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LadySharkey1 rocks my world by being the most amazing, kick-ass beta I could ever imagine.

33.

"I can't believe I never found this place on my own!" Bella breathed, looking around her at the quaint little dining treasure that surrounded her. "It's almost right across the street from Furnald Hall!"

"It's one of New York's best kept secrets," Edward mused, letting his eyes glide over the menu. "The place belongs to the wife of a studio tech I met when I was doing my first record. I wouldn't have known about it if he hadn't taken us all along here for his birthday."

Bella looked around her again, taking in the eclectic assortment of art reproductions covering a lot of the vibrant yellow and green walls and the warm, wooden furniture scattered around the room. "It's funny but from what I know of them, I can hardly picture your bandmates in this place."

"That might be because they weren't around back then," Edward explained, much to Bella's confusion. "I used session musicians provided by the studio to record my first album. When I first started out, I was determined to remain a solo act." Sitting back, he rubbed his chest as he took a sip of the mint infused water their waitress had brought them. "I wasn't exactly the easiest person to be around even back then, and I had this idea that having a more permanent backup band would influence my sound…pull it in a certain direction as opposed to leaving all options open." He smirked, carefully setting his glass back on the table as he caught Bella's stare. "I guess I was right about that."

Bella was intrigued as she put her menu back on the table after making a selection. "You think the band dictated the direction your sound took?"

"I know they did but I just didn't see it back then." A bitter smile laced his lips as he put his menu down as well. "In the end, Laurent was the only one I picked, and I guess he had the best grasp on where I wanted to be as a musician… Hell, if it wasn't for the fact that he's an alcoholic and I can't really be around booze right now, he'd still be my bass player."

"But what about James and Victoria?" Bella wondered. Before Edward had told her how things really were between him and his lead guitarist, she had always considered them to be the power team behind his music. It had been the picture the media painted: the wild, out of control 'toxic twins' on their quest to conquer the world.

Edward shook his head. "They were suggested by the record company but I did feel a kind of connection to them, though I realize now it was more about their personalities and the fact that they offered me just what I craved back then. Their music…it was always more rock 'n roll than the direction I wanted to go in."

"And which direction was that?" Bella asked, their conversation temporarily put on hold as they gave their orders to the waitress.

"The direction I'm going in now," Edward spoke decidedly. "When we started to record the songs I wrote this past summer, I realized right away there was something wrong with them; they were too fragile to stand up to electric guitars and overstated drumlines." He paused, sipping from his water. "They were the songs I was always supposed to be writing…the ones I dreamed about when I was a kid, listening to my mom's Bob Dylan records, but they didn't sound right. At least, not until I played them live with my new band the other day."

"Do you feel liberated now that you got rid of Victoria and James?" Bella asked, toying with the napkin next to her glass.

Edward nodded. "It feels naked but not really in a bad way. Sure, as much as I grew to hate the fuck out of them, I'd grown used to them over the years and as musicians they are a tough act to follow…" His voice trailed off as he stared off into the distance, his mind obviously miles away.

"But…" Bella urged him.

"It feels great to be able to play the songs the way I want instead of having to figure in James' electric guitar or Victoria's heavy-handed drumming," Edward finished. "The way I'm playing these songs is the way they were always supposed to be played." He paused, leaning backwards as their waitress delivered their appetizers. "I feel like I'm my own boss because I get to decide what happens both on- and off stage instead of having shit shoved in my face which I don't know where the hell it came from."

Bella nodded, feeling in that moment how powerless Edward must have felt all that time he'd been at the mercy of people the likes of James. "I heard James got arrested."

"Yeah," Edward chuckled, digging into his food. "The bastard finally got his comeuppance. But even if that piece of shit wasn't locked up when Aro dropped me off at that rehab clinic, he made me choose between him and James." He snorted sarcastically. "Not that it really mattered, though, since James ran for the hills the minute he heard I'd entered rehab. Fucker wanted to be so sure of his meal ticket he couldn't even be bothered to hand in his notice."

"But I guess Aro took care of that, didn't he?" Bella chuckled. "He seems to be one of the few people around you who actually had a conscience."

"He annoys the shit out of me most of the time...greedy bastard!" Bella chuckled at the mock frustration with which Edward delivered his words, though she suspected that underneath there was definitely a layer of truth. "But he knows the business like no one else," Edward continued, "and he knows me as well. I pretty much owe everything I've ever achieved to him."

"And yet he stood by and let James drag you into the deep," Bella mused wryly.

