II
What a Mess We've Made
Pain. That was what Remus felt. He could barely make out the shapes and shadows around him. He couldn't focus on anything while his skin was being ripped apart and his bones were being shattered and reformed. He let out a scream as the last wave of the transformation hit him, and then collapsed on the ground.
Several seconds later, Remus managed more than partial consciousness. He opened his eyes and looked around the forest, ignoring his pounding headache. The memories of what happened with Malfoy and Hermione came back, but there was a big black hole in his mind where the transformation and the subsequent night should have been. He shifted his jaw, noting the distinct tang of blood in his mouth that definitely wasn't his own.
This was bad. This was so fucking bad that Remus wanted to scream and cry and kill Malfoy. He held his breath while he searched the nearby forest, expecting the worst.
Then he saw her. Hermione was there, sitting up against a tree trunk several meters away. Despite the blood smeared across her forehead and the ashen paleness of her skin he could see the rise and fall of her chest. She was alive. How the hell had she survived?
"Hermione," he groaned, trying to sit up more. Every muscle and joint in his body protested, but he didn't care.
She wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were trained on the ground in front of her. Remus realized that he wasn't wearing any clothes. "Oh," he muttered.
"Here," she said hoarsely, still not looking at him. She extended her hand, which held her cloak. She must have taken it off sometime in the night, knowing that Remus would need it. He gingerly stepped forward and took the heavy cloak from her, wrapping it around his waist. She was wearing a jumper and skirt under. It was now that he noticed that her clothes were tattered and stained with a sizeable amount of blood.
Remus' mouth went dry. "Did I…" he began, not knowing how to phrase the question or get the words out of his mouth. His head was pounding and the exhaustion of the transformation weighed heavy on his limbs. But now was not the time to rest.
She met his gaze, and he could see the dark circles that hung under her eyes. She must have not slept at all. With slow movements, she nodded, her gaze falling down to her leg. Remus clenched his jaw. There it was, a bite mark amidst the blood and dirt.
He'd ruined her.
He dropped to his knees beside her, allowing his head to fall into his hands. Somehow, he didn't imagine this would happen. He thought she would die. This was so different, so much worse. He had infected her with the bane of his existence. She was a werewolf now. There was no way she could ever live a normal life. This poor girl, who had such a great future ahead of her... she was ruined, and it was all thanks to him. "I'm sorry, Hermione," He whispered, devastated, "I- I'm so, so sorry." He felt like he was watching this scene from above, looking down on the pair of them on the forest floor. It took him several seconds to realize that he was probably in shock.
"Don't apologize," Hermione said sternly, "we need to get out of here." Her bravery took him by surprise, but then again, it always had. "I expect that someone will be looking for us, but we can't very well be found in the middle of the Forbidden Forest that easily."
Remus searched for words, still unable to move past the catastrophic thing he'd done. God, he wished he could've died. He wished that he could have thrown himself off a cliff before he had the chance to touch her.
Before Remus had a chance to say anything else, a rustling from behind called his attention. Someone was coming. He stood and moved slightly in front of Hermione, not knowing whether he wanted to protect her or shield the injuries he'd inflicted from view.
"Lupin?" a deep and wary voice called through the trees. Surprisingly enough, Severus Snape stepped into view, his wand brandished and his expression imperceptible.
Remus didn't know if he was relieved or distraught to see the dour Potions Master. Despite their rocky past, Remus and Severus were now on better terms since Remus had returned to his previous position as Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Severus still disliked Remus, but he knew all about his Lycanthropy and Remus believed that the Potions Professor could be trusted.
"What's happened?" Severus asked briskly, glancing past Remus' half naked form to Hermione, bloody and shivering on the ground. Remus realized that it must have been an eerie sight to walk in on, but Severus appeared to take it all in stride. In only a second, the Professor flicked his wand and repaired Remus' robes, which had been torn to shreds and skewed across the ground. Then, he strode towards Hermione, looking her over, obviously noticing the bite mark just above her ankle. His expression betrayed nothing.
