XIV
learning the last bright routes
Remus watched with a tired sort of interest as the many students of Hogwarts made their way into the Great Hall. It was easy to see that most of the student population was terribly stressed, either about N.E.W.T.s, O.W.L.s, or their regular. The tables were not only covered in food this morning, but also books, parchment, and various other materials necessary for last minute studying. Exams started today after breakfast, and after that there were only a few days until the seventh years graduated and the school vacated.
Sitting at the staff table, Remus' eye was caught by a particular group of seventh years all the way across the room. Hermione Granger led the pack, appearing to be in the middle of an extended lecture about something. Harry and Ron tailed her on either side, listening avidly and trying to internalize the information. Remus watched Hermione as she took her usual seat at the Gryffindor table, responding to a question Harry had just posed by retrieving a large textbook from her book bag and showing him a passage in it.
She looked like she had recovered fairly well from the full moon two nights ago. Her demeanor was less tired, but more stressed. While it was unlucky for the full moon to fall so close to N.E.W.T.s, Remus was glad that she had all of yesterday to recover. He'd had some time to recover as well, and was feeling substantially better. There was still, however, an ache in his bones and a slight reoccurring headache that had been bothering him this morning. Other than that, the full moon was behind him. He considered himself fortunate since this month had been shaping up to have a potentially very bad full moon. Stress and a lack of sleep usually contributed to a rough night, and after what had happened with Hermione the evening of the Quidditch Final, he'd expected many of these things to bother both of them.
Still keeping an eye on Hermione and her friends, Remus briefly remembered what happened that very night.
He deeply regretted losing control with her, even if it was only for a few moments. During that time, however, two things had been made very clear to Remus. One: that he could no longer deny his attraction to Hermione granger, and two: that she was also quite attracted to him. He knew that this made for a very bad situation that they were in, especially since Remus feared Hermione's boldness and bravery. She would do things like kiss him late at night in his private quarters with the full moon only a couple days away because she was just that much of a Gryffindor.
She's only your student for about a week more.
The traitorous voice whispering in Remus' mind made him want to rage with anger and shiver with a strange sort of anticipation. She was still his student. She was still eighteen years old. She was still James' son's best friend. She was still the girl he had infected with Lycanthropy.
Hermione was now talking nearly nonstop to Harry and Ron. The boys nodded their heads occasionally to convey that they were following, but Remus could tell that they'd been lost. Hermione continued explaining whatever it was, referencing the open book in front of her and making broad gestures with her hands in a way that was uniquely hers. Remus stamped down the fond smile that threatened to overtake his face. He needed to start acting more normal. It would be dire if someone found out about what was going on between them, whatever it was.
His eyes only strayed to Hermione about five times more over the course of breakfast.
"Hermione," Ron groaned, rubbing his eyes as if that would help him decipher the book in his lap, "can you please explain it again?" The large window behind him was dark, proving that the sun had set hours ago. It was late in the night, and the trio was still in the library.
The witch sighed, leaning over the table and pointing to the most important passage. "These two paragraphs are key, Ronald. If you're going to learn anything about psychological agents, it's that."
"Are you sure?" Harry asked, running a hand through his haphazardly mussed hair, "I still don't get the part about Grille's Law and I think I'm completely lost because of it."
Hermione sighed, pushing the enticing thoughts of her bed away for a moment as she tried to explain the various potion-making concepts to the boys. They'd survived three exams so far – four for Hermione – and Potions was right away tomorrow morning. Coming into N.E.W.T.s, Hermione had known that Potions would be one of the more challenging of exams for the boys, especially for Ron. They had been studying since five o'clock that afternoon; shortly the Defense Against the Dark arts exam had ended. It was half ten now.
"It's really quite simple as long as you understand that the law states that a psychologically effectual potion must have a catalyst, an active agent." Hermione finished, looking at both of the boys with an accomplished smile on her face. She was glad that at least some of her research and work on the Wolfsbane earlier this year was paying off now. She didn't think she'd ever felt more prepared for an exam.
