xix.
She sits under the orchard, knees tucked into her chest, deep in thought. It's not until too late that she realizes that someone is approaching her, footsteps clacking louder each passing moment, and all she can do is glower.
"Go ahead and glare, I've seen fiercer." Kiyone tells her, not in the least cowed by her. "The birds might get scared, though. You could aim for their direction and see if that works." She makes herself comfortable sitting beside her.
When it's clear she's not going away, Karin tries words out next.
"Why are you here?"
"What, I can't sit here just because I want to?" Kiyone lifts an eyebrow, and Karin frowns. "It's a sunny day. I like being outside when I have some free time."
"Hitsugaya didn't send you?"
"Why would he?" She sounds genuinely bemused by that. When Karin doesn't answer, Kiyone shrugs, adding. "As far as I can tell, he's locked himself in his study again."
"Library, actually." Karin corrects her, absently. He's probably still there, nose buried deep in his book that she left him with.
"My mistake." Kiyone says airily, stretching her legs out.
Karin says nothing, but she can feel Kiyone's curious gaze on her, the amusement pouring out of her like the sun to the sky. Karin scowls, doing her best to ignore it, and refuses to budge an inch. That'll show Kiyone how little she cares.
Oblivious, Kiyone asks, "You don't mind if I stay here a while?"
"Go ahead." Karin mutters, sounding stand-offish, bristling at the thought, "Just don't be a bother."
"Sure," Kiyone agrees, and lets herself fall back onto the ground with a soft thump.
Peace apparently can only last for a brief interlude, because a few seconds later, Kiyone begins to speak.
"Actually, I was wondering…"
"What?" Tetchy, Karin can't help but snap.
Kiyone looks at her, unimpressed.
"I was wondering," Kiyone says, unhurriedly, as if she was ignoring Karin's terseness, and doing a fine job of irritating Karin bit by bit, "since I didn't ask earlier, what happened to your hand?"
"Punched a tree." Karin shrugs, trying to maintain her aloofness, which is then pointless the moment she realizes how stupid that admission makes her seem. Her cheeks are burning in seconds. Her voice subdued, Karin adds, "I was angry."
"So you punched a tree." Kiyone echoes, the words incredulous, vowels stretched as much as it's possible.
Hearing someone else say it makes it sound worse. So much worse.
"Really angry." Karin mumbles, finding it difficult to look at anything but her hands. "I didn't know what else to do."
"I'm pretty sure there are a million other solutions than punching trees and getting hurt in the process." Kiyone says, a glimmer of sympathy making itself known. Karin still feels foolish. Softer, Kiyone says, "If you wanted, you could talk to me. The next time you and Toushirou argue and let loose some steam, instead of… well, you know, come find me. I'm a pretty good listener."
Karin makes a non-committal noise, acknowledging the sentiment. "What if I still wanted to punch something afterwards?"
"Well." Kiyone says, considering, "I guess I can find some pillows for you to have a go at."
Karin nods, though in honestly, she doubts that she'll repeat the action. Or maybe she won't punch so hard. No, she thinks, it's unlikely that she'll do something like this again.
After a while, she asks, "How come you know how to bandage my hand?"
Kiyone grins, gleeful and glowing at the chance, to Karin's surprise. "My sister. She's wanted to be to be a doctor all her life. I managed to pick a few things up." Kiyone grins, proud of herself.
Sister? Karin almost asks, curious to know more, and decides that maybe another time is best. She can always ask later. There is very little she actually knows about Kiyone. "I see. You're… very good."
"Is that gratitude I hear?" Kiyone asks, teasing, as heat simmers across Karin's cheeks.
She huffs, obscuring her expression by turning away. "No. It's—you're better than Hitsugaya, is all."
Kiyone's smile only widens. "I'm not a great teacher, honestly, but I think I did alright. You should have seen the scrapes he got into." Karin says nothing in response in light of this information, but she turns to look back at Kiyone, wondering if she'd elaborate. "He used to climb trees all the time. He'd fall out of them too. He's quick at learning though, so the next time he'd be a little smarter, a little more careful than he was the previous time. And so the cycle continued."
"I can't quite picture it." Karin says, though she tries, and the image pulls at the edge of her mouth, an upwards slope that she's become so unused to. She covers her mouth with her uninjured hand, until the moment passes. "He's too… serious."
Her mouth twitches.
"Pot, meet kettle." Kiyone grins, not quite laughing, but it's there in cadence of her voice. Karin's in a good enough mood not to take offence, but it still puts an end to the twitching of her mouth, returning to a more comfortable scowl. "Okay, he's pretty serious. But he has his moments."
Karin doesn't doubt that.
"He wants me to go the ball with him." Karin says, apropos of nothing, her voice less monotone than she'd like. She shivers, feeling the cold breeze that roves through the orchard, sunlight disappearing momentarily. Her knees press together. "No, not a ball. A masquerade. At some point in the future. And all I can think," Karin swallows, processing the words slowly, "is that they're going to know."
"Who?"
