LIKE THIS: CHAPTER 4

Author's Note: Yes, okay, I went there. But it's not like I could ignore this episode. I went a little out there in this chapter … I think I made Harvey's feelings considerably more intense than what is traditionally accepted as likely, but I just feel like Who even knows what the hell was going through his head? I hope you enjoy it just the same.

S03E06 The Other Time

It was a little after three in the morning and she was fast asleep, her hair engagingly mussed and her lips moist from his mouth. He found that he couldn't stop watching her, though. Not long enough to actually fall asleep. His mind was racing and his heart was jackhammering.

He hadn't quite expected this to feel this way.

x x x

It wasn't as though he hadn't wanted this. He had been attracted to her from the moment he had first seen her classic "I'm Donna" smirk. And in an unusual progression of things, his attraction had only grown in ferocity as he had gotten to know her. Over the past few weeks, he had begun to actively pursue her, the warm sparkling presence in his life that had become the highlight of his day.

And she was driving him crazy, with her flirtatious twinkle and that teasing quirk to her smile. Smart ass comments, quick-whitted comebacks. The occasional lingering over fixing his tie and the whiff of her scent when she stood too close. Her laughter was magnetic and her warmth was addictive. He couldn't remember feeling this heady over a woman since possibly his first real crush in high school. If then.

He had been a little surprised, in truth, when she had resisted his advances. After all, he had little doubt that she felt at least some attraction towards him. It was just the way of things … they were the kinds of people who were designed to desire each other. But no, she had said, she did not get involved with men that she worked with. He had only been half joking when he had "fired" her.

On the other hand, though, he truly liked working with her. It meant a lot to him to have her there for him to bounce ideas around with. She was ridiculously smart and insightful and he had lost count of the number of times she had given him the kind of perspective that would win him a case. And then there was the fun he had with her. She made work so much more enjoyable.

It was this, mainly, that had kept him from trying anything before now. Her rule was a good rule. It was just that recently, he had passed some sort of threshold, a tipping point, and he had begun to wonder how he could possibly find himself seeing her every day and yet never try for more.

She was, after all, the perfect woman.

And he was crazy about her.

x x x

It was so much better than he had ever imagined, and he hadn't spent much time trying to stop himself from imagining it.

He had stepped into her apartment, his chest bursting with anticipation, moving forward smoothly to kiss her. At that point, he had still had his head. He was still in control, cool, collected and looking forward to what would presumably be a pretty fantastic night.

They were smiling at each other … smirking almost.

And then their lips met, and suddenly his world seemed to jolt off course.

Within moments, flirty became wildly intense, his arms closing immediately around her and pulling her forcefully against himself. Her hands, cool and yet searing, closed around the back of his neck. He could feel her fingertips digging into the skin at the base of his scalp and her thumbs pressed into the flesh just below his ears. He was faintly aware of the whipped cream falling to the ground.

Somehow, he hadn't taken in enough air before leaning in, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away from her after so little time and he sucked the air desperately through his nose. He heard her do the same. Felt her lips open beneath his insistent ones and his hands flew up to grasp her face tightly as his tongue went into her mouth. Suddenly he felt her slam against the wall and realised he had been pushing her backwards with his intensity.

She let out a little moan as she tried to gasp for air, but he wasn't having any of it. He gripped her cheeks and tilted her face up towards him so his tongue could get at more of hers. His body pressed firmly against her, sandwiching her between himself and the wall.

He couldn't get enough of her, couldn't let go, couldn't think of anything, anything, except all of this, all of her, her, her …

x x x

The first time had happened almost immediately, desperate and giddy and up against the wall, clothes only partially removed as required. He had felt something like when one takes a sip of water without realising one is dying of thirst, and suddenly there is no stopping the frenetic gulping until there's nothing left. A chaotic experience, it had nonetheless surpassed any previous sexual experiences by miles.

