripke. What's going to happen between the two physicists? And more importantly…what happened to the sourdough bread! Thanks for the reviews!