Saving Fifty Shades Chapter 31, a fifty shades trilogy fanfic

A/N:

Yes, I know the song in this chapter was only released very recently (in South Africa anyway) in anticipation of the release of the Fifty Shades moving, but seriously, it is just too awesome not to do something with. Have you heard it, if not, you are seriously missing out…like in SERIOUSLY. When you get to the song, find it, play it and enjoy. It inspired me to update quickly.

Song: Love me like you do – Ellie Goulding (Bestest song ever!)

Oh, and welcome to the new readers following my story as well as all the reviews…good and bad, I like and read every last one!

Important: I do not own the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters. They belong to the very talented E.L. James.

Ana POV:

The drive home was in silence. I love him, but I don't want to talk to him and I can't talk to Kate…obviously. Where is Tony when you need him?

The silence follows us all the way up to our apartment where I leave him to go to the bathroom. After a quick shower, I get some comfortable pyjamas and Christian walks in just as I've finished brushing my hair. He stands against the closed door as I tie my hair in a ponytail and then continue to apply my moisturiser.

I'm trying to think of everything he has changed for me, but kept thinking about this big thing he kept from me. I'm thinking of everything he told me, but kept thinking about this big thing he kept from me. I'm thinking how much I love him, but kept thinking of this big thing he kept from me. Why the hell can he not just talk to me?

But you told him, several times, not to tell you. Comes that small voice again and I wish I could drown her or something.

He should have tried harder. He should have told me to shut up and listen. He should have… I don't know… told me that first. Yes, he should have told me that first. Friends and business partners by ass. You don't fuck your friends and let them beat you. I sure as shit don't do that with my friends.

"Are we going to talk about this?" He asks softly, removing his jacket, then his shirt and yes… he is doing it as slowly as he is on purpose. Angry or not, he is one fine specimen to look at.

"No."

"So you are just going to continue to stew about this and ignore me in the process?" He asks, taking of his pants and walking towards his cupboard. Even from the back he has the potential to turn a nun into a wanton fiend.

"Yes." Yes, another one word answer. I might be able to stop my brain from wanting him, but my body has a mind of her own and her mind is busy getting distracted.

"Distracted, Ms. Steele?" he asks and although his back is to me, I just know he is smirking right now. Bastard!

"No. I'm going to get a drink. Alone." I say and walk out the door before I forget that I'm supposed to me mad at him. Honestly, looking like that should not be legal.

After far too many glasses of wine, I regret not eating dinner. Christian has apparently decided to leave me alone for the rest of the night as he is yet to show up in the great room. Do I feel bad for making him feel bad after he firstly, did nothing wrong and secondly, tried to tell me… several times? No, I shouldn't have. It seems I have some apologizing to do before I let him have it for the long list of shit he keeps from me.

I get to the door of his study, but finding it closed, I turn and go back to the great room. I find my iPod and then the song I want before putting it on the docking station and turning it up loud enough for him, and probably most of the people on the lower floor, to hear. Before I hit play, I go to get myself another glass of wine. I'm sure I had enough, but I think I will need more for the conversation we need to have.

So, wine in hand I go back and hit play before sitting down on the couch, waiting for Christian to make his appearance. I like this song and it will tell him everything I want to say to him. Why I'm nervous, I don't know, but I can't seem to keep my leg from bouncing up and down.

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

Ain't that the truth? I mean, thinking about everything he told me in the last five days, I can't even believe I still love him, but I do. I really, really do.

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

When Christian walks in, he stands at the end of the couch staring down at me. Grey eyes filled with uncertainty meeting blue eyes filled with nervousness. My mouth instantly goes dry and grateful for thinking in advance, I take a big sip of wine.

So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'cause even if you're wrong

He sits down at the end of the couch, eyes closed and hands folded in his lap. He just listens to the song and I truly hope he gets what I'm saying and starts talking to me before the shit hits the fan. I put down the wine and move next to him, but I resist the urge to touch him.

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

The song ends and when he opens his eyes, I take his hand and put it on top of my heart. Shock flashes on his face before turning into a frown.