"It was Lucius Malfoy," Hermione rasped, "he brought us here and took our wands."
Remus could feel Hermione's eyes on him despite the fact that he was looking at the ground. "I-" he began, choking out the words and trying not to lose his control, "I don't know how this happened."
"Remus didn't get his Wolfsbane," Hermione murmured softly, her voice pained.
When Remus glanced up from the ground he saw that Severus had finished cleaning the wound near Hermione's ankle. The bite mark was angry and red, standing out against her pale skin. "I'm aware," Severus said dully, moving over to Hermione's side to heal her shoulder.
"Did you speak to Malfoy?" Remus asked, barely managing to not sound accusatory. Severus flicked his wand and a potion bottle appeared. Remus took it, knowing that it was the usual post-full moon brew that Severus produced, some sort of variation on the Pepper Up Potion. It improved his condition immensely, but he was still exhausted and sore and wholly devastated.
Severus shook his head. "I knew that something was wrong when you didn't retrieve your potion. Albus used the tracking spell to find your location. He had me wait until sunrise to retrieve you." The professor gave Hermione one last glance of appraisal. His expression was hard to decipher as always, but Remus could see the conflict in his eyes. "I hadn't expected this," he added softly, standing and taking his eyes from Hermione.
"We should get back to the school," Hermione said anxiously. "What if he comes back?"
"Lucius would never return here. He will be confident that his plan has succeeded." Remus knew that Severus didn't need to ask what the plan was. Surely he could infer. "Poppy will be waiting in the Hospital Wing," Severus murmured, holding out an arm to both Hermione and Remus. It took Hermione a moment to realize that they were going to Apparate. She hesitated, her face falling.
"What is it?" Severus snapped impatiently.
She winced, and Remus could feel her trying to resist looking at him. "I don't want anyone to see us." Her words came out softly and shamefully.
Remus felt another rush of guilt. Of course she was ashamed! Who wouldn't be? She didn't want anyone to know that she had been afflicted with Lycanthropy. Remus completely understood.
"I don't want people to know," Hermione continued needlessly, "Especially that Remus did it. They can't know. He'll get into trouble."
Remus wanted to tell her that he would get into trouble regardless, but he didn't. "Nobody will see us at this time in the morning, and you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to." Despite the protest in his muscles, he extended a hand to help her off of the ground. She took his hand weakly, wincing as she stood up. Remus' grim expression worsened.
It was doubtful that they could keep this a secret; surely Poppy and Albus had to be informed, and the news would probably get out anyway. Plus, they had to do something about Lucius. Remus felt another wave of dread rise up within him. Merlin, how he wished that he could have died and spared her. She was his student, too. That may have been the worst part.
"Alright," said Hermione. She shifted her weight off of her injured leg and reached for Severus' arm. Remus did the same, soon feeling the unpleasant pull of Apparation.
The school was empty. Saturday mornings usually came about like this: sunrise creeping over a slumbering castle. This Hermione was thankful for.
Professor Snape, Remus, and Hermione slowly made their way towards the Hospital Wing. Upon arrival, they found both Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey already there, speaking quietly. Hermione figured that Dumbledore must have known something was amiss when he discovered Remus' location to be deep in the Forbidden Forest. However, she could bet on the fact that he didn't ever expect Hermione to be tangled up in all of this. Sure enough, his expression was one of shock.
"Perhaps we should have a word, Remus," Dumbledore uttered after a long moment. It was odd for Hermione to see the Headmaster so taken aback. He was typically surprised by nothing. Madam Pomfrey, too, was stunned silent, but she quickly sprang into action after Dumbledore spoke. The Matron stepped forward and gently took Hermione's arm, leading her over to a bed in the curtained off corner of the Hospital Wing.