Harry nodded slowly. Hermione could tell that he didn't completely understand it, but she figured that this was good enough. Ron seemed to be in the same state, and Hermione knew that they would be getting no more work done tonight with where his mind was wandering. "We should go down to the kitchens and get some food," he murmured, confirming her suspicions, "or call a house elf."
"Go down to the kitchens yourself. The house elves are already overworked as it is," Hermione said, beginning to pack up her books and place them in her bag. "I think that's quite enough for tonight. We'll always have breakfast tomorrow to go over the rest of this."
"Yeah," Harry agreed, stretching out and packing up his things as well.
"Are we going to the kitchens?" Ron asked, watching his friends forlornly.
Harry sighed, "I'll go with you, Ron."
The trio started to make their way out of the library, walking together on the same path. Hermione's dormitory was on the way to Harry and Ron's secret passage into the kitchens.
"Are your parents coming to graduation, Hermione?" Harry asked as they walked.
Hermione nodded slowly. "I owled them the other day. They said Dumbledore's already been in contact and arranged for and Order member to pick them up and bring them here." She watched the ground as she walked, thinking over what this meant. Graduation was only several days away. Hermione hadn't seen her parents since the Winter Holidays. She felt so disconnected from that time, like she'd been a completely different person back then. How could she face them now?
"You still haven't told them, huh?" Harry asked, giving her a sidelong glance. He was concerned. Ron did as well, watching her out of the corner of his eye, his pursuit of food temporarily forgotten.
She shook her head, glancing around to make sure that no one was within earshot. "I have to tell them soon, especially since I'll be living with them after graduation. I just…" she broke off, taking a shaky breath, "I honestly have no idea how they'll react."
Harry placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "If you'd like I could do it with you. I mean, I don't know if it would help but-"
"Thank you, Harry," she stopped him, "but I think it's something I'll have to do on my own. I can handle it, and I'm sure with time they'll understand the situation, but I fear their initial reaction."
She glanced over at Harry then, and found him staring straight ahead, smiling. She followed his gaze to see none other than Remus Lupin approaching, shuffling many stacks of paper under his arm and smiling at the trio. Despite his pleased expression, Hermione noticed that he was avoiding eye contact with her. It stung more than she cared to admit
"Hello, Remus," Harry smiled.
"Hello," he greeted the trio, "how did you think the exam went?"
Harry and Ron both started to describe what they thought the hardest parts of the Defense Against the Dark Arts N.E.W.T. were and how they thought they did. After they had finished, Remus looked at Hermione.
"I thought it went well," she said, putting on her best fake smile.
"You three are out late," he folded his arms, looking around at the barren, darkened corridor, "studying for tomorrow's exam?"
They nodded.
"I let you get back to that, then," he smiled again. Hermione watched as he moved down the corridor, no longer trying to mask her troubled expression. Just as she turned back to continue walking with Ron and Harry she caught Harry's eye. He was looking at her curiously.
"What?" she asked, perhaps a little too shrilly.
"Nothing," he shook his head, and she could see the faint hint of a smile on his face.
Ron was too far gone to notice anything. The portrait of a bowl of fruit was in sight, the entrance to the kitchens. "Finally," he breathed, "I'm bloody starving."
Hermione barreled through the corridors of Hogwarts, down the stairs to the dungeons and into the Potions Classroom. She only stopped herself once she was halfway across the classroom, nearing the ajar door to Professor Snape's office. Slowing her footsteps and calming her rapid breathing, she knocked on the doorframe and peeked her head inside the office.
Professor Snape sat at his desk alone. There was no Draco Malfoy this time, luckily, and from the looks of it he was in a relatively mediocre mood. Though, to be fair, it was very difficult to tell what mood Professor Snape was in due to his propensity to keep the same straight, dour expression at all times. Nevertheless, Hermione assumed that he must be in a decent mood because N.E.W.T.s had officially ended ten minutes ago and so had all other exams. The term was essentially over and soon he would be rid of all the students he so despised.
"Professor?" Hermione intoned, still leaning into the doorway, not daring to invite herself in.
"Granger," he replied in a tone that was almost something close to pleasant. Hermione took that as her invitation inside. She entered. He looked up at her after a moment, narrowing his eyes and scowling. "What is it? Haven't your exams ended? Shouldn't you be participating in one of those blasted drunken parties the seventh years always host after their exams?"