"I love you. Do you understand what that means? Nothing you tell me, can make me love you less. I need you to know that. I need you to know that I won't go. Mostly, I need you to be honest and open to me. I know I asked for time, but tonight…well, tonight was a big shock. Of all the things…I did not see that coming. If something is that big, you have to make me listen to you. I don't like being caught by surprise." I tell him and a bit of the tension leaves his shoulders. Did I mention naked shoulders? Yes, he's wearing my favourite outfit…his pyjama bottoms and nothing else. Oh crap…focus Ana Steele.

Christian POV:

Listening to that song, those words, it confirmed for me that no matter what, she will stay with me. Because she loves me, she is staying and its time I show her why she should. No more keeping things from her and definitely no more fear that she would touch me.

"I know and I'm really sorry that you had to find out the way you did. You asked for time and I was happy to give it to you, partly because I think I didn't want to tell you. I will gladly give you anything you ask for. But you also need to know that my heart…baby, it only beats for you." I take her hand, hoping that this does not back fire on me. This is Ana. You love her. She won't hurt you. I tell myself and place her hand very gently over my heart. I can feel my heart racing and wait for the pain, but it doesn't come. There is no pain and I hope there is no fear in my eyes.

"I don't want to hurt you." She says softly, a tear running down her cheek, as she tries to pull her hand away.

"Don't. I need this. We need this." I tell her, pushing her hand into my chest. The full contact of her hand on my chest feels weird, but it surprisingly also calms me.

"Christian, you don't have to do this for me. I understand your fear of touch and…" I put a finger of my free hand on her lips to silence her.

"Do you feel my heart beating?" I ask and she nods. "It's for you. Only you."

She doesn't say anything and instead she moves our combined hands. When she leans forward I freeze. I tried. I really, really tried not to, but I do. I wouldn't be able to move if my life depended on it. When I'm in control of where she goes or touches me, no problem. But the uncertainty of what she is about to do, that I can't handle. My heart feels as if it is going to break out of my chest.

But the minute her lips touch me, a calm washes over me like I've never felt before. Keeping my eyes closed, I fist my hand at my sides, determined to get over this irrational fear tonight. I don't want anyone else to ever touch me, but I fantasized about her touch and tonight I want to experience that and so much more.

"Again. Please kiss me again." I plead and she starts to trail kisses to another scar, and another, and another… until she's kissed every scar on my chest.

She gets up and I feel her sit down behind me on the arm rest. "Are you okay, baby?" She asks softly and this time my heart racing is because I absolutely love it when she calls me baby. This is the second or third time, but the affect is still the same.

"I'm good." Well, better than good, but that is the easiest to say at this monumentally big moment in my life.

She lets her hands flow over my shoulder and then back. Gently exploring a part of my body that has not been touched by anyone since I was four years old. I hated the fact that I couldn't stand to be touched, but now I love the fact that she is the first person to ever touch me like this. When her lips touch the last scar, I've had enough, more than enough. Any man can only take so much TLC and I'm not any man.

I spin around and pick her up. Her legs wraps around me and I'm definitely not the only one turned on right now. I practically run to our bedroom while she continues to pepper me with kisses everywhere she can reach. The fact that we really need to discuss the fuck up that is my past, is the furthest thing from my mind right now. Sex now, talk later…much, much later. Scratchy, touchy, hot-as-hell sex is the plan. After I put her on the bed, far more gently that I thought I was capable off right now, I stare down at her and reach for the remote. Knowing this moment would eventually come, I searched long and hard for the appropriate song and when I heard this one, I just knew it was the song I want to listen to as I make love to her.

With most people, the touch of your loved one is so often taken for granted, an everyday thing that you come to expect, but to me…that touch…it was everything. She touched my heart right through my skin and I would never have thought that a simple thing like that could have such a huge effect on me.

"This song is for you, baby." I say softly as I bend over her. The beginning of the sweet, but sensual melody ringing loudly though the room.

You're the light, you're the night
You're the color of my blood
You're the cure, you're the pain
You're the only thing I wanna touch
Never knew that it could mean so much, so much

Looking straight into her eyes I begin to undress her slowly, kissing her soft skin as it gets exposed. I'm grateful for her earlier shower and now lack of underwear.

You're the fear, I don't care
'Cause I've never been so high
Follow me through the dark
Let me take you past our satellites
You can see the world you brought to life, to life

She's a clever girl and her intuition is something rare, but she will never understand just how much she has brought me to life. Her responsiveness to me still takes my breath away, but it's the look in her eyes and her hands on my biceps that has my heart racing.