"Of course," Remus replied to Dumbledore hoarsely. Hermione glanced in his direction and felt a stab of pity. The bags under his eyes were accentuated by his grim expression and overall paleness. He looked like a man condemned to death. Almost more than anything else, Hermione hated how hard all of this would be on Remus.
"Poppy, may I borrow your office for a moment?" Dumbledore looked to the Matron. He had mastered himself, and now spoke with the normally cheery and light tone. Hermione preferred shocked silence to that lighthearted façade.
Pomfrey nodded her assent, focused on getting Hermione into a bed and looking at the bite mark on her lower leg. Hermione watched as Dumbledore and Remus moved toward Madam Pomfrey's adjoined office, Dumbledore beckoning Professor Snape in as well.
"Will it heal?" Hermione asked after a moment, eyes trained on the still bleeding wound. She felt entrenched in a pit of numbness. It was obvious that she was in shock. She'd been in shock for hours.
Pomfrey shook her head. "Werewolf bites tend not to." She spoke with a sort of professionalism, but the sadness and pity still crept into her voice. Hermione sighed deeply.
"Take this," the woman spoke again, a potion vial now appearing in her hand. Hermione examined the label. It was written in Snape's spindly scrawl. Sleeping Draught, it said.
"You need to rest, Miss Granger," Pomfrey explained.
Hermione nodded absently, rubbing her thumb over a fraying corner of the label. "My friends will wonder where I am," she murmured.
"I'm sure the Headmaster will find a suitable excuse for your being in the hospital wing." Madam Pomfrey stood up, making sure that the curtains were fully pulled around Hermione's bed.
Hermione downed the Sleeping Draught and let her head fall onto the pillow. Pomfrey left then, and the young witch was suddenly alone with her thoughts. She hadn't really considered it much earlier, but now it really hit her: She was a werewolf.
A werewolf.
The word stuck in her mind, floating around and shrouding her thoughts.
At this point, Hermione was sure of one thing: everything had changed. Her whole life would be different now. There was no going back after last night, but at least she could keep it a secret if nothing else. Harry and Ron didn't have to know. She could hide it from them and spare them the worry. Even if her life was spiraling out of control, she could control one thing: that it would remain a secret.
She fell asleep crying silently into her pillow.
Harry sat next to Ron and Ginny in the great hall, picking at his toast and looking around curiously. Hermione hadn't joined them yet. It was making Harry uneasy. He hadn't seen her since her row with Ron the previous night, and she was normally up for breakfast much sooner than this. He looked around the great hall and up to the staff table. That was odd, too. He searched the table and noticed that both Lupin and Dumbledore were missing from their usual spots.
"Where do you suppose Hermione is?" Harry asked Ron, who sat to his left.
Ron wasn't paying attention; his eyes were fixed on a group of girls entering the Great Hall, giggling as they walked. Harry recognized Lavender Brown as one of them. When she spotted Ron, she separated from the girls and came running. "Won-won!" She squealed, almost tackling him with a hug.
Harry turned away from the couple before he could get an eyeful of snogging. He honestly didn't understand why Ron had gotten back together with Lavender. She was just so dreadfully annoying.
"So irritating," Ginny mumbled, as if reading Harry's mind, "We're never like that, are we?"
Harry smiled wryly, "I doubt it."
Ginny grinned in response and reached over to grab his hand, "what were you saying about Hermione?"
"I was just wondering where she was, I haven't seen her since last night and she's usually up by now. You haven't seen her, have you?"
Ginny thought it over, "now that I think about it, I didn't see her at all last night. Wasn't she going to stop by the Common Room?"
"She said she was going to the library," Harry recalled. "Maybe she just stayed up too late and now she's sleeping in."
Ginny nodded.
The pair finished eating breakfast and decided to abandon Ron and Lavender. They exited the Great Hall just in time to see Professor Dumbledore coming their way.
"Hello, Professor Dumbledore," Harry greeted the Headmaster.
