"No, no, no, no, no." Danny took in his surroundings: yellow walls again, stacks of clean cups, paper packets of sugar scattered where he'd lost his balance a little and flailed as the cold feeling evaporated and he was left feeling strangely warm for a man who'd been naked only moments ago.

Erica was sitting at the bar as though they'd never left; like he hadn't just relived the worst night of his life and somehow made a bigger mess than he'd made the first time. The only thing that convinced him that what had just happened to him was real was the slightest bitter taste on his tongue, the ghost of dusting powder he'd tasted enough times to ensure he'd never, ever forget it. It didn't matter how or why it happened, but it had happened. And he had to do something now before Mindy walked away for good.

"I gotta go back. You gotta send me back. Please." The last desperate word rang too loudly in the empty room.

"What if I told you it was a one time thing? That you can't go back?"

She calmly sipped her drink as Danny felt his second chance slip away. "What?"

"You got one more shot than anyone else ever gets."

"No, I didn't." Danny's feet moved almost of their own accord, the adrenaline pushing him as he tried to get a grip on what had happened. She was right, he'd used up his second chance and now he'd not only destroyed his opportunity to get Mindy back, he'd never have her in any part of his life. The exact thing he'd warned her about, that they'd have the fight so bad they couldn't even salvage a friendship had happened, and he'd done this to them. "I mean, I did. But I made it worse."

Erica watched him pace nervously, her eyes sharp but full of concern. "What happened?"

"I did everything right. I told her everything. I told her I loved her. I told her I wanted to be with her." Danny stopped and stared at her, his eyes wild as he went over what happened again and again in his head. He'd had her in his hands. He'd told her everything, and she'd believed him and she'd made love with him. It was real. It happened. And then she'd just changed her mind.

"What did she say?"

Danny's cheeks flushed red and his eyes dropped to stare at the floor. "We didn't really talk."

Erica cocked her head inquisitively. "Is that how you usually solve your problems?"

"No." The single syllable fell flatly between them and he could feel her eyes on him which made him strangely angry. There was a reason he didn't go for therapy. He just felt like someone's experiment. How was that empowering? Therapy is for the therapists.

"What was different this time?"

"Everything. Well, not everything. I kissed her. But I told her I love her. I told her I messed up when I broke up with her. I asked her what she wanted." Danny rubbed his face with one hand, trying to remember every second of it before it could slip away from him,. With his eyes closed he could see Mindy in that doorway again. He could pretend for a second that he could follow her back out that door and say whatever it is she needed to hear. Anything to make her stay. "Please, you've got to send me back. I didn't even get to fix it."

Erica ignored the last request and kept pushing. "What did she want?"

"Me. She wanted me." The room felt stifling and he struggled to breathe as he pictured Mindy's face when she'd told him. He exhaled heavily. "Well she did until I just fucked it all up again."

"How did you fuck it up?"

"She thinks I just did it to stop her from finding something real."

"And did you?"

The anger rose again and Danny felt his fists clench. "What? No! I did it for her. I want to be with her."

Erica regarded him with a thoughtful expression, but didn't respond. Danny felt the silence grow and continued. "I know why she thinks it isn't real, and that's my fault too."

"How?"

He stopped pacing and spun on her. "Are you just going to keep asking questions?"

"No."

"Well, fucking say something!" Danny's voice was still raised, but the adrenaline he'd been running on had begun to leech out of him and he was just so tired. He slumped back onto the stool and picked up the business card he'd discarded what felt like a week ago. "I don't know what happened, and I don't know how I know it's real, but you made me time travel and everything is worse than it was."

"Is everything really worse?"

"Yes." The word began as a cry, but just died in his throat. He didn't have any yelling left in him. The fury wasn't changing anything. He didn't know that anything he did ever changed anything.

"Is it worse for her? Is this night ending differently for her?"

"I don't know."

"Why not?"

"She said the same thing she said last time. 'I get to decide.' Things were different this time, but they ended the same way." His hands shook as he took a sugar packet and folded down the corners carefully. He had the urge to rip it open and pour the sugar out, every single grain. "It's worse though, I know it's worse. She's never gonna believe me. I told her once when we were fighting that guys don't break up with girls they want to be with and she thinks that's what happened. She just won't believe me, and even worse I did this to myself."

Erica seemed to sense that he didn't have any fight left. Her voice was oddly soothing in the still room. "Why did you say that?"

"She was chasing after this guy Cliff. He was awful and he just gave up on her at the first real problem they had. He didn't even talk to her. He broke up with her, and she couldn't see how stupid it was to keep going after a guy who will break up with you the first time something goes wrong."

"How did you two break up, then?"

A sudden wave of guilt washed over Danny. "That was different. Cliff broke up with her because he didn't trust her. I broke up with her because I didn't trust me.

"So the intent was different, but the outcome was the same?"

Danny rubbed his face again. "I don't know, maybe."

"So from her point of view how was it different? You might have meant something else but all she can see is someone else who didn't want to invest in her."

"Hey, whose side are you on?"

"I'm not on anyone's side. I'm just trying to understand why you changed your mind. Clearly she doesn't see the difference, so make me understand." Erica leaned back on the bar and crossed her arms.

"I didn't change my mind. I was just stupid. I shouldn't have broken up with her in the first place. I let some past stuff get in my head. I just shouldn't have broken up with her." Danny stopped to think for a minute. Maybe if he could make a person who didn't even know all the details of the situation understand what happened, he could convince Mindy.

"Do you think it would have really changed anything? The things that made you break up with her the first time would still be true."

"No, you don't understand. We were really happy. I mean really happy. I let it get out of hand because I just didn't want to open that up to all the assholes in our office who'd have just tried to get involved when we were doing just fine as we were."

"So you broke up with her because you didn't want to go public?"

"Yes. No! I broke up with her because I was right and when they found out she was dating someone they really laid into her. I was stupid and I let them convince me that everything would blow up and we'd just end up hurting each other so much we couldn't ever be friends again. I couldn't lose her. I CAN'T lose her. I have to have her in my life. We'd never be in this situation if I'd just told everyone about us. They'd have gotten over it, I know they would." The lump in his throat threatened to choke him and his vision swam. "I killed our last chance to do that tonight."

Erica's brow furrowed and she sucked in a big breath. "Danny?"

He couldn't hear her over the ringing in his ears. He'd lost Mindy. He'd done this to them. "Yeah?"

"It wasn't a one time thing."

Notes:

Chapter 6 on deck, later today or tomorrow.