The new second chapter. I am trying to get the edited chapters done as fast as I can, but sometimes it is hard for me to think of what to write, even though I have the chapters outlined, I just want to make them so much better than they were. Anyway, enjoy.
WARNING: No warning, I actually worked on this, though the end is a bit abrupt.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inuyasha or the song "Curious" by Holly Brooks.
Sleep was something I knew would not come easily for me, but I tried anyway. I looked at the clock next to the bed a few times during the night, but this last time I knew it was around four. The casino was still going to be rather busy, as well as the bar. I did not want to be alone anymore, all I could do was think about everything that has been happening lately, and it just made me more depressed and worried about my life. There were so many things that I was grateful for, so many people that have helped me get this far, but there was still so much that I wanted to do and see.
It was not just the thing with the note that I received, that was actually the least of my worries right now, even though it sounds stupid. No, right now I am worried about me and Inuyasha and if we are even going to be together much longer. I know the secret that he has been trying to keep from me, it was so obvious, but I did nothing about it. I ignored it so that I could pretend to be happy, I tried to trick myself into really believing it, but now I can't lie to myself anymore. I cannot pretend that he does not love her anymore, I cannot pretend that we will live happily ever after. This is not some fairytale, this is real life.
"This is my life, and I have to take control over it,"
I knew that Kikyou would be working tonight, I always knew when she was working, because those would be the nights that Inuyasha was always gone. He would tell me that he was working, and I would never ask anyone about it because I wanted to believe that he was telling me the truth. He wasn't, and I knew it, but now I am admitting it to myself. He is a liar and he does not love me like I thought that he did.
"No, he loves her much more than he ever loved me, and I should have realized this sooner,"
I had decided to walk down to the restaurant, maybe get something to drink while I was down there. Really, I just wanted something to do besides laying in bed looking at the walls. After the elevator ride it only took me a few seconds to make it to my destination. No one was really inside, just one couple at a small table in the back. They looked cute together as the man whispered something to the woman, making her giggle and blush. That is one of the things that I really missed. Inuyasha use to do stuff like that when we first started dating, but then it just suddenly ended.
"And now I know why," I said it a bit too bitterly for my taste, but it is how it is.
I walked back into the kitchen and saw that Kaede was working instead of Sango. Usually Sango worked the late night to early morning shift, but I guess she decided that she needed a break and asked Kaede to switch with her.
"Ah, Kagome. What brings you down here at this time of night?" the elderly woman asked as she stirred a stew that she has been cooking.
"I couldn't sleep and thought I would come down and see if there was anything that I could do,"
I sat down on a chair in the corner of the room as I watched the woman in front of me continue to add spices to the giant pot.
"Well, I did send Kikyou off a while ago to find me some more rice, but she never came back. Can you go get me the extra rice out of the back room of the bar?"
"Of course. I'll be back in a few minutes," I said before getting up and walking back out of the door.
Kaede was such a nice woman, one of those that you wished was your grandmother because she always acted like she was anyway. She would give advice and make you feel better about life. She always found a way to cheer you up when you felt like the world was ending. I felt like my world was ending, or really, coming close to it. I know I pity myself too much, I have been blessed with so many things, but when it comes to love I cannot help but pity myself.
"I need to get out of this mindset, that my life is doomed no matter what I do," I thought to myself as I continued towards the bar.
No one was there, so I helped myself and went into the back room in search of the rice. It was dark and I could not find a light, so I started looking in the dark, hoping that nothing would fall on me and trap me on the floor for the next few hours. There it goes, doomed before I even get started, so typical of me. I felt around the shelves to see if I could find it that way, but I was not having much luck with it, I needed to find a light before I could find anything else. I felt my way around a corner, looking for the light switch as I went, but still not finding one. After taking a few more steps I could hear some talking, though it was further away, I knew that it was still in the room.
"Who would be hanging around in the dark? Besides me," I thought to myself as I continued on my way, now moving towards the talking.
I was curious as to who else could be in here, so I ventured on in the dark room. When I got near the back of the room, I could see a small light, like one from that of a candle. It gave me the impression that whoever else was here could not find the light either, so they lit a candle, which now that I think about it is a really good idea. As I got closer to the light I could hear the voice more clearly, but instead it turned out to be two people talking. I stopped when I heard the second voice, it was one that I knew only too well.
"Inuyasha, why are you here?" I asked myself, but I knew why, and I knew who he was with.
Their was no need for me to move on any further, I knew why he was here, why he was here with her.
"Inuyasha, when are you going to get rid of that girl. You know you love and want to be with me, not her," it was Kikyou that was speaking, and how I wanted her to suffer like I have been.
That woman was so smug, always acting like she was so much better than me. When I first started working here she made me feel like I could never do anything right, and when I started getting better at my job, she said that it was just luck and that it would wear off. If I had to say that I hated someone, it would be her, and I never say that I hate people. But then again, I guess in Inuyasha's eyes she is better than me. He prefers to be with her more than me, so why not let him have what he wants. He wants an easy way out of all this, getting what he wants of course, so why not help him out?
"I am working on it, I do not want to hurt her too badly, she is fragile right now,"
What a laugh. I can take much worse than this, and if he knew me at all then he would not have said that I was fragile.
"You better do it today, or you will never kiss these lips again," Kikyou said, making me want to be sick, thinking that she could make Inuyasha do whatever she wants if she were to deny him something so basic.
But of course him being Inuyasha, it worked, and I could tell by his eyes even before he answered her.
"It will be done by tonight, you can count on that," he said, almost sounding remorseful, but not quite.
