Callie POV
April 1st
Amy was standing by the kitchen sink with a cup in her hand. It was coffee. The whole room smelled like it. There was no steam coming from the cup. The drink no longer was hot. Amy has been staring out the kitchen window for the last 2 minutes, completly unaware that I have walked in, but I have been standing by the entrance in the kitchen watching her. She hasn't raised the cup up to her lips once.
"Are you okay?" I finally got the courage to ask her
My first attempt to grab her attention was unsuccessful. It was like she didn't hear me. She continued to stand still and stare out the window, her left arm crossed over her chest, but with her right she was holding the cup.
"Amy?" I said in louder voice as I took couple of steps deeper in the room. When I had walked up to the kitchen table, I finally saw part of her face – her right cheek. She looked sorrowful. A lone tear was slowly rolling down her cheek.
My fingers played with the hem of my shirt as I debated with myself about what I should do. Looking over my shoulder, to the hallway I came from, I thought about leaving her be. If it was me standing there, Amy would not just leave. She would try to talk to me and find out what was bothering me. But then again, it could be just one of those days, when the fact that her family was dead hit harder and it hurt more. Grief is weird that way. You can never know when it will overtake you.
But then I realized something. That day for me, when grief hits the hardest, was on mom's birthday or on her death anniversary. I knew for a fact that the second option was out, but the first one, could be a possibility. Looking back at Amy, I started to wonder if today could be either Aaron or Markus birthday.
The longer I thought aboutit, the more bad I started to feel, because I had no clue when their birthday's were. When they were alive, not once had I tried to get to know them better. I'm too shy to ask Amy about it, those questions would feel out of place now. At the funeral, I hadn't paid too much attention to the priest, who was speaking about Aaron and Markus on the behalf of the family, when he spoke about their journey from their birth to their dying day. My attention had been on Amy.
I stopped plying with the hem of my shirt and started to pick my own fingernails as I moved closer to Amy. Nervousness grew with every step that I took. I ran my tongue over my lips, that were suddenly so dry. Carefully I reached out to her. I ended up pulling on the side of her shirt softly, because I had chickened out on actual comforting touch on shoulder, forearm or back.
Amy turned her head to look at me. At first her gaze went down to her shirt, that I had pulled on, but which I no longer held between my fingers. After that, her gaze traveled up and met my gaze.
"Hey! You are up early," Amy smiled at me as she with a quick hand movement wiped away the evidence of tears off her face
"It's 9:30," I replied taking a small step back so we could have more space between us and I could have a better look at her
"Oh," she looked taken slightly by surprise about the time
"Are you okay?" I asked timidly her as I resumed playing with the hem of my shirt
Amy hesitated with her answer "Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay...I'm good," she had briefly averted her look down to her drink as she spoke
"Are you? Really?" I didn't fully believe her, she didn't sound too convincing to me. Amy didn't seem like she's good. To me she looked sad.
Amy tilted her head to her right side as her eyes studied me after I had questioned her answer.
"You were crying," I stated the obvious. Kind of silly, Amy knew pretty damn well herself that she had been crying "And you didn't hear me the first two times I tried to talk to you," I added warily
Amy smiled sadly at me "You are right," she admitted as she reached out to me with her free hand and caressed my cheek gently "Today is really hard for me," Amy took her hand away from my cheek. She was now holding her cup with both of her hands.
"Why?"
"It's Markus birthday today," Amy explained quietly, she averted her gaze briefly down to the cup in her hands
"So, he's an Aprils joke?" I retorted without thinking. Before I said it out loud, I thought it was funny. I regretted what I said the moment I said it out loud. Those words had just slipped out of my mouth. I scolded myself afterward immediately.
Amy stared at me in all of her seriousness. After that comment, I wouldn't be surprised if I get a slap in return. I would deserve it.
I thought about apologizing, but in the end decided against it, because apologizing to that comment would be like trying to get the spilled water back in the cup. It was useless.
The tension was high as I waited for her to raise her hand. But to my surprise, Amy's serious look broke down.
"Well, you just sounded like everyone in the family," Amy chuckled breaking the tension. I chuckled nervously, still surprised that she didn't take that comment to heart.
