Now we are both back from our holidays, we're back in the game folks!
John is in italics, Sherlock in bold italics.

xXx

'John, where am I?'

'Sherlock! Not funny! I don't have time for games today!'

'But John I don't think we're in Kansas anymore'

'Er...'Lock...are you...did you take something? Have you been in my medical bag again? '

'It's raining Jawn...I stepped in a poodle and now I don't know where I am :( '

Okay, now I'm seriously worried. 'Lock? Look around. Tell me what you see.'

'Um...'

'Oh for Christ sake! Where the hell are you? Can you see a street sign? I'm not you, Sherlock! I can't tell where you are by an 'Um' & a puddle!'

Oh. You're cross with me :( I only did it for you, and now you don't love me. :'( '

'Sherlock! I love you more than I can say. I am not cross with you, but you have me seriously worried. You aren't sounding like you and you don't know where you are. Now please, tell me where you are. I want to find you.

'I filched Mycroft's credit card hee hee...you'll love it. I can see an eye! A great big eye!'

'Love you John, I want to give you your birthday present...'

'Oh for...Okay, do you mean The Eye? And did you take something? Please tell me so I can work out how long you're going to act like this?'

'Mmmmmmmm. I had about four of them'.

'I want to sleep and that will spoil it. Will you be cross if I'm asleep? I'll be naked, just not awake!'

'I'm not cross. I won't be cross with you. I promise. Please don't go to sleep. Now tell me,'Lock, love, 4 what? What did you take?'

'Are you near any CCTV's? Can you wave your arms or something? Wait! Are you at home?'

'I wanted to try the different champagnes they serve here, but the bubbles went to my head.'

'Now I'm lying on a king-size bed, naked. Waiting for you. I want to do things to you but you gotta be here naked too. Can't do it by text. Not properly.'

'Why would I wave my arms?'

'Okay! breathing here! Christ Sherlock! So you are in a hotel, yes? You had 4 glasses of champagne and you are lying naked on a king sized bed- so no, please don't wave your arms! Mycroft does not need to see THAT! So you're safe? Yes? Now, please tell me! Which hotel are you at?'

'That one where I drew all over you in chocolate sauce, then licked it off, bit by bit. I remember how it felt, running my tongue all over your belly, dipping in and out of your belly button, tickling your nipples as I licked away those sticky spirals.'

'Do you remember that?'

'Yes! Okay on my way! I may kill you for giving me heart failure for my birthday! Jesus Sherlock!'

John...I've been practicing pulling my stomach muscles in to make a bowl for you to drink your champagne from...I hope you're thirsty...

'I think one of us has had enough champagne for both of us!'

:'(

I know your drunk when you send emoticons. I am not taking advantage of you when you start acting out of character!'

'Please? Just thinking about you taking advantage of me is making me hot...and hard...and surprisingly sober :* '

'I will check you over when I get there! You seriously scared me - I thought you were hurt or kidnapped or drugged or just being a dick. And now I have room for a little bit of anger! Sometimes I feel like I'm raising a child!'

Check me over ^^! Why Dr Watson...I think I can give you sufficient proof that I'm not a child...

'Sighing here Sherlock! I'm sure you can. Do you understand why I'm upset?

I'm sorry John. I didn't mean to upset you...I just got carried away. Forgive me?

'Yes, you idiot! Always'

'How will you forgive me?'

'Well once I've discovered you're sober enough, I'm going to take both your wrists in one hand & pin them above your head. Then I'm going to take my other hand & slowly run it across your face & down your gorgeous neck, over your chest. I might pause there a tease your nipples a bit & then continue across your stomach, brushing back & forth, tickling your ribs until you begin to beg. I'm going to take my time & follow with open mouthed kisses, sweeping my tongue along the same path, licking & sucking. And then do you know what I'm going to do, 'Lock?'

Jaaaawn...tell me...

'I'm going to take my tongue & carefully & slowly tease & swirl it so very lazily around the tip of your incredibly long, hard...oh I'm here! I'll be right up! Same room right?'