A/N: It's been….forever, but here it is. Thank you for all the reviews I received thus far.
So…Kate…
No, I'm not making her the eternal villain. She's not my favourite, but every girl need a best friend…even a possessive one with misguided intentions. So, here the thing with Kate.
Just like with Temp for Fifty Shades, I would appreciate it if you could read over any mistakes even though I tried to fix most of them.
Important: I do not own the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters. They belong to the very talented E.L. James.
Ana POV:
"I'm doing this for you. I don't give a shit about her. As for us, there are no splitting us up, baby. We are meant to be together and I will not allow anyone, not even you, to break us up."
"You know I love you, but I don't like you right now. Let's go up for dinner and get this over with." I tell him honestly and he gets up first to offer me his hand. Reluctantly I take it and then proceed to hold onto it. I have no defences against this pull between us. In the elevator I see him smile down at our linked hands. "Careful Mr. Grey. You might just find yourself sleeping on the couch tonight." I warn, even though I have no intention of punishing myself. I can't sleep away from him, but I can promise him that there will be absolutely no funny business until he is out of the dog house…and he is in pretty deep.
"Finally! I'm starving and it's rude to let guests wait for dinner. Especially if it smells that good. I was tempted to just start with you." Elliot whines, already sitting at the dinner table with Kate on the opposite side. It's obvious that they did not kiss and make up and even though I have no idea what Kate told Elliot, I'm glad he didn't forgive her straight away. She needs to deserve his forgiveness and sometimes sorry is just not enough. She really hurt both of us with that messed up plan to protect me. Again I roll my eyes at that thought. She can be real blond at times.
Throughout dinner I'm constantly lost in my own thoughts. It's so easy for me to be negative lately, but looking at Christian interacting with Elliot just warms my heart. When Elliot catches my eye he winks. I know that he loves spending time with Christian and Christian is trying really hard to make up for lost time. Kate is silently eating her dinner, only glancing at the three of us every now and then. Eventually I just give in as seeing her miserable is not something I can endure for long. When I smile, some of the sadness leaves her eyes and she instantly looks better. It will take time for Elliot to soften up again, but I know he has also fallen pretty hard for Kate, so there is still hope. I just want everyone to be as happy as I am with Christian.
After dinner we have a final glass of wine before Elliot and Kate leaves to go to their separate homes. I'm hoping that the confines of the elevator on the way down will work its usual magic. Even when I'm mad at Christian, it is next to impossible to be in that elevator and not touch him.
When Christian excuse himself to go to his study for a quick call, I use the time to have a nice hot shower to try and wash away my troubles, but being alone in the shower only emphasizes the fact that we have problems to resolve. As much as I want to just get all the craziness behind us, I'm hoping for a peaceful, relaxing moment before I go to bed.
Dressed in pyjamas and my robe, I walk back to the great room and stop.
The fireplace is lit and is casting a magical glow in the dark room. There are candles burning and a smoothing melody in the background. Peaceful and relaxing…just what I was hoping for and need so much right now. I quickly look around and see no sign of Christian, so I go to sit down on the blanket he placed in front of the fireplace. My every intention was to sit and look at the fire, but with the comfy pillows next to me, the temptation was just too big to resist. Grabbing the smaller one, I lie down and stare into the flames.
I used to picture what my life would be like five years from that moment. When I was eleven, all I thought about was turning sixteen. When I was thirteen, I thought about going to college. When I started college, I thought about starting my first job. Now here I am. My sixteenth birthday a distant, albeit nice, memory. Done with college. Started my first job. Met the man of my dreams. And what do I think of now when I picture myself in five years? Not about my age. Not about my job. No, all my thoughts are filled with visions of Christian. Even thinking about ten years from now, I cannot imagine my life without him.
So where does this leave us? Will we even survive one year?
Christian POV:
I walk into my study and all I want to do is punch something or someone. Even though Ana is right here, it feels as if she is miles away. She barely ate. Barely said a word all night. Barely touched me. Admittedly, the last one is the one that gets to me the most. That, and the fact that she barely smiled too. I love to see her happy, but I don't seem capable of keeping her happy for very long. While she is taking a shower, I use the time to call for help.
"Christian, I don't mean to be rude, but what is so damn important that it couldn't wait until the sun is up?" John asks, sounding irritated and for the first time, I regret bothering him this late at night…but then again, I really need some help.
"John, I need help…with Ana." I say, rubbing my free hand over my face.
"Love problems? Seriously? Unless she walked out, and maybe even then, it can wait until morning, Christian."
"Don't say things like that. But really, something's wrong. She is sad and I don't like seeing her sad." I continue by telling him the short version of today's events.
"She needs a time out." The ass explains as if it is the most obvious thing in the world and that I should have figured that out for myself.