It had taken them some time to come down from it and he could tell that the passion of it all had taken her by surprise as well. They avoided eye contact a little. He felt flushed and vulnerable, taken aback by the power of his desire for her. They straightened their dishevelled clothing a little, pulling up pants and such.

Luckily, she was highly gifted at managing uncomfortable situations, and she managed to change the tone pretty quickly back to light and playful, retrieving the whipped cream and saying teasingly, "Oops, we forgot a vital element in this whole interaction."

He tried to think of something witty to say, but his brain was still trying to regroup.

She popped the lid off, waved it suggestively in front of his face and then squeezed a small amount onto the tip of her tongue. Then she raised her eyebrows at him, holding the can towards him. He took it with a smile and then squirted a bit onto the tip of her nose.

Her surprise pleased him and her grin was infective. He chuckled and felt suddenly a better. He leaned forward and covered the cream with his lips, giving her nose a quick kiss in the process. Then she stood on tiptoe and kissed him again, but somehow it was far more in keeping with the tone he had expected from the evening.

And that was where the second time lead them. They had some wine and used a lot of the whipped cream, took off their clothes by stages and had far more fun with everything. Lips exploring each others' bodies, tickling and giggling and – and this was still unusual for him – chatting. A lot of talking, talking about anything and nothing much.

He learned that she was leaning towards Skadden, since Skadden himself was the one she would be working for. As a second secretary, sure ("for now, anyway, he'll soon realise he only needs one if she's me"), but for a managing partner. A pretty big deal. Harvey said Skadden had no idea what was coming for him, but he felt a jealous twinge in his chest.

He told her all about what had happened with Cameron. He said that he had her to thank, and also told her about getting his father's advice. He found himself telling her about his family, although he didn't go into details about why his parents were no longer together. He offhandedly mentioned that his father would probably really like her and that was when he felt his first true shudder of panic.

Luckily she had been pouring more wine at the time and didn't notice.

The night stretched on, long and lazy and pleasant, smooth caresses and casual kisses, bringing each other to completion with hands and lips and tongues.

x x x

They had gone to bed at around two, intending on getting some sleep. She had a meeting with Skadden at nine the following morning. However, lying naked beside each other in her dark cool bedroom had simply awoken something of what had happened on his arrival.

He had started it, that last time, so he had only himself to blame.

He had leaned forward and kissed her neck softly, unable to resist. Then she had kissed him warmly on his mouth and things had escalated from there into something so deeply and emotionally connected that he had felt close to tears at the end. Close to fucking tears. And it was from about that point that things had spiralled dramatically away from the happiness that had been permeating the evening.

There had been too much eye contact.

He realised with a start that he was falling in love with her, and hard.

x x x

The whole debacle with Cameron had shaken things up between himself and Donna over the past couple of days.

They had fought, he had been an asshole … but he had also learned how much her opinion mattered to him. He had been hurt and angry when she had criticised him, and then he had been too afraid to see her disappointment in him, terrified at the very notion that she may come to dislike, even hate him. And then she had come to the rescue anyway and had made him realise the kind of lawyer, the kind of person he truly wanted to be.

Which was, quite simply, the kind of person she might be proud of.

He felt warm when he remembered her eyes widening in surprise and pleasure after he told her he had turned over the toxicology report. The only other person in the world whose good opinion meant this much to him was his father.

Speaking of whom, Harvey still felt sick about everything that had happened between his parents. Oddly, the thing that stood out the most clearly was the memory of his father assuring him that when you meet "the one", you just know. And yet, all along, the one he had thought of as the one had been …

It was all so messy and confusing. And now, here he was, lying in bed with someone that his chest was very firmly telling him was "the one" and he felt fucked up and terrified. He wasn't ready for something like this. In fact, he was pretty certain that this was something he had long ago decided was not for him at all.

His life was the law, and he intended on keeping it that way. He understood the law, he was good at it and he truly loved it. He had decided to dedicate his life to it, knowing full well that in that world he would always be in control.