"Hello, Mr. Potter, Miss Weasley," Dumbledore smiled, "I was actually just coming to find you two. I wanted to inform you that Miss. Granger is currently in the hospital wing."
"What?" Harry asked, alarmed, "Why?" He shared a concerned look with Ginny.
"Oh, it's nothing to worry about," Dumbledore waved his hand dismissively, "she's just sleeping off a cold, she came to the infirmary last evening and Madam Pomfrey had her stay the night. She will surely be fine later today."
"Oh...okay, I guess we'll go visit her," Harry said, looking to Ginny, who nodded strangely.
"Very well," Dumbledore said and continued off down the hallway.
"That was odd," Ginny observed.
"Very," Harry agreed, continuing down the hallway, "Why would Dumbledore come to tell us that? It's not like him to be concerned over little illnesses like that."
Ginny shrugged, "maybe he just happened to stop by the Hospital Wing and wanted to let us know that she was there."
Harry accepted that answer, deciding that it was the most reasonable explanation. When they finally arrived at the Hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey was rushing around, tending to a pair of fourth years who had gotten into a fight. She was healing the smaller boy's black eye when Harry and Ginny walked in.
"May I help you?" She looked to the couple standing in the doorway.
"We're looking for Hermione Granger," Ginny explained.
Poppy nodded and pointed to a bed in the back with curtains around it. Harry and Ginny walked over to the bed and got a better look. Hermione was there, covered up by the sheets as she dozed away. There was exhaustion evident even though her eyes were closed. Other than her slightly pale complexion, she looked normal.
Harry turned to Ginny, "There's not much we can do until she wakes up."
Ginny nodded, "Maybe we should find Ron, tell him what happened."
"Sure. As long as he's not snogging Lavender," Harry mumbled.
And with that, Harry and Ginny exited the Hospital Wing, leaving the sleeping girl to her dreams.
Hermione woke late in the afternoon, only an hour or so left until dinner would be served in the Great Hall. She was rather surprised that she'd managed to sleep so long, but it made sense considering that she'd been up all night. Soon, Madam Pomfrey found her awake and informed her that Professor Dumbledore wanted to speak with her right away. It wasn't long after that when Dumbledore's footsteps sounded through the hospital wing, accompanied by another pair as they made their way towards Hermione's corner.
The curtains around her bed were pulled aside, first showing the face of Dumbledore, and then a pale, tired looking Remus. A very strange sensation swept over Hermione at the sight of Remus. She hadn't realized it before, but an odd calmness had been easing itself over her for the past several seconds as Remus and Dumbledore approached. Remus took a deep breath, and Hermione inherently knew that he felt it too.
"Ah, Miss Granger," Dumbledore greeted her with a pleased smile, "how are you feeling?"
"Better than I was this morning, sir." She smiled politely, finding it easier to maintain her composure than she'd imagined. She tried to pinpoint where this peculiar sense of tranquility was coming from, but it didn't seem to have a beginning or an end. It was just there.
"I am glad to hear it," said the Headmaster, pulling up a pair of chairs for himself and Remus.
"Hello Hermione," Remus nodded towards her. His voice betrayed the calm expression he wore. She could hear his frayed composure through the gruffness of his tone.
"Professor," she gave him a small nod. He didn't smile like he usually did when she addressed him so formally. She always called him "professor" in the presence of other teachers or classmates. Harry and Ron, on the other hand, had gotten to the point where they nearly always called him Remus, sometimes even slipping up in class.
"Now," Dumbledore began with a great sigh, "I think we have much to discuss, the three of us." With a flick of his wrist Hermione knew that he had put up some sort of privacy ward. This conversation was going to remain within the confines of Hermione's small, closed off portion of the Hospital Wing.
"Miss Granger," Dumbledore looked at her, "I believe that both Remus and I would very much like to hear your side of the story. So tell us, how exactly did you survive last night?"