Even though she had told Jess that she wouldn't be there when he got back, she couldn't bring herself to leave the apartment, she felt the tears fall just seconds after he left and they hadn't stopped since then. She had said some horrible things to him, things she didn't really mean but it made her realise how much stuff they had to work out if they were ever going to make this work. She did want to make this work though, she didn't want it to end before it got a chance to begin again. She couldn't help constantly looking at the clock, she didn't know how long he would need to think through everything that had happened... 30 minutes...45 minutes. She ended up laying back down on the bed to wait for him to come back.
He realised that he had been for nearly an hour and a half, but he didn't want to go back to the empty apartment. He knew he screwed up with Rory and he didn't know what to do to fix it, he had never been good with the talking part of the relationship. He figured she had gone back to her mums by now and he didn't want to see the look in Lorelai's eyes right now, after she had stuck up for him. He decided to just go back to the apartment, he would try to call Rory later, when he had a better chance of talking to her.
He walked into the apartment in a worse mood than when he left, but for different reasons now. As closed the door behind him he saw a movement in the corner of his eye, he looked over to see Rory on his bed. He was genuinly surprised to see her still there.
"I thought you'd be gone." It was a statement rather than question, he didn't want to think about why she was here, just glad that she was.
"I shouldn't have threatened to leave, it wasn't fair of me."
"It's alright, I get it."
"I'm sorry for the things I said, I didn't mean them, I know how much you've changed since those days and I know that you weren't leaving, not the same way as before. You just needed time and I get that." He could see that she had been dying to get all of this off her chest, she said it all in one big rush.
"Hey, it's ok, I understand why you said those things and why it made you think of the past." He sat down on the bed next her.
"I'm still sorry."
"And I forgive you."
"So, how did processing go?"
"I'm sorry I left, I was surprised and every time the guy gets mentioned, I want to punch something."
"I know how much you hated him, I really do regret everything that happened with him, I'm glad Logan wasn't the first guy I was with but I wish it wasn't Dean either."
"Are we ok now, though?" He hoped for a good answer as he placed his hand on top of Rory's.
"Don't we need to talk about this stuff?"
"I don't what else there is to say."
"You left for nearly two hours, I understood you needed time to think about things, that's why I stayed. I thought we would talk through things when you got back here."
Rory was the one that got up of the bed first this time, he could see that he was frustrating her.
"You know I'm not great with the talking Rory."
"I'm not a mind reader, Jess. How are we supposed to fix anything if you don't tell me what's wrong?"
"There's nothing wrong, I promise." He got up now and was glad to see her turn into his embrace rather than away from him.
"You wouldn't have gone if nothing was wrong, I know it was more than just you hating him or you wouldn't have left like that."
He held her close to him as she buried her face into his shoulder, he was glad she wasn't looking at his face as he answered her.
"It hurt to think of you saying yes to him, it was always, and still is, a no to me. All those time before, when we were teens and dating, that stupid party years ago, Yale, it always seemed he was behind it. He was this road block for us and it hurt to know you said yes to him, it didn't help that the timing was directly after I got another no." She looked up at him then and saw the pain in his eyes.
"Jess, it wasn't like that. Please let me tell you everything, so you can understand."
Jess wasn't particularly happy with the idea but he saw the determination on her face.
"I'll make you a deal. Neither of us have eaten and it's closer to lunch time now, I'll make us some lunch and you can tell me the whole story." He saw her eyes brighten at the mention of food, she clearly hadn't thought about it until now but quickly realised that she was in fact starving too.
"Deal."
They both went into the kitchen, Jess started getting everything ready to make macaroni cheese while Rory sat herself down at the table. She was quiet while he was getting everything set up.
"I'm keeping up up my end, start talking." He had purposely kept his tone light.
"Sorry, I was thinking about how to start."
"It's ok, take your time." She was quiet for another couple of minutes before she started talking.
