Lord Darth Yoda - So logical :p. I mean you are probably right to be worried about Nara, for all the reasons you just talked about, but come on, Sascha could be blown up by a tank at any moment...right...right? (Okay, probably not).

A/N - Sometimes when I review this chapter, I think it's one of the best I've ever written. Sometimes I think its one of the worst and I should have taken it out. The truth is probably in the middle somewhere, but maybe let me know if I've lost my mind or not (Too late! :P)

Anyways please enjoy the next chapter.

Chapter 49: Lost

Sometimes we thought a mistake was made. Our son couldn't be a Jedi! He was just like every other child, he cried and ate and didn't do much beyond that. There never seemed to be anything special about Sascha. Maybe that was the point. Maybe the Jedi don't take their Initiates as infants so that they can experience that last bit of normalcy, where they were exactly like every other being their age.

-Excerpt from 'My Son, the Jedi' by Donah and Robry Whitestar

"May the Force be with you, Nara."

Nara nodded curtly, acknowledging his remark and turned to her troops, half of the fourteen Ubroran Rangers that had joined them in Bontha this morning. The fresh, experienced troops were certainly a welcome sight for him and Nara. Unfortunately for them, the Ranger's experienced Lieutenant had been held back, having not recovered enough from a minor wound he had taken earlier. That meant, as ever, leadership fell to the Padawans.

"Okay, time to move out. Any questions before we go?"

"No, Commander."

The Togruta nodded, "Let's go. I lead, you follow."

Nara acknowledged her troops and then started off in the opposite direction in a light jog, her troops right behind her. Sascha watched her go, hoping that trepidation wasn't written all over his face. When he'd woken Nara up this morning, he'd had to actually go over to her and shove her shoulder to get her to stir. Even after getting her, up Nara seemed to have become...distant. Though she had opened up to him a couple of days ago, the strength that had allowed her to do that hadn't lasted very long.

Nara was going to break. It was just a matter of when she would do it, when everything was said and done or before that. For Nara's sake and his own, he hoped it was the former and not the latter.

He had toyed with the idea of keeping Nara back or keeping her with Arslan, but to do that he'd have to explain his reasoning to Nara, and he'd basically be forced to admit that he was worried about her mental state and that didn't seem like a productive conversation. So Sascha was rolling the dice by letting Nara go with half the Ubroran Rangers and go raiding. It was a sick, mind-numbing gamble. He'd wanted to lead the raid himself, but if he got in trouble, he didn't necessarily trust that Nara would make the best decisions anymore. So he had let Nara lead a solo mission. He just it didn't go horribly wrong like most missions were going these days.

Sascha headed back inside their temporary headquarters. It was hard not to notice how empty they were in comparison to a week ago. "Tell me what's happening Arslan," he said.

Arslan barely looked up from the screen which he was staring at, "They've just gotten under way. About four minutes until they come across their targeted patrol."

Ovans, who was pacing around behind Arslan commented, "I can't believe their patrols are getting so close to us. A week ago we could say that we conceivably controlled forty percent of the city. Now it's more like ten."

That was pretty indicative of the success that they'd been having. No longer could they simply show up, ambush a droid patrol and then leave, now it was show up, ambush a droid patrol and then fight a running engagement with a pair of Mandalorians for twenty minutes before managing to escape. The numbers of resistance fighters was now dwindling to an almost absurdly low number. Without the Ubroran Rangers reinforcing them, Sascha might have had to ask Arslan to take up a rifle again, just to have enough numbers.

Sascha saddled up to Arlsan and spoke quietly, as not to be overheard, "Have you had any success in finding where the kidnapped families are?"

Arslan visibly tensed for a moment, "No. But its going to be a trap when we do find them."

"I don't care Arslan. Just find them."

Sascha had to walk away from Arslan to get his composure back. The fact that Coren Vox had stooped so low as to abduct the families of resistance fighters was infuriating. He didn't care that it was probably going to set up another trap from Coren Vox, he just couldn't bear the thought that someone completely innocent was being harmed because of his actions and if given the chance to make it right, he would.

"We have contact," said Arslan in a cool tone. "Nara's squad has encountered the droid patrol."

Sascha turned back around so he could watch the feed from Nara's camera that was on Arslan's display. The display showed Nara and her squad getting in position as a droid patrol walked obliviously by. Good news, so far. All Nara had to do was ambush the droids and get out before the Mandalorians reacted. They'd done it dozens of times by now.

