Lord Darth Yoda - Fair enough, I think that there was perhaps too much drama contained in one chapter.

Speechbubbleme - I love Nara too. She's a fun character to write, and we'll get to see more of her and her backstory (and boy is it tragic!)

A/N - Posting quickly because I've got to run and I can't not publish a chapter on Wednesday!

Please enjoy the next chapter.

Chapter 46: Mothers, Part One

Nara and Sascha walked back to Lirri's house in a daze. To be honest, Nara wasn't really walking, she was merely putting one foot in front of the other, because that was what Togruta did, and she feared if she stopped walking she'd fall into a morass of emotion so strong that it would consume her and she would never escape.

Arslan had given them the keys to Lirri's house, emotionally telling them that it was theirs now. She hadn't known how to respond to that. She simply didn't have the life experience to know what to say to that. She didn't know if she'd been polite or rude to Arslan, she just felt…numb.

As she and Sascha walked back to Lirri's Nara half wished that they'd stumble on to a droid patrol, just so that they could do something…anything but dwell on what had just happened. Unfortunately, tonight, they would not be so lucky.

She and Sascha quietly opened the front door to Lirri's house. Despite the fact that it had been bustling with people hours earlier, it was now empty. No one seemingly wanted to be in the house of a dead woman tonight. No one except two foreigners who had nowhere else to go. The two Jedi wandered around the house aimlessly, not saying a word to the other, each alone with their own thoughts.

Sascha seemed crushed, his bravado from earlier was gone, leaving behind a husk of a human, whose overly colourful clothes seemed vastly out of place. Somehow, they seemed too big on him now. It was like the dire circumstances had shrunk him. She wanted to go to him and just…hold him and have him hold her, but he seemed unusually closed off as he sat at the kitchen table, staring downward, his mind clearly far away. The young Jedi that was so carefree with his emotions was gone. She missed that person already.

She…she was still trying to comprehend what had happened. Lirri had been the best fighter out of all the Ubrorans and had been an inspiration to so many. Now to think that she was gone…it seemed impossible. Lirri had been so bright, so alive, she had been one of the few Ubrorans that would stand up and challenge her, instead of automatically deferring to her. It meant that they had clashed at times, but she always respected the fiery Ubroran, who reminded her of well…herself.

If things had been looking bad before for the resistance, now things were beyond grim. With Lirri gone, it seemed likely that their already dwindling resistance force would dwindle further, meaning that she and Sascha would have to be used more often, which meant that they would be quickly worn down, which meant that the next person that she cared about who died would be Sascha…or her. It was only just a matter of time.

That thought was just too much to bear, she fell weakly to knees in the middle of the kitchen floor, banging her knees hard against the cool, hard, surface. She curled into a defensive ball and just cried. She cried because she didn't have any hope left. She cried because a good person had died, and it seemed like the universe and the Force didn't care. She cried because of the fact that she wasn't going to get off this planet, she wasn't ever going to be a Jedi Knight and get her Padawan braid cut off by Master Yoda, which is all she'd ever really wanted from this life.

She cried because she didn't know what else to do, and that scared her more than her own death could.

She cried for so long and so hard that she totally lost track of her surroundings. As her crying fit eased, she noticed that Sascha had quietly, protectively, curled his body around hers. Yet despite the obvious closeness that the gesture implied, he remained apart from her, not touching her at all. She laughed through her tears, it was such a perfect Sascha Whitestar moment, on one level the perfect friend, on another, a shy boy still afraid to touch her, lest he be accused of acting improperly. She shifted to face him, and he tried to force a quick smile. Sascha's eyes were wet with tears too, which made her feel a little better about her outpouring of emotion. "You okay, Nara?" he asked.

"No," she said, trying to resist further tears.

"Good, because I'm not okay either." They lay there for long minutes, just staring at each other, neither of them knowing what to do. There had been no protocol at the Jedi Temple…for any of this.

Finally, she couldn't take the silence, "Can we get up from lying on the ground at least? It's cold on the floor."

"Good idea." They rose, pushing off of each other to clamber slowly to their feet.

"Where do you want to go, Nara?" asked Sascha.

"My room, at least it feels…kinda normal there." He nodded and gestured that she should lead the way. They climbed the stairs to her room quietly, the quiet creaking of their feet was the only sound in the house, the silence felt so, so wrong, and so out of place.

Once in her room, she resisted climbing onto her bed because that would mean that Sascha would be forced to sit on the floor, so she settled for a middle ground, sitting on carpeted floor, but leaning her back against the frame of the bed. Her best friend quickly settled in across from her, sitting in his usual cross-legged position, "What do you want to do?" he asked, his soft brown eyes staring back at hers.

There was…something that she'd always wanted to tell him. She'd wanted to tell him this ever since the day that he had declared that he was her friend and that nothing she could do could push him away. She'd kept a deep secret hidden from him. It had made sense to conceal it the start, but now, with hope dwindling, she just wanted to tell him.

Aw, what the hell.

She leaned forward slightly, "Do you ever think about your mother?"

