Leaving So Soon?

"Kaaaguraaa!" Gintoki called as he entered the apartment. His immediate thought was how cold it had become. The barracks had gotten the heating up and running rapidly, but the yorozuya had no such benefits of power. It was probably around the freezing mark now. He flicked off his boots and shuffled into the living room. The television was propped in one corner, redundant now that they had no electricity supply. "Oi Kaguraaaa. I'm back."

"She'll still be working," Sougo appeared behind him. "Last night she was looking for somebody - out on a job."

"At this time?"

"Probably all night." He replied. He felt satisfied by the look of surprise on Gintoki's face. It was about time he knew what was going on. Whilst he was moping around because of the incident with Shouyo, repairing lost connections with his old friends and forging new relationships, one very important person had been left behind. And Sougo knew, he knew that Gintoki hadn't done this on purpose. It was because Kagura was understanding and gentle, and it was because she treasured Gintoki so much that he hadn't worried about her. He knew she'd be there when he figured things out. Well, he thought he knew. It was time he saw the reality she was hiding from him. She wasn't doing fine on her own. Gintoki probably figured that Shinpachi and Otose were caring for her, supporting her, but those two had other things to think about. Otose was a fundamental part of the reconstruction of Kabuki, whilst Shinpachi had his real family to be beside.

"What are you trying to tell me, Okita-kun?" His voice became sombre and he turned on the shorter, younger man with an unusual seriousness. Sougo realized how much he must have grown because he was nearly as tall as Gintoki now.

"Danna … it's strange for you not to notice things. I don't know where your brain has gone these past few months but if you can't see what's going on, it's not something I can tell you." Gintoki frowned, but was alerted to the sound of the door sliding open and a thud. Two more thuds, the sounds of boots being kicked off. Kagura stumbled through the door to the living room.

"Kagura ..." Gintoki said, stepping forwards to greet her but her eyes were glazed. She blinked slowly and stepped sideways, clanging against the wall. When Kagura's hand fumbled for something to hold onto, Sougo was instantly by her side. He caught her not a second too late as she collapsed onto the floor. "Kagura!"

She wasn't responding. Sougo held her by the arms and she slumped to the floor, head rolling back as she hadn't the strength to keep it upright. She was out cold in Sougo's arms, white with sweat beading on her forehead. Suddenly, Sougo was angry. He chewed his lip, eyebrows drawn low. Despite the feeling he had that Gintoki and himself were very similar and could understand each other well, right now he was fuming and said person dropped to Kagura's side with a shocked expression. Shocked? Didn't he get it? Not even now?!

"Probably exhaustion," Sougo grunted, resting her down into his lap. "Cold, sleepless nights; long, working days; most likely skips meals because of the food shortage Edo has right now."

"She was fine a few days ago-"

"She has been putting on a brave face, waiting for you to get yourself together." Sougo raised his voice for a moment, then gathered himself. He took a breath. He wasn't going to snap. "Now I hope you see, danna."

Carrying Kagura in his arms and pressing her tight to his chest, Sougo rose to his feet. He padded over to the sofa and laid her down, gathering sheets from the cupboard where she slept which was far too small for her nowadays. Once she had been buried under a mountain of sheets and pillows, he set off to leave. He had work to do – work he couldn't abandon for anything.

"I hope you'll look after her now," he said, without looking back, because he knew Gintoki would.

Kagura woke not much later. She was suffocating under a mountain of blankets and an electric heater had been placed directly in front of her so that desert winds were being blown into her face. She squinted and began to wriggle out from under the tangle of sheets. Before she had even gathered her thoughts, a hot drink was pushed into her warm palms.

"Kaguraaaa~" A familiar, friendly voice cooed. She blinked in surprise at Gintoki, who was beaming at her from his position crouched beside her. "I brought you a souvenir. Here." A crackle of a carrier bag sounded and a light weight appeared in her lap. Kagura scrubbed at her eyes and tried to concentrate. What time was it? Better yet, what day was it? She scrabbled to remove the items from the bag and found that they were all salty snacks.

"Where have you been wasting your money this time?" She pouted, ripping open one of the bags and beginning to munch on the contents.

"Sorry, Zura called me out. Ex-joui funeral." He gave her an apologetic smile and she deepened her pout, opening both her arms – regardless of her age – so that he could pull her close. He wrapped both his large arms around her, locking her into a tight embrace. One of his hands soothed her back.

"Welcome back, Gin-chan," she whispered. He gave her a little squeeze.

"Gin-chan is sorry for leaving you on your own. But he's here now."

"You better be sorry, waste-of-space perm head."

