A/N: Welcome to all the new followers reading my story.
Better late than never… My real life has unfortunately spiraled out of control. Late nights, early mornings and sometimes less than 4 hours sleep a night... it's not really easy to write at the moment. My apologies for making you wait so long for updates.
I hope you enjoy.
Important: I do not own the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters. They belong to the very talented E.L. James.
Ana POV:
With renewed determination to have a serious discussion with Christian, I get out of the car and walk towards the elevator with Sawyer on my heels. I walk into the great room and see Kate and Christian sitting on the couch. A quick glance at both of them and around the room confirms that at least no blood has been spilled. I walk further into the room when Christian gets up to meet me. When I look at my watch I see that I'm late for the dinner Christian mentioned earlier. So much for our serious discussion.
"You're late," You're bossy, would be my quick response, but I take a second to rethink it.
"You said I should try to be home around six. Six thirty is around six." I say with a sweet smile instead, earning me a smile from him. My first response would not have had the same effect. I prefer a smiling Christian to a scowling Christian.
"Hello, baby. How was your day?" he says as he pulls me into a tight hug and I melt into him. Everything but the two of us forgotten at the moment.
"Long, very long. I didn't realize it was this late already. How was your day?" I ask, my head buried against his chest. He scent is pure male mixed with Christian and I can think of a lot of better things to do than try and restore the broken relationship between Kate and Elliot. Not that I understand why Christian feels the need for us to get involved in that anyway. It's not our fault she's being nasty about something that has absolutely nothing to do with her.
"Stressful. I wanted to surprise you at work for lunch, but by the time the thought registered, it was already after four." He hugs me closer and as rude as it is, I need this moment with him right now and I'm selfish enough to not care about anything at the moment. The hurt of Kate's words last night is still a bit raw and yes, I'm still pissed…at everyone. Christian included. But I'm not strong enough to push him away. We just have to work through the shit storm that is his past and our present.
"Maybe I should just surprise you one of these days." I lift myself onto my tippy toes and whisper close to his ear, "We can make up for the office sex we missed the last time I was there." When I hear a soft growl and he grips my hips hard to pull me towards him, I make a mental note to get that little fantasy off my to-do-list as soon as possible.
"Fuck, Ana. We have company." He releases me and kiss my cheek softly. "They better leave early." He whispers as he steps back to grab my hand and walk towards the great room where Kate is sitting.
"Hey, Kate. How was your day?" I force myself to give her a hug and then move to sit down next to Christian opposite Kate. I love her, but I'm struggling to get past my anger and nothing pisses of a woman more than telling her she fell in love with the wrong man.
"Filled with relieve and stress about tonight." She says and then leans forward to take the glass of wine in front of her.
"Baby, can I get you something to drink?" Christian offers and I nod, eyes narrowed at Kate. When he walks towards the kitchen, I lean forward a bit.
"Honestly, I don't know what tonight is about. Christian mentioned that you were coming over for dinner and that Elliot would join us as well. If you ask me that is not such a good idea, Kate. I think the two of you need to resolve your problems in private right after you get over your reservations about me dating Christian." I tell her honestly, not wanting a repeat of last night, and also not willing to see Kate and Elliot fight about what Kate thinks is good for me.
"Ana, I…" she stops and then downs the wine in one large gulp. If I didn't know any better, I would think that Kate is nervous…a complete contrast to her self-righteous bitchyness of last night. Nevertheless, I stay quiet and wait for her to continue. When Christian joins us again, I take the wine with one hand and his hand with the other. It's my attempt to show Kate that we are united. One against the world.
"I was wrong." She says so quickly that I think that I heard wrong. When she registers the complete confusion on my face, she puts the empty glass down, somehow looking surprised that it is empty, and looks straight at me. "I don't really know where to start," she continues and I chip in with my suggestion.
"I think the very beginning would be a good place. But Kate, before we have this conversation, which I am not prepared for tonight or in the mood for, I have to tell you a couple of things." She looks down, removing invisible fluff from her pants and confusing the shit out of me. Kate does not do nervous and right now, she is nervous as hell.
"No need. Maya called me. She told me what you said to her this afternoon. You can say she also smacked some sense into me." She says, but my focus shifted to Christian, gripping my hand to get my attention and a raised brow. I'm sure he is curious about what I told Maya, but now is not the time.
