Jennifer was instantly swamped with memories as she stepped into the hospital waiting room… the doctor…he looked so tired… so blank… green scrubs… blood on his shirt… blood on her hands…the room was cold… spinning… DOA… nothing we could do… damaged his heart... his lung… Dead… no tears… Melinda had tears… sobbing hopelessly… "Do you want to see him… say goodbye…" Lenny lying on that table… still… forever still…eyes closed now… they closed his eyes…she realized, they closed his eyes, because they weren't trying anymore… impossibly white… most of the blood gone…his face, his arms, his chest just ashy white… like the sheet that covered him… The tubes in his mouth and his side were gone… his hand in hers…folding loose around her grip… she squeezed his fingers… rubbing them gently but they were still…forever still… cold… not just his hands were cold now…his face… his body cooling … Melinda kissing him… kissing those cold blue lips…brushing his hair back from his eyes…hands rubbing his body, fluttering over his still chest…forever still now… sobbing, clinging to his hand… begging him to come back…shaking him…his head swiveling freely against the table

"Please open your eyes, baby, Please, please, please baby look at me! This has to be a joke" Mel pleaded, Lenny was always joking… but it's not a joke…Melinda lifting his shoulders to hold him…rocking him, cradling him…his head resting on her shoulder. She caressed her lover's hair… his cool grey face, cheeks, lips… his eyes…holding him and swaying gently… "Please baby… please..." She loved him so much…

"He's gone Mel… he's gone" his head falling back over Melinda's arm as she clung to him… rolling heavily with the despairing motion of Melinda's body…eyes cracking open with the pull of gravity on grey lids…her hands lifting him away from his fiancé's desperate pleading embrace… the weight of him in her arms… dead weight… supporting his head carefully…laying him gently on the table as if she could hurt him… as if he still cared … her arm around the shuddering, tear blind woman… leading her away… before she could see those glassy, empty green eyes…Jennifer should cry but her eyes were dry… she had no tears for her best friend…

Jennifer shook her head firmly…clenched her trembling hands. She couldn't afford to think about Lenny. The mandatory sessions with the psychologist would probably declare her unfit for duty until she had these flashbacks under control but… she would put it off until they caught Richards… if it killed her. Squaring her shoulders she asked reception where she would find room 112… she was slightly surprised when they directed her to the ICU… Valdez hadn't said much about Caffrey's injuries… hadn't been very interested in the case actually until Lenny… Jennifer swallowed and blinked hard before the memories could get a new grip… and walked purposely through the door to the critical care ward... she had a statement to collect.

Burke motioned her outside the room the moment she opened the door. Stepping into the corridor he closed the door with a soft click.

"Agent Williams I assume."

"Jennifer."

"Jennifer…" he hesitated "I understand agent Thompson was part of your team… probably your friend…"

"He was my partner." The man grimaced slightly and mutter something under his breath that sounded like "of course Valdez sent his partner" then he met her eyes with a pained look

"I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you… and I don't know what Valdez has told you about Neal… but Jennifer I need you to understand this." he lay his hand on her arm a friendly grip "Neal is my partner… he has been through h*** and he is still not out of the woods… I am asking you, please handle him gently." She was surprised by his words… Valdez told her Burke was confrontational… bordering on violent… but… he simply seemed protective… if Lenny had survived… if he were here in this room… how fiercely would she have guarded him?

"I'm not here to hurt him… I just need to know what happened… and why." To her surprise he nodded silently and held the door open for her.

"Me too." Burke said quietly

Just inside the room she froze… her hand clenched into fists at her side… the wires… the tube in his chest… the IVs …the still white body on the bed. She couldn't breathe… the gravel digging into her legs as she knelt in the alley… the paramedics all over him… so still, so pale… green eyes… forced breath… chest compressions…IV's, tubes… she blinked and the alley, the paramedics and her best friend's lifeless body were gone… but … she glanced at Burke hoping he didn't see her panic. His back to her, he was speaking softly… gently waking the man in the bed… elevating his head slightly. Now she could see the heavy brace strapping his left arm to his chest… blue eyes blinking sleepily at her over the oxygen mask… the cast on his leg… and his pale, pale bruised face… right hand moving weakly to pull the mask from his lips… he was studying her with surprising intensity… considering his obvious condition…

"Mr. Caffrey, I'm agent Williams." she began. He nodded

"Neal"

"Neal?" she hesitated… watching his face as his labored breathing whistled between them… "Jennifer" she finally relented. He smiled, extending his right hand. She found herself shaking it carefully trying to avoid the needle in the back of the slender hand. His hand was cool… his grip loose… fingers tinged slightly blue… she tried not to think of her partner clinging feebly to her hand, his final breaths rasping in his lungs… his hand had felt just like this…just before… green eyes going vacant, his fingers relaxing… sliding through her hand as she tightened her grip…his chest didn't rise…she forced a smile pushing the picture away "Are you sure you're up to this?" she found herself asking.

