XIII
The Quidditch Final
The Quidditch final came quicker than anyone expected. Hermione found herself quite amused by the fact that the boys and Ginny had all dissolved into a state of terrible stress over the game. Their anxiety concerning Quidditch almost rivaled Hermione's anxiety concerning N.E.W.T.s, and that was saying something.
The Quidditch game was set to be Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff for the Quidditch Cup. Hermione was aware that she didn't know that much about Quidditch, but she was fairly confident going into the match that Gryffindor was going to win. The Gryffindor team, in all their anxiety, was much less confident.
On the day of the match Hermione was pleased to see that many extra security measures were being taken around Hogwarts. She'd been quite worried about the game being a possible opportunity for Lucius Malfoy, who was surely growing tremendously frustrated by now, to attack again. However, on the morning of the match several Order members were spotted around Hogwarts, there to ensure that everything went smoothly.
Hermione, knowing that she owed her friends some extra support after her absence, made her way down to the Pitch early in the day, watching them warm up from the stands while catching up with some friends that she hadn't seen in a while due to her rigorous study schedule. Practically the whole Gryffindor House had come down to the pitch early to cheer on the team. Hermione spent a lot of time talking with Neville about his Herbology work, resisting the urge to consult him about her Wolfsbane research. After this, she headed down towards the entrance to the pitch, where she spotted Remus approaching with a large black dog trailing behind him.
"Remus!" she hissed, pulling him away from the gathering crowd of spectators. "Seriously? He didn't even disillusion himself?" She glanced at Padfoot with disapproval. Harry had been talking for weeks about how excited he was for Sirius to attend the match. Hermione had, for some reason, assumed that he'd actually be taking further precautions than just changing into his Animagus form.
Sirius barked at her playfully, not appearing to care at all about the possible danger he was. Remus rubbed his temples, "I tried, he just- he doesn't listen sometimes." The pair of them watched as Sirius started trotting around, sniffing the ground and inspecting a group of giggling Hufflepuff girls as they entered the Pitch. Sure enough, all the girls stopped to pet the dog, probably thinking nothing out of the ordinary about the fact that a big, ominous beast had accompanied Professor Lupin to the Quidditch Pitch. "You know he loves this sort of thing," Remus murmured, standing beside her as they watched Padfoot play, "Dumbledore still doesn't let him go out all that much."
It was true. Hermione knew that Sirius' forced confinement was something he had been struggling with for a very long time. She turned to Remus. "Speaking of Dumbledore, have you spoken to him? Are you sure all of this is safe?" She gestured to the pitch and the crowd of people.
Remus exhaled, looking around. Hermione took a moment to admire the way he looked in the sunlight, healthy and recovered from the full moon. She chided herself a second later for getting distracted. "Look over there," he said; pointing to the far-off distance where a cloaked figure stood, "that's Tonks." He pointed to a point on the opposite end of the pitch, "Way over there- that's Mad Eye, I think." His eyes searched the horizon for several seconds more. "Kingsley, Fletcher, Doge, Jones, and a few others are here as well. Plus," he turned back to her, inclining his head down to meet her gaze, "you've got Snape, Dumbledore, and all the other Professors around here. It'll be fine, Hermione. Have some fun."
She smiled reluctantly, her eyes falling on Sirius once again. "I'll try," she murmured, crinkling her nose in distaste when he started kicking up dirt right in front of them, on a wild mission to dig up something buried deep underground.
Soon the student started buzzing with excitement and Hermione knew that the match was beginning. "I should go sit down," she said, glancing up at Remus.
He nodded, not quite meeting her eyes. She could tell that despite the conversation they'd just held, there was still some awkwardness between them and Remus surely felt uncomfortable after what had happened the other night. Sirius barked at her in some sort of goodbye as she backed away. She looked at the giant dog sternly then, trying to put on her best authoritative face. "No trouble making," she ordered. He barked at her again, excitedly kicking up more dirt from the ground. With one last pointed look at Remus, Hermione was off.
The match began quickly, and Hermione was surprised by how excited she got. Despite being worried about safety and checking the surroundings of the Pitch every once in a while, she became quite involved in the match. It was, after all, the last Quidditch match she would ever experience as a student at Hogwarts, along with what would probably be the last competitive match Harry and Ron would play.
The game started slowly. Hufflepuff had developed a new strategy, which required a lot of passing just to keep everything away from any of the Gryffindor players. It appeared to be very frustrating to the Gryffindor team at first, causing a few too many fouls and some irritated mistakes. As time wore on, however, the lions started to regain their balance. Gryffindor racked up points, and the Hufflepuff team grew tired. Ron was doing excellent Keeper work, blocking many points that could have given Hufflepuff an advantage. Late in the game, while Gryffindor had a fairly large lead, Harry caught the snitch, effectively ending the game.
