Mind Games (Ouran High School Host Club) Ch.19

"It was me...It was me….I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Alex." Again and again, I listen to his words as he whispers into my ear. "It was me…."

His words are cruel….

"I'm so sorry…"

It fills me with his pain….

"What I have done is wrong."

His sadness…

"It was my entire fault."

His guilt…

"I'm so sorry. Alex."

I felt like a fool.

I want him to stop. While still in his arms, I want him to stop all of this. While the fire still bursting in the sky continues, I want him to stop talking. While the white snow flakes falls from the sky, I don't want to hear his words. It was all too overwhelming, and I want it all to stop.

"Alex—"

"No." I whisper. Frustration fills within my voice as my body is shaken with disturbance.

"I'm—"

"That is enough!" I cut him off.

With all my might, I push him against the wall of the cart. My fist punches his chest over and over. I claw him to see if he bleeds. I kick him to see if he will squirm, but he didn't. I want him to suffer as I felt no pain, no fear, but only sadness as I threw Sebastian against each side of Ferris wheel ride. Cold blooded hatred seeps out through all my cries as I scream unforgiving words as I thrust my rage at him.

Why….why…why does it have to be you! I thought over and over in my head. I wanted to cry, and burst into tears, but I couldn't. Not here, especially in front of him. He, who had taken someone most precious to me.

It was all too sudden when I push him away. The longing of hurting him escapes me. It was all too perfect to be true because never once Sebastian fought back at I beaten him into a bloody pulp.

Sebastian knew that he deserves this punishment, and yet, I still feel sympathetic for him! Such thought brought even more frustration. I knew that something is changing me. It's making me hesitant of my decisions. It causes my skin to crawl in terror at these new feels, new emotions, and this relationship I have built with my butler. My emotions are controlling my body, and it makes me feel like a fool, an idiot for being fooled by these mindless emotions.

"Please continue." Sebastian spoke from the floor. My body stiffens while I watch him got back up to his knees. Sebastian wipes the blood from his nose as he took in slow breaths. He is in deep pain, and I am the one who is causing it.

"Hit me with all your anger, I deserve this, and you now it." Sebastian said his voice loud and clear as if he is perfectly fine.

"It won't make a difference anymore." I said lowly. I couldn't look at him.

Sebastian feet shuffles its way to me, but I only step back until I hit the opposite wall.

"Don't" I said.

"Alex."

"Don't" I repeated.

Go away, just go away! I thought over and over. I felt his presence when he stops a few inches away from me. He stood firm on his ground with his same excellent elegance. His eyes shows more pain than his body could uphold, and yet, he still stands in front of me; ready for his punishment.

"My Lady..."

"Just leave me alone. I don't want to hear it. Just leave me alone!" I yell. I didn't give him a second to respond when the Ferris wheel came to a stop as I immediately rush out into the crowded street.

"How could you…" I whisper as I ran. "How could you Sebastian."

I ran till I can't run anymore through the frigid street. I had ran out of the Fair ground and headed toward the park I've been a few days ago. Barely anyone was there when I stop running and lean myself against the bark of a tree. My knees went limb as I feel to the soft wet snow beneath me. I couldn't help but look up at the skies above me.

The snow, it still falls. The sky, it's so dark. The people around me, they still smile. While only I, lying here alone and ashamed by my own weakness. I don't want to cry, I don't want to show myself to the public like this, I don't want anyone to see me like this.

I'm scared…

"Someone..." I whisper, as I curl my knees up while hugging myself under the tree."Anyone…"

Help me…

"I'm so worthless." I murmur."I don't deserve to be saved."

I've never felt so betrayed. But I'm scared….so scared to be alone again. I thought.

"Well what do we have here?"

My eyes snaps open at the familiar harmonize voices.

"A lady such as you shouldn't be sitting here in the cold." One of the voices said smugly.

"Especially if the lady's' name is Alexandria Kinmichi." The other said

I look up to see two Cheshire cat smile grinning down at me."Hikaru….Kaoru…"

"…is at your service!" The Hitachinn twins finishes off my sentence.

(*)(*)(*)

Emily's POV

"It seems that she finally found out the truth."

"Madam?" Ann asks me while I stare out through the crowd from above the rooftop. I watch helplessly as I spotted Alex running through the crowd. Sebastian was nowhere in sight.

He did the dirty job for me. I thought as the pain of guilt swarms around me.

"It's nothing Ann." I said softly, while looking up at the fireworks.

The sky, it's so sad….But it's for the best for everyone….right? For Alex sake and for Sebastian sake...

I sigh out. "Such a cowardice mother I turn out to be."

"That's right. You really are a coward."

Ann and I turn ourselves around when we spotted Sebastian leaning himself against the exit door of the staircase. I hear Ann gasp in shock at his appearance when I only stare back at him. His face was scratched, his clothes were slightly ripped, and it looks like he had been punched so many time that he could barely stand himself up. What on earth happen to him?

Was this Alex's doing? I ask myself in shock. I never knew this side of Alex before.

"Sebastian, what did you do?" Ann asks in bewilderment, as she rushes towards him.

Sebastian chuckles darkly. "Something I should have done a long time ago."

As he said this, his cobalt eyes are fixated on me. His fierce eyes cause me to take a step back and hit the ramp behind me.

