Chapter 32

Snape's Grudge

Severus Snape slumped low in one of the cozy high-backed armchairs that dotted the Headmaster's office. The rest of the Hogwarts' faculty was seated around the school potions master, listening intently to Albus Dumbledore warn them about Sirius Black and remind them to all keep a closer eye on the student body – constant vigilance was theme for today. It was the morning of a Hogsmeade trip and the faculty was on edge at having so many students out and about with Black still on the loose.

Snape tuned out Dumbledore's droning voice and turned towards an open window. The sun had just broken through heavy cloud cover and its golden rays radiated down onto the castle, giving the old stone a gilded appearance. While the students and faculty were on pins and needles following the break-ins and scattered sightings of Black around campus, Snape had started to feel…excited.

Concern for the safety of the student body was ever present on his mind and was of paramount importance, but as the year went on Snape's outrage over Black's incredible escape abated – he began to view the current situation as an opportunity, a blessed second chance from the heavens.

It was disgusting to admit to himself, but the truth was Snape was now pleased Black had broken out of Azkaban and had come to Hogwarts. Black was the final piece of the puzzle, the last part to be slotted in. With the traitor dead Snape's absolution – his redemption – would be complete. The Dark Lord, Severus Snape and Sirius Black – three dark harbingers that had brought about destruction of an innocent red flower.

One had fallen over 12 years ago and was never coming back, no matter what nonsense Dumbledore kept espousing. The other had been living a bland life, trapped in a dark castle on borrowed time. He continue his penance for as long as need be. And now Snape had been blessed with another opportunity to bring down the final demon. I will not miss a second time. I will not hesitate again.

With Black's death Lily would be avenged, her son would be safe, and I could leave this wretched school – free myself from this indentured servitude. Azkaban, freedom, I don't care what they do to me as long as my oath is fulfilled and I can take leave from this place.

Snape did not care what promises he had made to the Headmaster, Black would die before he touched Harry again. I have to kill the bastard – he's too dangerous to be kept alive and, contrary to what the Ministry said, Black had proven that no place on Earth was secure enough to hold him.

As long has Harry was alive Black would never rest, consumed as he was with finishing the Dark Lord's final mission. And the longer Black remained near Hogwarts, the more chances Snape would have to finish his vendetta with the arrogant traitor and keep his solemn promise to Lily.

The scraping of chairs drew Snape from his ruminations and back to his present surroundings – chairs were pushed back as the faculty members stood up. It looked as though the boring pep talk had concluded. Dumbledore was quickly surrounded by a few teachers as he strode from the office, it seemed as though questions about Black and the related security measures were endless.

Snape hung back, his eyes sweeping around the office. He was always amazed at the incredible objects that the room contained – Dumbledore had been able to acquire some truly magical treasures on his travels. Snape's eyes lingered a long moment on Fawkes, and then he locked eyes with Professor McGonagall. He held up a quick hand and she quickly nodded, a sign of surprise on her face. What does he want with me?

Soon the office emptied, leaving only Snape and McGonagall. The room was silent, save for a faint scratching – Fawkes was enjoying a herring bone as a post breakfast snack.

"You wish to speak with me young man?"

Snape slowly sighed, always had to comment on my age. She was like all the other teachers, tolerated him solely because of Dumbledore. Like I need any of them! But alas, I did. Black was not just appearing inside the castle, he was getting help from someone. And Dumbledore refused to see reason – the culprit was right in front of his eyes! Snape had decided he needed to recruit one more member into the 'Lupin is in cahoots with Black' club.

"Yes, just a moment of your time, if you can spare it."

"Go on…"

"Minerva…I know we haven't always seen eye to eye. I know you, along with the majority of the staff, had reservations – deep reservations – about my teaching appointment."

McGonagall help up a hand. "That was a long time ago Severus. You've accommodated yourself well lo these many years."

"Thank you, but let us speak plainly. We've never been close."

"You think the state of our relationship is my fault? It takes two to create a bond Severus."