Sascha's eyes widened in surprise. He opened his mouth to respond but no words came out. He blinked a couple of times, than finally managed to say, "I'm sorry, what?"

"I know most Jedi don't. We pretend that we somehow just arrived in the Jedi Temple as a manifestation of the Force, but we were…we are… someone's child. I was just thinking about how unfair it is that Sena will never get to see Lirri grow up. Our mothers never had the chance either."

Sascha looked deeply emotional, clearly on the verge of tears again. He looked away and said, "I'm not sure I'm in the right frame of mind to talk about my parents, after what we just saw."

Nara reached out and patted his leg softly, "It's okay, I'll start. I wanted to tell my story anyway." She took a deep breath, using a Jedi breathing technique to calm herself. "Unlike most Jedi, I actually have memories of my parents. Quite a few actually. I can actually remember the moment when my mother gave me over to the Jedi."

Sascha winced sympathetically, "I can't imagine what that would be like."

"I could show you," she offered.

Her best friend recoiled visibly, "I think that's a memory that is best left private."

"Maybe I should phrase it another way. I want to show you this. I want you to understand why I am like I am. I might not get another chance to do so. Tomorrow, I might be too afraid to show you, but right now I have the courage to."

Obviously hesitant, Sascha nodded, "All right. If you want to do this, Nara."

She started preparations for meditation, dropping all of her mental shielding and allowing Sascha to join with her. She felt his touch in her mind, uncertain and wary, but still warm, friendly. She reached deep into her old memories and found a happy one first.

In this memory she was very little, just a tiny little Togruta youngling, probably no more than two years old. She was playing with a little stuffed Thimiar, a small, rodent-like creature native to Shilli that was the primary prey of Togruta like her. The toy ran on little motorized legs, so that it would go a short distance and wait for her to pounce on it. Nara knew that it was a tool for teaching young Togruta how to hunt as well as being a children's toy. She watched herself slowly approach the toy, and then, from distance, she launched herself at it, quickly grabbing it and pinning it to the ground. The little toy vibrated for a second and emitted a tiny cry. The little Togruta laughed in a childish timbre.

She then let the Thimiar toy up and it obligingly scrambled away from her…and right into the path of an incoming foot, which crushed the little toy. A wordless cry escaped her lips as she ran towards the toy. She picked up the Thimiar, her little hands held the toy and she inspected it, the legs were bent awkwardly and the 'fur' of the Thimiar had been rumpled in such a way it no longer looked real. The two-year-old Nara Nalto regarded the broken toy and did the only thing that children knew how to do when tragedy struck them. She cried.

Quickly, the tall figure that had accidentally crushed her toy picked her up and held her in her arms. Little Nara looked into the face of the Togruta that picked her up. She had deep blue eyes, purple skin and dark purple montrals with deep red markings. Her mother.

The similarity between her and her mother was unmistakable. Yes, her mother's lekku were a slightly lighter purple than hers and yes, her facial markings were slightly different, but the facial structure was almost exactly the same as hers. Her mom offered her some comforting words that were unintelligible in her memory, but they seemed to calm her down slightly. Then, still holding her in her arms, she began to pet her rear lekku. Nara cooed softly as her mother brushed her posterior lekku slowly. Comforted, her two-year-old self closed her eyes and relaxed. She could feel the love between her and her mother in the Force, as undeveloped as her talent had been at that point. At this point in her young life, all she knew was that her mother loved her unconditionally.

The memory ended, and she had always assumed that her two-year-old self had fallen asleep in the arms of her mom. That thought made her feel warm inside. Always had, always would.

Back in the mediation, warmth flooded in from Sascha, which she returned. He seemed to prod her questioningly, as if asking if that was the memory that she had wanted to share. She mentally shook her head and prepared herself to relive another memory, one far more unpleasant. She reached into her memory banks to bring out an event that had haunted her for years afterward.

She was older in this memory, maybe four years old, and the mood was tense and emotional. Though she had lived this memory a hundred times at least, she could never figure out exactly where exactly it was taking place. It didn't help that the memory of a four-year-old Togruta was hardly immaculate, and the place where they were was pretty generic looking. What mattered was that there were four Togruta in the nondescript room and along with a figure in a brown cloak.

One of the Togruta was her, obviously. The second was her mother, who looked tired and frail, and the impression that she had always gotten from her was that her mom was tired of running. The only thing that it made sense to have been running from had been the Jedi, which had always made Nara believe that her parents hadn't given her up particularly willingly. And considering she was older than most children that were taken to the Jedi Temple, it could have been true. It could have all been in her head though. The third Togruta was her father, an average sized and not particularly attractive Togruta with orange skin and brown and red montrals and lekku. Her father was angry, not that you could really tell from his expression, which was neutral, but his emotions in the Force were more than clear enough for her to read, even as a youngling.