"Thank you, Mrs. Pectoris," Sebastian said as he bowed to me. I reflexively clench my hand close to my heart. I did have the courage to look at him so I turn my gaze elsewhere.

"You didn't have to make yourself suffer like this Sebastian..." I whisper.

"It was my choice to tell her," Sebastian said, as he steps away from Ann's aid, and stood himself straight. Then with the final gesture of putting his hand over his heart, he said."And thank you...for not tell her the truth all this time. I knew from the very beginning that you were trying to protect me and your daughter. That much I knew, but I couldn't stand this guilt any longer so thank you. For allowing me to have this opportunity to confront your daughter."

Sebastian lifted his head and I finally meet his eyes. He also takes my breath away when I see the gentlest expression of gratitude filled his eyes. I resolve finally broke and the words started to escape my lips, "Sebastian-"

"Stop," Sebastian said as he held up his hand to stop me. "Please don't say more. I've already decided what I wanted to do. Please don't let me regret this decision."

I clamp up at his words and without another word, I watch Sebastian walked away. It was the last time we ever see him.

(*)(*)(*)

"So you mind telling us why you're here alone?" Hikaru asks, but I only stare at him silently.

"You'll catch a cold if you stay out here too long." Kaoru said. "And where is your all mighty butler? It seems he's not doing his job—"

I cut off Kaoru's sentences when I push myself against him and his brother into a hug, and taking them by surprise. I didn't say a word when the twins look at one another in understanding when they nodded to themselves.

"I'll go get the car." Hikaru said, while he struggles to let loose of my firm grip of his jacket. After a few seconds, I herd his footsteps trudge through the snow, and fading away. The thought of being alone again causes me to cling to Kaoru even tighter.

"You don't have to tell me what happen, if you don't want to." Kaoru spoke up. I felt his arms instinctively wrap its way around me, holding me tighter."But if you want, you can cry. Don't worry, I won't let anyone see you cry, not even myself."

His soft persuasive words brought the sudden tears to drip down against the side of my cheek. My body trembles in his arms as the surge of sadness finally came to reality. I did what Kaoru had told me as I cry in his arms. It was all I could do, and for the longest time and for the past nine years. I've once again cry the hardest in someone's protective arms.

(*)(*)(*)

Hikaru and Kaoru had taken me back to their home. Their hospitality was worth more than I really deserve when they offer me to stay the night in the guest room. They also had call my home and told Ann that I was with them. I herd everything when Hikaru ended the phone call with a soft click of the phone line when I walk past his and his brother's room.

I was grateful for their kindness of letting me stay here. I really needed to clear everything off my mind, but I knew none of this situation can ever change the fact that Sebastian has done the wrong.

"I saw what happen back there." Hikaru sudden voice causes me to jump in surprise when I walk past the twin's room.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Kaoru said to his brother.

Just something about the atmosphere gave me a hint of wanting to hear their conversation. I felt nosy and even a little guilt of snooping in on their business.

I felt myself peek at the corner of the door frame to see what they were doing. Hikaru was lounging himself in front of the TV and playing video games while Kaoru was sitting on the couch across from him. To my surprise, he is holding a book and actually reading it.

I didn't know he was a bookworm. I thought to myself.

"Oh c'mon bro, I saw you were all lovey-dovey on Alex at the park." Hikaru said as he wiggles his eyebrows at his brother. I felt my face flush a deep crimson as he said this.

Kaoru sigh out. "I was trying to comfort her."

"Or was it something else?" Hikaru presses.

Kaoru snickers."You're an idiot."

"Well I love you too!" His brother replies with his famous grin.

I couldn't help but smile at the relationship this brotherly love was affecting me. It was obvious that they both really do care for each other, but not in the homosexual way they present themselves at the Host club. This is who they really are, and it shows a lot of how much they look after each other.

I made myself walk back to the guest room and shutting the door behind me. A small smile still plaster on my lips."I'm curious how much this brotherly love is true, and how much they will show to the public."

Maybe I'll learn the truth soon, very soon.

(*)(*)(*)

It is already Monday morning when the Hitachinn twins drop me off at my house for me to change into my school uniform. They both said that they wanted me to ride with them to school this morning, and I accepted. It was the least I could do for them.

"Alex you're back!" Ann said when she enters into my room and found me there already fully dressed for school.

I nodded."Yeah, but now I've got to go. I don't want to be late for school."

I grab for my backpack on the chair as Ann step aside to let me through while she follows behind me to the front door. I greeted everyone along the way, and smile at my mother as I pass. Never once did I saw the one person I expected to appear. I don't deserve to see him when I had hurt him.

"Where is Sebastian?" And yet, I still ask of him.

Ann stops in her track as she looks hesitant at me and looks down at the floor. I raise one of my eyebrows raise in question at her actions when she takes a few steps back away from me. She is fearful of what I might say or do.

"He left, Alex."

"Where to?" I ask.

"Back home."

"Oh, well he must have had a call from Anne-Sophie—"

"No." Ann said, while shaking her head.

I didn't understand what she is telling as I walk pass her and went straight to Sebastian's room. I refuse to knock on the door as I enter into the empty room. My feet instinctively move to the neatly made bed where I notice a small white envelop was placed on top the bed. But that wasn't the item that had caught my attention. Because it was something else that caught my eyes right away was something most precious.

It was my father's flower, the white lily.