21 - No More Running
When Rory arrived at her childhood home earlier in the week, her mother was beyond surprised to say the least. Predictably perceptive to her daughter's current state though, Lorelai simply hugged her in the foyer of the house they once affectionately dubbed the Crap Shack and welcomed her daughter back without question. After stowing her luggage in Rory's old bedroom that was now littered with various toys belonging to her two year old brother William, the mother-daughter combo who were the darlings of Stars Hollow left the house to dine at Luke's. Several reunions blurred by for Rory that first day, and not once did anybody ask why she'd returned. They seemed to sense this was a taboo subject, not to be broached. Rory thanked whichever deity that had granted that small boon to her, because she really didn't know what to say other than 'I'm on vacation'. This wasn't completely true, but it was close enough. Besides, isn't that what sick days were for? To be used when you're just not feeling well?
That first night she had the dream again, the one where a pregnant Rory shared breakfast with her husband Marty and their daughter. The damned thing had been on repeat for weeks now, so the last few nights had been no different. Rory was beginning to get sick of waking up disappointed when it came to an end.
I'm really starting to hate that dream, Rory sighed, opening her eyes to find herself laying in her old bedroom. She sat up in bed, blinking the sleep from her eyes, and listened to the eerie silence of her childhood home. Curious as to the reason for the lack of noise in a home where a three year old boy usually resided, the reporter decided to investigate and shrugged the covers off before rising up for her fifth day back in Stars Hollow. She exited the bedroom that had once belonged to her and entered the kitchen to find a note sitting on the table, which informed Rory on the whereabouts of her entire family.
"So, they're all at the diner," she stated lowly, then headed into the downstairs washroom to make herself presentable. Just as she pulled her hair back into a casual ponytail, Rory gazed at her own blue eyed reflection and immediately saw the little girl from the dream staring back, forcing the reporter to fight back an unexpected sob. It took her almost a full minute to regain her composure. When she did though Rory proceeded to finish doing up her ponytail, this time more careful not to let her guard down. The dreams were bad enough, but lately she was being harrassed by a daughter who would most likely not even have a chance of existing now that Marty was engaged to Andy. That didn't seem to bother the girl though, who continued to plague Rory left and right since the journalist first saw that gorgeous diamond ring sparkling on the rock singer's finger six days ago. So much so that the younger Gilmore girl was beginning to worry about her sanity.
"I am starting to really hate that damned dream," she groaned, rubbing her cheeks.
"And which dream would that be?" Jess asked from behind her, causing the brunette to shriek loudly in fright. "Whoa, settle down there, Ror!"
"What the hell is wrong with you, Jess?" Rory yelled, turning around to awkwardly attempt to strike him. "Don't you know how to knock?"
"This is my uncle and aunt's house, so knocking is unnecessary," he explained, easily parrying her pathetic blows. "Who were the ones who told me to come and check on you, by the way."
"You're infuriating as ever, I see," she muttered, straightening out her t-shirt. "What are you doing here anyway? I thought I heard Luke say you weren't coming back to Stars Hollow until Thanksgiving, or something."
"That was the original plan," he admitted, grinning sheepishly at her. "But my girlfriend-"
"Girlfriend?" Rory asked, her head popping up in surprise.
"Yes, girlfriend," Jess snorted. "She wanted to come here to pick up some of her stuff from her parents' house be-"
"Your girlfriend's from Stars Hollow? Oh, please tell me you're not back with Shane, Jess," she groaned, disappointed.
"No, I am not back with Shane," the hooligan-turned-writer replied, sounding somewhat offended by her conclusion. "Why would you even say something like that?"
Rory shrugged, "She's the only girl that came to mind."
"Even if I was back with her, what gives you the right to judge?" Jess quizzed, eyebrow quirked. "Last time we were together, you called me your cousin so your date wouldn't get suspicious, remember? And the time before that you tried to use me to get back at that cheating blonde dickhead you were dating at the time, so I do-"
"Fine, I'm sorry," she snapped, feeling fresh tears sting the edge of her eyes. "I get it, okay? I'm a selfish, judgemental bitch, and I get it!"