Amy walked up next to me, put her hand on my shoulder-blade and guided me to the table to sit down. As she set her cup down on the table, she asked "How about I make French toasts for breakfast?"
"Toast sounds good," I confirm and watch how she starts to move around the kitchen getting all the stuff that was needed to make some. Few minutes later, we were both eating our toasts.
I was crunching away on my toast, when Amy spoke up "Do you have a lot of homework left?"
"Some," I shrugged my shoulders and took another bite of the toast
"One of the hard ones?" She asked for details "Math or physics?" Amy asked before eating the last of her toast
"No, history. Need to read few paragraphs and answer some questions that are at the end of chapter," I explained
"How long will that take?" Amy asked curiously
"Hour maybe," I answered and ate the last of my toast. Then I reached for my glass of milk to drink on top.
"When are you planning on doing that? After breakfast, after lunch...at evening?" Amy asked as I drank the milk. I had the feeling there was something else she wanted to ask me. All these questions about school and homework were just set up.
I drank all of the milk that was in my glass. When I set the glass down, I wiped the milk mustache I got with my left hand before I replied "Probably in the nearest hour or two," Amy continued nodding her head even after I was done answering. She was looking down to the now empty cup off coffee that she held in both of her hands.
Watching Amy, I started to wonder - was this how I looked, when I have something to ask her? So obvious and conspicuous.
"I was thinking about going down to the cemetery later today, to see them. Buy some candles and flowers for both of them," Amy spoke up, finally saying what she wanted to say from the beginning
She then chuckled awkwardly and confessed "I don't want to go alone," after detaining a little pause, she asked me "Would you come with me? Please?"
"Okay," I replied without taking my eyes off her "I'll go with you," I said making Amy smile widely at me
~o~o~o~
It was little after 2, when Amy and I arrived at the cemetery. I was carrying a small plastic bag with cemetry candles and one flower bucket, but Amy had the other bucket of flowers and both of the vases.
"This is it," Amy sighed, when we stopped at the two graves. Neither one had a headstone. Amy hasn't ordered them yet. There were just plain graves.
"Which one was which?" My memory was blury, I coudln't remember, who was buried in which grave.
"Aaron is on the left," Amy nodded to the grave "And this is Markus," she smiled sadly looking down at her sons grave, that was right in front of her "I should probably order the headstones. Been long enough," she said mostly to herself
"Who do you think left those?" I asked looking down to the flowers that were left on Markus grave
"My guess, Bethany,"
"Who?" I screwed up my face in confusion as the name didn't ring any bells
"Beth," Amy explained looking down to me "You met her, when she came over to dinner one time,"
"Oh, his girlfriend," I sighed remembering the girl
Beth and I hadn't talked. Not the one time she visited, not at the funeral. We have passed each other at school few times, but that's about it. We are not friends. We barely know each other. Beth most likely doesn't even remember me. Amy, though, did exchange few words at the funeral and hugged once or twice. I wasn't sure at that time, who was comforting who. They both were grieving. This was the first time Amy had mentioned her since their death.
Amy handed me the vases "Could you go fill these vases with water, please? The water tap is over there," she said looking over her shoulder to where the water tap was located
"Sure," I comply, setting the bag of candle and the flower bucket down on the ground. I grab the two vases that Amy was holding and go fill them up. When I return, Amy was sitting on her knees between the two graves and trying to arrange, where the candles will stand.
"How does this look?" Amy asked me, when she heard me come up
"It looks good," I said handing her the vases. Amy set the vases down at the top of the graves and put the flowers in. She turned them around a little, till she liked the way the flowers stood in the vase.
"Help me light the candles," she handed me one of the match box. I crouched down by Aaron's grave and one by one light the candles and set them back down, where Amy had originally put them. Amy was lighting the candles by Markus grave the same way.
When all of the candles were lit and the lids were put on, I stood up. Amy remained on her knees, sitting by the end of the two graves. We both remained perfectly quiet for about a minute.
"Happy 18th birthday, my sweet boy," She said with teary eyes after the minute of silence was over as she looked down to her sons grave
I had a feeling I should leave Amy alone for a while, let her say what she wanted to say to them in private.