"Come on Nara, what are you waiting for," he muttered. As far as he could tell, Nara was being far too careful in waiting for the exact perfect moment to strike. Their opposition was only eight droids, it was not as if they needed to be perfect. Finally, Nara jumped into action. Her part of the Ubroran Rangers opened fire first, and as they were doing so, Nara jumped into the fray, with what he felt was a fair bit less than her usual enthusiasm. By the time she got near the droids, only one of them was left and she easily cut that luckless droid in half.

Sascha shrugged. Sometimes it was just that easy.

"Okay, time to fall back," muttered Arslan.

On screen, Nara started jogging away from the impromptu battle. For a moment, it looked like they were going to get away. Then a burst of static came from the datapad and the picture faded for a moment. When the picture returned, Sascha got a close up view of the ground as something had apparently knocked Nara to the ground. In the Force, Sascha felt Nara's fear and that was enough to have him turn and head for the door.

"Sascha, where are you going?" asked Ovans.

"Nara's in trouble. I'm going to help." Sascha gestured to his half of the Ubroran Rangers, "Squad, with me!"

"Sascha, she's just going to retreat..." said Arslan.

He didn't let Arslan convince him not to go. He knew that Nara was in trouble and he was going to help. Simple as that. He strode out the door, feeling Nara's fear and desperation quite clearly in the Force. That meant there was no time to lose. He turned to his troops, "I'm going to go on ahead, follow me when you can." Upon receiving nods from his troops, he drew on the Force and sprinted in Nara's direction, trusting that his connection with Nara would allow him to follow his friend.

Sascha tried to keep his mind clear as he ran, but Nara's obvious fear kept him from doing so. He was lucky Nara wasn't far away, because the more time he had left alone with his thoughts, the worse it would be for him. He knew that he was getting too close to Nara, he shouldn't have been effected this much by her emotions. But at this point he felt responsible for her. And, deep down, he knew that if Nara got hurt or...worse, and he had done nothing to stop it, then he would never forgive himself.

Sascha rushed around a corner, knowing, and feeling that Nara was close. When he saw her, his heart caught in his throat for a split-second. Nara, her unlit lightsaber held listlessly, was shambling down the road, her brown Jedi overrobe almost torn completely off, showing most of her colourful inner robe. "Nara!" he shouted. The Togruta didn't appear to hear him, so he closed the distance between them swiftly, and as he did he could see little patches of blood on her robe. Blood that didn't appear to be hers. That…wasn't good.

Fearing what that might portend, and wondering why she wasn't responding to him, he grabbed a firm hold of her shoulders, "Hey Nara, what happened?" The Togruta paused in his grip, but didn't even seem to notice him. Truly, deeply, worried now, he said in a more urgent tone, "Nara, come on, talk to me."

After a long pause, she finally spoke, "Gone," she said faintly, "They are all gone. Everyone always leaves me…"

"Nara?"

The Togruta turned her blue eyes towards him, yet they were so lifeless and dull that he wouldn't have recognized them as hers if she hadn't been standing right in front of him. "Gone. All gone. Always Nara left alone."

"Nara, why are you talking in the third person? What happened to your squad?" he said, trying to interject some calm into his voice.

Nara glanced away from him, "Gone. No one left. Just Nara. Everyone always leaves me."

"Nara you aren't making sense." A deep sense of dread seemed to be descending on him, what in the Force was wrong with his friend? She had been relatively fine just a few minutes ago! He'd always thought Nara as such a strong presence, what was happening in front of him seemed impossible.

Nara then looked him dead in the eye and spoke in a distant, childish tone, "I'm going away now. Bye, Sascha."

"Nara? What do you mean you a going away now?" The Togruta offered no response, only staring straight ahead with lifeless blue eyes. "Nara? Nara! Don't do this to me," he said, his voice frantic. He shook Nara gently hoping to lull her out of…whatever this was. No reaction. He tried shaking her a little bit harder. No reaction. He then noticed that his squad had followed him and was watching the unfolding scene in apparent fascination.

One of his soldiers stepped forward, "What happened to Nara?"

He turned towards his men and forced what he thought was a confident expression onto his face. "Nara is…uh…fine. She just needs to rest for a while. I'll come back to HQ in a bit."

"But what did she say about her squad being gone?" asked another soldier, worry apparent on his face.

One crisis at a time, the young Padawan almost shouted. Instead, he continued to affix a mask of confidence on his face, "I'll try to find out what happened from Nara," he said earnestly.