"Yes, of course you're right. I don't go out of my way to spend time with you, nor any of the others. Please don't take offense, I'm not close to anyone."

"None taken. Is there something specific you wanted to discuss? I'm on chaperone duty today at Hogsmeade." McGonagall gestured out the office door and towards the waiting stairs.

"Minerva I wanted to talk to you about another faculty member…Professor Lupin."

"Yes?"

Snape stared hard at the Deputy Headmistress. Strict, no nonsense, always adhered to the rules. But Snape had seen her show a capacity for reason and compassion. He wondered if she knew Lupin's secret. Surely the head of his house must have been notified of his condition. Yet he wondered if maybe she didn't know. How would she react? Shock? Concern? Hurt that Dumbledore had not confided in her? Snape had a sudden urge to blurt out the dirty secret, he wanted to provoke a reaction from her.

"Professor Lupin – I – I've some serious concerns about him and his…ability to teach here."

McGonagall's eyes narrowed. "This sounds like a conversation you should be having with the Headmaster. You should know better than to talk behind his back Severus."

So loyal, she followed Dumbledore blindly – the lemming never thought for herself, never opened her eyes to the big picture! "I've voiced my worries to him!"

"And?"

"He brushed them away! Doesn't believe what I've got to say!"

"Severus listen, no please listen to me. I know about your past with Remus."

Snape scoffed, if only she knew even half of what Lupin and his friends had put him through!

"I know that you two have never been the best of friends. But those were schoolboy fights, people change Severus. Remus has a good heart. He's gentle and kind and I believe he is well suited to teach the young minds in our care."

"He's dangerous Minerva, there's hidden violence within him! He has power, uncontrollable power…"

"What are you talking about?"

"He – well he – never mind that. It's not my relationship with him that worries me. It's his relationship with Black!"

"What relationship? Are you suggesting that he's been helping Black infiltrate the school grounds?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying!"

"Come now Severus, Black didn't just betray the Potters. He betrayed all his friends, Remus included. Remus is now your brother, he's one of the Order. I will not entertain the notion that he would help Black harm anyone."

Snape turned away in anger, how is it that no one can see the evil in others, only in him?! How can she not even consider my side of things? When Snape turned back to McGonagall his eyes were wet, pleading with her to see reason.

"I do not believe that Remus is evil. I do not believe that he would knowingly harm anyone, least of all a young child. He was not a vindictive boy in school, I know this. But Remus became a different person when he was around his friends. He changed Minerva, and that is what is happening now. Black had a hold over him when they were students, and I think that dynamic is back. I think he has somehow convinced Lupin to help him, to follow him without question the way he did in school. Maybe Lupin isn't even aware of how he is helping Black, he may even think he is saving his old friend. But Black is somehow bypassing all our safeguards – even the magical protections of the great Headmaster have not worked to keep him out. Someone is helping Black stay near Hogwarts undetected and someone is helping him get into the castle. Who else could it be?"

McGonagall stared hard at the floor for a few seconds, digesting what Snape had said. When she had composed herself and formulated a response, she slowly raised her eyes again. Were they full of understanding or reproach – maybe a bit of both?

"Twelve years ago Albus called me and a few other teachers up here to this very office. He told us that he had found a new potions master. He told us that there would be a lot of controversy surrounding the appointment. The new professor would be the youngest teacher in Hogwarts history. He would be a former student that had found himself in detention countless times, that many of us would remember him as a troublemaker. That there would be stories about him, dark stories about who he has associated with after he graduated. Rumors that he aligned with…a dark sect. That he had been in league with HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED."

Snape could not bear to meet McGonagall's eyes.

"He also told us to remain together, to show loyalty and to rally behind the new teacher. He told us to ignore the stories and judge the new potions master once we got to know him, to judge him on his merit and not what others whispered about him."

"I'm grateful, forever grateful for what the Headmaster did." The words struggled out, squeezing through a lump in Snape's throat. "But I'm not Remus Lupin. This is not the same situation."