"I'm going to wait in the car," I told her quietly as I picked up the plastic bag and match box that I had left on the ground. I crumpled the plastic bag in my left fist and shoved the match box in my pants pocket.
"Sure," Amy dug in her pants pocket and pulled out the keys
When Amy placed the keys in my palm, she held on to my hand for a little while longer "Thank you!" she whispered to me, when she looked from our hands up to me. I wasn't exactly sure, what was she thank me - for leaving her alone with husband and son, for helping with the candles and flowers, for coming with her.
Without saying anything, after a small head nod and a smile at Amy, I walked off towards the car, giving Amy a moment alone with them.
~o~o~o~
After dinner, I had gone up to my room. I had settled on my bed with the first Harry Potter book in my hands. I remember, how I read it, when I was younger. Because I didn't remember much of it, I had decided to reread it.
I had read for an hour, when I started to crave some snack. After I put the bookmark in and set the book down, I made my way down the stairs. I hadn't made it to the kitchen, just the last step of the stairs, when I heard a familiar voice coming from the living room.
"All it takes is faith and trust, and dust!" It was without a doubt Markus voice, but he sounded much younger than he was, when I met him
"Dust?" I recognized Aaron as the second voice
"Pixie dust!" Markus called back and then I heard giggles
Second later I heard Aaron laugh "I think that's enough of pixie dust!"
Curious as to what was going on, I walked towards the living room. When I was by the doorway, I saw Amy sitting on the couch with her feet up on the coffee table. She had a wide and bright smile on her lips as she watched the TV. When I peaked a look towards the TV screen, I saw that a home movie was playing. Markus looked to be around 5. He was dressed up in a weird, green costume and he was throwing, what looked like piece of paper that was cut in small, small pieces, onto his dad.
"You need to think of happy things now!" Markus said and jumped off a couch. He ran to the armchair, climbed up on it and jumped down "Try to fly dad!" He said jumping off the chair. He waved his arms out like he was flying and ran around the living room. Aaron glanced to the camera and smirked at it, before he got up from his knees and holding his arms like he was flying ran after the young Markus.
"Look, I'm lifting off the ground!" Aaron called out playing along with Markus
I was so intrigued by the home video, that I walked in the room and sat down next to Amy.
"Daddy, we have to fly higher to reach Never Land!" Markus shouted back as he jumped on the couch again and jumped up and down on it
"Okay, champ. Wait a minute!" Aaron replied as he walked towards the couch and picked Markus up. He held him up effortlessly and flew him around the room.
"Mommy, look! I'm flying!" Markus called out as they were both moving closer to the camera
"You are flying so high, baby!" Amy spoke up from behind the camera "What is your happiest thought, baby?"
"You and daddy!" Markus replied as Aaron lifted him up even higher, making him giggle out. Aaron, still holding Markus up high, walked out of the living room. Amy and camera followed him, up the stairs. They walked in and out of the room, that was now mine, then they flew over to master bedroom. Once that was done, Aaron flew Markus over to his room.
"Have we reached Never Land, yet?" Aaron asked setting Markus down on his bed
"Yes! We are in Never Land!" Markus replied raising his hands up "Mommy, we reached Never Land!"
It looked like they were having a lot of fun. Markus especially. Whatever he was suppose to be dressed up as, whatever this Never Land was suppose to be - he was having a blast. And Aaron as well. It was strange seeing Aaron, playing pretend and being so silly and playful. If I had seen this side of Aaron the day I met him, I wouldn't be so scared of him like I was.
"Why is he dressed so strange?" I asked as I continued to watch the home video that was still playing
"It's his Peter Pan costume," Amy explained "Peter Pan was Markus favorite movie, when he was a kid. He dressed as Peter Pan for 3 years on Halloween," Amy said to me as she reminiscence about the times. Her eyes were still on the screen, watching the home movie. While there were tears in her eyes, Amy didn't look sad.
"Is that what he is suppose to be?" I asked curiously
"Do you not recognize Peter Pan, when you see one? The green spanks...come on!" Amy chuckled at me
"I'm not exaclty sure, who that is. I mean, I have heard of Peter Pan...but I have never seen it. Is it a book or movie character?"
"You haven't seen Peter Pan?" Amy turned to me with a surprised facial expression
"No, can't say that I have. Maybe, when I was younger. But If I have, then I don't remember anything," I replied. I had no recollection of reading or ever seeing a movie about Peter Pan. I have no idea what it is about.
"What is it?" I asked not understanding, why she continued to look at me like that – in shock, like I had said that I'm alien or something
"That's it!" Amy jumped up from the couch "We are watching Peter Pan!" she announced walking around the coffee table to get to the TV. I sat up straighter, when she opened the cabinet underneath the TV and revealed a huge collection of DVD's.
"Wow," I mouth to myself as I saw how many DVD's she had. There were at least two shelves, in two rows worth of DVD's. Amy was now unloading the shelves as she looked for the DVD.
"That's a lot of DVD's!"
"Back in the day, there was no Netflix. People had to buy DVD's to watch newest movies at home," Amy answered "Family movie nights were a weakly event. We have a lot of kids movies, which we bought for, when Markus was a kid. Perter Pan was Markus favorite movie."
"Ah! Here it is!" Amy exclaimed as she held a DVD in her hand. The cover suggested that it was an animation movie. She opened the DVD player and took out the disk that was in there now.
When the movie disk was in and it showed the main menu screen, Amy stood up and grabbed the remote control from the coffee table.
"Ready?" Amy asked holding her thumb over the OK button as she sat down next to me
"Aha. Play it!" I said as I pulled my legs up on the couch. I was exicted to watch it, see what Markus loved so much about it.
As we watched the movie, I felt how time after time Amy gazed toward me and watched me, probably wondering if I liked the movie. But she never said anything. Whenever I glanced to Amy, I saw how she was saying the lines along the characters. If it was Markus favorite movie, she probably has seen it hundredth of times as well.
When Wendy returned home, it was pretty obvious the movie was going to end soon. After finally seeing Peter Pan, I couldn't help but to draw connections from the movie to my own life. Amy, Aaron and Markus in a way reperesented Peter Pan. Amy bought me to their home, which was Never Land - a place where I could be a kid again and didn't have to act older than I was.
My life was very similar to the lost boy. Before I met the Scott, I was lost, just like they were before Peter Pan took them under his wing. With every passing day in the foster care, I remember less and less about the life I had while my mother was alive. Another common trait I shared with them, was the hidden or for them, not so hidden, desire for a mother figure. Which was exactly the role that Amy had taken upon.
"Well, what do you think?" Amy asked reaching for the remote control to turn the TV off
I didn't have to think about my answer "I like it. Liked it a lot," I replied turning to Amy
A wide smile grew on her lips "I'm glad you enjoyed it,"
"The crocodile was my favorite!" I said in full seriousness making Amy laugh out "Seemed like a cool guy,"
"Oh, you mean Tick-Tock the Crocodile?"
"Was that his real name?"
"Mm-hmm, and you better remember his name," Amy leaned closer to me and whispered "Or he will eat up your hand, like he did to Captain Hook," She griped my left hand quickly, before I could react and raised it up to her mouth, pretending to be eating it, making me laughed out loud at her silliness
~o~o~o~
That night, I couldn't sleep. There was simply something on my mind, that kept my brain awake, stopping me from falling asleep. After about three hours of trying to fight it, I decided to act on it, because I knew, I won't be able to sleep till I write it all down on the paper.
I reached for the night lamp and turned it on. My bedroom doors were closed, so I knew, the light wouldn't reach Amy's room and it wouldn't cause her to come an inspect, why I was awake at 2 AM in the night. I walked over to my desk and searched through the desk drawers for the music note book. Once I found it, I tossed it on the desk till I sharpened a pencil. After that, I got myself comfortable on the bed. My back against the wall, pillow behind it, making it more softer for me. My knees were bent up, blanket covered me till my waist. I pressed the note book to my knees and started to write the lyrics and the notes that had come to my mind, while I had watched Peter Pan with Amy.
This was something, that I had never imagined - I was writing a song for Amy.