"Everyone." She sounds irrational, Karin knows. She sounds afraid and paranoid and weak. But she's terrified by the thought of being recognized. Her hands clench into a fist. With the sharp edge of her nails digging deep into her flesh, she doesn't care how ridiculous she sounds. People will know that she was a princess, that she was a slave, and now… now she is nothing.
"Did anyone recognize you before…" Kiyone asks in a gentle tone, hesitating only slightly. "Before you came here?"
"No, I don't think so." Karin shakes her head. She kept looking at their faces, hoping and fearing, and then as the years slowly went by the likeliness decreased more and more. "I used to have nightmares that they did, and then they'd hunt me down, trying to finish the job. Or that they'd assume I'd try to regain the throne when…"
"When?" Kiyone prompts, inquisitive.
"When I don't even know if that's something I want." Karin says, shoulders pinching as she folds in on herself. She came here to relax, because she couldn't spend time in the library, and now she's certain she can't breathe again.
"What do you want?" Kiyone enquires, carefully sitting up, propping herself on her elbows.
She shrugs. She doesn't know what she'd say if she answers that question, lets herself think about that question, beyond the impossible wants. She's lived a life of extremes, and even though now isn't the midway point, it's something different. Something less extreme.
"Okay," Kiyone nods, taking her silence as an answer, "well, do you even want to go to the ball?"
"No. I refused." Karin answers simply, sighing.
"Have you ever been to a ball?" Kiyone asks, grey eyes alight with curiosity.
Karin shakes her head.
She'd heard stories about them though. Laughed when Ichigo had grumbled and frowned and said that he had to dance to this and that, then had to make idle conversations to strangers about topics he didn't care about. In the future, they'd be important and worth remembering, but in the present, her past, it was a bore.
"Pity," Kiyone smiles, curiosity changing to amusement. "I mean, can you imagine? You adhering to the etiquette. Being so much less brooding. And dancing. What a sight. People don't want to dance with someone who scowls so much for anyone who breathes in your direction. If you want to dance that is. I mean, you'd have to be bright and cheerful and pleasant." Kiyone snorts, voice becoming more dramatic as she goes on. "For the entire evening."
"Sounds tiring." Karin remarks, deadpan.
"And that! Remarks like that would have to be kept to yourself," Kiyone grins, and the levity of imagined scenario doesn't nearly seem so bad. It almost sounds enjoyable, not that Karin would admit it. "Seems to me that you avoided a potential disaster."
"You really put it into perspective." Her glare is half-hearted, and the most Kiyone does in response is flash a teasing grin. "And what about Mr Bright and Cheerful who's actually going? He's hardly any better."
Karin can't imagine him having more success than her. He's better at being more polite, but Karin can see through him know, able to tell when he's getting annoyed, or when it's just for show.
"Ah, well, that's where you're wrong. Hitsugaya's learnt all about etiquette, and when he puts his mind to it he can certainly be charming when he wants to be." Kiyone says, returning to reclining on the garden. "And he's going to a ball where people know him, know what he's like. People don't know you."
"They won't know me in a masquerade either." Karin mulls. Masks were useful, safe keepers of her identity. If they knew her face from years back. "Do you think they might guess who I am?"
"Not likely," Kiyone says, smiling. "I mean, I wouldn't have taken you for royalty if Hitsugaya hadn't told me."
Her shoulders stiffen at that. Her insides turn brittle as Karin says. "I'm not royalty any longer."
"No, I suppose not," Kiyone agrees, voice so soft that Karin's not even sure she heard it. "But, you're not a slave any longer either."
She doesn't say anything for a long time, heart growing heavier as she wishes that she didn't owe him this debt. It is a debt she can never repay.
"I know that, Kiyone. Some days, I just can't believe that part yet. I keep thinking that I'll wake up and it's been a surreal dream." She pushes all the air out of her lungs in a heaving sigh. "I didn't expect things to be like this."
First princess, then slave, now free.
She'd let these labels define her like chapters in a book, and it scared her more than Karin cares to admit because she doesn't know what to do. To be free was the great unknown, a hope that was akin to the rosy outstretched fingers of dawn: Karin had always resigned herself to believe that was always out of reach. Freedom was an open book with blank pages, turned dog eared.
"Well, hey, there's no rush." Kiyone says kindly. "Take things one step at a time."
The sunlight falls onto Kiyone's face, and Karin watches her with mild detachment.
"Though, you know, it wouldn't hurt to practice social etiquette once in a while. You could start with Hanatarou."
Karin blinks, unsure who she's talking about and then suddenly—
"The mouse?"
Kiyone snorts, amused but also a little bit annoyed. "You can't call him that. His name is Hanatarou."
"Hanatarou. Fine." Karin echoes, dutiful. She's heard the name before, but never quite was able to discern who it was.
"Be nicer to him." Kiyone says, punctuating her words with emphasis. "You can be quite intimidating, you know?"
Her mind goes blank, and before Karin can stop herself, asks. "What's that supposed to mean?"