"He told us not to trust the stories, but to trust him. Terrible things were said about you Severus, horrible indeed. But my colleagues and I welcomed you with open arms. Not because we didn't necessarily believe the stories, but because we trusted Albus. To trust you was to trust him. You see Severus, it comes down to whether or not you trust Dumbledore's judgement. I do; therefore I trust you. And by extension, I trust Remus."

Snape flopped down onto a large green armchair sitting in the middle of the office. How could talking be so physically draining? He heard McGonagall walk out of the office, anxious to start her chaperoning duties. She had made a compelling argument, no doubt. Dumbledore was a great and powerful wizard, of that Snape was sure. But Snape also knew firsthand that the great wizard was capable of mistakes, just like the next man. And, as Dumbledore was rather cleverer than most men, his mistakes tended to be correspondingly huger.

Snape's eyes moved over Dumbledore's desk and landed on the portrait of Phineas Nigellus Black. The former Slytherin headmaster was staring down at Snape with a disapproving look…

…Snape found himself back in the headmaster's office several hours later, slouched in the same green armchair and suffering from the same disappointed look from Phineas' portrait. Snape was listening with growing annoyance as Draco Malfoy was recounting the story he had told Snape, just a few hours before, to a now concerned looking Dumbledore.

Snape looked away from Phineas' gaze and stared over at the third year Slytherin. Draco Malfoy. So much potential in such a small package. And like so many other students that had passed through Snape's classes, this one seemed intent on squandering his god given talents.

Draco had been rambling on for a good ten minutes. He was a skinny boy of medium height, with golden hair that looked like it was on the verge of turning silver at any moment. He had porcelain white skin, thin lips and a narrow chin. A handsome miniature of his father, with the inviting eyes of his beautiful mother. Draco seemed destined to be a heartbreaker and smooth talker, the young girls in Slytherin beware.

Snape could also sense an underlying intelligence and power in the young boy, but it was buried deep, underneath a surface of arrogance, hubris and naivety. Snape had promised his friend Lucius he would watch over his son, guide him and inspire him to take his studies seriously, but Draco could be frustratingly insolent at times. I could teach him a great many things! Why does he never listen to me!

Even now, Draco refused to follow his advice. He had told the boy to stick to the bare facts, simply explain what happened in an even keeled manner. Present the story in an impartial way and let the listener draw his own conclusions. He had tried to guide Draco to be more sensible in his behavior after the hippogriff accident earlier that semester – be more in control of your emotions, none of us like Potter either but you must proceed with some discretion, you're so obvious with your behavior. Be calm, cool and collected. Instead the stubborn boy was acting almost hysterical in front of the headmaster, claiming that Potter had been tormenting him all year.

Snape shook his head, what did it matter. It's not like Draco had the power to sway Dumbledore one way or the other.

"And then I turned around and there was his head, floating all by itself! I swear it!"

"Interesting, very interesting indeed Draco. What happened next?"

"He began taunting me, him and that filthy blood traitor Weasley! I have two witnesses sir! Crabbe and Goyle saw the whole thing! Potter and Weasley attacked us! Unprompted! It's been going on all year sir!"

Dumbledore gave Snape a knowing look and the potions master quickly looked away. A yelling and obviously lying student was not going to be the most reliable witness.

"I understand Draco, I really do. Thank you for telling me what transpired out there today. If you could please head down to your dormitory, I'd like a few minutes with your house head right now."

Dumbledore gestured to his office door and it swung open, but Draco held his ground.

"What about Potter? Are you going to punish him?! And that mud blood loving Weasley too?!"

Dumbledore's face came alight with sharp irritation, but it left his features as quickly as it came. He responded in a gentle voice, but his eyes flashed with stern. "Draco do not use that language in my presence, or anywhere for that matter. Now please excuse yourself, you can visit Madam Pomfrey if you're still feeling unwell. I will decide how to deal with your classmates and their actions today."

Draco turned red and whirled about to face Snape, looking to his teacher to buttress his insolence. Snape stared at Draco with disgust and flicked his head to the open door. Draco appeared to be on the verge of disagreeing, thought better of it and stomped off, loudly closing the door behind him.

