The seat beneath him shook as his vision focused in on the back of the seat in front of him. That red-eye to New York hadn't been the first time he'd wanted to kiss Mindy Lahiri, but the turbulance had shaken him deeply enough to remind him that life was short, and he wanted her by his side for all of it. He knew now that he would always feel that way, but it wasn't just his future that would change if he did it again. Danny fought every impulse in his body telling him to get up and go find her in that airplane galley again, kiss her and just start over. Loving her, even for a short time, was more than he'd expected and more than he deserved, but she was going to have a beautiful life without him. He'd make sure this time.

He closed his eyes and tried to remember the trip back from LA. His dad had taken him out to retrieve the car early that morning, babbling self-consciously about Little Danny's soccer team and his business near the base as Danny tried to figure out how to talk to the man who'd walked away from his games half a lifetime ago. Mindy had already been packed when they'd gotten back to the house, quietly putting her bags into the trunk and retreating to the kitchen where she doled out easy smiles and friendly banter with his sister and his father, but fell eerily quiet the moment she and Danny were alone together.

His family had filled the silence most of the afternoon, and he'd watched with a hard-to-pin-down feeling that was almost like happiness as they warmed toward her – his father making Mindy some Micky Mouse pancakes to match Little Danny's, Little Danny herself asking Mindy for help with her hair. Then there had been a little moment at the game when Mindy returned his nervous grin with a wide genuine smile of her own; she'd been radiant in the sunlight and he'd finally felt real hope that she could forgive him.

The silent treatment ended approximately 5 minutes after they'd begun the drive to airport. She'd berated his music choice (Chicago, Danny? Are you being serious?) but one track later she was singing at the top of her lungs. He'd had to stop himself from commenting on how beautiful her voice was, a little reedy, but sweet and full of real emotion. She'd sung like a person who'd actually loved and lost, which made his tongue feel too thick and his stomach ache.

He'd pulled her bags from the trunk without asking when they returned the car, walking briskly toward the shuttle stop. She'd followed him with her small case and watched with wide eyes as he loaded them onto the shuttle for her, then quietly taken a seat beside him on the way to the airport. Every time they traveled she was "randomly" selected for a search, and he'd reflected that for someone who would scream down a Starbucks if they skimped on vanilla syrup by a quarter pump, she was surprisingly compliant about searches. He'd wondered if maybe she had caused a ruckus the first few times and now just accepted this as part of travel, or if maybe she just acted different around him. He'd stood at the end of the security line with her things, holding out an arm to allow her to lean on him as she pulled her shoes back on, and waited patiently outside the gift shop as she picked up a dizzying array of magnets and mugs and other tchotchkes to take back to the staff.

Danny had been a little surprised when Mindy handed him a shot glass of his own. (He'd ultimately keep that shot glass in a place of honor on his sideboard, and after things had ended he'd looked at it as a sign that they had been friends, and that they could be friends again. He'd been wrong, but it was funny to remember it right then as he gripped the armrests and waited for the turbulence to end, for the plane to land and for him to begin a new life where she'd never been hurt by him.) He'd tucked the gift into his hand luggage and helped Mindy load hers into the overhead compartment without comment. She'd stood so close as he'd lifted the bags, the same way she invaded every other part of his life. She'd put her hand on top of his as though they were pushing together when really he'd have managed without her help, and he couldn't help but wonder why she did it, why she always got too close. Mindy had gotten up three times before she'd gone for that tonic water, and each time he'd held his breath as she climbed over him, careful not to upset the balance that seemed to finally be tipping back toward normal.

When she'd suddenly apologized to him, his heart had skipped a beat. He hadn't understood until that moment that the divide between them caused by the fight in the desert was of his making as well, a distance built to cushion him from the reality that the person he cared about maybe more than anyone else had looked at him and seen Alan. He'd never hated anything in his life the way he'd hated Alan, and through her eyes he could see that he'd been the exact thing he'd always feared: a coward, and a liar.

You're great, she'd said, and he'd known that he owed her more than an apology for hurting her. He owed her the chance to start over again, to go get the guy, have the life she'd always wanted. Why hadn't he stuck with that?

One last jerk of the fuselage sent Danny's heart racing and his eyes flew open as he faced the surreal reality that it was happening again and he was going to let it pass him by, the chance he'd waited for, and everything he'd wanted for them. He wanted to believe his pounding heart and his inability to just breathe was about the rush of adrenaline that accompanied the feeling that he might plummet through the sky to his death at any moment, but he knew better. He knew now how she liked to burrow in blankets as she slept, and that she always bought Girl Scout cookies but paid double because it wasn't charity, it was an investment. He knew she always wanted the last dumpling, but she'd offer it anyway because that's what Beyonce would do. He knew she looked exactly as beautiful without makeup as she did with it, and her Boston accent came back with a vengeance when she talked to her family on the phone on Sunday afternoons. And he knew he'd never share any of that with her ever again.