"I'm glad. I meant every word." I say, still looking at Christian, then back to Kate, "Why exactly are you here Kate?"
"To apologize to you. I already apologized to Christian." She says and I look towards Christian who nods, but apart from that, he remains silent. "I spoke to Leila today and," Whoa! What. The. Fuck? And holy cow!
"You? Spoke to Leila?" I'm now really confused and the question came out harsh, not my normally tone, but what the hell? When Kate looks toward Christian, I withdraw my hand and get up to look at the two of them. "One of you, better get to the fucking point. I suggest you do it quickly." I spit out, my hands on my hip and my eyes narrowed at the two of them.
"Ana, if you would calm down..." Christian starts and really, he chose the wrong day.
"Don't finish that sentence. Nothing about Leila fucking Williams," I stop. I feel like hitting myself in the face. I can't blame myself though. Not in a gazillion years would I have made this connection. When I shoot Kate an accusing look, she knows I figured it out and her expression confirms my thought. "Family of yours?" I ask and she nods.
Christian gets up and starts towards me, but I hold out a hand to stop him. I'm mad. Fuck that. I'm furious. At both of them. At everyone. My life is turning into a damn soap opera. I was a happy, carefree student a month ago and now I'm right in the middle of The Bold and the Deceitful.
"Please sit and don't try to calm me down." I say to Christian and then point to Kate, "You better start talking and do it quickly and with detail as my pissed meter is reaching new heights and I don't like it."
So here I stand, quietly listening to the details of my best friends' betrayal of our so called friendship. I move back and take a seat on the chair behind me. My face drained and probably white as a ghost. She caused so much hurt with her little stunt that I fail to see the very good excuse of trying to protect me. Protect me my ass, she was trying to control me…like always. From Christian's reaction I'm assuming he heard all of this shit already, not that it's helping as he is getting angry all over again. Kate is oblivious to it, but I see how he is clenching his fists, how he is biting on his teeth all in an effort to control his anger. If she thinks for one second that he has forgiven her, she is making a huge mistake.
She arranged for me to walk in on Leila in Christian's hotel suite. Knowing how I felt about him, she arranged it and caused me pain intentionally. Obviously Christian's response made it so much more heart breaking, but it all started with her. That day started so good and ended so badly. And it was all because of her and her crazy cousin. The fact that said cousin is stalking Christian and wrecked my car just makes this so…soap opera like. Like I said…The Bold and the Deceitful.
I like to think that I'm a good and understanding person. One who you could tell secrets to and know it won't be repeated. One that will understand and forgive and forget. Someone you can be yourself with. Most importantly, someone you can be honest with. But since everyone I love is keeping secrets, telling lies, omitting certain facts that they think will upset me, I'm beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, I'm either not being myself these days, or I'm not so understanding as I think I am. I hate my current situation. I hate what all this shit is doing to me.
When she ends by telling me about her visit to Grey House to speak with Christian, I understand the reason for her leaving Grey House in tears. I would feel like shit too if I just found out that I hurt my best friend based on lies from someone I trusted. Not to mention finding out that your cousin is a crazy fucking lunatic who is now seemingly stalking said best friend and the boyfriend you don't approve of. Like I need her approval!
But here I sit. In my new home. That I share with my new boyfriend, who I have a love-pissed relationship with most days. Wordlessly looking at the two people in front of me. Both caused unbearable pain. Both betrayed me. Both claimed to want to protect me because they love me. I have no idea what to say or what to do. One thing I do know, is that I need to get the hell out of here right this minute. If I speak to either of these two right now, I'm going to say things that I don't mean. Christian did not really do anything to piss me off right now, but yet again, he knew about this the entire day. We've spoken over the phone so many times and not once did he tell me any of this.
With perfectly controlled movements, I get up and walk to our bedroom, leaving the two of them behind, probably waiting for the explosion they expected. With my gym clothes in one hand and my phone in the other, I call Sawyer and tell him, yep tell, not ask, to meet me in the gym downstairs.
"Ana, where are you going? We need to talk about this." I hear Christian, but don't turn to look at him. I admit that I want to cry and scream and hit someone…either of the two would do right now.