"My freshman year was really tough, I was told I had to drop a class and with the Dragonfly opening, me and my mum could barely talk, I really missed her." He moved towards her then and put his hand over hers.
"I'm sorry, I know how hard that must have been for you."
"It was and one day I came down here and had a complete break down because everything had piled up, I ended up at the Dragonfly but my mum wasn't there. Dean was, he was on the construction team. He was so nice to me and he calmed me down, we kind of became friends." Jess had gotten back up to continue the food at the mention of Deans name. "Things were friendly with us for a while, I found out that he was hiding it from Lindsay, his wife, but I didn't stop it. I convinced myself that it was his responsibility to tell his wife, it had nothing to do with me."
"That's true enough, you weren't the one hiding anything."
"I agreed to talk to him and see him but only at times and places that Linddsay wouldn't pick up on it. That night you came to Yale, he was with me because he came to pick me up from this awful date my Grandma had set me up on, he was the only person I could think of to call. He was always there as a safety net for me, I knew as I had for a long time before, that there no feelings there but I could remember so clearly how I had once felt about him. It felt nice to have him there, always reliable. My life had gotten so messed up, I felt like I needed that reliability in my life. After it happened my mum caught us, we had this huge fight, I got mad at her because I'd convinced myself I loved him, that his marriage was over, he had taken off the ring, told me he was getting a divorce. I believed him but the next morning he was walking around town with her, I was stupid and believed him again next time he told me it was over, made the same mistake all over again. My Grandma had invited me to spend the summer in Europe with her and I ran away from my problems and went with her, I didn't want to deal with my mum or Dean, I just wanted to leave. I wrote him a letter, telling him I couldn't do it anymore, Lindsay found it. It was awful and public when they split, he told me he had done it for me, some part of me was still convinced of my feelings for him and that I couldn't walk away after he left his wife for me. It clearly didn't work, he was in love with some sixteen year old version of me while I was just in it for some sense of safety while everything else seemed to be going wrong. We had a fairly public break-up at my grandparents place and I haven't had anything to do with him since, I think he's near Woodbridge now, still in construction."
Jess had let her talk until she had got it all out, he didn't really need that much information on the matter but he knew she needed to get it out. It put him at ease to hear her say she there wasn't any feelings there but he felt bad that her first time had been ruined by the circumstances, he knew it meant a lot to her. Now she had finished talking her dished up the lunch so she could eat.
"Thank you for telling me all that, it can't have been easy. I know you so I know you're thinking you did something wrong by sleeping with him, but he was the married one and he told you it was finished, you weren't the one in the wrong there. As for everything else, I understand why it all happened, you were in a bad place and he swooped in."
Rory just smiled at his reaction, she was hoping the explaination would make him see it had nothing to do with her relationship with him and all about the situation she was in at the time. He did seem to feel better about the whole thing now, somehow he had now started to comfort her.
"I came to terms with it all, don't worry."
"That's good, and it did help me make me feel better about the whole thing. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did before, I didn't give you a chance to tell me everything, if I had I wouldn't have been so angry about it."
"It's alright."
They finished eating in silence and Jess put the dishes in the sink.
"How about we go out and do something this afternoon?"
"What are you thinking?"
"That we need a fun afternoon after the eventful morning we've had, and I know the perfect thing, what do you say?"
"Let me go back to the house, get myself sorted for a day out, where are we going?"
"That's a surprise."
"How do I dress for a surprise?"
"Comfortable, I'll drop you off at the house and pick you back up in an hour, there's a good chance we will be out fairly late."
He came around the table and placed a swift kiss on Rory's lips before grabbing her hands and pulling her up to stand up with him.
"We're ok now?"
"We're good, I promise."
He pulled her in for a kiss and this time they were both breathless when they pulled apart.
"So, is an hour long enough for you to tell your mum everything that happened and get ready, or do you need more time?"
"An hour is fine." She swatted him softly on his arm at that.
"Let's go then."