Although this time, he almost hadn't been. He had almost lost his way, and the only reason he hadn't was the woman currently lying in his arms. He felt conflicted, like he was viewing his life in two completely different ways. For the last few weeks, he had been almost relentless in his pursuit of her. He hadn't thought of much else, but then again, he hadn't exactly thought this through properly either.

Where was he going from here? To Jessica, obviously. But the thought of carrying on with his career in law without Donna seemed wildly incongruous. How could he be sure he wasn't losing sight of who he wanted to be without her? He had become so used to having her there, running even the most trivial of things by her, laughing and joking through the day. The thought of her going to fucking Skadden enraged him.

And for what? Love?

The sick terror in his chest right now told him enough to know that love simply wasn't going to work. Not for him.

And he thought, through his fog of exhaustion and dizziness, that he wasn't going to lose her, lose this, because of something as traitorous as love.

x x x

Her alarm chirped irritatingly less than two hours after he had finally drifted off. She reached out to turn it off and then she pressed into his arms, her lips landing briefly on his chest. Automatically he pulled her to him affectionately and kissed her hair. It took a few happy moments before the creeping fear of the night made its appearance again. He let out a breath and checked to make sure that he wasn't actually trembling.

She rolled back slightly so that she could give him a sleepy smile.

"Hi," he said softly, trying to memorise this.

She mumbled something incomprehensible and then pulled unceremoniously away from him. He felt the coldness of her departure acutely as he watched her pull on a robe and head out the bedroom door, something about coffee falling from her lips. He half sat up and then leaned his head back against the wall.

He took a few deep breaths and focused on his decision from the night before. His clarity had calmed him and it was doing so now.

She was back, placing his coffee on the nightstand beside him.

"Thanks," he said, giving her a smile.

"Sure," she replied lightly. "I'm going to shower and then I need to get going. I have to be there early."

He nodded, biting back the offer to join her. He didn't think he could take experiencing her like that again, knowing that it would be the last time. Better, he thought, not to know the last time was the last time.

He sipped on the hot coffee … delicious (Kenyan, she told him later) and then got out of bed. He dressed slowly and then wandered into the kitchen. He raided her fridge, but she didn't have much. He made them some toast and a second batch of coffee. She reappeared, neatly dressed, but no make-up yet. He had to bite back a comment on how beautiful she looked.

"Oh, toast," she said with a grin. "So fancy."

"Well, barring the ability to summon ingredients from thin air, this is as fancy as I could get," he retorted. "You need groceries."

"I've been busy," she said airily, swallowing a mouthful. "My boss is a real pain in the ass."

He snorted.

They both chewed on their toast in relative silence, too sleepy for much conversation. Harvey was busy contemplating whether or not he should bring up his idea, but he thought he had better talk to Jessica before he made any promises. Plus, it seemed like a bad idea to bring it up now.

Best to give them both some breathing room and then meet again on neutral ground.

After the toast was done, she said apologetically, "I'm sorry to boot you out like this, but I have to make myself presentable."

He was biting back so many words.

"No problem," he said, arranging his face into an easy smile.

They went out into the living room so that they could find his jacket and shoes. His eyes were dry and sticky and burning from lack of sleep.

Somehow they were at the door now and he was fully dressed and ready to go. How had that happened so quickly?

He smiled at her. He felt such affection for her, but he could also feel the almost rabid passion in his chest. Not to mention an accompanying hollow feeling in knowing that this was it.

He couldn't resist just one last sweet kiss though.

"I'll see you?" she asked, but it wasn't really a question.

"You'll definitely see me," he assented.

Their goodbye had none of the weight he felt it needed, but maybe that was for the best. Because, in the end, the whole point of this was that he would never have to say goodbye to her again.

x x x

Author's Note: Well? Too much? I try very hard to keep characters in character, so I'm on the fence about this … but the truth is that after everything that has transpired in the last couple of seasons, I've come to think that maybe it makes much more sense that The Other Time actually meant a lot more to Harvey than it seemed to. But anyway, thanks so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts!