Hello! We're back again! I know it's been a while, but I hope you enjoy this latest texty offering...
As usual, Sherlock in Bold, John in Italics

xXx

"Sherlock what are you up to?"

'I am determining the effects of Newton's First Law.'

"Does that make you an 'unbalanced force'?"

'Ummm…noooo. I am a body at rest. I will stay at rest unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. Are you perhaps the unbalanced force wiling to act upon my body, my dear Doctor Watson?'

"Well, when you've finished being a body at rest on the bloody couch maybe you'd like to come back to the bedroom and solve this bloody crime-scene!"

'But John, I need you to set me in motion.'

'Did you say crime scene?'

"I did."

"I might also say 'Pants', but I sure you're already aware of what's going on in here..."

'Now are these said pants either a) the article of clothing or b) what one experiences when one is short of breath, gasping, quick bursts of air caused by excess excitement or strenuous activity?'

'Oh look, inertia has been countered in certain parts of my body at rest.'

"Yeah, I always said crime scenes were a turn on for you - looks like I'm proved right."

"Oh, and the pants in question are of the clothing variety and have vanished. Into thin air - or maybe even thick air, don't care which. Just tell me why it was necessary for you to kidnap every single pair of my pants from the drawer."

'Me? Kidnap your pants? Why on earth would I do such a thing? I am not interested in your pants except perhaps when they are lying on the bedroom floor. Do you require my services to help you look for your pants? Up to me I would start by looking in your trousers.'

"Oh I would, but you see, there are no trousers here either. No shirts, t-shirts or jumpers, although I would have sworn they were all here last night when we...well, I don't need to tell you what we..."

"Anyway, the upshot is that I'm lying on top of the bed, spread-eagled and naked, with no clothes to wear and far too shy to come out without them..."

'Hmmm, sounds as though at this crime scene there is a body to be inspected, closely. I suppose that the pull of that particular force is enough to get me moving. Oh look, you are the unbalanced force, see? I was correct yet again. Now shall I tell you what other experiments I would like to engage in on the body in the bedroom?'

"Can you hear that? The other type of pants are making an appearance...in anticipation of being your lab rat."

"Tell me master, what will you do to this poor body?"

'Master. I like the sound of that. Well since I am your master I would like to continue with my experiment. I would first command you to lie very still. I would start with your toes, inspecting and tasting each one, pressing kisses into the sole of your foot. I would then make my way up to your ankles and behind your knee, making sure I got samples at each point of contact. My tongue is probably the best tool to use on each of these areas. I would pause for awhile at your iliac crest, sucking and licking, perhaps biting a little and then I would carefully and slowly wrap my mouth around the head of your penis but I have to warn you if you move or squirm or make a sound of any kind I will simply have to start over again, otherwise the experiment would be ruined. I have been told that such an experiment may lead to copulation. I hope you are prepared for such an eventuality.'

"I can here you whining from here slave, such behaviour will lead to cessation of the experiment."

"Yes Master, sorry Master"

'Newton's First Law is now a go.'

"Yessssssss!"