So love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do
What are you waiting for?

Staring down at her naked body, I look into her eyes. "What are you waiting for, baby?" I ask and wait for her to understand what I want. I can pinpoint the exact second she does by the sharp intake of her breath and I crush my lips to her.

Fading in, fading out
On the edge of paradise
Every inch of your skin is a holy grail I've got to find
Only you can set my heart on fire, on fire
Yeah, I'll let you set the pace
'Cause I'm not thinking straight
My head's spinning around I can't see clear no more
What are you waiting for?

The rest of the song, as loud as I've put it, fades into the background. I've lost myself in her before, but this is unlike anything I've ever experienced. Her gentle touches earlier might have touched my heart, but the sensual touch of her hands on my back, exploring my body that she's never gotten to touch before, that touches me on a level that I fear my new-found heart won't be able to take much longer. Not to mention my dick that is so hard that I'm starting to lose whatever little control I seem to have around this woman.

Knowing that I won't last, embarrassing as that is to admit even to myself, I slide down her body and between her legs. Stroking her already soaking folds with my tongue before moving up towards her clitoris. Timing my bite with the penetration of two fingers, she screams my name and grabs hard onto my hair.

"Fuck!" I exclaim as I just cannot hold on much longer. I need to be inside her right now. Doubling my efforts, I stroke the front wall of her sex hard and fast while still applying some pressure to her pleasure spot. When she comes, I waste no time at all and before she even opens her eyes, I'm buried deep inside her in one trust.

Her eyes shoot open to look at me, seeking permission with her hands mid-air on their way to touch me again.

"Please," I whisper as I start to move. When I bend down to kiss her, her hands are on my back again. On Saturday, as I fucked her in the great room, I wanted to feel her like this…but more…wild.

Knowing just how to get that particular reaction out of her, I kiss her hard, licking the inside of her mouth as I would her sex. When her touch turns less tentative I smile, seeing how this will end already. Unfortunately for both of us, neither is going to last much longer. I bite her bottom lip, before trailing my tongue from her mouth to behind her ear where I plant a suckling kiss on that spot that makes her blood boil…again very pleased with her reaction, but it's time to end this before I miss out on what I've been fantasising about for days now.

"Don't hold back, baby," I say against her skin, on her way to her shoulder where I bite down.

The sweet sting of pain goes right through her and then she does it, her nails dig into my back just under my shoulders and as she drags them down, I can feel the orgasm coming. How can something so small be this erotic to me of all people?

"Come for me, baby. NOW," I say through gritted teeth. When she starts milking my dick, I give in, feeling as if I'm shooting every bit of liquid inside me into her. "Fuck, baby! Just like that. Don't let go."

All too soon it's over and my body is languid and breathless on top of hers. Not wanting to cause her any discomfort, I roll in order for us to face each other while we wait for our breathing to return to normal.

"That was…mind blowing." I say breathlessly as I just can't wait any longer to tell her. "Just fucking amazing." Just like I expected, her cheeks gets that full-on blush that I love so much. Only she can make being shy hot as hell at the same time.

"That was a very beautiful song, Mr. Grey." She stokes my cheek. "Where did you get it?" Do I tell her? Giving up when her blue eyes begs me for an answer, I decide…what the hell.

"I've been wanting to feel your touch for a while now, but I just couldn't do it. I tried to prepare myself mentally, but it was hard to even imagine someone touching me. Deep down I knew the day would come when I lost the battle, so I started looking for the perfect song. I can't even remember how many songs I've listened to before stumbling on to this one. From the first verse I knew this was the song for us, this was our song, the one I wanted to hear while making love to you without any fear of being touched by you." Tears threaten to spill from her loving eyes, and for the first time I don't mind seeing them, knowing that it's happy tears.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" Comes her soft question and although I know she loves me, I don't think she grasp the level of my feelings for her. Feelings that sometimes feel too much to be contained in my body or to be expressed in words.

"I do."

And then we just lie there, looking into each other's eyes, no words needed, with our fingers entwined between us until a peaceful sleep takes us both.

Ana POV:

I wake up before the sun comes up and stare at the sleeping man next to me. As much as I love the fact that I can finally touch him, I regret not having our talk last night. Last night was... abso-freak-amazingly awesome. I understand that he has never had to answer to anyone, never had to divulge information regarding his past and never had to include anyone in his decisions. For him this can't be easy, but it is not only him anymore. In a relationship, talking is a minimum requirement. Communication, honesty, trust and love. That is my minimum requirements for this relationship and it's time I get him to understand that.