"Rory," he whispered, shocked at her sudden outburst. "I didn't-"
"Don't, Jess," she whispered, sensing that Jess was about to reach out to her. "Just don't, okay? I don't deserve any sympathy. I brought this on myself."
"Brought what on yourself, Rory?" Jess asked, concerned and curious.
"I treated him so badly back then, crushed his heart twice," the reporter continued at a near rasp, letting everything she'd been holding in all out at once. "It's no wonder why he's moved on, why he got engaged to his rock star girlfriend. All I've ever done was ignore him, hurt him, choose someone else over him time and time again. Only when I knew I couldn't have him...oh, God, it's like when Dean got married all over again! What the hell is wrong with me?"
"Shh, it'll be okay, Rory," Jess assured as he knelt beside her on the bathroom floor, where Rory had all but fallen during her tirade. "It'll be okay."
"No, it won't," she cried softly, hugging her knees. "I almost repeated one of my biggest mistakes. Before I learned Marty proposed to his girlfriend, I was heading to his house, the house he shares with this girl, this fantastic girl whose done nothing but be friendly to me since we met, to tell him that I'm in love with him! I was planning on stealing him away from her! I mean, who does that? When did I become that girl who takes without thinking on how it'll effect other people? Suddenly I'm that girl again, and I hated being that girl! I worked really hard not to be that girl anymore!"
"Now look here, Rory," the author said, taking hold of Rory by her face to gently force her to met his gaze. "I know you're in a dark place right now, and you feel like shit for what you almost tried to do, but the only way you cannot be that girl is if you choose not to be her. So choose not to be her, Rory. It's as simple as that."
"I don't want to be that girl anymore, Jess," she whimpered, looking down.
"Then don't be that girl," Jess insisted, pulling his hands away to stand up straight. "Now get up and stop feeling so damned sorry for yourself." Rory flinched at his bitter tone, but remained rooted in her spot. "Ah, jeez, I can't believe I'm the one who always has to do this," he muttered under his breath before the journalist could hear the faucet going, which was followed by the sound of a cup being filled. She figured Jess was grabbing some water for himself and thought nothing more of it until the distinct sensation of cold water struck the reporter square in the face.
"Ahh, what the f-" the shocked reporter all but shrieked, jumping up from the floor sputtering. "Are you insane?"
"You needed a wake-up call, and words weren't working," he explained with a shrug, casually tossing the plastic tumbler into the sink. "So..."
"So you throw a cup of cold water in my face?" Rory cried in disbelief, glaring at him.
"It got you off the floor, didn't it?" Jess smirked, rendering the brunette speechless for a moment. "Now get a move on, Gilmore, 'cause everybody's waiting on you."
And without any further pre-amble, her ex-boyfriend (now cousin by marriage) casually strolled out of washroom, leaving a slightly wet Rory standing alone to mull over what had just happened. She shook her head and chuckled. Leave it Jess to help pull me out of my funk.
Later on that night after Luke and William had gone to bed and when it was just Rory and Lorelai sitting in front of the television watching Conan O'Brien's new show, the formerly heartbroken journalist came to a decision and chose to share it with her mother. "I'm going back tomorrow."
"You gonna fight for your man?" Lorelai asked, shifting in her seat on the couch to face her daughter. Rory followed suit to stare at her mother, and noticed for the first time how youthful Lorelai still appeared despite being nearly forty five years of age. Rory hoped she would age with even half the grace her mother seemed to be. "Rory?"
"He's not my man, Mom," she replied, shaking her head. "I may be in love with him, but that doesn't mean Marty's mine to take. So I'm going to do what I should've done in the first place. I'm going to be his friend and support his relatationship with Andy."
"Even if it guts you in the process?" Lorelai asked with an odd expression of pride reflecting in her eyes.
"Even if it guts me in the process," she confirmed with all the conviction she could muster at the moment. "No more running."
"That's my little Malcolm Reynolds," her mother teased while gently running a hand over Rory's hair in a reassuring fashion.
"Actually, I've always been more a fan of River than anybody else," the younger Gilmore girl quipped, immediately getting the reference. She leaned back into her previous position, then smiled sadly to herself as Conan was finishing his monologue on TV. If I can't be Rory Harrison, wife and mother, then I'll settle for Rory Gilmore, friend and confidant. It's better than nothing, right? Right?