Feeling warm, content even, for the first time in months, Kagura felt herself nodding off to sleep again. Her body was calling her back to dreamland in order to catch up on what she had recently lost. She was startled awake by her thoughts.

"What time is it?"

"About 4pm?" She relaxed visibly and Gintoki raised a questioning eyebrow. They released each other and he patted her head gently. "Why?"

"Can you wake me up around 7?"

"Sure?" He nodded and ruffled her bangs. "Sleep well. Ladies need their beauty sleep."

"Thank you." With a smile, she shuffled herself back into the comfort of her warm, makeshift bed. Gintoki stayed by her reading his JUMP, and the sight of his back nearby was more than enough to lull her to sleep.

She vaguely remembered being out on a job, out looking for someone. Had she found them? She had, the money was in her boot. And then? She could recall the urgent need to get back to the apartment, but the whole thing was just a blur. Probably because she was still sleepy. She'd think more on it later. Right now, her head was heavy.

…

"Nice to know you dressed up for me," Sougo commented sarcastically. Kagura had arrived at their meeting point with a full bed-head. Truth be told, she was pretty anyway, and her sort of dazed look was quite cute. He wasn't going to tell her that, though.

"Shut up, damn sadist," she retorted. "You're still in your uniform."

"Had to work late," he shrugged. "Have you recovered? Because if you faint on me again I'm just going to ditch you in the sea."

"The sea?" She frowned.

"Yeah, so no one will find you." With an eerie smile, he offered out a hand. "Let's go. To the seaside."

It wasn't the first time she had been to the seaside, Sougo knew that. He wasn't taking her to experience anything new – he just liked this place. It wasn't even your typical white sands and crystal ocean waves lapping the shore. The time of year and day combined into a nasty cold, freezing in fact, which was only worsened by a biting wind which sliced the bay. It was a pebble beach that Sougo liked to visit. Hidden behind a sheer cliff-face but in no way sheltered by it, this little cove was amongst the list of places Sougo loved to vanish into. Kagura complained about it the whole journey there. Why the hell were they visiting the beach on a winter's day at dark? The sun had set hours ago, the sky was a dusty colour and the only light they had was Sougo's hand-held torch.

"You're insane," she spat, goosebumps erupting over her forearms.

"Then go home," he replied, shrugging. She threw a pebble at his head from behind but he deftly dodged. He lead her into a forest of rocks, closer and closer to the shoreline and each puddle of trapped seawater was getting deeper the more they walked. He paused for a second and gestured for Kagura to stop. "Sit down for a second."

She obeyed, raising one eyebrow suspiciously as she lowered herself onto a suitably high rock. He knelt before her and slid his hands up her calves, his eyes on what he was doing whilst her eyes watched on, a new kind of shiver running down her spine. With careful pace, he ran his fingers under the top of her boot and began to ease it down. She pointed her toes to allow him to remove it completely. Then, he set about on the other shoe, his fingers running up the seams and gently pulling the material down to her ankle and next over her foot. He put the boot down but did not remove his hands from her feet; Kagura began to tense up, waiting for him to strike and if he did, he was getting a kick in the face. She was all bunched up ready to move when he kissed both her feet softly. The way he stood up and removed his own shoes and socks like nothing had happened brought a scarlet blush to her cheeks. The tiny spots on her feet where his lips had touched were buzzing.

"Come on," Sougo said over his shoulder. "Let's keep going."

Now they were hopping across the rocks, avoiding particularly slippy looking patches of seaweed and weaving their way towards a cliff-face where waves crashed over the silence. Kagura stopped to peer into pools and chase small fish with her fingertips, in which time Sougo would turn and watch. He hadn't said much and there was a definite lack of sarcasm in him today. Kagura had picked up on it but as of yet, she hadn't mentioned it. It was peaceful. It made the pace of her heart quicken. She liked this side of him, too.

They meandered on, the two of them caught under the moonlight which passed behind threads of clouds. The spotlight from Sougo's torch skittered across the rocks to show the way. After a particularly long period of time picking at seashells, Kagura caught up with him and began to follow his path, foot by foot. He extended a hand to her and she gladly slipped her fingertips into his, allowing him to support her – and she him – along the way. As she trod across the precarious surface, she decided that as far as dates went, this wasn't so shitty.

…

The phone in the yorozuya apartment rang clear, stirring Gintoki from a nap he didn't really need. He rolled over to plod on across to the desk and batted a hand at the phone. He lifted the receiver, and it took him several confused seconds to figure out why the ringing hadn't stopped.

That's right, he thought, phone lines are down.

