XIX

Your little heart

Author's Note: I think it's safe to say that we've all been waiting a long, long time for this (yes, even me). So without further ado …

Hermione waited until Ginny was sound asleep before she got out of bed. She quickly and quietly pulled a jumper over her tank top before slipping out of their shared bedroom, Crookshanks' bright eyes watching her curiously as she left.

The house was silent, and Hermione had to make sure not to step on the creaking floorboard outside of Harry and Ron's room. She continued downstairs, a bubble of excited nervousness threatening to burst inside her chest as she neared the library.

It's just Remus, she told herself, cracking opening the door and peeking inside.

He was sitting on the couch in the library, reading a book with his long legs propped up on the coffee table. There was a slow-burning fire in the fireplace. Its light flickered across the room in little bursts of soft light.

Remus looked up when he felt her presence, a small smile growing on his face.

"Hi," she murmured softly, closing the door behind her before progressing further into the room. It was drafty in this house at night; that was one of the first things Hermione had learned upon arriving here. She wrapped her arms around herself, wishing she'd worn a thicker jumper.

"How are you?" he asked, as if this were the most casual encounter in the world. As he spoke he moved over a little, making room for her on the couch.

She sat down, tucking her legs beneath her and smiling and the calming wave his presence inflicted upon her. "I'm well. You?"

He nodded, "I'm all right."

"What are you reading?" She leaned her head against the back of the couch, trying to get a look.

He held it up, "The Great Gatsby. I was surprised to find it in the library here, but it's a nice read."

She furrowed her brow, remembering how during her inspection of the library earlier she'd seen quite a few Muggle classics. It was rather odd to find Muggle books in the library of a Pureblood Estate. Perhaps Professor Snape put them here? Thinking of Professor Snape brought her down another train of thought, and she decided that it was about time she caught Remus up on some things.

"Professor Snape set up a lab upstairs, you know," she murmured. "He's said that I can continue with my research to work on improving the Wolfsbane. I think he may allow me to brew our Wolfsbane as well."

Remus looked intrigued, "that's awfully nice of him."

"It is," she agreed, her eyes trained on him as he looked into the fireplace, "I was wondering if you wanted to help."

His eyebrows pulled together in a self-deprecating sort of manner. "You know that I'm awful at Potions, right?"

She let out a soft laugh, tucking her legs beneath her further and turning so that she was propped sideways against the back of the couch, fully facing him. He was still angled towards the fire, but his head was turned to look at her. "You've been a werewolf longer than I have, so I think you understand the condition better than me. I figured that there's still plenty of things you can help with- only if you want to, of course."

"I'd love to help," he grinned at her.

"Great," she said, a brilliant smile on her own face.

He only nodded in response, his expression suddenly clouded over as he watched her.

Hermione was extremely aware of his proximity now. He was close to her, but there was still a good foot between her knees – pulled up on the couch and pointed in his direction – and the side of his hip. They were both looking at each other closely, and Hermione remembered something he'd said earlier that afternoon.

"I care about you very much, Hermione."

These words resounded in her mind as Remus leaned in. The space between them grew smaller, and all of a sudden his hand came up to cup the side of her face. It was an awkward angle; with her sitting sideways on the couch and him twisting from his position sitting straight. However, she found that she didn't care about this, because soon his face was right in front of her and the warmth of his hand was pressing into her cheek and jaw. He hesitated for just a second – giving her time to back away, she figured – before closing the final centimeters of distance between them.

It was not the first time they had kissed, but it was the first time he had kissed her. The other times had been awkward and messy because she was his student and he her teacher; because their first kiss was shared in those hasty, panicked moments just before moonrise on a full moon; because and their second kiss was shared when she was half-drunk and he was feeling the effects of an oncoming full moon.

This time was different. There was no impending full moon tonight – it was more than a week away – and there was no student-teacher relationship here. That alone made this kiss wonderful.

His lips met hers tentatively at first. His mouth was soft and warm. In contrast, she could feel the slight prickling of stubble on his chin and above his lips. She basked in the sensations, allowing Remus to kiss her as he pleased. After a few seconds of this hesitant and gentle press of his lips to hers, it grew into something more. She let out a deep sigh against his lips. Her mouth yielded to his, her lips parting and his tongue pressing in. Remus was focused and determined in how he kissed her.

It was invigorating. She felt more alive than ever, far more than the two other times when they'd kissed. This kiss was so divine, and it made the blood pumping through her veins feel warm and buzzing with life.

His hand shifted on her jaw, moving further back and tangling in the hair at the nape of her neck and behind her ear. She shifted closer to him, scooting forward on the couch so that her knees just barely bumped against the left side of his hip. He was twisted to face her in a way that she was certainly uncomfortable for him, so she began to shift more, putting a hand on either of his shoulders. In what was arguably one of the braver things she'd ever done, she sat forward on her knees and then moved to straddle his lap.

If he was surprised by this move, he didn't show it. His only action was to kiss her with a little more energy, placing his free hand on the curve of her waist and letting out a hum of approval. She was settled on his lap now, and the position was divine. She could hear the soft whistle of the wind outside. She could feel his quick heartbeat with her hand just above his chest. She could smell more acutely than ever his distinct scent; a subtle pine-scented cologne mixed with the lemon of his shampoo and his natural scent – something she couldn't describe but could easily associate with him.

Hermione was so involved in this kiss and her study of Remus that she barely felt him pulling away until it was too late. He detached his lips from hers and looked into her eyes. "I have to apologize to you," he said, pulling back further.