The crowds dissolved into roaring cheers from the Gryffindors. A large portion of the Ravenclaw house was also in attendance, and most of them appreciated the victory, cheering happily with the rest of the crowd.
Hermione watched the skies and her surroundings closely as she made her way down to the base of the pitch, where a large crowd had gathered to congratulate the winning team. Harry and Ron were currently being vaulted around on the shoulders of their teammates. Hermione smiled at this, glad that they could have their time for glory, as it was their last game.
As she approached the crowd with Neville and Luna, Hermione also spotted a large black dog bolting out onto the pitch, tongue lolling out of its mouth as it traipsed toward the crowd. She mentally cursed Sirius for rushing into a crowd of students who could possibly recognize him or raise attention to the fact that this strange, grim-looking dog had shown up at the match. However, she knew that this was a very important time for Harry, and it was making him happier than almost everything else that Sirius was here to share it with him. She wouldn't spoil this for them as long as Sirius remained in the form of Padfoot and nothing unexpected happened.
"Hermione!" Ginny cried, rushing over and hugging her friend tightly.
"Congratulations!" Hermione grinned. She'd never appreciated Quidditch much in the beginning of her time at Hogwarts, but over the years she'd grown to enjoy it, mostly because it made her friends so happy. "It was a great match," she said, hugging Ginny back.
"They both did so well," Ginny said, looping her arm through Hermione's and turning to face the rest of the crowd. The redhead was obviously in a great mood not only because they'd won, but also because a reluctant Madam Pomfrey had agreed to let her play in the match after all.
Harry and Ron were now safely back on earth. Sirius had found Harry and was nipping at his ankles and barking excitedly. "It's going to be quite a night for the Gryffindor house," Ginny mused.
Hermione nodded thoughtfully. Every year the older students from the house that won the Quidditch Cup were known to throw a wild party in the common room. She had tried to ignore any talk she'd heard about the party over the past couple of days, but she'd garnered enough information to know that there was quite a bit in store.
Sure enough, the group of students out on the pitch soon began migrating back towards the school. Hermione barely had a moment to speak to Harry and Ron before Ginny dragged them off to the locker room to change. Hermione was left standing on the pitch, watching everyone make his or her way back up the path to Hogwarts. Padfoot soon joined her, whining and tilting his head up at her. She took it to mean that he wanted her to accompany him back outside the pitch. Hermione followed the large black dog slowly. Once they were just near the entrance of the pitch, Remus rushed over.
"Sirius!" he hissed, "you can't just run off like that into a crowd of students!" Hermione was amused at how similar he sounded to herself. "Hello, Hermione," he looked to her briefly before pulling Sirius away, back towards the castle.
Hermione waited at the pitch until Harry, Ron, and Ginny came back out of the locker room, not wanting to leave them alone after what had happened only about a week ago with Ginny. Together, the group made their way back up to the castle and then towards the Gryffindor tower, Harry, Ron, and Ginny raving the whole time about how much fun they were going to have tonight.
The Common Room was full of loud music and happy students. Ron quickly rushed off with Lavender, who was quite excited to enjoy the party with him. Hermione didn't know why, but the passing look that Lavender gave her made her irritated. Soon she was pulled into a very close crowd of students and being offered a shot of something that looked suspiciously like Firewhisky by a very inebriated Seamus Finnigan. Hermione politely refused the drink, watching as Ginny took it in her place, downing it in one quick gulp.
The party only served to make Hermione anxious the longer she was there. She didn't plan on staying long; only enough to let the boys know that she was happy for them and to make sure that it wasn't going to get too crazy. She was Head Girl, after all. She didn't want to get the whole house in trouble only a few weeks before the winner of the House Cup would be decided. Besides, she had a sneaking suspicion that Harry and Ron had been the ones to bring some of the Firewhisky into the Common Room and that Sirius may or may not have played a part in getting the alcohol for the boys.
"You should have a drink Hermione!" Ginny said, interrupting Hermione's thoughts while she danced gracelessly with Harry. Harry just grinned and looked around the room and at Ginny as if he was more content than he'd ever been in his life, not even noticing the conversation between Ginny and Hermione.
"I'm Head Girl," Hermione said pointedly, looking at Ginny with raised eyebrows.
"Alright, alright," Ginny replied, "I only said it because you look uncomfortable."
