VIII

Reckless Abandon

"Alright, let's split into pairs and do some practical work," Remus announced, standing at the head of the classroom and motioning for everyone to get up from their desks.

Hermione looked over at Harry. He was watching her expectantly, asking if they would be partners. She nodded her silent agreement.

Once all the students were out of their seats Remus waved his wand and the desks flew to the edges of the classroom. Within seconds all the partners stood facing off against one another.

Hermione and Harry were beside Ron and Lavender. Hermione ignored Lavender's whine about how she hoped Ron wouldn't use any harsh spells on her. Instead, she busied herself with making sure the sleeves of her jumper and robes were pulled down over the scars that still remained from the full moon. After she was finished she focused back on Harry.

"Do you want to go first or should I?" Harry asked.

"I will," she answered, taking one of the blindfolds Remus had distributed to each pair and putting it on. After readying her wand, she told Harry to begin.

All the pairs were to have one partner wear the blindfold while the other silenced their footsteps and moved around their partner, casting weak hexes at them from different locations. The blinded partner was to use a Heartbeat Locating spell to find their partner's location and then disarm them. Hermione knew that she didn't need the Heartbeat Locating spell– the full moon had been two days ago and she still had sublime hearing.

She allowed Harry to hit her once with a shocking spell before she whipped around and disarmed him. His wand flew into her left hand and she took her blindfold off, finding Harry shaking his head at her. "I don't know how you got so good at Defense Against the Dark Arts, Hermione."

"I've just been working very hard lately," she offered, handing him the blindfold.

"Speaking of that," Harry lowered his voice, "do you feel better? Ginny's worried that you're overworking yourself and that's why you've been sick so often lately."

"That might be it," she conceded, her voice just a little shrill, "but don't worry, Harry. N.E.W.T.s aren't far off, then I'll be able to rest."

He gave her a wary nod before shifting the blindfold over his eyes and readying his wand. Hermione's eyes drifted to where Remus stood at the front of the classroom. He was watching her, and she knew that he'd overheard the conversation. Before she had much time to decipher his expression, he was being called away by Astoria Greengrass. Astoria asked him a question, and soon he was doing a demonstration for her and her partner, Draco Malfoy.

Draco stood with his arms crossed, the usual snobbish look on his face as he watched Remus put on the blindfold and allow Astoria to attempt to hex him. Hermione's focus was drawn back to Remus. She examined the way his smile formed when he determined Astoria's location and the way his body shifted as he cast the disarming spell.

"Hermione?" Harry called out, "are you ready."

"Oh," she jumped, "of course." She proceeded to muffle her footsteps and begin to move around and cast spells at Harry. It wasn't long before he successfully located and disarmed her.

When DADA ended Hermione was pulled out of the classroom alongside Harry. Her thoughts strayed to Remus several times over the next few hours.

The next afternoon Hermione decided to make the trek to Remus' quarters once again. She knew that it probably wasn't the smartest thing for her to be doing, considering what would happen if someone saw her, but she was more desperate for his company more than ever. She arrived at his quarters only a little before curfew and he seemed pleased enough to see her. They were both still recovering from an abnormally bad full moon and any moments in each other's presence were gratefully accepted.

Hermione and Remus spent that evening drinking tea and discussing Hermione's progress with Snape and her research on the Wolfsbane. Remus was so intrigued by everything that he asked her to come to his quarters the next night and bring the books Professor Snape and Professor Sprout had given her. Hermione was happy to oblige and ecstatic to have another reason to come to his rooms. Together, they went through nearly everything she'd learned so far.

There had been a wealth of knowledge to garner from the books Snape had given her, and Hermione loved explaining everything to Remus and watching him as he read through specific passages that she figured were important. So far the books hadn't proved any of her theories wrong, but nor had they proved that it would be possible to alter the Wolfsbane in such a way. Still, Hermione felt like she was coming closer to something important, and the sooner she learned everything she could from these books the sooner she could speak to Snape about this.

