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LadySharkey1 rocks my world by being the most amazing, kick-ass beta I could ever imagine.

20.

The week and a half that separated the morning her heart truly broke until her first day as a college student was awkward as hell. Ping-ponging between the constant, painful throbbing of her wounded heart and the extreme mortification she felt towards her employers, she had spent most of her free time in her room; one the few places inside the Cullen's beach house that didn't remind her of him.

And yet she only had to look out of the window and see the dunes to feel that painful stab piercing through her heart. Even though those stolen moments seemed ages ago, she remembered everything like it had happened yesterday; every word, every touch and every smug grin he'd ever sent her way were ingrained into her memory. Where she cherished every single morsel of remembrance like a rare diamond, she still wished it didn't hurt so much when those memories snuck up on her, tearing open the fresh wound and making it bleed all over again.

So she learned to stay numb; outwardly functioning but inwardly completely blank as she fumbled through her final days in the Hamptons. She longed for the change her move to the city would bring, hoping it would take the sharp edges off the pain but at the same time, fearing the fact that it would also bring her closer to him again.

He'd left without a word or a way to contact him. She'd tried his phone but after a day of only reaching his voicemail, the number had been disconnected, leaving her bereft of even the opportunity to yell at him by proxy.

Or ask him why.

Deep down, she already knew the answer, which was probably what made her so angry with him…and with herself! Why did she have to push when she knew he was already further out of his depth than he had ever dared to venture. But then again, why couldn't he have mustered the strength and the backbone to just love her? Why not trust in their ability to work things out…in the potential they had?

Why give up before really trying?

Part of her could even understand that why. When you had experienced pain like the one they both had, it made you scared as hell to ever get into a similar situation again; scared to ever let someone close enough to tear a hole inside of you.

She understood—or at least tried to understand—but it didn't make the pain go way.

So she sought as much distraction as she could; organizing an elaborate 'see you in New York week' for the kids to ease the transfer from live-in nanny to occasional babysitter, and throwing her whole self into mending her relationship with Esme and Carlisle to the best of her abilities.

She'd let them down; she knew that. They had trusted her to make their kids her priority while she was under their roof, offer them a safe environment and a good role model to mirror their own behavior to. Sneaking off to screw around with the black sheep of the family definitely did not fall under her task description.

When Carlisle discovered her in Edward's bed, she'd been certain she was going to be fired and sent back to her father in disgrace. Being as it was, at the end of the day, she'd merely been reeling from a stern admonishment and a very uncomfortable conversation on the phone with her dad.

But she still had a job.

"The driver will load your bags into the car while we say our goodbyes." Bella, looking up from her thoughts, she found Esme standing in the doorway.

Looking around the room one more time, "I'm going to miss this place," she mused, her eyes lingering on the dune—their dune—faintly visible from the bedroom window.

"We are all going to miss you like crazy," Esme breathed out through a mist of tears, her arms closing around Bella's slender form as she pulled the younger girl into a firm hug. "I know the past couple of weeks have been difficult for you but I hope you look back on your time here with some happiness."

"I will," Bella, unable to keep her own tears at bay, answered. "You've all been so kind to be and...and I've really grown to love Rose and Jasper. I'm so glad I'll still be able to see them every now and then."

"You'll always be welcome in our home, Bella," Esme assured her. "Whether it's here or in town. Don't hesitate to come to us whenever you need something or if you just want to talk. I know I can't replace your dad, but I do hope that maybe you can see me as something of an extension of him?"

"Always," Bella promised, knowing that when it came to 'feminine situations' as her dad always called them, Esme would probably be a much better person to go to than her dad had been. Or, at the very least, a less embarrassed and a more eloquent one.

Well, apart, perhaps, from situations pertaining to Esme's brother.

"I'll let you go, then." Esme sighed, reluctantly stepping away from the girl she had come to look upon as a member of her own family. "The kids are waiting for you downstairs. I believe they have a little present for you."

In all of her life, if Bella had one flaw it had been to accept presents gracefully. Of course, she knew occasions like birthdays and Christmas came with the obligatory giving of gifts, and on those days, she didn't find it all that difficult to accept because she would, in turn, give just as good as she got. But unprovoked gifts?

