Note: A little calm (sort of) before the storm.
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Matt
I was sure they were giving me drugs through food. Not illegal drugs, more something akin to tranquillizers. I soon became so uncontrollable that they didn't even know how to handle me, because at some point I had started to hurt myself. I was locked, for fuck's sake! How did they want me to cope with this, knowing Mihael was alone? Oh, they kept on telling me he was fine, but it didn't change the fact that I couldn't see him. I was like a lion in a cage, I had nothing to do here, I lost sleep, anxiety was eating me alive.

On the third day, I began to feel sleepy all the time, sluggish, as if my energy had left me. I was still angry, but I didn't have the courage to fight anymore. Not that it had brought me anywhere before, but at least, I could ruin their day as well by not giving them a moment of peace.
I just stayed like a ragdoll on the bed, listening to my own breathing, unaware of the passing hours because I had broken all the clocks they had provided, and they didn't bother giving me anything anymore except food and cleaning supplies, so I could only guess the time by the light coming from my window, or not.
I had to eat, I was stubborn but hunger is a deceitful fiend. I knew there was something in there, and at some point, I even told myself that it was better this way. At least I wouldn't go crazy. Sort of.

One week. One complete week.
I hadn't lost count of the days though, I was not that doped.
So when the door opened and that the prosecutor entered with a man I didn't know, I was relieved. My jail time was over, finally.
Or so I thought...
We had a long talk. Everything was a lot worse than I had imagined.
I stayed silent for a moment, smoking, letting the informations they had just given me sink in. For some reason, I had a feeling they hadn't told me everything. I knew the background, why Mihael's parents did what they did until now, but something was left out and I was sure of it.

"What now?" I asked, still smoking, not even looking at the prosecutor or the other man, an FBI agent, directly.
They didn't reply so I finally gave them a glance.
"I guess I should pack now..." I crushed my cigarette butt in the sink and was about to grab my bag when the prosecutor spoke.
"You stay here."
I could see in his eyes that he was waiting for me to blow up. But I kept my calm. I had no reason to stay here.
"You said that they wouldn't come back to try and convince Mihael, so you have no reason to keep he here. I want to go home, and I want to see Mihael."

Both men looked at each other.
"I told you you could talk to Mihael on the phone when we would be done, but you leaving this place is out of the question."
"Why?! If they're gone, why do I have to stay here?"
They both stayed silent, and I knew something was off.
"Tell me the truth. NOW!"

I could feel anxiety rise again. What the fuck was going on? Did they really think I'd stay here without questioning?
"Mail..." The prosecutor hesitated, but the FBI guy finally stood up to face me, and took me by the shoulders.
"Okay, no more beating around the bush. You're a grow-up and I don't have time for that," he gave a look at the prosecutor on these last words, "The Keels' last resort to regain Mihael's grandfather's trust is to kill Mihael. They are not going back to Germany, and even if they did, the threat would still exist, they can hire someone to do the dirty job. The problem is, you're a target as well because by a matter of coincidences, they think you're with the FBI. Mihael knows this, because we can't protect him if he doesn't know what's coming for him, especially in the state he is in right now, because it's still impossible to take him out of the hospital. We had put off telling you to make it easier for you here. I know how you feel, I've been there, but we can't let you out. You could as well get killed any time you set a foot out of your parent's apartment. We can protect you better here."

I was at loss for words. All I could do was try to suppress the shaking that had taken over my whole body. It was probably the combination of stress, drugs, lack of sleep and fear for Mihael, but it was uncontrollable.
The FBI agent lit up a cigarette and place it between my lips, and I sucked on it as if my life depended on it. It barely calmed me but I was a wreck. I wanted to scream but my voice was gone. I was terrified.
I had dismissed the reality for long, but realising it was getting true shit, that I might get killed, that they were actually planning to kill Mihael... Oh god.

"I want to talk to him now."
The FBI guy gave me a piece of paper with five digits on it.
"Just dial these, you'll reach one of our agent outside of his room, he'll pass you over to Mihael."
"We'll leave you alone. I'll call you tomorrow." the prosecutor told me before they left.

I rushed on the phone, one of the rare things I hadn't destroyed here along with my laptop, and I didn't need to press enter, it started ringing on the other end of the line as soon as I had entered the digits.
A low voice answered.
"I'll check if he's awake."
I heard a bit of fumbling.
"Mail? Mail is that really you?"

I sobbed and laughed at the same time, and I could hear that Mihael was in no better shape on the other end of the line.
"Mihael, are you okay? Oh fuck I missed you so much!"
"I missed you too! Oh god how I needed to hear your voice! Did they tell you everything?"
"Yeah... Mihael... I'm so scared... If anything happens to you, I swear-"
"Shhh... don't think about that. It's gonna be fine, they will protect us. I just... I want to hear your silly jokes and I want sex on the phone and... Mail, you would never break up with me, right?"