Despite spending hours on end in Remus' rooms at night, Hermione was careful not to fall asleep there. Thus, each evening when she started to grow too drowsy to continue — this usually happened sometime before midnight — she would say goodbye and sneak through the castle back to her rooms.

There were a few problems with this routine, one of them being the fact that Evan seemed to be getting suspicious. One night Hermione came back through the portrait a little after midnight to find him studying in front of the fireplace. She winced upon seeing him, knowing that her streak of going unnoticed so far had been broken. He didn't say anything, but his intrigued expression was enough to tell her that he would remember this. Evan was exceedingly polite and would likely never ask her why she was staying out so late, but she would still rather him not be suspicious about it. Hermione breathed a polite "hello" before rushing up to her room and out of his sight.

Another problem — well, not so much a problem as just an awkward instance — was the one fateful night when Hermione came to Remus' rooms to find that Sirius was already there, lounging on the couch she usually sat on and talking to his friend.

"I can come back another time," she murmured upon entering the room, ready to back out and sprint back to her dormitory.

"Nonsense," Sirius barked, a cheeky grin on his face, "come sit with us, Hermione." He patted the space next to him on the couch while smiling genially at Remus.

Hermione awkwardly entered the room, sitting down on the couch beside Sirius and taking the cup of tea Remus immediately offered her. Remus looked mildly uncomfortable, but he still smiled at her just the same when she took the tea. Hermione smiled back, stamping down the blush that was forming on her cheeks. Sirius noticed, and Hermione caught the mischievous glint in his eye.

The three of them chatted for a while; mostly about Harry and the upcoming Quidditch final that Gryffindor was set to play in. Sirius loved talking about Harry, and he hated that Dumbledore didn't let him see his Godson more often. Hermione understood why Dumbledore did this; it would be too risky for Sirius Black to be spotted around the Gryffindor Tower or around the castle in general. Sirius had been cleared of all charges a long time ago, but many people were still suspicious of him and generally uncomfortable to see the ex-convict out in public.

Hermione ended up leaving to do her rotation on the post-curfew rounds a little while before midnight. "Thanks for the tea, Remus," she said, offering her best smile, "I'll see you in class tomorrow."

Remus nodded, an amused grin on his face. She'd realized that he had the tendency to act more cheerful and happy in the presence of Sirius. It was almost like Sirius made him younger, more carefree and lighthearted. It was a welcomed change, to say the least.

"Bye, love," Sirius chimed, winking at her in a way that she was sure had women falling all over him when he was younger.

"Bye, Sirius," she replied, turning away and leaving before they could see her blush.

The run-in with Sirius didn't happen again, as it seemed that Sirius didn't want to intrude on Remus and Hermione's time together. According to Remus, the Animagus stuck to calling in the morning or early afternoons. Hermione was half-thankful to not have the a repeat-experience, but at the same time she wanted it to happen again, if only to see Remus in one of the good moods that Sirius's company inspired.

Hermione's routine of her occasional visits to Remus' rooms persisted for a few weeks without interruption or serious issue. She'd decided not long after the visits started that she would be grateful for however long they lasted.

The month passed uneventfully except for one very interesting incident about a week before the full moon. Hermione had just left her Ancient Runes class and stopped into the Prefect's Bathroom on her way to lunch. She was both surprised and intrigued to find Draco Malfoy in said bathroom, pacing the floor and wearing a murderous expression. He turned towards her sharply upon hearing the door open, and the intensity of his glare was enough to make Hermione take a step backwards in surprise.

"Oh great," Malfoy sneered, "it's you. Come to fuck up my life again?"

"I see you're not in a very good mood," she replied coolly.

He scowled. "I thought you wanted me to stay away from you."

She crossed her arms. Before a few weeks ago Hermione hadn't cared much at all about what was going on with Draco, but she knew that he was going through a trying time. She wanted to try and keep Draco away from his father's path. The same girl who'd founded S.P.E.W. and fought desperately for House Elf Welfare when she was younger felt the inexorable need to help him now. "Did something happen, Draco?"

"Why do you care?" He growled, stalking forward so he was only a few feet away, "you're just the person who ruined my bloody life."