"A time out? What the hell is a time out?" Yes, I admit, I don't take time outs, except if time with Ana is considered as a time out. My time out. Time away from all the shit and...ooooooh.
"John, thank you. I need to go." I end the call and for the next couple of minutes I move very quickly to get everything just perfect for Ana's time out.
Pleased with my work and hoping to make her feel better, I step back into my office. With me in that room with her, it will most definitely turn into my time out and that is not the plan. The plan is to get her to just relax and spend some quiet time alone. I log into the security feed and watch her walk into the room. She sits for a bit and then lie down.
I wonder what she is thinking. Is she thinking about me? Is she thinking about the whirlwind which seems to be her life now? Is she thinking about Kate and her betrayal of their friendship? Or is she thinking about a quiet life?
Is she thinking about leaving?
If I was in her shoes, I would. Who wants to go from the life of a carefree student to this? A life filled with one drama after another and as luck would have it, my drama free life is now filled with several at the same time. But, I'm essentially a selfish man. I get what I want and what I want is Ana. She's not what I want for now. Not the right woman for right now. She's the right woman for me. She grounds me and keep me on my toes at the same time. She has the balls to take me on when I piss her off and the heart to love me even when I do.
Unable to resist any longer and praying she's had enough time alone, I walk towards my girl in front of the fire in our home. It still feels strange to think of the fact that I'm sharing my home with a woman, but I guess the fact that it is the right woman makes it feel right. I guess I've been waiting for her all along.
She's not even startled when I get down behind her. I wrap my arm around her waist and bury my nose in her hair. Yes, this is my home. The rest are merely add on's.
"Thank you…for this." She says softly and I lift my head to rest it on my hand in order to get a better view of her face.
"Anything you need, Ana."
"That's why I love you."
After a couple of minutes of silence, both staring into the fire, I couldn't tame the curiosity anymore and I ask the question that's been on my mind all evening.
"You spoke to Maya about us today?" I ask.
"Yes." She says before she turns onto her back, looking up at me and I struggle to breathe. She looks like an angel with the fire shining onto her. "Do you want to know what I told her?" She asks with a smile. Finally she looks relaxed.
"That obvious?"
"Yes. I see right through you Mr. Grey." She does. That scares me and comforts me in equal measures. "I told her that I love you unconditionally." She puts her hand on my cheek and I lean into her touch. "I told her that I love you because I love how you look at me. I love that you always have time for me even though you're so busy. I love how you make me feel. But mostly, I love that you love me. Not because I can give you anything, but you love me for me. I won't give that up…ever."
"Ana," is really all I could say. There are no words to tell her how much what she just said means to me. "You give me everything. You gave me your heart. You gave me peace. You gave me a home. Most of all, you showed me that I have a heart. And I love you, with everything in me." I give her a wicked smile and bend down to brush my lips against hers, "let's not forget that you gave me you. All of you."
And just like that it turns into my time out. My absolute favourite part of the day when I can lose myself with her and where nothing exists but the two of us.
It would be more comfortable to move to the bedroom, but nothing on earth would be able to get me to move right now. I need this woman more than anything I've ever needed and want her even more. When her hand trails softly over my back, I don't stiffen. I love her touch and I know how much she loves the fact that she can now touch me. The only thing that would make that touch even more perfect, is if the touch was done with a delicate ring on her finger. Of course I would prefer a statement on that finger, but it won't suit her and she won't like it. So I requested a delicate ring, designed by myself, for her. No way will she wear a ring for the rest of her life designed by another man. Damn, if I could make it myself I would.
Instead of the frenzied fucking I expected after the hectic and stressful day, we make love in front of the fire. It's filled with so much emotion that I feel like I might have a heart attack. When I feel that she's close, I move slower, anything to prolong this perfect moment. But then her nails scrape over my back and well…any man can only take so much and I thrust back into her and don't stop until we come together with her name on my lips.
I've been awake for hours thinking of how to get all the shit around us resolved. Kate is the easiest of all because Ana loves her like a sister and the hurt will eventually go away completely. My past I can't do anything about, but I need to be honest with her, with myself and eventually, although I hate the thought, with my mother. Elena, I don't know. She's changed so much since meeting Ana, but then again, who hasn't? Even Taylor is fucking smiling these days. I honestly don't know what to do about Elena. Ana is mad, really mad, and I have knots in my stomach just thinking about tomorrow evening. And finally there is lunatic Leila. Sick or not, she is causing Ana stress and that I won't tolerate much longer.
When Ana slowly opens her eyes, she smiles and crawls into my arms with her head on my chest and her arm around my waist. Soft, warm and very naked Ana. As much as I would love to take advantage of the situation, especially when she throws one leg around mine, I need to talk to her and it's easier to talk to her when she's just woken up.
"Good morning, baby. Sleep well?"
"Hmmm, planning on a couple of minutes more of it. Join me." She says, snuggling closer.