My hand involuntarily moves to his gorgeous face where I gently brush the hair from his forehead. When his eyes open slowly, my hand freezes but moves to his shoulder when I see a sleepy smile on his lips.

"Hey, you should be sleeping?" he murmurs, grabbing my hand and kissing my palm gently.

"I can't sleep. Sorry for waking you." Okay, not really sorry. Waking up before him gave me the opportunity to see him unguarded like this.

He turns on his side towards me and I move closer, loving the intimacy of the moment. When he gives a contented sigh, I decide that this is perhaps the perfect moment for a little heart to heart. He is calm, relaxed and not prepared for a fight like usual.

"Christian, can we talk for a moment?" I ask softly, my hand still wrapped in his between us.

The stiffening of his shoulders makes my mood take a nose dive. He obviously thinks that this will lead to a fight and is preparing himself for when it comes. Why can't we just have a normal conversation? I'm sure he discusses personal things with John all the time without it turning into an argument.

What the hell am I saying, he probably even fights with his therapist.

"Not fight, just talk." I try again and he nods, some tension leaving his shoulders, but not all of it. "Firstly, I want you to tell me the real reason for not telling me about Elena sooner. We've discussed her before and you said that she was a friend and business partner and nothing more." Begin with the biggest one and work my way down…that sounds like a plan. That way, we will be calm again by the time we have to go to work.

He thinks for a long time before responding, "There is so many reasons, depending on which conversation you look at. First, I really didn't want you to know anything about my past. Then, that day when I fetched you from the club, I wasn't sure where this was going and telling you that would have just complicated an already complicated situation for me. When you said that Elena was my pimp, I did not have the guts to tell you what she really was. That…" he stops, assessing me, before he continuous, "That she arranged my subs as she knew exactly what it is I like… you know… preferences and also... when intimate." You just had to know, didn't you? Jealousy makes me want to rip my hand from his and…I don't know…hit something. "When you seemed to have become friends with her, it complicated the situation even more, but on Saturday, I knew I had to tell you. You had to know and I wanted to be the one to tell you. To explain." I guess, it does not sound like bad reasoning, but still, he should have told me before. "I regret the way you found out. I'm sorry, baby." He says with a loving hand stroking my shoulder up and down.

"I would have preferred hearing it from you and not figuring it out right in front of your mother. I mean, Christian that is really, seriously, utterly fucked up. She is still friends with your mother for crying out loud. She fucked you as a teenager and stayed friends with her." I'm starting to get excited, but I can't help it.

"It's not like that, Anastasia. This is why," he says, getting excited himself with narrowed eyes, "This is why I wanted to be the one to tell you. To make you understand that its not what you think. She did not torture me and did nothing to me without my consent," I huff before I manage to stop it.

"Consent? Really? You were fucking fifteen year old. You had no legal right to consent!" I sit up as I shout, so much for remaining calm and talking this through.

"Careful, Anastasia." He warns, now very clearly pissed himself. "I understand you being upset, but I will not tolerate you treating me so disrespectfully." When I say nothing, he takes a deep breath, waiting for my response, but I keep my mouth shut. I'm sure as shit not apologizing for getting upset by his lack of understanding for what was done to him. "Anyway, it was a really bad time for me and what she did, what we did, it helped me to focus. Helped me to take my mind of my feelings of worthlessness. Helped me to be less angry, more controlled, feel less like a failure. I know you don't see it that way, but what we did helped me. If not for that, I'm not sure where I would be today." How can such a clever man be so stupid when it comes to himself? "Anastasia, Elliot lost his virginity just before his sixteenth birthday with a girl that was barely fifteen. A boy losing his virginity at that age is not as uncommon as you think." He tries to reason and I arch a brow at him.

"And how many fifteen, sixteen year old boys do you know who lost their virginity to their mother's best friend almost twenty years their senior?" I ask and he remains silent. "Okay, now put Mia in your shoes and one of your father's friends in Elena's," I wait for his eyes to grow hard, telling me to tread lightly, which I completely ignore, "Why would that make you angry, Christian? He might be helping her." I say with a voice dripping with sarcasm. "She might have given consent." I'm dangerously poking at a pissed off lion to get him to understand and when he gets up from the bed to pace in front of it, I keep quiet, waiting for him to figure this out on his own. Eventually, he stops and turns to me with hands fisted at his sides.