Hermione talked to her friends for a while, socializing and trying to have at least a little fun. It didn't work very well, however, because most of the time the only thing she could think about was the fact that she didn't like being around so many people and how badly she wished she could be sitting in the peace and quiet of Remus' rooms right now. She could just imagine him at this very moment, reading a book in front of the fireplace, a cup of warm tea at his side and another one waiting for her.
After being in the party and mulling over these thoughts for what felt like an eternity, Hermione decided that she wasn't going to sit around in her own little bubble of discomfort anymore. With a bold spring in her step, she made her way over to Seamus, who'd somehow taken up the position of impromptu bartender. He wore his Gryffindor tie around his head in the silliest way possible, pouring drinks for everyone who passed by. Hermione momentarily wondered where all the younger students were and how he made sure not to give a drink to anyone too young. A part of her knew that she should be lecturing him and actually fulfilling her duties as Head Girl, but a larger part of her was sick of that role and wanted to do something rash.
"Granger!" He grinned suavely, "Fancy a drink?"
She didn't even respond, just took the shot of whisky he extended to her and downed it in one gulp. It burned going down her throat, and she had to resist the urge to cough. When the acrid taste was somewhat gone from her mouth, she found another shot just in front of her. She looked up at Seamus, seeing his broad grin, and heard a whooping shout of encouragement from Ginny across the room. She nodded once more, taking the shot and downing it.
Ginny pulled Hermione away from Seamus then, dragging her into the middle of the crowd where Harry, standing on top of one of the tables of the Common Room, was holding the Quidditch Cup in his arms. Hermione didn't know when he'd been given the cup or how exactly that had happened, but he'd somehow ended up with it in the Common Room. She thought that perhaps McGonagall had been very pleased with how everything had gone over and, knowing that there was bound to be a celebration, had told Harry to take it to the Common Room.
Harry hoisted the large silver trophy cup into the air, enticing a roaring cheer from all the students in the Common Room. After a fairly long moment of glory for Harry, he kissed the cup proudly and passed it along to Ron, who stood beside him. Ron hoisted the cup in the air in much the same way Harry had, kissing it on the side and passing it along to the nearest teammate, Ginny. Along it went, to each player on the team and then after all the players had their turn it went to the rest of the Gryffindors, everyone kissing it proudly and passing it along. While this routine continued, Ginny ran over to fetch two more shots, one for each of them. They drank.
Hermione found herself quite enjoying the ritual, beginning to cheer and holler with each person that received the cup. She knew the alcohol was affecting her when she allowed Ginny to pull her into a dance of happiness, falling into an affectionate hug with Harry and Ginny a moment later.
"I can't believe we'll be leaving Hogwarts soon," she mumbled, not knowing exactly to whom she was speaking.
"I know," Harry replied, a sloppy, intoxicated grin on his face. Something told Hermione that the Firewhisky had been a little more potent than anyone had anticipated, but she found that she didn't really care.
It wasn't much longer that Hermione stayed at the party. She didn't quite know why, but Remus had popped back into her head after spotting Ron and Lavender snogging in a corner, and without much time to ruminate over it, she was leaving the Common Room, slipping outside into the darkened corridor and setting herself at a brisk pace towards the DADA wing.
She didn't think about how rash she was acting or how she'd just drank a decent amount of Firewhisky. The only thing she thought about was how much she wanted to see him and how much she needed to tell him how she felt. Yes… she wanted to tell him how she felt. The only problem was that she didn't quite know how she felt or what exactly she was going to say to him.
She knocked on the door to his office without giving herself time to hesitate. It was a few seconds before she could hear footsteps approaching the other side of the door and it slipped open. His eyebrows lifted upon seeing her, and the door cracked open wider. He was surprised that she was here.
"Can I come in?" She spoke quickly, before he could get a word in.
Remus hesitated and for a moment she wondered if she'd made a mistake in her judgment and maybe Sirius was still inside his rooms… or maybe someone else was in there. For a moment of horror, she wondered if he had another woman over. But Remus made no indication that anyone else was present. He simply opened the door further, allowing her to enter. "Is everything alright?"
She nodded, stepping inside and waiting for him to close the door. Suddenly her mind was a very cluttered mess and she couldn't figure out how to put any appropriate words together. The idea to come to his rooms had seemed so good only a few moments ago, but now it was hard for her to get her thoughts straight and she was realizing that she hadn't been alone with him since that night they'd slept on the couch.
He was studying her with a perplexed expression, still standing just in front of the closed door. Hermione was only a few paces away from him, and his proximity inspired her to do something that she knew was either fantastically wonderful or terribly, horribly awful. She would later learn that it didn't have to be just one of the two; it could be both wonderful and awful at the same time.
And it was.