"I actually thought I would tell you a story." I say, rubbing my hand slowly over her naked back.
She lifts her head to look into my eyes with the most adorable frown, "A story? Like a bedtime story?"
"My story." And when I see comprehension on her face, mixed with fear, I'm tempted to say "Fuck it" and then fuck her, but we need to get to a quiet place in this hectic relationship and this is one step closer. "You want to hear it? Now?"
"Yes, I would like that." She says as she snuggles back into me.
"Okay, so imagine this young four year old boy. Hungry, angry, scared, neglected and abused. Trying to keep his dead mother warm while starving to near death himself. He is ripped from the ugly world he knew and thrown into the perfect family with the perfect parents and perfect brother. Struggling with trusting anyone as he could never rely on anyone to protect him, not even his own mother. As the years went by, things became better, but he never could feel like he belonged in his new life. Constantly in trouble. Constantly fighting. Constantly angry. Never really fitting into his family." Damn, I can't even remember being this honest with anyone in my life before, not even John. "A couple of months after his fifteenth birthday, he was shown a way to direct that anger at something else, someone else, and it helped him. It stopped the fighting. Stopped him from being the constant source of hurt for his parents with a constantly erring son. He started being a better son and then started to feel like he belong. That secret life he was shown helped him, really helped him. Until it didn't help anymore." This is so much harder than I thought it would be. Ana going stiff in my arms are not really helping either.
"Elena was punishing me for something, I still don't know who or what. I was punishing Elena for what my birth mother did to me. We were keeping each other in the past. After one particularly bad session, we both realized that we were no longer helping each other to cope and we stopped. We both moved on. I never missed spending time with her, but never truly regretted it either…until I met you. You made me feel like that young boy again. Afraid, ashamed, imperfect. A tainted man trying to belong with a perfect woman."
"Christian?" She whispers and I look down into her eyes and yes, I'm shocked to realize that my eyes are as wet as hers. I'm fucking crying? "You're not tainted and I'm far from perfect. Do you really feel like that?" Blinking, I press her head back onto my chest.
"This is my story." I take a deep breath and continue with my practiced speech.
"Anyway, I didn't actively hide everything from you. I just…I don't know…wanted to seem like I'm the perfect man for you. But no one can run from their past and eventually, all the fucking skeletons you were trying to keep hidden, will fall out of the closet while your hands are trying to hold onto the person you can't seem to live without. I didn't want to hurt you and I didn't want it to seem like I can't open up to you. I simply wanted to be the man you deserve." And I will be…as soon as I figure out how to do that.
"I know that I'm at a cross road right now. I know that there is not enough room in my life for my past, present and future to feature in it all at the same time. I also know that as loving and forgiving as you are, you will never be happy with Elena being in my life. I want you to know that I choose you. No not you, I choose us."
And then I wait…and wait some more. Eventually she sits up, the sheet pulled tightly to her chest, and look at me with something in her eyes that I don't quite understand.
"I never wanted you to choose me. Or us." She says and I'm officially confused as hell. I thought that was a rather nice speech, but I appear to always be on the back foot when it comes to this relationship stuff.
"You didn't?" I ask, sitting up to be eye level with her.
"No I didn't. I didn't want me to choose me. I wanted you to choose you. To understand how what Elena did was not only wrong, but illegal. You are a survivor of emotional, physical and sexual abuse and I wanted you to see that. To see that you were a victim, but now you are a survivor. You are young, beautiful and successful beyond most people's wildest dreams. You took all that abuse and you survived. I wanted you to cut Elena out of your life because of what she did, not only to you, but to your parents. Not because of me." She practically screams, tears running down her cheeks and eyes full of anger.
But me, being the ass that I am, didn't bow down and admit to what she just said. Yes, deep down, very deep down, I guess she has a point. But I'm not ready to reach that deep down into myself just yet.
"Can't you just be happy that I don't want her in our lives, whatever the reason might be?" And then I follow that stupid question up with a worse one. "Can't you just be happy that I choose you?" And yep, that face confirms just how much of a moron I am.
"You choose me? I didn't know that I was in competition with anyone for a place in your fucking life, Christian." She screams as she jumps of the bed, taking the sheet with her. Halfway to the bathroom, me still struck with silence, she turns around to glare at me. "But thank you. Thank you for doing me the fucking honour and choosing me over the person who molested you for years."
And with that she storms into the bathroom, slamming the door shut before locking it.
Well, this did not go as I planned it in my head. Nope, not at all.
But I sit patiently on the bed and think of the stupid words that just came out of my mouth after my perfectly planned speech. Yes, I can see how what I said was not the best move. I should have just said that I don't want Elena in my life anymore. That I want to have a future with Ana and that means that I have to let go of the past. That I love her and want to be happy with her.