"What a surprise!" she managed to muster, hoping her acting work would last her all the way downstairs as she grabbed her purse and walked out of the room and down the stairs to where the kids stood. "You have a present? For me?"

"It's a little something to help ease your college days," Esme clarified as the two beaming kids held up a wrapped box. "And hopefully when you use it, you will think of us."

"But you're only allowed to unwrap it when you're in the car!" Rose instructed as her brother started to walk towards the waiting car like he was heading a procession.

"Okay." Bella tried to force a smile as she walked up to the girl and pulled her into a big hug. "Keep that brother of yours in line for me, huh?" A tear dropped on Rose's blonde hair. "And don't you ever worry about not being good enough. You are amazing, Rosalie Cullen."

"You'll be back with us, right?" Rose asked in a small voice.

Bella nodded. "I'll be with you next Saturday when your parents have that big charity dinner. We'll talk all about your first days back at school and all the strapping young men vying to be your boyfriend." With a kiss to her forehead, Bella stepped away from her young friend and headed over towards Jasper who was standing, in typical awkward teenage boy fashion, with his hands in his pocket.

"I put the box in the backseat," he announced, toeing the floor as his veiled blue eyes met hers. "We'll miss you here."

"Another week and I'll only be across the park from you," Bella comforted him, pulling his lanky body towards her. "And remember, Jazz, a surfer is more than his board or the waves. Don't let anyone tell you to be anything but yourself."

He smiled, looking a little bit more confident. "Let me know if you need help chasing the college boys away. I'll be more than happy to act as your boyfriend."

Bella snorted as the weird (and criminal) vista of twelve year old Jasper defending her honor against some college punk started to take shape. "I'll keep that in mind." And with another look at the place that had made her both happy and heartbroken, she stepped into the car and drove away from the first chapter of her adult life.

And on towards the next.

As the car sped towards Manhattan, Bella's excitement started to grow. Nervously she reread the informational packet she'd been sent by the university, memorizing locations and processes she would need to go through to confirm her arrival, get her orientation schedule and be admitted to her room in Furnald Hall.

A couple of hours later she was exhausted as she crashed upon the unmade mattress, her luggage abandoned inside the door to her room. Looking around her, the room looked rather barren and unwelcoming with its empty shelves and bare mattresses but she knew that, with the five boxes of books she'd shipped from home and the photographs she'd taken before flying out, that would soon change.

The only big uncertainty remaining was her roommate.

If it had been up to her, Bella would have preferred a single room, but as those things cost money and her scholarship, though quite sufficient, didn't quite stretch that far she'd had to settle for sharing a room with someone else. As it was, the only comfort she had was that roommates were assigned based on a questionnaire and a matching system, and given the fact that Furnald had the reputation of being the quieter of the freshman dorms, she hoped it would be a good match.

If she had been stuck with the 'party people' at Carman, she would have been mortified.

Sighing, she got up, turned on some music as she unpacked the basic necessities before settling in for the night with her Kindle and a granola bar she'd packed that morning. Having gone through the process of checking in and finding her bearings around her new home, her socializing skills had been too exhausted to go down to the cafeteria and get some real food.

As she settled in for the night, her thoughts automatically drifted to Edward. Where was he? Was he close by or had he left Manhattan altogether? Did he think of her as much as she did of him?

Her heart clenched with worry over him. Even though the bomb he'd placed under their relationship came as a complete surprise, she knew that deep down it came from a place of fear; a fear he had even tried to warn her about when they first got together.

The thought of Edward, out there somewhere, hurt as much as Bella was over their separation tugged painfully at her heart. As angry as she was about him, she also felt sorry for his sad choices. Because he tried so hard to come out of his self-opposed exile and be a batter man, only to have fear beat him into giving up. She'd seen it. Hell, she'd felt it.

Then again, the opposite was equally heartbreaking. Because if he wasn't out there, feeling as bruised and defeated as she felt, the chances were that he had fallen back into his old habits. And the thought of him easily forgetting all about her while giving himself over to the pleasures of drink, drugs and women was too much to bear.

That night, amidst the sound of many college freshmen partying away their first night of true freedom, Bella cried herself to sleep.

Just like the previous night.

And the night before that.

Thoughts?