She didn't falter despite his scathing tone. "I didn't want to celebrate. I was actually in the middle of my Ancient Runes exam when I thought of something having to do with my research. I think I'm onto something, sir." Most of the reason she didn't want to go to the party was because there would doubtlessly be alcohol there and she did not want a repeat experience. But it was also true that she had thought of something important during her Ancient Runes exam — which had ended not ten minutes ago — and she'd been struck by the most urgent need to consult Professor Snape about it and see if there was some good in her hypothesis.
Snape quirked an eyebrow. "The term has ended. What makes you think that I'm willing to allow you to use my lab for this research project of yours anymore? Besides, have you not neglected your work over the past two weeks? I haven't seen you in here once."
"Yes, but that was because Ginny and N.E.W.T.s and-" Hermione broke off, taking a deep breath and focusing her thoughts. "I know that I only have a few days left at the castle, but I really think I'm onto something and I would very much appreciate just a simple consultation about it."
He considered her for a moment before speaking sharply and impatiently. "What is it?"
She inhaled deeply, preparing to explain her realization. "I was thinking that throughout all of my research and the work I've been doing I've only really been looking at the potions and ingredients." Her excitement over this began to leak through her fast-talking and shrill tone. "I realized that I never actually thought about it in a more physical sense. I never actually considered all of the experiments I can do because of the fact that as a werewolf, I have all of these resources and experiments at my fingertips."
Snape's expression remained blank, but she could tell that he was considering what she had to say.
She elaborated, "I was thinking… why have I been only studying the potion ingredients and hypothesizing their effects when I can actually get a more accurate estimation of their effects by using myself?"
He narrowed his eyes slightly, looking down at his desk and frowning. "I'm afraid, Miss Granger," he sighed, as if deeply disappointed in her, "that what you've just told me sounds like a terrible idea."
"No, no, no," she held her hands up, "you don't understand. Let me explain: Potions interact with the blood mainly, right?" She was starting to pace in front of Snape's desk, her excitement spurring her into movement. "Well I have plenty of blood to use, and I can study the reaction of various ingredients to my blood, plus I can cross reference it to the reactions of normal human blood! It's the perfect way to figure out why I've hit a wall with ingredients negating the effects of the Monkshood."
He shook his head slowly, as if processing this information was particularly strenuous. Finally, he spoke. "I need some time to think about this. It's a dangerous path to go down, experimenting on yourself, Miss Granger." She wanted to tell him that she didn't want to experiment on herself, just her own blood, but she kept her mouth shut. "Nevertheless, I will think about it and you may return tomorrow to see if anything comes of this."
She grinned broadly. Despite desperately wanting to get to work on this tonight, she knew that she had to cooperate with Snape and she was genuinely shocked by how supportive he'd been so far. "Of course, Professor."
He shooed her away before she could ask for any more favors. Hermione made her way to the Gryffindor Common Room in a significantly better mood. Things were looking up. She'd finished all of her N.E.W.T.s, which, in the end had gone much better than she'd anticipated, and now Snape was allowing her to move forward with her research on the Wolfsbane. Yes, things were good right now.
Hermione entered the Gryffindor Common Room to find much the same scene that she'd experienced only a short time ago after the Quidditch final. She quickly found Harry, Ron, and Ginny among the crowd, made sure to refuse any suspicious beverages she was offered, and genuinely had a good night with her friends, knowing that there wouldn't be many more of these evenings spent in the Gryffindor Common Room. It was something to cherish for now.
The day after N.E.W.T.s ended Hermione reported to Snape's office right after breakfast, bringing a few books she'd been looking at late the previous night and preparing to get a ton of work done. She was excited for it, her academic mind craving a new, more demanding project to take on. Snape was in a decent mood again, which she silently thanked the heavens for. He allowed her to come into his office and explain her theories in more depth, using the books she'd brought along and consulting him on various things in an attempt to design the experiment. He was rather supportive about it — well, he wasn't exceedingly supportive, but it was good enough above Snape's average level of enthusiasm to be considered supportive.