Mihael's voice sounded so scared suddenly... he seemed to be more scared that I could break up with him than the rest.
"Of course not! Why are you asking something like that?"
"I... we don't even know if I'll be able to walk again, and... my face-"
"I forbid you to ever think I could not want you because of anything like that. I got over your gender so I can get over a wheelchair, should you stay in one, or a scar. I highly doubt that you got a fracture of your stubbornness so I'm pretty sure that you'd prove the doctors wrong if they told you you couldn't walk again, just so you have the last word."

It had the merit to make him laugh.
"Okay, I provided the silly joke, do we move on to the phone sex right now or do you have anymore stupid doubts about the fact that I love you?"
"My hand has healed completely." Mihael replied, and I could tell by the tone of his voice that he had his trademark smirk on.
"Phone sex it is!" I laughed.

I totally understood that he didn't want to talk about the serious stuff. There was nothing we could do at that point, and the more we would dwell on the topic, the more fear we would pass to each other. Mihael was probably as shocked as me by the latest informations we had been given, and just like me, he most certainly hadn't had enough time to process them to their full extent. We knew the risks, the reasons, it didn't mean we accepted them as reality yet. It was still really unfathomable... who wakes up one day with a death threat over his head like it's the most common thing?

"I could ask you what you're wearing, but bandages aren't the sexiest thing." I pushed the dark thoughts aside and decided to play the phone sex card, even just as a joke.
"Are you alone? I mean... they said they locked you, but are you alone?" Mihael asked.
"Yeah, sort of. There's these two guys from the FBI in the room on the other side of the door but I'm alone in this one."
"I want to suck you."
I chuckled softly. "I suppose you're alone as well."
"I've got my own two guys on the other side of the door."
"Screw them all."
"I'd rather screw you." he purred, and even if it was a rather sudden change of tone, it went straight to my lower half.

In a split second, my mind replayed all the sexy times we had, in Berlin, in his apartment, in my car, and my hand was in my open pants before I even realised what I was doing. But it wasn't enough.
Mihael apparently heard me fumbling and questioned me with a chuckle.
"You don't actually need to undress for phone sex, you know?"
"Next time give me a warning before talking dirty to me, you have no idea what you're doing to me right now." It was true. I wasn't simply turned on, I had gone, in three seconds, from touching my cock to getting rid of my clothes completely, sliding under the covers of my bed, and going for the big deal.
"I was only toying with you but if you insist." he laughed more.
"You're a bastard, you know that? I knew you were joking and now I'm here, naked, telling myself that I always have the worst timing ever when it comes to progressing with you. Sexually I mean."
"What?"

I suppose I wasn't coherent enough. But how would I say that to Mihael? It was slightly embarrassing.
"I really want it, like, right now... I would take bottom. Right now."
"What?" Mihael repeated, and I could tell he was now completely speechless by the gasp I heard in the receiver.
"Maybe that would be a good idea to have phone sex, seriously I mean... tell me what you'd do... how you would do it. Because you know, I have no prior experience with that... I have no idea what to expect."
"You're really serious about taking bottom?" Mihael found his voice again but it was husky this time.
"Totally."
"I... didn't expect that." he kept silent for a few seconds, "The irony... I was telling myself lately that I didn't care anymore who took top or bottom as long as I was able to have sex with you someday."

I chuckled, but it suddenly turned into sobs. I could hear Mihael sniffle on the other end of the line. So much for phone sex, we were back to reality: would Mihael be able to do anything again? Would we even live through that shit we were in right now?

None of us talked for a moment. I smoked a cigarette, focused on Mihael's breathing, wondering if he had fallen asleep, but he suddenly whispered, proving me otherwise: "I'd lick my way down to your cock, and I'd cover my fingers with saliva before sliding one in your anus..."
"Oh fuck..." I sighed, already feeling myself grow hard, although I was surprised that he went back to the topic. I crushed my cigarette and licked my fingers, coating them before doing to myself what Mihael would.
"I'd add a second finger while sucking you... in, and out..."
I moaned. Crazily enough, it felt good, and I put some saliva on my palm to mimic Mihael sucking me, while I plunged my fingers in my asshole. "Add another one Mihael, I want to be ready for you..."
"Are you really fingering yourself?" he asked, as I moaned again, and I uttered a simple yes in a throaty whisper, "Oh baby what are you doing? I want you so bad now..." Mihael said, and I could feel pain in his voice.

I know it wasn't making things easier, neither for him nor me, we were already missing each other badly, so rendering the other horny as a beast with no way to solve the problem wasn't the smartest thing to do, especially because we were talking about having sex despite the fact that we never had sex to begin with, and we might as well never be able to.

It was too much. I broke down, I couldn't hold it back anymore, and neither could Mihael as I heard him cry too.
"I almost lost you in the accident, and now this!" I was sad, I was angry, I wanted to hold everyone responsible for this nightmare we were living. It wasn't fair!
"I'm scared Mail..." Mihael's voice was weak, and there was nothing I could do to help him, because I was as scared as him.