He scanned the room for his mobile with bleary eyes and spotted the screen flashing elsewhere. The mobile was an alien design which ran off satellites, rather than landlines connected through telephone wires. That meant that it still worked, even though construction in Edo hadn't yet fixed the national communication system. His telephone had been redundant for months now, so he conducted all his work through a mobile.

"Yorozuya," he grunted. "Whaddya want?"

"Gin … toki." a voice murmured, sounding equally as sleepy as Gintoki. He recognised the voice immediately.

" … Have you been drinking?" The other end went quiet and Gintoki drummed his fingers on the wall he was leaning against. The reply that came was muffled.

"Come spar with me," Takasugi slurred, "we're not … we aren't finished." Gintoki sighed and the gentle thuds through the receiver answered questions he didn't need to ask.

"Get that lolicon to fight with you. And while he's at it, he can hide the booze from ya." Takasugi snorted.

"The score … v'not settled it. You and me … we're both still here." Don't think about those things. "One of us … needs to die. Or Shouyo -" Gintoki hushed him softly, closing his eyes so that he could imagine his friend. He needed to better envision what he needed right now. Both of them had their moments where everything came crashing down. They had their times of depression which dragged them back, back, back. The past was so strong, so powerful and all enveloping. It was hard to breathe, hard to see through the ghosts swimming beside them. Takasugi had rang him because he needed him there. The way he dealt with all this guilt he was burdened with was to fight it out with Gintoki, to repel all this hatred he had for himself onto someone else – someone who would understand and still be there. The two of them were tied together, the only two people in this world that could comfort one another. When Gintoki became upset, he became self destructive and he knew that Takasugi was the same so he wasn't safe alone. Right now he was trapped with his own worst enemy. Gintoki needed, as he was obliged, to go to him. He had signed the deal the moment he took Shouyo's head.

He needed to go.

But Kagura …

"The beast inside of me," Takasugi continued, his voice breaking, shaking, "He roars. I should have given my life for him, Gintoki. We promised … we promised we would protect him, Gintoki."

"I know. So just wait there," Gintoki began scrawling a note against his conscience. "But it's all over now, we laid him to rest. It's over." He continued to talk to him as he gathered his things and pulled on his boots with one hand. He was thinking about the best route to take to Takasugi. Right now, he was residing in Edo and typically, it would be a quick train journey but transport at the minute was all over the place. The best way to get places nowadays was by taxi or to walk. He didn't have time to walk, but he sure didn't have the money for a taxi all that way. It was going to have to be a creative mixture of the two.

There was a thud on the line and the sound of heavy breathing. Gintoki pressed the receiver to his ear to listen. Takasugi hissed air through his teeth, mumbling curses.

"You can hit me as much as you like. I'll be at yours by tomorrow. Takasugi? Are you still there?"

"When ..." he whispered, "when will this be over, Gintoki?"

He didn't have an answer for that.

Eventually, Takasugi hung up with one last plea for Gintoki to come and fight with him. Gintoki buried his phone into his yukata and set off down the street, eyes downcast and brow furrowed deeply. He walked quickly, cursing the lack of street lights in this area of town. He was nearing the split in the road when someone stopped walking in front of him. Gintoki looked up and was met by Hijikata. He tried to grin at him, but there was an obvious tension between them because Hijikata knew what he was doing and he didn't like it. He had never spoken out against Gintoki's frequent trips away, he didn't need to. They could read each other just fine and the crease in Hijikata's brow was enough.

"I don't know when I'll be back."

"Where are you going this time? You only just got home." Hijikata responded with a carefully selected tone. He was trying to conceal his thoughts as best he could.

"Takasugi called." He made to continue his walk past Hijikata, who startled him into a halt.

"If I call you, will you race back?" He asked. "If I want you back here, will you come?"

What was with all these questions Gintoki couldn't answer? He didn't know, for gods sake. He didn't understand himself any more than anyone else did. He was running on instinct, betraying people because he felt he had to. He couldn't be everywhere, but there were places he needed to be. He just had to go and there was no further explanation he could give. It was a burden he had taken upon himself. It was a sealed deal, an unbreakable contract to that severed head and his past.

"I'm asking you a question, bastard." The words were whispered so lowly that a chill ran between them. "If the China girl needs you home, will you come? If Shinpachi says you should be here, will you listen? You're practically running back to them all the time, to your past, but would you do the same for us?"

"This isn't fair-"

"No, it fucking isn't!" Hijikata spat. "But we never said anything. It wasn't fair, but we let you go."

"Hijikata-"

"Go," Hijikata instructed, turning his back towards him and reaching for another cigarette. "This is the last time I let you, Gintoki."

...