Soon Hermione was off collecting ingredients from her own stores, making trips down to the Greenhouses to negotiate a few ingredients from Professor Sprout, and asking Snape for the few things she couldn't find. He allowed her to take a few relatively inexpensive and not-so-rare ingredients from his stores, but stoutly refused any other requests. It was okay, though; she was satisfied with this.
Her experiments began late that afternoon, pushed over into the following day. Harry and Ron and Ginny were all having a blast hanging around Hogwarts with nothing to do, just waiting for Graduation. They'd begun asking Hermione why she'd suddenly started disappearing again. She tried to explain to them that she was working on a project as ambiguously as possible. They were still suspicious of whatever was going on, but Hermione knew that if there was one secret she wanted to keep, it was her research.
Remus was an almost constant, unwavering subject of focus in her mind over the next few days. She desperately wanted to talk to him about all this work she was doing. She knew that he would love to hear about her latest hypothesis and she craved his consultation, but she also knew that now wasn't the right time. With the state of things lately it was obviously best that she kept her distance, at least until graduation. After graduation she didn't know quite what her plan was, but the possibilities were endless and during most of her free time over the past few days she'd been daydreaming about what she was going to do after she graduated and how all of this between Remus and herself might just work out. It was a hopeless sort of far-fetched fantasy, but she could dream.
As Hermione became more focused on the practical parts of these studies, Snape began to spend more and more time hovering over her while she worked in his lab. She didn't know if this was because he was worried that she would mess something up or if he was genuinely interested in where this was going. Either way, she was glad to have him present and she knew that this was an important step in their growing camaraderie.
Hermione was working diligently, lining up the ingredients she was going to be working with, a cauldron at her side with a constant brew of the basics of the Wolfsbane. She would be putting in various ingredients alone with the base potion and testing the reaction with her blood. It all sounded a bit disturbing when she really thought about what she was doing, and this was one of the main reasons why she suspected Snape was hovering at his desk in the lab right now.
"What is that?" He asked sharply, watching as Hermione pulled a syringe and needle out of her bag.
"I need to draw my blood," she replied simply, casting a spell to clean the needle. She'd transfigured it yesterday after copious amounts of research in some Muggle medical books she'd acquired a few months ago.
Professor Snape shifted at his desk, and she could tell that he was trying to get a better look at what she was doing. She hid her smile at what seemed to be concern over her. Rolling up the sleeve of her jumper on her right arm, she cleaned her arm at the crook of her elbow, looking at the blue vein under her skin and remembering what the medical book had said about drawing blood. It had only explained how the process of drawing someone else's blood worked, not how to draw one's own. Hermione figured that they were relatively the same thing, and it would probably be easy enough.
She poised the needle right in front of her vein, but she couldn't get a good angle on it, and she knew that with such an awkward position she wouldn't be able to get a decent amount of blood out.
With a scraping sound of a chair being slid backwards, Snape got up from behind his desk, stalking over and extending his open hand to her. "Give it to me," he drawled flatly, "I'll do it."
She looked up at him brazenly. "I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself."
He shook his head. "Give it to me. I can see that you've never done this before."
"And you have, sir?" she lifted an eyebrow.
He nodded once.
Hermione let out a breath, surrendering the needle and extending her arm. Despite feeling a bit helpless, she was glad that he was offering to do it.
With precise, calculated movements, he poised the needle at her vein and pushed it in. Hermione winced at the pinching feeling, but remained still. She watched as he pulled back on the base of the syringe, drawing a deep red liquid into the hallowed out syringe. Once he was finished, he methodically pulled the needle out and placed it on the table, retreating back to his desk. Hermione wiped off the bit of blood on her arm from the exit of the needle and smiled down at the syringe. That had actually gone pretty well. She was almost tempted to ask another favor… one she had been thinking about often over today and yesterday while preparing her research.
"Sir?" She began, looking up at him hopefully.
He picked his head up from his work. Despite his slight glare Hermione knew that he wasn't truly angry with her. "Yes?"
"Do you remember how I said that I'd like to cross reference my blood with normal human blood?"
He nodded, expression blank.