Clearly, his squad didn't believe him, but he didn't have time for their concerns, his concern for Nara's health and well-being trumped everything else right now. He pointed at the lead soldier, "Go back to base. Report back to Arslan. I'm going to help Nara."

The Ubroran Ranger clearly didn't want to heed his order, but military discipline won the day, "We expect to see you at base shortly," he said. His squad turned and hustled back the way he came, leaving him and Nara alone. Sascha looked in disbelief as his friend continued to stand and stare forward like she was a mannequin. He decided that he needed to get Nara out of here and to somewhere private. He picked up his friend in his arms and started walking back to Lirri's apartment.

The fact that Nara didn't utter a single word after he picked her up scared him so deeply that he couldn't think about it. Nara wasn't exactly shy about physical contact, but she would never let herself be…handled… like this. Showing weakness wasn't exactly something Nara made a habit of doing. Yes, she had opened up to him, but that was very different from letting herself be carried as if she was a sack of fruit from the market.

While he jogged towards Lirri's house, he spared a quick second to look down at Nara. Limp in his arms, her eyes continued to stare forward blankly. "What happened to you, Nara?" he asked to her prostrate form. As he expected, he received no reply from his friend.

He was able to bundle Nara inside the front door to Lirri's apartment without incident. Once inside, he carried her up to her room. He had hoped that the vaguely familiar surroundings might snap her out of her stupor, but even after he placed her on her bed, letting her legs swing over the side, the Togruta paid no attention to him or anything around her. It was eerily like when he had pet her rear lekku, and she had uncharacteristically curled up against him. Except that had been kind of cute, a nice intimate moment between friends, which Nara had snapped out of as soon as he had stopped brushing her lekku. This…whatever it was…was much worse.

He wondered if he should try petting her lekku again, and hoping that it would potentially break Nara out of her daze. He was nowhere near as comfortable as Nara was in making physical contact with another Jedi, especially in a vaguely intimate manner. Yet he thought that it was an idea worth trying. Cautiously he reached out and placed his hand lightly on her dark purple and red lekku. Nara didn't even stir in the slightest. Biting his lip, he began petting her lekku softly, hoping for any sort of reaction. Yet no matter what he tried to do, there was no reaction from the Togruta. She was just...gone.

At a complete loss at what he should do, he did the only thing he knew how to do when he was in trouble, he pulled out his comlink and dialed his Master's frequency. As it rang he glanced over at his Togruta friend, who was still staring lifelessly forward, her eyes unfocused. Each time he looked over at Nara, he felt his nerves and his confidence fraying a little more. This war had cost him so much, he wasn't sure if he could take his best friend going into a catatonic state without losing himself completely. As the comlink continued to ring without anyone picking up, he yelled, "Come on! Pick up the comlink Master! I need you!"

Not getting a response from his Master, he tried contacting Master Tiplee. Again, no one picked up. Frustrated, he almost whipped the comlink into the wall. He decided that was a bad idea, so he kicked the wall to relieve his frustrations. That just caused his foot to hurt, but it was better than breaking his comlink at least. Sascha tried to think about what he could do right now. He couldn't admit to the resistance that Nara had…shattered like this, as it would probably destroy the morale of the troops, which was low enough as it was. He could maybe get Arslan to come by, but Arslan was just an organizer, he wasn't a psychiatrist, he wasn't a Jedi. So it was up to him to figure out how to get Nara to snap out of it.

He took a deep breath and slapped Nara lightly on the cheek. Mentally bracing himself for Nara to launch herself at him, or slap him right back, he watched with increasing desperation as the Togruta swayed back into her previous position.

Sascha was quickly running out of ideas. He ran a hand through his hair and started pacing around the room. He has to try something else, he decided. He can't just leave Nara like this.

He dropped into the Force and expanded his awareness towards Nara. Usually all he would have to do to start a meditation session with his friend would be to brush his presence against hers – almost like knocking on the door – and the Togruta would let him in. Then they would be able to meditate together. It was exactly how they had meditated together just a few days ago.

Now, when he searched for Nara in the Force he could barely find her, even though her physical body was not far away from his. This isn't right, he thought to himself, he had never ever had a problem getting through to Nara. He'd never, ever had a problem like this. He'd never even heard of something like this happening. How could Nara just be...gone like this? Was she going to be gone forever?

He probed Nara's Force presence. All of the Togruta's mental shielding is up, which prevented him from doing anything more than a gentle probe.