The fourth Togruta was her sister. A few years older than her, her sister was everything Nara had always wanted to be, physically speaking, that is. Purple skinned like her and her mother, her sister's montals and lekku were a lovely shade of deep red with white markings. Topped off with radiantly intricate and perfectly balanced set of facial markings, her sister, while only maybe…seven or eight, showed all the hallmarks of being on the way to becoming a beautiful Togruta. While Nara knew that she was considered reasonably attractive by humans and other humanoids, she knew that in terms of her own species, which valued facial markings and strong, bright colouring on lekku, that she'd be considered rather homely. She had always been jealous of her sister, which seemed ridiculous, given that she had gotten to lead a life of adventure as a Jedi and her sister would have ended up probably living a rather boring existence, but…she was still jealous.

The fifth person in the room was silent, dressed in their brown travellers cloak, very similar to the ones that she had worn while going on missions. Obviously, the person was a Jedi, but the memory she was re-living offered her no more details, so she didn't know which Jedi it was. Beyond the fact that she knew that the Jedi was a humanoid, she could make out no distinguishing features, as the cloak concealed them. She was actually thankful that she didn't know who the Jedi was that had been with her on that day, because she irrationally hated that Jedi with the passion of ten thousand fiery suns.

Returning her focus to the memory, she saw her mother nudge her sister gently in the back, "Say goodbye to your sister, Lia."

Her sister stepped forward and embraced her. Nara returned the embrace, wrapping her tiny arms around her sister. Her sister broke the embrace and held her by her shoulders, "Write me when you get to the Temple. I want to know all the fun things you get to do."

"I will," she promised in her childish voice.

Nara's control of the meditation wobbled and almost collapsed. She hadn't kept her promise to her sister. Somehow, she had always forgotten this part, and a wound opened anew. She hadn't kept her promise and that seemed incalculably painful at the moment. Nara had forgotten her sister, but she doubted that her sister had forgotten her. She was a selfish, worthless…

With great effort, she clawed her focus back to the memory at hand. After breaking the embrace with her sister, her father bent down and picked her up with ease. She hugged her daddy tightly, as tightly as her youngling arms would allow her to. Her dad lifted her so that she was right in front of his big blue eyes, "Nara, be a good girl with the Jedi. Show them that you are the best. I…I am proud of you, my daughter. I will miss you every day," he said, trying hard to keep his composure.

"I love you, daddy," she squeaked in her childish voice. Her father brought her in close for a last hug, before passing her to her mother.

Her mother was nowhere near as stoic as her father had been, her lekku swayed in distress and Nara could feel her churning emotions in the Force. Nara knew that the bond with her mother was far, far stronger than the one that she had with her father. She latched on to her mother tightly for a long moment, and her mom had to peel her away from her. Her mother placed her down on the ground and then knelt to bring herself to Nara's eye level.

Her mom's bright blue eyes quavered with emotion, and she spoke words that Nara had recited to herself almost every day afterward. "Always remember that I love you with my whole heart, and I always will, no matter the distance between us. You are the light in my life. Now go be a light in the stars, my child." Her mom brushed a tear away from her eye, "Go with the Jedi, they will be your family now."

"But I don't want to go!" she protested, "I want to stay with Lia and you and daddy!"

Her mother forced a smile, "You are getting to go to the Jedi Temple. Do you remember that I showed you a picture of the Temple? Didn't it look wonderful? Didn't you say that you wanted to see it? They'll teach you to be a Jedi there. Don't you want to be a Jedi, Nara?"

Uncertain, but with the promise of becoming a Jedi and going in a spaceship to Coruscant, something that would have tempted every four year old in the entire galaxy, she turned from her family and walked towards the Jedi.

She reached the Jedi's side and tentatively held out a hand to the Jedi. The nameless, faceless Jedi took her hand and started walking her away from her family.

She had just taken a few steps away when a pang of unbearable sadness came through the Force from her mother, shattering the idyllic moment they had just shared. Shaken by the sheer strength of the emotion, she fell to her knees and sobbed deeply. Now she knew that her mom didn't want to give her away. She knew that the previous words had been a lie, a facade.

Nara wanted to stay with her family, she wanted to stay with her family more than she wanted to be a Jedi. She released the hand of the Jedi, and turned to race back to her mother. Her mother, extended her arms towards her, but did not move towards her, nor did she call her name. She only cried.

The Jedi quickly turned and picked her up. She tried to resist, but the Jedi was strong. So she clambered onto the Jedi's shoulder and looked back towards her mother, who was slowly getting smaller in the distance. "Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" she shrieked, stretching her little arms back towards her.

She felt the Jedi trying to calm her down, but she would not be calm, her mother was being taken away from her! She squirmed and tried to escape the clutches of her abductor. She lashed out with everything available to her, including her nascent Force talents. She kicked and punched the Jedi, and hit him or her with everything in her power, but it was not enough to disrupt the sombre Jedi Knight. The faceless Jedi carried her around the corner, despite her protests, her tears, her fists pounding the Jedi's shoulder.

Nara Nalto was carried her away from her family, a family she would never see again. The last thing she felt was a deep sense of loss, a loss of a family that loved her unconditionally, who loved her for just being Nara Nalto.