"I'm fine…"he was watching her closely "are you… up to this…?"

"What do you mean? I'm not hurt…" she tucked her trembling hands under her arms. He raised his eyebrows into a knowing look. Then the blue eyes darted to Burke's face… she noticed he gave the older man's frown a little smile… and lifted the mask back to his face…with a slightly exaggerated gesture…and drew a few breaths. She nodded, mentally shaking herself again. "Do you know a Johnny Richards?" he nodded

"He ran…a small… numbers… business around… his day job…" he frowned "was a… nice guy…"

"We believe he was the man who tried to kill you?"

"I know…" his expression was pitiful "he was… so… angry…"

"Did you know about his daughter?"

"I met her… once… she was 13… 14 maybe…" his lips lifted a bit at the corners. "Cute kid…" this time when he lifted the mask to his face there was no humor… just necessity…his lips were disturbingly blue…. The exact color Lenny's were the last time she saw him… lying on the table in the ER…

"Maybe we should finish this another time…?" focus on the living she reminded herself "you look tired."

"I'm fine" Burke snorted softly "I can… do this…" he amended

"Ok… were you aware she died?"

"Johnny… said that…" something dark flickered in his eyes "said I… killed her…" he shuddered "I didn't…" He glanced over her shoulder at the older man "did…I?"

"No you didn't" Jennifer sighed "at least not directly…" his eyes widening in fear… or maybe pain. Lenny's eyes widened just like that as he fell "Meagan Richards died… of… cancer…" she tried to make her eyes focus. Green eyes wide with pain and fear… gun fire everywhere… Berrigan shouting… Jones yelping with startled pain… Jennifer was on her knees…. Beside Lenny… his lips moved… looking at her… he was in so much pain… Berrigan was there…hands on his chest… blood… to much blood all over them… some part of her heard a voice

"… us a minute…. Be ok…" she clenched her hands together she needed them to stop shaking… needed to focus…because… because Lenny was dying in front of her and she needed to save him… but she couldn't move… his breath gurgled…bubbled blood on her hands as she held his head on her lap… "Hang on Thompson… look at me Lenny!" Diana's voice… she knew what to do… that was good because Jennifer was frozen… a cool hand suddenly lay over her balled fists… she blinked… right, hospital room… not that alley… victim's statement … focus. She looked around. The man in the bed had shifted slightly his weak grip on her shaking hands pulling her back to the present. His blue eyes regarded her kindly… knowingly.

"Flashbacks?" the question was soft… to gentle…was it that obvious… she thought she was hiding it… she didn't want pity… but there was no pity in his eyes just understanding…

"What?" she asked trying to pinpoint what gave her away. He frowned… thinking…

"The agent… who died… he was… your friend… right?" he paused to gasp painfully between words… the man was clearly not up to giving a full statement but still his hand didn't release hers… his gaze held her firmly.

"My partner." She admitted stiffly. His eyes moved involuntarily to the door… she suddenly noticed Burke was gone… Caffrey swallowed harshly… whatever he was thinking seemed to frighten him… then his attention turned back to her

"You were… there?" she nodded not trusting her voice with this… but he went on "keep trying… not to think…? Trying… not to… remem-ber?" she was staring at him in disbelief

"How do you know that?" his mouth twitched in a hint of a sad smile

"Been… there…" he squeezed her hand "need to … let… yourself… face it…" his fingers stroked her hand gently… rubbing to release the tension… Lenny's hand in hers… she had rubbed it too… but there was not tension there… cold and limp, a wet dishrag draped over her bloody hand… "It's ok…" his voice was a whisper "tell me"

"He was standing beside me and then he jerked back… stumbling… he fell. His eyes…" she choked on the sob that tried to come… she couldn't cry, not here… not like this. She needed to be strong… but the young man was watching her with those knowing blue eyes and the words were suddenly tumbling over each other "he was right there … his head was in my lap… but he wasn't there any more… I knew the moment he… left… he sighed, and I tried not to breathe until he inhaled but… but he never did. He was looking at me… right at me but…" her voice caught again "he wasn't look at me any more… there was no soul in his eyes… Diana was trying to make him breathe… to keep his heart beating… and then the paramedics where everywhere cutting him and sticking things in him… they shocked him… trying to bring him back but, he was gone…gone… and he wasn't coming back…he was so pale… so still" she gagged on the words…

"No Jennifer…" Neal interrupted the agonizing memories "tell me… about him… what… was he…like?" his question surprised her. Jennifer blinked back the tears. She hadn't thought about Lenny alive since…

"He was … he was funny. He always had a big grin and joke."