I did not want to stick around any longer to watch them cuddle each other in the dark, so I left. On my way out I found the rice, it had been right next to me through the whole Inuyasha and Kikyou scene, so I grabbed a bag of it before I left. I took the rice to Kaede, making the excuse that I was tired so that she would not ask me any questions, I just wanted to be alone to think. I did not want to go back to my room, so I settled with wandering around the casino. It was starting to calm down a bit as the guest got tired and headed up to bed, and I was thankful for that.
"Sometimes the quiet is the best medicine for thinking over your life,"
I have found this to be true over the years as I always find myself thinking over how my life has been progressing. It was always easier to think of what to fix when I did not have people around trying to get inside my head with their babbling. Sounds a bit rude, but you do what you need to just to make it through the day without pulling your own hair out. I did not want to go back to my room, too many people could find me there, and I just wanted to be gone for a while without anyone finding me. I tried to think of an empty room that people rarely went in to, but I could not think of one.
The hotel was always so busy, nearly every room held something for the guests, and that would be less than quiet. I knew of one place, though the last time I went in there, I nearly died from lack of air due to all of the dust gathered from the construction. From what I heard from Kira a few month ago, Sesshoumaru wanted to build a new ballroom for special banquets and such, but because of everything he wanted it was going to take a while for it to be finished. From what I had seen it was far from being done, but then again it would be the only place that I could go that would be quiet.
"I guess it will have to do for now,"
I made my way down the dimly lit hallway to the room that I had only been to once, and did not really want to visit again, but at this point I really was desperate. I had so much stuff to think over, I suppose I should really be thrilled to have somewhere to go right now. I took me a few minutes to get to the somewhat familiar door, the casino is a rather large place and sometimes it is easy to get lost. I opened the door, happy that no one had decided to lock it, and made my way inside. It was dark and I search all of the walls trying to find a light switch, and a minute later I was rewarded for my efforts with light. The switch had been near the door, but unfortunately I had decided to check the other side first. I looked around at my surroundings, noticing the lack of dust that I had been met with the last time. The whole place had been fixed up a lot since then, though it was still pretty far from done, it was turning out to be beautiful none the less.
As I continued to look around I could not help but notice that there was a piano that I had never seen before in the middle of the room. It seemed like I was being drawn to it because a second after spotting it I was walking to it, intent on at least touching it. As soon as my fingertips touched it I was overcome with the urge to sit down on the bench, and so I did. I sat down, placing my fingers on the keys, I started playing a song that I knew well, one that always helped me put everything into perspective.
Someone tell me what to do
I feel like I must be a fool
For ending up right back at the start
The things that we don't comprehend
Are laughing at my mind again
I think that I think too hard
And I don't give enough credit to my heart
I'm so
Damn curious to know
And there are too
Many unanswered questions
That we hold onto
Singing had always been the one thing in my life that made some sort of sense and that comforted me when I was lost. It always helped me find my way in life, and now I need it to help me find myself in this mess that I made. Well, not that I made exactly, but the mess that I knew would happen and did nothing to stop. I can only blame myself for my pain, I know, but Inuyasha does deserve to be held accountable for something at least.
I've put my theories to the test
You know I've tried to do my best
But maybe we weren't meant to strike gold
Sometimes things that you ignore
Are all the things I'm looking for
Will I learn to let go
Give into love and listen to my soul
I'm so
Damn curious to know
And there are too
Many unanswered questions
That we hold onto
I knew from the day that I met him that he liked Kikyou, though it took me some time to figure out just how much he liked her, but I still knew that there was something there, but I decided to be selfish and ignore it. I wanted a moment of pure blissful happiness, and I got it, for all of two seconds. Now that reality has set in I can see just how much of a child that I was being. I had a silly little crush, and even though he liked someone more, I went for it and got my day in the sun. But that was all that it was, a day where I could be happy, not a lifetime like I have always dreamed.
Portraits of your loved ones
Are more than what you see
All the elements they capture
Are more to you than me
A different dimension we've yet to define
There's a forest to cut through with thorns and vines
There is no reason to try
Cause, I'm so
Damn curious to know
And there are too
Many unanswered questions...
I'm so
Damn curious to know
And there are too
Many unanswered questions
That we hold onto...
Like you
The song ended and at that point I knew what I needed to do.
"That was really good," I heard someone say from behind me.
"Thanks Inuyasha, its one of my favorites," I said to my soon-to-be ex boyfriend as I stood up from the piano.
I guess he had heard the playing from outside the room, or maybe he was looking for me when he heard that I was staying the night here and he did not find me in my room. Either way, now was the time to do what I had to, before I backed out and let him treat me like dirt.
"Listen Kagome, there is something that I need to say," he said as she tried his hardest to look me in the eye, but he failed miserably.
"I also need to tell you something, Inuyasha," I said when he did not continue, I did not want to give him the chance to finish what he was saying.
"Well, you go first then," I knew he would say that, in fact I was counting on it.
"I have been thinking, and I think that we should break up. Things just haven't been going so great with us lately, so I hope you understand,"
I could not believe that I got it out with a straight face. It was one of the hardest things that I ever had to do, and I actually made it through it without breaking into tears. Inuyasha did not say anything, he just stood there staring at me, and it kind of made me want to laugh, but I fought the urge down.
"Well, I think that I should get back to bed. Good night, Inuyasha," I said before I left him staring at the place that I had been standing.
I felt different as I walked down the hall back to my room. I felt kind of free, for the first time in so many years I felt like I was in control, and I liked it.