"That was a fucking low blow, Anastasia. Do not EVER use my sister again to make me see things like you see it." He spits at me and I go for a different route.

"Fine, tell me, how would you feel if I told you that I had, not just any sex, but kinky sex including beatings and shit, with someone Ray's age when I was fifteen?" Shit, now I've really done it. "With his best friend?"

"That's enough!" He shouts, making me almost regretful. His face not only looks furious, but pained because of visions in his head of me with someone else. "I'm done discussing this with you." With those furious eyes staring you down, any other girl would stop, but not me. Oh no, I jump up and go after him when he starts to walk towards the bathroom.

"I'm not done talking to you, Christian." I say louder than I wanted to, sounding like a nagging girlfriend but not finding it within myself to care. When he turns, I can see he is about to go nuclear on my ass, but we will finish this discussion right now.

"Don't push me, Anastasia. I'm only warning you once." He says calmly but obviously very close to the edge with his one finger in the air to get his point across.

"I just want to finish our conversation." When he stays frozen on the spot, I change tact again, not that it worked out so well for me earlier. "Please."

"What else do you want to talk about?" he asks and then quickly add before I even open my mouth, "Think carefully, Anastasia as my patience is wearing thin right now." Right, translated that means Elena-Christian history is off the table.

"Why didn't you tell me that it's your birthday on Sunday?" Some tension leaves his shoulders, but not his eyes.

"Because it is not important and I don't like celebrating it. I tolerate it for my mother." He states as if it's the most normal thing to say. Arguing about why I think it is important won't get me anywhere, so I go along with his view about this.

"If that's how you feel about birthdays, suit yourself." I say and turn to get back to bed, if only to relax for the next half hour before going to work. "Just so you know, my birthday is on the tenth of September and I will inform my friends that we can go out like normal as you don't celebrate birthdays. I for one, think it's something that should be celebrated." I inform him over my shoulder just before I reach the bed. As I bend down to crawl onto the bed, I get tackled instead and flipped so fast my head is spinning.

"Is this what you wanted?" I frown, staring up into his dark gray eyes, "To get a reaction out of me?" he clarifies before taking my mouth in an extremely possessive kiss that makes my head spin again. When he pulls away, he pins my hands above my head, but it's definitely not so that I don't touch him, it's to keep my in place. "You belong to me, Anastasia. Don't you forget it." He says, moving his mouth down my traitorous body to suck on my exposed nipple. For the first time, it registers to me that we've been fighting naked. Another first for us.

"Don't forget that the same goes for you, Christian." Surprising myself, I formed a sentence. He stops his attack on my breast to look into my eyes. Point well made, Ms. Steel, I congratulate myself. "If you want me to take you into consideration in my life, you will have to do the same." I say and wait for it to sink in before I let go of any anger still in me. I wiggle my hands and he lets go in order for me to cup his face. "Christian, your birthday is something to celebrate just like mine is. It's the day you were born in order for fate to bring us together, where we are now." One hand moves gently into his hair to pull his face closer to mine. "I want to wake up early on your birthday and bake you a cake. Then bring you breakfast in bed before we go out and spend the day doing the things we don't normally get to do." When he smiles, I know that this conversation will end well after all, especially with the erection I feel against my stomach.

"Will it be chocolate cake?" he asks, as mercurial as ever, and I smile.

"If you want, then yes, it will be chocolate cake."

"Will you make extra icing for me? To do with what I want?" the mischief in his eyes gives me an idea of what he wants to do with icing, but I smile again.

"I'll make you extra icing." I whisper, now turned on, as he moves his lips close to mine and moves to get friction on his erection.

"Will breakfast in bed include happy birthday sex?" well, at least now he will look forward to his birthday, if only for chocolate cake, extra icing and birthday sex.

"The entire day will be filled with birthday sex," I tell him with my best fuck-me eyes and a husky voice, effectively pushing him over the edge when he moves to push into me in one hard thrust.

A/N: Christian will still explain to Ana why he does not celebrate his birthday…well, after they…you know what.

Please review.

And before I forget, the other song in this chapter is The pretenders – I'll stand by you.