With her heart beating in her ears, Hermione stepped forward. She was reminded briefly of the time during the last full moon when she'd done the same thing. The only difference was that the impending full moon, while probably playing a part in this course of action, was not the main motivator here. It was alcohol.
"Hermione-" Remus began, cut off when she moved in closer, her lips meeting his in a kiss that was simultaneously awkward and graceful. She'd be lying to herself if she said that she hadn't been thinking about doing this again for weeks. And here she was.
Remus was frozen in place, paralyzed for a few long seconds. Hermione took that time to shift herself closer to him, one hand coming up to brazenly tangle in the hair at the nape of his neck. He reacted then, his lips moving against hers for a split second with the same intensity that she was kissing him. Suddenly his hands were moving up from their limp positions at his sides, and he was pulling her closer to him than before, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her with a ferocity that she'd only ever dreamed of. His hands began to move, roving over her back and sides as if he desperately wanted to feel more of her. Hermione reveled in how powerful it made her feel. It was the second time that something like this had happened, but it felt new and better.
She had no idea of how long they were like this, standing in the middle of his sitting room kissing with an intensity that she wouldn't fully realize until much later. After what felt like only an instant, however, he jerked back roughly.
Hermione let out a little cry of protest before she could hold it back. He staggered backwards in a way that she knew all too well. The memory of what had happened so many weeks ago flashed through her mind, and all the stupid similarities made her heart sink. She'd done it again.
"You've been drinking." He said it as if he'd only just tasted the Firewhisky on her tongue. He was breathing heavily, his shoulders heaving with the effort. Despite all the conflicting emotions in his eyes, there was one that dominated over all the rest. Hermione didn't think that anyone had ever looked at her with such lust. She stepped forward almost instinctively, needing to be touching him again.
He staggered back once more, putting up a hand to stop her. His expression was now one of broken will and desperate fear. "You need to go, Hermione. It's too close to the full moon," he rasped, taking another step backward, "for both of us."
She suddenly felt terrible and frightened. Not knowing where this onslaught of emotion came from, she wracked her brain for an answer. He was watching her carefully, and she felt like he was waiting for her to say something. "I-" she began, breaking off with a shaky breath, "I'm sorry. Ever since- since all of this happened I haven't really had anything or anyone except you and- I don't know. I'm sorry." She cursed herself for her fumbling words. When her vision began to get blurry she thought that it was just the alcohol, but then she realized that she was also crying. She cursed herself for that as well.
"How much have you had to drink?" he asked, his voice changing into something of sadness and concern.
She shook her head in an attempt to dismiss the question, wiping her eyes and training her gaze on the floor now. "Not that much," she finally murmured.
He was silent for a long time. Hermione eventually lifted her eyes from the ground and looked at him. He wore a heavily conflicted expression, watching at her as if he was confused and lost and angry and sad all at the same time. "This can't keep happening," he said, his voice filled with self-hatred as he whirled around and began to pace in a small circle, "you don't know what you're getting into, Hermione, and I will not be the teacher that fucks a student." The way he said the word "fuck" was brutal and raw.
She couldn't help but shiver, bringing her arms to wrap around her torso and wishing that she had been wearing heavier clothes. "I'm sorry," she repeated, sifting through all the thoughts in her head for something that would be acceptable to say to him. "Everything has been so confusing and difficult lately," she choked out, "and you're the first person who has truly helped me through this and I've gone and ruined it all-" She broke off, realizing suddenly that this conversation would go nowhere good from here.
Remus seemed to be thinking the same thing. Not a moment later he was leading her gently toward the doorway, a more softened expression on his face. "It's too late at night, too close to the full moon," he repeated, reaching out a hand to grasp hers lightly. "You should go, Hermione."
He was opening the door, and she was feeling her heart sink even deeper than before. Despite being embarrassed and knowing that every moment she stayed here was another moment that would bring nothing good for either of them, she couldn't leave just yet. "Will I still see you tomorrow?" she asked shakily, "during the full moon?" A large part of her feared that he would say no, and it was almost terrifying to imagine facing the moon without him.
"Of course, Hermione," he replied, and his voice was soft and kind and made her want to melt.
There was another question lingering in her mind, but she knew that she couldn't ask. It still fogged up her thoughts as she wandered back to her dormitory and climbed into bed. In her dreams she was back there with him and she actually had the courage to say it. "Wait for me," she whispered, "please."
But before he could respond the dream faded away and it was morning and she had a headache.
Author's Note: Can you feel the angst? Some of you may be happy to hear that this is the last super angsty scene. Soon things start to get happier. After all, a drawn-out romance isn't complete without the eventual happiness! Next up: N.E.W.T.s.