"I ruined your life?" Her temper was flaring up. "Do you even know what your father tried to do to me?"

"Well you survived, didn't you?" His tone was stubborn and desperate, "My father failed and now my family is ruined. My life is ruined." It that moment he sounded more like a petulant child than Hermione had ever thought possible.

"And you think I should have died? You think I should have died to save your precious father?" Hermione stepped closer to Draco, putting on her best menacing expression. "You don't know half of what happened that night."

Draco stepped back, examining Hermione closely. For a minute she thought that maybe she had given away too much. Surely he didn't know what had truly happened, right? The only way Draco could know about Remus infecting her was if Lucius knew, and according to Snape, Lucius didn't. The Death Eater simply thought that he had failed outright.

Draco took a deep breath, staring at the ground for several seconds in an obvious attempt to master himself. He finally picked his head up, looking at Hermione with an expression that one normally wouldn't describe as open or vulnerable, but to Hermione it was the most vulnerable thing she'd ever seen from him. "You should be careful," he muttered, "the Dark Lord is getting impatient. My father hasn't informed him of his failure yet, but it will come to light eventually."

The way Draco said "the Dark Lord" made Hermione's skin prickle. He spoke like a Death Eater. Unwillingly, her eyes darted down to his forearm. His robes covered it, so she couldn't see any evidence of a dark mark. Draco caught her looking and stood up taller, turning his arm inward. "You have no business in my life, Granger."

Hermione lifted her gaze to his face. "I want to help you, Draco," she said, "I know that you don't want to be involved in what your father is doing and I know that you don't want my help, but there are people who will help you."

He turned away from her, striding across the bathroom to one of the sinks and turning on the faucet. Hermione watched as he washed his hands methodically and stiffly. When he finished, he turned to pick up his book bag and moved back towards Hermione, passing her by and opening the door to the corridor. Before he disappeared behind the door he turned his head towards her, his gaze still lingering on the floor. "I won't help my father," he murmured, "Just- please don't tell anyone about this."

Hermione restrained her triumphant grin. It appeared that she had gotten through to Draco. Of course, she still had to be wary of him; trusting a Malfoy would be unwise.

Draco left, the noise of the portrait shutting echoing through the bathroom. Hermione stood there for a long moment, thinking hard about what had just happened. Finally, she put on a neutral expression and left the bathroom for the Great Hall.

The next full moon came with a lack of restlessness for Hermione, but it seemed that all of the other symptoms were intensified tenfold in its place. On the morning of the full moon she could barely even walk into the Great Hall with all of the scents and noises being so magnified. In Potions Class she started to feel like she was going to throw up while adding some particularly pungent ingredients to the Pepper-Up Potion she was making. Her experience in Potions was nothing compared to having to drink the Wolfsbane Potion that evening. She didn't even go to dinner because she felt so nauseous after.

And then there was the sex drive. While it hadn't been as potent last month, it now seemed to come back with enough power to make up for the lack. Hermione was a tightly wound coil of tension all day. When she and Remus were left alone in his cottage that evening it only got worse.

Snape had just departed, the crack of his Apparition heard acutely by the resident werewolves. Hermione tried to look at anything but Remus, knowing that it wasn't long now until the moon rose and she would be distracted by the transformation.

"Here," Remus said, offering her the dressing gown she'd left at the Cottage last time. His voice was more gruff than usual, and for a second she wondered if he was experiencing the same symptoms as her.

Taking a deep breath and ignoring the whiff of Remus' calming scent that came with it, Hermione looked up at him, taking the robe from his outstretched hand. Her fingers brushed against the inside of his wrist ever so slightly. She swallowed dryly, the back of her throat feeling tight and constricted.

His eyes bore into hers, and she couldn't resist shifting under his gaze. Moonrise was minutes away and all her senses were running wild. She could feel his proximity more intensely than anything else. When had she become so receptive to Remus? Well, she'd been facing feelings towards him for a while now, but it hadn't ever been like this.

Her eyes dropped to his lips for a fraction of a second. He caught her looking and appeared mildly surprised. She dropped his gaze, a blush rising in her cheeks that she just couldn't stamp down.