"So? What did you think?"

"Bright boy, but none of his father's carefree loquaciousness or silky charm."

"I couldn't care less about your thoughts on Draco's personality, what did you think of his story?"

Dumbledore got up with a smile and began walking around his office, running his hand along the volumes of books lining his office – seemingly searching for something and nothing all at once.

"It's quite a fantastical story Severus. A disembodied head attacking Draco?"

"So you're suggesting my student lied to right to your face?!"

"It certainly wouldn't be the first a student has lied to me." Dumbledore turned to Snape as he said this, a twinkle in his eye.

Snape was up on his feet in an instant. "This is a serious matter!"

"What would you like me to do? Punish Harry for slinging mud at Draco? I'm sure both boys acted inappropriately."

"I don't give a damn about punishing either of the spoilt brats! Don't you see what this means? Potter was able to get out of the castle, past our safeguards, past your safeguards! I searched his pockets, they were full of candy from Hogsmeade! He was out there today."

Dumbledore plucked a book from the wall and took it back to his desk. He sat down slowly, steepled his fingers under his chin and gave Snape a searching look.

"It is troubling…tell me you honest feelings. You truly believe the child got out today?"

"Yes!"

"Did you use occlu– "

"I didn't need to. The guilt was plastered all over his face. Let us get him up here and question him if you don't believe me!"

"I believe you, I do. And what of this business about a floating head?"

"Who knows what Draco saw, maybe he panicked and didn't see clearly – or perhaps the brat used a poorly casted disillusionment charm on himself."

"At his age? Such an advanced spell?"

"Who cares what actually happened between the two of them this afternoon, the fact remains Potter was there! Out there! And I think you know more about how he got out then you're letting on."

"Severus I've been open with you about the castle's protections, shown you much more about its secrets than I feel you've rightfully earned. I honestly don't know how the boy got out."

"Then get that filthy half breed up here!"

"Severus!"

"He knows something, I know it! Potter had a piece of parchment on him today as well. Lupin recognized it!"

"The parchment showed what?"

"Well nothing, an insult appeared when I tried to force it reveal its contents."

"A joke from the village toy store perhaps?"

"No, there was something about it…I've seen it before…it doesn't matter. Lupin and Potter, they're up to something. I know it!"

"So now you think Lupin has stopped helping Sirius and is now helping Potter? Helping the boy to do what exactly? Escape?"

Snape's cheeks flushed red and jumbled images sprang to his mind. He felt the onset of a migraine, they had been afflicting him more and more this year. I can't think straight! Snape raised his palms to his eyes, trying to rub away the confused thoughts.

Dumbledore got up, walked around his desk and bent to a knee to face Snape. He leaned in close and whispered to his potions master.

"Severus, have faith in me and have faith in your fellow Order member. No man, woman or child is helping Sirius move around the school grounds. I'm sure of it."

Severus Snape sat in his private office, brooding. It was that time of day when it was not quite the afternoon, yet not quite the evening either –the dungeons were empty, most of the students were in the library studying for final exams or in the outside courtyard enjoying a break before dinner.

Sirius Black had not been sighted on the school ground for a few weeks and Snape was no closer to finding him than when the term first began. None of the faculty had believed his warnings about Lupin and Dumbledore seemed as unconcerned as ever about his misgivings.

Am I crazy? To believe one thing whole heartedly when no one else in the entire school gives it credence? Have I gone mad? Why can no one else see the danger Lupin possesses? Snape's mind drifted back to the last time Black had been spotted…

Black was such an idiot to have come back here…but how had he been able to breach the castle walls? His exploits as a student were legendary, perhaps he knew of a secret entrance? No! Lupin must be involved, but how? And why had Black bothered with that idiot Weasley and not used his knife against Potter? He had braved the dementors of Azkaban and traveled all this way just to bungle his mission at the last moment? A hardened criminal tripped up by an ignorant school boy?