"Why? The two of you obviously talked about this already." I answer, not stopping, not looking at them, just looking at the front door, convinced that my sanity is just on the other side.
"Anastasia, baby, don't be like this. Elliot will be here soon and…" he continuous, but I can't stay here. I need time to myself to calm down.
"Christian, I think you should let her go. She likes to work things out on her own." Kate, my ex-best friend offers my in-the-dog-house boyfriend advice on what I like? Well, I like honesty and I like loyalty and I like to not have massive, colossal, life changing secrets kept from me…even if it was just for a day.
"Ana, please…" Christian's pleading is shut out by the elevator door as I make my way down to the gym.
The gym is nice. No, it's better than nice, it is pretty damn impressive. Sawyer is standing at the door, already waiting with a nervous smile. I would bet my salary for the rest of the year that the nervous smile is because, like always, he knows what the hell is going on in my private life. I will even go as far as betting that he knew before I did.
Annoyed and with no option of a replacement baby sitter, I get dressed and put on the boxing gloves. Admittedly, I'm terrible at it and have to duck more than once for the boxing bag which seems to be attacking me. It would have been so much better to hit something that would just stay still.
"Ms. Steele?" Sawyer seems to have found his voice. Probably couldn't stomach watching me get more worked up because I've found one more thing that I absolutely suck at…apart from picking open boyfriends and loyal best friends.
"What?" I ask, sounding like a real bitch.
"Can I explain to you what the problem is?" He points to the bag, but nope, I completely lose it.
"The problem? I know exactly what the fucking problem is Luke. Firstly, my damn name is Ana and you calling me Ms. Steele when Christian is not even around, well that is a problem for me. I also have a problem with being lied to and these days it seems that everyone in my life is fucking lying to me. Not to mention my overprotective, controlling boyfriend who keeps everything from me. Fuck, you probably know more about my life than I do. And you know what?" I stop to point at him with my gloved hand. "That fucking sucks." I turn back to the punching bag and continue to hit it with all my strength. "I would like to punch someone instead of this bag. I want to scream. I want to run and hide. Most of all, I just want some damn control of my life back."
"Uhm, I actually meant the problem with the boxing, but those last punches were actually pretty good." Luke says and I turn, just to be hit with the bag and landing on my ass.
A shocked Luke stares at me when I start laughing. Like really, really laughing and it feels so good. Luke sits down in front of me and after a few seconds, even he starts to laugh. But when the laughter starts to die down and I get tears in my eyes, he looks like a deer caught in head lights. And still the tears come. I can't even control my damn tears.
"Aah shit. Uhm…Ana? Should I call Mr. Grey?" I hear, but I've pulled up my knees and with my head resting on them, I cry like a small child. Nevertheless, I still find the strength to shake my head. "Okay, what about Taylor? Or Gail?" He continuous, every option being met with the firm shake of my head. "Ana, he really loves you and for men, love is a scary thing. It makes us do stupid things. Unfortunately, Mr. Grey also don't really think things over. He makes a decision in like two seconds because he relies on his intuition. It's worked great for him in the past, but unfortunately, love is not business and a man's intuition is his worst enemy when making decisions involving his loved ones. Talk to him, tell him how you feel?" I look up for him to see the look on my face. The one that says "Realy? Like I haven't thought of it."
"He doesn't listen to me." When Luke raises a brow, I correct that statement. "He listens, but he doesn't hear what I'm saying. He's always on the defensive and when I show weakness, he switches over to offensive. I stand no chance with that man." How will this relationship ever work?
"Well, that is just bullshit! And honey, I wrote the book on bullshit, so I would know." I turn to face Elliot who is casually walking over to me and nodding to Luke. It seems it's a silent command to leave as Luke disappears pretty quickly.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, not bothering to even try to get up. Argh, and I must look like crap.
"I came to see if you are okay. That's if you don't mind." He sits where Luke just got up and then proceeds to make himself rather comfortable. So much like his brother, always looks like he owns the room when he enters it. "After all, I did absolutely nothing to piss you off."
"I'm fine." Another raised brow. What is it with these damn men today? "Okay, I will be fine. Just as soon as I figure out what to do."