Should've, could've, would've…these are all words that I've never used before Ana. I made a decision and then lived with whatever the consequences were…good or bad. Never second guessing myself as there was no time for regrets in my life. Now I find myself constantly regretting for the things I say, no matter how good my intentions were. Fuck, I find myself regretting my entire life before Ana. A past that is starting to make me think has the ability to ruin my future.
If I could just go back…
Ana POV:
Fucking choose me.
Like there was even a choice to make?
Like he considered the option of having me in his life or Elena?
I don't think I like the fact that I was an option to him. He's never been an option to me. He is just there. No option. No other way but to have him in my life.
I rest both hands on the vanity and stare into the mirror. All traces of sleep gone.
I remember him saying that he chose us. Not you, not Elena, us. You and him as a couple. That voice inside my head says and I remember him saying that right before I lost it. Yes, he chose us, but what was the other choice?
A life where Elena arranges his submissives again. A life with no love, no drama, no emotional ties to the women he fucks. A life where I had no place in.
But he chose us.
Okay, I might have overreacted just a bit. Thinking about all he said, I can see that he chose a life with me over his past and not me over Elena. Damn, now I feel like shit.
I walk back to the door, letting the sheet fall to the ground and decide to throw him a bone. Let him make the next move. Let him decide if he wants to take a step with me. I unlock the door and open it slightly before stepping back and walking to the shower. I turn on the water and step in when it turns warm. After five minutes of standing under the water, alone, I start to think that he might have left the room while I was having an internal debate with myself earlier.
Regretting my behavior and feeling alone, I reach for the shampoo. Might as well shower and get ready for work. Working the shampoo into my hair, the warm water is making me feel marginally better. When I rinse my hair, I feel him. The relief washing over me is enough to cripple me and I put my one hand on the wall to steady myself.
Quietly he enters the shower and stops to stand close behind me, but makes no attempt to touch me. Damn I hate, hate, hate fighting with him. Up, down, up, down, up and down. Fight, make up, fight, make up. That's us. It seems that it is what we do.
"I'm sorry that what I said upset you, it was honestly not my intention." I hear him say and then feel his fingers brush my shoulders.
"I might have over reacted." I confess.
"You think?" he asks and I can hear the smile in his voice. "I'm just pulling your leg, baby." He says, pulling me close to his chest with his arms wrapped around me. "There was no competition. I didn't choose you over anyone else. I chose my life with you over a life without you. I just want to see you happy. I know that what we did was wrong, but I don't want to deal with that right now on top of everything else. I just want to be happy too, with you. To move forward and leave the past in the past. I love you, Anastasia." He stops and press a kiss to my shoulder. Okay, my turn.
"I'm happy with you. I'm sorry I over reacted." I turn around and move a bit back to get some distance and look into his eyes. The two of us in a hot shower, naked and wet, is not really a good idea for a productive conversation, but then again, it seems no situation for us is good for a productive conversation. "You are the perfect man for me. You are not tainted, you are a strong, confident and dominant man." I say with a smile and get a wicked smile in return as his hands move to my waist.
"Dominant?" he asks as he pulls me closer to him and into his fast growing erection.
"Yes, but I'm serious." I slap him playfully on the shoulder. "I hate fighting with you and everyone coming between us is starting to severely piss me off. So, starting right now, in this relationship," I point between us and move my hand to his chin to push his head back up when he's eyes lock on my breasts, "is two people. You and me and from this very moment, we don't fight over the past, over Elena, over Kate, Leila or anyone else. We stand together and on the same side like the couple we are. Understand?" A smile spreads across his face and he pulls me close again.
"I like the sound of that. You and me against the world." I feel him push his erection into me again and instead of pulling away, I push back. "Now, can we kiss and make up?" He says, bending and peppering my neck with kisses. "Standing here with you, naked, hot and wet while talking is driving me insane and besides, you owe me."
"I owe you?" I raise my eyebrows in question.
"Yes. I practiced that speech for hours while I watched you sleep and then you shout at me before walking away and locking yourself in the bathroom. It caused a lot of tension and you cannot let me go to work with built up frustration. You need to apologize for ignoring the entire perfectly planned speech and focusing on the part I added without thought."
"I did apologize for over reacting." I counter and laugh at his expression.
"But not for jumping from bed before I got to properly say good morning. Now, are willing to fuck and make up?" He asks and I love this playful side of him.
"I thought you wanted a kiss?" I tease and I'm rewarded with his sexy, wicked smile.
"Well, seeing as you insist, you are more than welcome to start with that." He says, pushing me down at the same time. I waste no time at all and take his erection into my mouth the moment my knees touch the shower floor. Both his hands in my wet hair, he looks down at me with his erection in my mouth.
Looking up into his eyes, I make a promise to myself to leave his past in the past and focus on us. Nothing and no one else but the two of us.
A/N: I hope you liked it.
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