"Sounds like… someone… I would have… liked"

"Everyone liked him. He always had just the right joke to pick me up when something was bothering me… he made all those awful crime scenes bearable…he loved Melinda so fiercely and Bobby… their baby. Lenny was so proud of that little guy…"Memories of her friend's laughter, his smile assaulted her now. His easy movements… his arm around Melinda's waist at the BBQ last year… Tossing Bobby gently until he shrieked with laughter… she was crying then… sobbing helplessly as the young man pulled her carefully toward him.

She wept into his shoulder, not noticing that he held her until the arm around her shoulders grew loose… nearly slipped from her back. She pulled away abruptly. Neal was fighting to stay awake as long as she needed him… the mask lay on the bed beside him as he murmured unintelligible words of gentle comfort… his eyes were drooping… his lips strikingly blue but still he tried to sooth her pain. Sitting up sharply caused his hand to drop… she quickly moved the mask back to his face… he blinked sluggishly… and smiled feebly. She dried her eyes… carefully positioning his hand back on the bed… he didn't seem to have the strength to move it himself.

"Thank you" she told him "rest… I'll get the rest of your statement later." As she walked away she felt lighter… Lenny's smiling face lingered in her mind.

)()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()(

Angela sighed, cleaning out her locker was the last thing she thought she would be doing today. A week ago she planned to work here in this hospital…in this ward until she retired. Now she was unemployed and waiting for a review panel to determine if she was still a nurse. Angela glared at her locker. She was a good nurse. She took good care of her patients …always…until last week. She heaved another sigh. She did this to herself, she understood and accepted that. She made the choice not to check the man's pain medication…her mind stumbled over the word man. She had seen so many people here in the ICU the last two years… brought here because of men…monsters like that… Many of those patients hadn't made it. She wondered about the girl he killed… wondered if she had been one of those faces under her care.

Stepping out of the break room she saw that agent who insisted they page Dr. Sanders standing outside the killer's room. He leaned against the wall… he looked tired, and worried. His gaze kept darting to the door nervously. The door opened and Angela watched a young woman with light brown hair and red puffy eyes step out. The agents head came up to and the nurse heard him speak. She didn't plan to eavesdrop but curiosity got the better of her.

"How did it go?" the man asked. "Did he get through his statement?"

The young woman shook her head "I'm afraid that's my fault though." She hesitated "he's very understanding."

"Reading people is Neal's specialty"

"It was more than that" she smiled softly "losing Lenny has been… difficult. He helped me get some of it out." The man smiled and Angela edged closer.

"That sounds like Neal."

"I spoke to Richards' wife…" the woman drew a slow breath "about how their daughter died"

Anger sparked in the man's eyes "what did she have to say?" his voice was tightly controlled

"That she blamed her husband for a while… that she waited to take Meagan to the doctor because he had recently lost his job, by the time it was diagnosed the cancer was too advanced." Cancer? Angela froze. Maybe they were talking about another girl. That had to be it she decided.

"I told Valdez Neal wasn't responsible."

"Actually" the girl shook her head before she continued "he may have been… unintentionally." As the man's head came up sharply she continued "he's not liable of course, but Richards lost his job as a broker because he invested 20,000 dollars of his client's money in a non-existent company"

"And scams like that were one of Neal's specialties…tell me you didn't tell Neal that."

Angela couldn't breathe. The girl died of cancer… the man didn't kill her. Angela wanted to run away. Suddenly she didn't care if the board took her license… she was closer to a murderer than he was. She knew she was going to be sick… but she couldn't move. Her feet were rooted to the floor. She swallowed repeatedly, breathing away the bile rising in her throat. I could have killed him, I could have killed an innocent man. It played in her mind over and over.

"I didn't" the young woman answered the agent "Valdez isn't going to let this go. You should know that …she recruited Lenny… his dad is a friend of hers…her objectivity is shot. She needs someone to lash out at." she hesitated again "I'm not going to say anything to her just yet… until I speak to Meagan's doctor…I got the feeling there was more to the story." Suddenly the young woman was walking toward her, Angela turned and ran.