Her response sounded breathy and uncontrolled, "what do you possibly need to apologize for?" She was itching to lean in and continue their kiss, but something in the sorrowful look in his eye told her that this was too important.

Remus reached for the hand, which had been previously resting on his shoulder. He traced the pad of his index finger across the back of her hand, then under to her palm. She sat back on his lap, her knees resting on either side of his legs, her free hand falling to her thigh. His eyes were still trained on hers. "I haven't been very sensitive to your feelings… lately. I'm sorry about the things I said and did before."

She gulped, watching his face with an intense scrutiny and worry. Although she wasn't quite sure, she could guess that he was remembering the times she'd kissed him before, and how he'd pushed her away. "You don't have to apologize for that."

He continued tracing his finger against the skin of her hand. "I want to, though," his voice was stronger now, and it was surprisingly reassuring, "you don't deserve to be treated the way I treated you. We should have talked about what was happening, but I just tried to ignore it and push you away." He was being very vague, as if it would hurt him to mention specific things.

"Thank you," she murmured, realizing that she needed this apology more that she could admit.

Remus' mouth closed, his lips twisting as if they were trying to work around some words that he couldn't quite shape the way he wanted to. At last he sat up further on the couch. "There are still a lot of things we need to talk about," he maintained.

Hermione nodded warily, "yes," she paused, feeling a great swell of emotion clenching her chest as she looked at him, "but there will be time to talk about those things later."

The dim light of the moon and the flickering of the fire made him look more handsome than ever. She wanted to kiss him again and feel that light brushing of stubble against her lips and face. She wanted him to kiss her again, if only to feel the desire he'd conveyed moments ago by initiating the contact.

His eyes were suddenly downcast. "We have to keep this a secret, Hermione," he croaked, "the others- they can't find out about this. Especially so soon after Graduation."

She nodded in solemn understanding. He was right; if anyone else found out it would be horrible. Remus would be accused of taking advantage of her while she was his student, maybe he'd even be kicked out of the Estate, forced to live somewhere faraway from her. She couldn't bear the idea. "But one day we'll tell them," She quavered, thinking of Harry and Ron, "right?"

For a moment she thought that she'd scared him off by being so sure that this would last for that long. However, his warm smile eventually came. "Of course." The words resounded in her mind for seconds- minutes after he'd spoken them.

She kissed him again, shifting forward and pressing her whole body closer. He kissed back, matching her intensity, his hands coming to wrap around her back and her waist. Hermione couldn't hold back her moan then, enraptured by the feeling of him all around, encasing her in warmth and sending a shiver from her lips down to the tips of her toes.

He pulled away again, and damn it, why did he keep interrupting this? She tried to resist it by following his mouth and continuing to press into him. It was only when his hands came up to her shoulders and pushed her backwards that she was actually forced away.

"We need to stop," he rasped.

"Why?" she retorted impatiently, trying to control her quick breathing.

"It shouldn't- we shouldn't go further than this tonight."

"Why not?" she mumbled, wetting her lips in anticipation to kiss him again.

"Hermione," he let out a long, shuddering breath, shifting on the couch so he could sit up more, "I already feel a little bit like I'm taking advantage of you. Give me this. At least I can respect myself a little more knowing that I didn't take your virginity on our first night together."

She frowned, sliding off his lap and falling onto the cushions of the couch where she'd been sitting before. Part of her was irked that he was so sure she was a virgin. She was a virgin, of course, but that wasn't the point. "It's hardly our first night together," she grumbled factually, considering the two other times they'd kissed and the times she'd slept in his rooms, "but I'll give you that."

He sat back against the couch at her words, shifting in discomfort a moment later until he found a different position. Hermione resisted the urge to grin in amusement.

"You may find that you're glad," he said at last, "to have taken a little more time getting to know me before jumping into sex."

Hermione raised her brow indignantly, but conceded with a reluctant nod. A second later, she stood from the couch, moving toward the bookshelf that it faced. She could feel Remus' eyes on her as she reached up and picked a book off the shelf. It was Bronte, Wuthering Heights. She'd spotted it earlier and pledged to read it soon.

When she arrived back at the couch Remus had already picked up his book off the end table. She sat back in her earlier position, sideways on the couch facing him. She was about to fold her legs under her again, but he reached for one of her ankles before she could. Gently, he pulled her feet onto his lap, allowing them to rest there as he read. Hermione smiled, leaning back against the side of the couch and opening the book in front of her. His left hand still rested on her ankle, just a few inches below where the scar from her bite mark sat, covered by her pants.

They read like that for a long time. It was very late and Hermione was dozing off when Remus pulled her feet off his lap and lightly shook her shoulder. "Hermione," he whispered, "come on, you have to go to bed."

She let out a groan of annoyance, burrowing into the couch drowsily.

He shook her shoulder again. "Ginny will wake up in the morning and be suspicious if you don't go back to your room. Come on, Hermione."

She sat up, placing her book on the end table and finally standing up from the couch. "Ginny figures everything out anyway, Remus," she told him groggily, standing up and making her way towards the door.

With that, Hermione slipped out of the room, leaving Remus alone to set off for his own bed. If she had only turned around and taken one last look she would have spotted the incredibly fond smile on his face, along with the bright, happy gleam in his eyes.

Author's note: This was a shorter one, but I hope you all will understand why it fit to end it here. Shout out to the wonderful LJ Summers for reviewing nearly every single chapter (wow!) and prose . titute for leaving me some of the most amazing, flattering reviews I've received in a long while. You guys – all of you- even those who don't review – are so very wonderful and I'm tremendously grateful that you're here.