At first Snape had dismissed the Weasley boy's claims, the quidditch match must have gotten him all riled up. He probably snuck some fire whiskey during the party and had a bad reaction. Or just wanted some attention. But that fool of a knight in the portrait had corroborated the boy's claims. Black had been there, with the week's passwords at his fingertips. How could Black have squandered such an opportunity? Snape had been uneasy ever since that night. Something else was afoot, but what?

How was Lupin helping Black? Snape had haunted the werewolf's footsteps for the past few weeks. He had employed the use of the Hogwarts' ghosts, bribed several school portraits, even promised to teach Peeves some new hexes if the poltergeist alerted him whenever the wolf left the castle and ventured out onto the school grounds. Maybe Black and Lupin wanted to kidnap Harry, not just kill him. Maybe…no, I mustn't get carried away with all this conjecture, random guesswork never helped anyone. Who cares what the actual plan is? The ultimate goal for Black is Potter's demise. Simple. End of story. Black must be killed at all costs.

Lord give me strength, I don't know how to keep the children safe. Dumbledore is a great wizard, of that there is no doubt. But infallible he is not, and to put his faith in a werewolf with a checkered past, to allow that half man to be in such close contact with vulnerable children…it was irresponsible to say the least! What if he missed a scheduled potion? Had a bad reaction to it just one time? Lost his temper? What if being in presence of Black causes him to fall back into dangerous habits?

I believe in second chances, God knows where I would be without one. But to jeopardize children's lives, to be so cavalier with their safety…what was Dumbledore thinking? Lupin and Dumbledore had been furious when I had assigned the DADA classes the werewolf chapter, but what choice did I have? I need the children to be aware of what they could face, need them to cognizant of what to do if they came across such danger.

A loud fizzing sounded off to Snape's left, reigning this thoughts in just as his imagination was about to run amok. A smoking ginger colored potion was bubbling in a large black cauldron, giving off faint traces of mildew. Snape shook his head and couldn't help but smile to himself. He had spent all semester trying to catch Lupin in the act, following him every chance he got, racking his brain relentlessly to figure out how the wolf was helping his old school mate cheat the hangman, trying to exact some sort of justice for all that damn wolf's past transgressions – and amidst all of that struggle Snape was still beholden to helping make the wolf's life easier.

He had spent so many precious hours this year brewing the complex Wolfsbane potion – literally spending his time protecting the enemy! What kind of life is this? Dumbledore's requests knew no bounds! Now Snape was to be a messenger boy. He dipped a large goblet into the bubbling liquid and headed out of his office. The damned wolf had forgotten to come by and take his potion!

Snape quickly walked up the school steps and approached Lupin's office on the third floor – the door was ajar and a fire was flickering within. Snape knocked and then strode in without waiting for any acknowledgement. Of course the wolf wasn't here! Such selfishness! Snape quickly turned to leave – I have to find Lupin quickly and feed him the potion. As Snape reached the threshold of the office, he froze in his tracks. He slowly turned back around and stared curiously at Lupin's desk. A common looking piece of parchment sat upon it, with some ink scribbled all over. But the ink was moving, continuously, as if it were alive. Snape knew he had seen that parchment before.

He slowly walked up to the desk and took a closer look – my God.

Jeremy Chadwick slowly walked to Professor Lupin's office. Final exams were coming up so soon and still he could not perform a basic shield spell. He hoped the Professor had some time this evening to walk him through the incantation again. He really enjoyed Lupin's classes – finally a competent DADA teacher Jeremy thought as he turned a corner on the long hallway that led to Lupin's office.

Jeremy froze when he was a few feet from the office door. He watched with a mixture of fear and shock as he witnessed Professor Snape yell in a scary pitch and toss a goblet into the air. The cup floated high and then smashed to the floor with a loud shatter. As a thick bright ginger liquid seeped onto the stone floor of Lupin's office, Snape tore out of the room as if the devil himself was behind him. He swept past a flabbergasted student, flew down the school steps and pushed out into the night.

Snape was a runaway train, headed straight for the Shrieking Shack.

He had only been there once before.

And this time he would be ready for the monster within.