Returning to full awareness of himself, he considered doing something that he'd never thought he'd have to do. If her overwhelmed Nara's mental defences, he could potentially bring her out of her stupor. It was a risky plan, even if he managed to get Nara's defences down. He had absolutely no idea what was going on inside Nara's mind, so even if he did get inside, he might be able not solve anything. Plus there were the inherent moral concerns. This was something that Jedi were trained to do only in the most dire situations.

You have to do this for her, he told himself. Nara would do that same for him, of that he had little doubt. Whatever the risks, he knew that Nara had faith in him. He would do whatever he could to help Nara.

He sat and got comfortable on the floor of the room. Then he expanded his Force presence towards Nara. When he found Nara in the Force, again he was blocked by her mental shielding. Taking a deep breath he did something that Jedi were trained not to do, he was going to invade the mind of an innocent. He tried to forcibly enter Nara's mind, only to find that it was like running head first into a durasteel wall.

Sascha blinked. He had not expected to be rebuffed like that.

He decided that he needed to be stronger, more forceful. This time when he met Nara's mental defences, he was prepared. The initial mental pushback from Nara almost shoved him away, but he held on tenaciously, willing himself to not be overcome.

Feeling like he was waging a mental war, Sascha redoubled his efforts, pushing himself deeper into the Force. Nara's defences started crumbling, slowly but surely. The only problem was that Sascha was pushing himself to his limits. Knowing that he had committed himself to this task, he held on, using his friendship with Nara power his efforts.

After a long, fatiguing, battle, Nara's mental defences had almost been completely worn down. Giving one last effort, he pushed hard and barrelled through the remainder of the walls in Nara's mind. This time, he succeeded.

Once he had broken through, a wave of fatigue came over him. He knew that he'd have to take a moment to regroup before going searching for what was wrong with Nara.

He didn't get the chance.

Still 'inside' of Nara's mind, he felt himself being sucked into a vortex. He tried to resist, but he was far too fatigued too tired to put up anything more than a feeble defence. He tried to return to his own body, return to control of himself, but he wasn't able to. Whatever was happening, he was trapped for the moment.

Against his will, he was shown a vision of Nara's past. What he was shown shocked him. It was the memory that Nara had shared with him a few days ago, of Nara being taken away from her parents. Sascha understood immediately. Nara's mental break had caused her to return to the only other time in her life that she had an equal level of mental anguish, the day she had been taken from her family, her self-admitted nightmare.

Sascha followed along with the memory, seeing Nara saying her last goodbyes to her family. It was such a tender and sad moment, he was very glad that he didn't have a similar memory of leaving his parents. The hardest part was watching Nara say goodbye to her mother. The connection between mother and daughter was so very strong, especially considering that Nara hadn't had a moment of training in the Force.

Still, the memory continued as it had when Nara showed him it. Nara walked away from her family and towards the Jedi in his or her brown overrobe. The little Togruta offered her hand to the Jedi and the Jedi bent down and accepted it, and started walking away. Nara got a few steps away from her parents before a pang of sadness came through the Force from her mother. Nara turned and tried to go back to her mother, but the Jedi picked her up and continued walking away.

That was then the memory took a very unexpected turn. Young Nara reached up and knocked the hood off of the Jedi's head. The Jedi, who had been faceless in Nara's memory, now had a face. And the face was his.

Oh…that's not good.

As she had in the real memory, Nara attacked the Jedi that was taking her away, but unlike the real memory Nara actually had some success, dragging the Jedi down to the ground, where she wailed away on the Jedi with tiny balled fists.

Sascha, knowing that this memory was going to get worse before it go better, made a last effort to pull himself away from Nara. This time, he was able to do so.

Disorientated, he took stock of his condition. He was breathing hard and it felt like he had run a marathon. He wasn't exactly sure what had just happened, but he was very happy to be back in control of himself.

Hopefully, he looked up at Nara. The Togruta was blinking slowly, but her eyes were back to normal. Sascha released a slow breath, "Nara, are you with me?"

"You took my mother away," Nara said slowly, softly, threateningly.

Shaken by the vision, and the sudden cottonmouth that he had from exerting himself so fully, it took him a moment to form a reply, "Nara, that's not…"

"You took my family away," Nara said, quicker now, with a definitive edge to her voice.

He shook his head, "Nara that wasn't me, that was just…"

Nara stood, her body posture threatening, predatory. "I HATE YOU!" Nara yelled. "YOU TOOK ME AWAY FROM MY FAMILY!" I'll KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID!"

Nara leaped at him and tackled him to the ground, wrapping her fingers around his throat and squeezing with deadly intent.