You're not yourself right now, Hermione.

The reassurance did little to help her restraint, because a moment later she was stepping forward, getting up on her toes, and pressing her lips against his. She didn't even realize what she was doing until her body had committed itself entirely.

Remus responded instantly, his arms coming to wrap around her waist, his lips moving fast and forcefully against hers. If she hadn't had proof of him feeling the increased sex drive before, this was proof enough. Hermione rested one hand on his shoulder, the other wrapping around the back of his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair. She kissed him back with the same enthusiasm. That seemed to inspire something in him, and he quickly pulled her against him, turning around and pressing her against the wall. Hermione gasped at the weight he put into the movement combined with the feeling of being so close between Remus and the wall.

Her gasp seemed to jolt some sense into him. Remus detached his mouth from hers, pulling back and meeting her eyes with a look of terrified realization. He dropped his hands from her waist like he'd been burned. "Fuck," he whispered, his expression soon turning to one of horror. The man staggered backwards, his hand coming up to his forehead. Hermione hadn't remembered ever hearing him curse like this. She cringed.

"That shouldn't have happened, Hermione." He'd turned away and she could no longer see his face, but she suspected that he wore the same pained expression his voice was projecting.

She tried to look for words, but she didn't know what to say. Whatever had just happened had either been a terrible, dreadful mistake, or the most wonderful sensation in the world; she couldn't decide. The only thing she was sure of was the fact that she'd just kissed her professor.

And he kissed me back.

Suddenly, there wasn't time to say or think anything else. The transformation was coming on. Hermione let out a groan as the first pains began to rip through her body. Remus staggered further away. It was seconds before Hermione was falling to the ground, trying to restrain her screams of pain. The transformation stretched on forever.

When the pain ended Hermione found herself faced with a very guilty looking wolf. Remus watched her with his deep amber eyes for a long moment before turning away and curling up on the carpet just as he always did. The only difference was that this time his eyes didn't follow her as she paced back and forth around the room. In fact, he barely looked at her once for the rest of the night. Hermione ultimately settled in on top of the couch, curling up in a ball and trying to force herself to get some sleep.

Little sleep came.

After another excruciating transformation in the morning, Hermione ended up lying nude on the couch, her hand groping for the nearest blanket. Once she found it she wrapped it around herself, curling into a ball on the couch and opening her eyes. Remus was sitting up on the ground facing away from her, another blanket draped over his back and his hands rubbing at his face.

Her eyes didn't leave his form. "I'm sorry I kissed you," she whispered hoarsely.

He turned around, his expression no longer one of anger or fear. It was only sadness.

"It was just the full moon and — well I'm sure you know how it is," she tried to explain, sitting up and fingering the edges of her blanket.

He nodded. "I know how it is." She trained her eyes on the carpet, listening to the noise of him shifting closer to her. Eventually he was directly next to the couch. She met his eyes, and he offered her a sad smile. "I'm your teacher, Hermione," he intoned. "Things like this can't happen while I'm your teacher."

She felt the pang of this rejection sharply in her chest. For a moment she didn't think she could ever bear to look at him again. After all Remus had done to try and help her through the lycanthropy, she repaid it by kissing him? He'd only wanted to offer her companionship and comfort, and she'd taken advantage of him.

A separate, less-conscious part of mind jumped at the words "while I'm your teacher." Did he intend to say that this would be okay once she was no longer his student? Hermione truly didn't know. She sat there for a long moment, before deciding to do the Gryffindor thing and throw caution to the wind.

"Well," she sighed, getting up and grabbing her torn up clothes from the ground, "I do graduate in less than two months." Before he could respond she slipped into the bathroom to change. By the time she was out again, Professor Snape had arrived with a pair of Pepper-Up Potions and a foul mood. Hermione didn't chance a look at Remus on the way out.

But, a voice in her head whispered, it's not like you can resist him forever.

Author's Note: I know that many of you have been waiting for a scene like this. What did you think? Any predictions on what's going to happen next?