"He likes his money." Edward shrugged. "And say what you want about James but he knew how to keep the audience happy. He was the one who taught me how to act on stage and be the self-absorbed kind of prick the media was salivating about. As long as he didn't keep me from bringing in the dough, Aro was happy to let him do his worst." Edward made a face as he tore off a piece of bread. "I hated every fucking second of it, but I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without it; the fame-whoring to the media, the fans, and the mask to grin and bear it all without letting anyone know how I really felt."

Bella heart hurt for him, seeing the little, orphaned boy in the lonely musician surrounded by fakeness. "It must have been lonely," she muttered before taking another bite.

"There are worse things in life." Edward shrugged it off. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it at the time."

"And now?"

As their waitress collected their empty plates, Edward took a moment to think about his reply. "I want different things now and I'm not just talking about a band who's on the same page a I am and a booze and drug-free backstage area." He sighed, his fingers nervously toying with his napkin. "I want a future, though I'm not quite sure what it should look like. I know I want some steadiness in my life..."

"Steadiness is good," Bella chuckled, feeling nervous all of a sudden as she realized that with stability came expectations. And from what he'd been saying the past couple of weeks, she knew featured heavily into that.

"So what about you?" Edward wanted to know, pausing as their main courses were delivered and their glasses topped off. "Where do you see yourself in the future? Or haven't you thought that far?"

Bella smiled. "I still see myself being a lawyer in a couple of years. It's all I ever wanted…all I ever knew, to be honest. With my dad being a cop, crime and solving it were featured heavily at the dinner table, and when my mom died…" She shrugged, trying to stave off the tears that were always so close whenever her mother popped into her head. "I want to make sure bastards who gun down an innocent, unarmed woman in front of her kid end up behind bars for a long time."

"I can imagine!" Edward whistled, the fact that Bella had witnessed her mother's death was completely new to him but, at the same time, made sense in some warped way. After all, there were moments that they just 'got' each other in a way that he had never found in another human. Maybe it came from the hell they both survived in their young lives. Or maybe it was just that they were meant to be?

"Anyway," Bella changed the subject, quietly letting Edward know she wasn't ready to talk about her mom before he could ask her any difficult questions. "I still have a long way to go before I can even get into law school let alone pass the bar and work as an attorney."

"You'll make it happen." Edward was sure of it. "I mean, you're smarter than anyone I've ever known and determined as fuck when you put your mind to it. You can do everything you want."

Bella smirked, sighing wistfully as she cut off another piece of delicious chicken breast. "I don't always succeed, though."

Edward let out a long breath, knowing exactly what Bella was referring to without her saying the words. "Sometimes it takes two people to make a success out of something," he started, "and when one of the two isn't ready…" he took a deep, frustrated breath, "when he is too damn caught up in his own misery to see the world she's offering him…" He shook his head, looking up into her eyes as he took a sip from his water, carefully choosing his words before speaking. "Our failure wasn't on you, Bella. It was all me; my cowardice, my failure."

"You weren't ready yet," Bella surmised, scraping the final bits and pieces around her plate.

Edward shook his head. "I shouldn't have let it go that far." Calling out for their waitress, he confirmed with Bella before asking for the check, knowing he needed to end their night before he pushed her further than she wanted to go. He'd done enough of it that night.

"You really are a changed man," Bella remarked as he helped her into her coat.

"A better man," he corrected. "At least I hope so…" Fidgeting, he walked behind her as they exited the restaurant, his hand itching to connect to the small of her back, but that was too soon. Way too soon. "Can I walk you back to your dorm?"

Bella bit her lip, seeming a bit unsure of herself. "It's just across the street."

"I know," Edward answered. "But I'd feel better, knowing your safely back in your own building. Besides, it might be my only chance to walk the hallowed grounds of an Ivy League school unless someone asks me to play a show there sometime."

She smiled, signaling the way. "Okay then."

They walked in an amicable silence that was only broken a few times as Bella pointed out a landmark. It was okay, though. Too many hard words had already been spoken to risk spoiling a peaceful ending to a good night.

"This is me," Bella finally cut their meeting short, pausing in front of the steps leading up to her dorm entrance.

Edward nodded, nervously licking his lips as he crammed is hands into his jeans pockets. "I have a gig coming up the day after tomorrow," he started, his heart hammering in his throat. "It's smaller than the one at Stinky's… just a tryout with the band to see if we're still on the right track. But…I'd love it if you were there. You can even bring your friends if you want." He realized he was stammering like a fool but he couldn't stop himself. "I…I'd really like to see you again, Bella."

Her smile softened as her small hand reached out to pull his from his pocket. "Of course I'll be there. Just name the time and place."

He grinned, feeling on top of the world at that moment. Sure, he might have been a long way from calling himself a success and God only knew he had even more shit to make up for with his family and friends. But right in that moment, it didn't really matter.

Right then, he was perfectly happy.

Thoughts?