"Yes, that is a good question. I for one, would be devastated should this relationship between you and my brother not work out. You changed him and I like this side of him. He seems more…tolerant of imperfections. His life has been too perfect and controlled anyway. Must get so boring to have such a predictable, perfect life." I smile and he leans back on his hands, continuing as if talking to himself. "Jog at six, work at eight, home at seven, dinner at seven thirty and then work until it's time to go to bed. But wait, it gets better. The next day you get up to what? Repeat the same boring as shit routine all over again. Can you imagine living like that? By choice?" He looks at me and I'm so caught up trying to imagine that horrible life, that I miss my opportunity to respond before he continuous. "I see that you can't. Me neither. That is going through life, not living life." When he sit up again, he crosses his legs and turn to face me.
"So, I heard that last part of your conversation with Luke and would you like my professional opinion?" With a smile, I raise my eyebrows at his professional opinion.
"You do realize that I'm not building a house? I'm trying to build a life, with no foundation, with a man who I truly love, but have absolutely nothing in common with." Yep, that sums it up nicely.
"The professional opinion is about my brother." He says with a dismissive hand waving in the air. "Anyway, Luke is right. Christian has always operated on instinct. Any decision, big or small, gets made within two seconds. He does not waste time on thinking things through because in most cases, he didn't have time to do so. Obviously, that worked very well for him until now. You are a curveball he never expected and his instincts are letting him fail every time he decides to make split second decisions on things involving you. To change that, on top of everything else that he changed already, would require a complete mind shift for him. And admitting a technique he perfected is no longer effective, well…for Christian, that is a big thing. So, how to handle that? Fuck sweetheart, I have no idea. Kate was my longest relationship to date and at this very moment, she might also be the reason why I get twenty five to life."
"She told you?" I ask, trying to work out how long I've been down here.
"Yes. Christian refused to have dinner until you were back and she decided to get it over with while we wait."
"How did it go?" I would like for them to get back together. He's good for her.
"Not good. I sort of lost it and then told them I'm leaving. Taylor caught me at the elevator and asked me to check on you. Just in time I see."
"All this drama is because we fell in love. Everything is such a mess, Elliot. He's life would be so much better…"
"It's your turn not to finish that sentence, Anastasia." I hear his voice, filled with pain and anxiety. "Elliot, please will you go back up to the apartment? We will be up soon."
Elliot gets up to leave and in his place sits Christian. Eyes tired and full of hurt. He is visibly tense and I hate seeing him like this every time some shit comes our way. How do I convince him that I'm here as long as he wants me to stay, if I'm not even sure that it's true anymore?
"I only found out most of it this morning and no, not telling you was not a quick or easy decision. It was one I struggled with all morning. I wanted to tell you what I found out last night, but I couldn't. I didn't want to ruin your relationship with your best friend without all the facts. When I got the facts from her, this morning, I still couldn't get myself to tell you. I didn't want to see you hurt after you've just started to heal. Telling you myself would have been like it was me hurting you and also, it wasn't my secret to tell. I wanted to be the one to tell you about my past, because I wanted you to get the facts, not someone else's perception of the facts. I thought Kate deserved the same opportunity, especially taking into consideration the seriousness of the matter." He explains, not once taking his eyes of me.
"Do you ever feel as if this is just too much for you? That you miss your old life? That the chaos that apparently comes with dating me is just not worth it?" I ask, holding my breath because if he answers yes to any of these questions, I know what I have to do and I don't want to walk away. I will however, if it is what he wants.
"Baby, nothing is ever too much for me to handle. I don't miss my old life for one second and the bit of disorder you bring to my life, is absolutely nothing compared to the changes you've had to endure as a result of dating me. I know you're upset and you have every right to be. I made a mistake and Kate fucked up, big time. I won't try to defend her, but Ana, you know that you want her in your life, even if I would like nothing more than to put her in an early grave. She knows that I haven't forgiven her and that it will take time for you and Elliot too, but she's willing to try." After everything she did, he is willing to endure her company for the sake of me and his brother. He really is a good man. "I'm doing this for you. I don't give a shit about her. As for us, there are no splitting us up, baby. We are meant to be together and I will not allow anyone, not even you, to break us up."
A/N: Please be so kind as to leave me a review. I will try my best to update again soon. I just need to finally finish the wedding video chapter of Eight months…It's been plaguing me for months now. Turns out writing comedy is not my strong point:(