Title: Miss Missing You

Word Count: 991

Rating: T

Characters: Clara Oswald, with mentions of Danny Pink, the 12th Doctor and of the 11th Doctor

Summary: Clara reflects on how she felt for the Eleventh Doctor and becomes angry with what the Universe has dished out to her throughout all her life. This takes place after "Death In Heaven"

Song Lyrics: "Miss Missing You", by Fall Out Boy.

*Authors note at the end

Don't panic
No not yet
I know I'm the one you want to forget
Cue all the love to leave my heart
It's time for me to fall apart

Clara Oswald kept trying to deny the fact that she missed her Doctor. Sure, the much older looking grouchier Scottish one was there, but he wasn't the same; he wasn't her Doctor. He wasn't the Doctor with floppy hair, or the innocent, childish persona, or the one with a very strange love of bow ties. But, most of all, this Doctor wasn't the one she fell in love with.

Sure, she still loved him, but now, it was more a friendly love. He still made her laugh, and she still had the undying urge to wipe those pompous grins off his face, but he just wasn't the same. He was colder now, more distant. He didn't take her hand when they ran away any more, she was always the one that took his, and unlike her Doctor, his hand felt cold and uncaring.

She tried to forget the little bits of pain that felt like shattered glass when she thought of him. That's what Danny Pink was, a little tool. Yes, she liked him, she liked him quite a lot but she felt deep in her little broken heart, that he would always love her more than Clara loved him. She tried to deny it, she tried so hard, but The Doctor, her Doctor, had taken her heart and nothing and nobody was going to be able to make Clara feel the way she felt towards that incarnation of the Doctor.

She was sad and she was mourning the death of her friend Mr. Pink. It gave her an excuse to cry. Of course, she was crying for Danny, though she may not have loved him completely and as wholly as she should have, but she had the decency to care a lot for him and she was very upset by his sudden death. But, she was also crying for her Doctor, the Doctor that was gone; the Doctor that she never had the chance to tell that she was unconditionally and madly in love with, the Doctor that she would never be able to see again- unless the Universe preformed little miracles to some very important person.

After that day, after all that pain, after her complete betrayal to the Doctor, she finally came to the conclusion that the Universe most definitely owed her; not because she was a good person and definitely not because she wanted to be owed, but because she deserved it- she earned it. She had lost so much; everyone she had ever held dear had died at the hands of Fate herself.

Death was not kind. Loss was not kind. Pain was not kind. These things don't go unnoticed; Clara had tried to ignore them for so long- but they were always there, lurking in the depths of her mind, waiting for the moment that Clara was most vulnerable to strike her heel.

She didn't think it was fair, she missed everyone. She missed her Mother, who had died so young. She missed Danny, who didn't deserve to die. (Well when you really think about it, nobody really deserves Death, but it comes eventually, and when it does- there's no hiding from it.) But, as she thought about it, she missed her Doctor most of all. She was robbed of all the time that she would be able to spend with him. All the future lover's moments were wiped away like a thin bellow of smoke being whisked away by the cold barren autumn wind. All their future lover's quarrels were down the drain, just because Loss and Pain were hungry, and they needed a feeding off Clara.

Clara couldn't deny that they had picked an excellent feast, because she of all people in the entire Universe knew Pain and Loss and Death like old friends. She had so many lives, an infinite number of lives, which amounts to an infinite amount of Pain and Loss. She wanted it to stop. The Universe owed it to her to stop.

But, that's the thing about pain, she supposed, it's always there, nagging on and on. It is an attention whore, really; it just wants to be seen- it just wants to be noticed, and it harshly demands to be felt. She was tired of it, she was sick of the pain that she had to endure. She was carrying her cross, it was heavy and rough, sending splinters of Loss into her sore and aching shoulders. Oh, the Loss, she had lost so much and she was worried about eventually loosing herself. She was sad about losing him. She had saved him so many times before, she just wished that she could have saved him; she wished that she had been there just a minute sooner.

Clara Oswald wished for a lot of things. Wishes were for children, who believed in fairy tales and princes in shining armor and shooting stars. She didn't believe in those anymore- all her fantasies were ripped away, leaving her only to console in her dear friend, Death, who possessed all of whom she held close. She gave in- she was ready for the Universe to fulfill her end of the bargain. She missed her Doctor more than anything. She was ready now. She was waiting. She would always wait, because you get wht you deserve, and Clara Oswald, the Impossible Girl, deserved so much more than what the unloving and unyielding Universe had given her.

Baby, you were my picket fence
I miss missing you now and then
Chlorine kissed summer skin
I miss missing you now and then
Sometimes before it gets better
The darkness gets bigger
The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger
Oh
We're fading fast
I miss missing you now and then

Hello! I'm sorry that this is sort of confusing towards the end, but my writing is a weird process in which my brain spews forth ideas and my hands subconsciously type them into the computer. I highly suggest you go and listen to this song, because it is one of my all time favorites, and i didn't realize how well it fit this one shot until after i wrote it and looked at the lyrics, which are so heartbreaking and lovely at the same time.

I'll have to admit that i cried while writing this, maybe because i'm still not over Matt Smith's absence from the show. (Don't get me wrong, I absolutely Love Peter, i just really miss Matt.)

Please review, and follow and or favorite, and if you liked this please feel free to go and check out some of my other stories!

XoXo,

bleuboxes