Hermione was certain that he knew where this was going. "Well," she continued, "the only people who know about this are Remus and yourself. Well, actually, Remus doesn't know about this part yet. But the point is that of the three of us you're the only one with normal human blood."
"You want my blood," he concluded flatly.
She nodded. This was obviously a lot to ask of him, especially since he'd allowed her so much already, but she absolutely needed his blood. She didn't want to go around asking Harry or Ron for their blood and be forced to explain what all of this was. This was truly a bit of a risky gamble. Blood was a potential liability in nearly any form. If Snape's blood got into the wrong hands— well, a lot of bad things could happen. Hermione knew that if he were to say yes to this, it would legitimize the fact that he did have a lot of trust in her.
Professor Snape sighed irritably, but stood from his desk once again, approaching her workstation. She almost beamed with happiness. "Do you have another needle?" he asked. Hermione nodded quickly, retrieving the other she'd produced the previous night from her bag and disinfecting it quickly. "You'll have to do this one, Miss Granger," he murmured, pulling up his sleeve and exposing his arm, "I'm afraid I can't draw my own blood either."
She nodded again, looking at his arm and identifying the vein. She stared at it for a long moment.
"What is it?" he snapped.
"I just- I think it would be easier with a more prominent vein. Can we use your other arm?"
He hesitated for a moment, and she knew exactly why. At last, though, he rolled down the sleeve of his left arm and rolled up the sleeve of his right arm. Hermione tried not to start at the Dark Mark, which took up most of his forearm, but it was hard not to notice. It was very black in contrast with his pale skin. She instinctively felt a bubble of revulsion at the sight of it, but moved on quickly, not wanting to show any hesitation or disgust. This was a fragile moment. She didn't want Snape to recoil away from her because she was obviously so put off by his Dark Mark.
With the same calculated movements that Professor Snape had implemented only moments ago, Hermione poised the needle at his vein — which was more prominent on this arm — and plunged it in. He didn't flinch or emit any indication of pain or discomfort, so Hermione continued on, her hand shaking ever so slightly as she drew a syringe full of blood. After she was finished and had withdrawn the needle, Snape jerked down his sleeve and retreated to his desk once again.
She placed the syringes side by side; examining the blood as she marked which one was Snape's and which was hers. It was a very odd thing to look at and compare. The syringes could have been filled with identical blood from the same person. They both were of the same deep red hue, thick and opaque in the syringe. For some reason, despite knowing that it was highly unlikely, Hermione had expected her blood to look a little different from his. She'd thought that maybe hers would be darker, or a slightly different shade, or maybe a different consistency. But no, there wasn't a single visible difference between the two.
She stole a glance up at Snape again. He was working diligently on something, probably grading the exams of all of his non-O.W.L. or N.E.W.T. students. She looked at his left arm, now covered by his sleeve, and remembered the Dark Mark that lay hidden just under a few layers of clothing.
"Sir?" She knew she was risking getting kicked out of his lab by disturbing him again, but she felt the most pressing need to ask him something.
"What?" he quipped, eyes still focused on whatever was in front of him. He sounded irritated, but not immensely so. Hermione decided to press on.
"Do you think it will be safe for us once we leave Hogwarts?" She rolled the words over in her mind, trying to figure out how to phrase this. "I mean— I know that Dumbledore says it will be safe and that there are wards and protective measures over all of our houses and everything, but…" she paused, drawing in a deep breath, "with all that's been going on and all that's happened even within Hogwarts, how can it be safe for us to go home?"
He still didn't look at her. Instead he remained staring down at the parchment in front of him, but she could tell that he wasn't reading it. At last, he broke the silence. "Precautions will be taken," he informed her, "and if alternate plans need to be made, they will be." His sharp tone told her that he didn't want to hear any more questions on this subject. Hermione nodded, even though he wasn't looking at her, and resigned herself to continue with her work. She only had today and tomorrow to get all the information she needed to gather from the blood and the cross referencing with the potions, and she needed to take advantage of that time.
Neither Professor Snape nor Hermione spoke for the rest of the afternoon.
Author's Note: The coming chapters are where it really starts to get fun. Part one is nearly over, and part two contains what I know a lot of you have been waiting for (*cough* M rating *cough*).