"Danny?" Mindy's voice was close, and when he opened his eyes he found her peering into his face with a worried expression. He tried to open his mouth to respond, but his heart raced faster, and he began to shake. Maybe he'd finally reached the point where his body couldn't take any more adrenaline spikes, couldn't take any more anything. He could feel his eyes blur with unexpected tears and his chest grow too tight like something was sitting on him. The cans she held thumped as they hit the carpet and she reached for him. "Danny, you're scaring me."

She crawled over his lap, perching in her own seat as she began some basic physical checks, her hands warm on his wrist as she stared intently at her watch. She pushed his arm gently out of the way and lifted the armrest between their seats so she could scoot closer. "Danny, listen to me. I think this is a panic attack. If I know what it is, then you know what it is. I'm going to do some things to help you, but stop me if I'm hurting you or making things worse."

All he could do was stare as she unbuckled his seatbelt and adjusted his sweater a little where it had been tucked down too tight. Her knees pressed against his hip as she leaned forward and laid her hand on his chest, then picked up his hand and put it over her heart. "When I breathe, you breathe, okay? I'm going to count to ten, and when we get to 10 you're going to feel a lot better."

He wasn't sure that it was a panic attack, but he felt pretty sure once she got to "four" it would turn into one. Danny concentrated on her strong and steady heartbeat, willing the heaviness in his chest to slowly dissipate. "It's okay, Min. I'm okay."

A concerned member of the cabin crew approached, but she waved him away with an "I'm a doctor" and returned her attention to Danny. "Turbulence?" she asked quietly.

God, he wanted so much to tell her everything, but he just nodded silently and closed his eyes again, acutely aware that their hands still laid over each other's hearts. When she lifted hers he started to pull his away, but her hand covered his, holding it to her chest. Danny opened his eyes and found her staring at his face, her eyes soft and scared, all traces of the confident doctor who's just taken his vitals tried to talk him down from a panic attack washed away. "I'll be fine," he lied.

She tried to smile, but her lip quivered and her eyes were glassy. She let go of his hand, reaching for his face to cup his cheek. Time slowed down as he realized what was happening. He felt a little puff of breath on his lips before she kissed him, felt the tickle of her hair as it brushed across his brow. He found himself kissing her back for a moment before his brain caught up and forced him to pull away. She looked a little surprised, the same way she had when he'd kissed her, but as her finger touched her lips he knew she was mostly surprised at herself. "I thought I'd lost you," she whispered.

"It was just a panic attack."

"No, Danny, I know. I mean, for a second I thought it was a heart attack or something because you're so stupid and you won't quit smoking." Her face changed a little and she looked down. "Or maybe your dad broke your heart again."

"People don't die of a broken heart, Min."

She looked up again, staring directly into his eyes. "I don't think that's true."

"You're just messed up because of Cliff. You'll be fine. He'll take you back, I promise."

"Screw Cliff. He broke up with me, and I cried and I drank wine and I got over it before we even got to the desert."

"What?"

"Cliff and I weren't going to work out, Danny. He's handsome and everything, but he didn't know me well enough to know that I wouldn't cheat on him. I don't want to be with someone like that." Mindy slipped her hand in his and gave it a squeeze.

Danny self consciously pulled his hand away and looked down. "I'm sorry I scared you. I'm fine."

"I'm not fine though. I know it sounds stupid and you weren't dying, but something happened there. I felt you slip away."

"I'm here."

"You're here." Mindy smiled. "You're always here. It doesn't matter how bad things get, or how weird, I know you'll be here. Sometimes you complain about it, but you still show up."

"That's right." Danny shifted uncomfortably, unsure what he could say or do to stop this conversation. "We're friends."

She shook her head and locked her eyes with his. "I know you feel something for me. I knew that night when you danced for me and I asked you to come out on the roof with me. I waited for you and then Cliff came and I thought maybe it was some sort of sign, but I was wrong. I should have gone back for you."

"Min," he sputtered.

"Danny, don't tell me this isn't real." He could hear her breath shake a little as she breathed and leaned close again, letting her fingers brush against his. "This is real," she whispered.

He met her halfway this time, the taste of her lipstick and the sound of her ragged breathing filling his senses. His hand found her shoulder and pulled her close as she wound her fingers into his hair. He knew it was wrong, and he knew they'd both live to regret this again, but he also knew that he couldn't live without the heat that passed between them as she parted her lips and let his tongue touch hers. He couldn't live without mornings where she had to be unwrapped like a gift because she'd gotten too tangled in blankets, and he couldn't live without hearing that stupid Boston accent come out when she argued with Rishi about who left her bike unlocked in 1997 when it got stolen.

He kissed her for every moment he'd stolen from them when he broke up with her and every mistake he'd made and everything he knew would one day be snatched away from them again no matter what he did. He knew that now, that nothing he changed would actually fix them, but he could show her now that it was real.

Gasping, she pulled away from him and smiled, radiant and warm as the sun. His fingers grew cold again and he knew it was all going to happen again, but he wasn't going to live his life regretting a second of their time together.

. . . .

When his vision cleared he was sitting in Erica's office again and the first thing he did was rub the back of his hand across his lips to see if any traces of Mindy remained with him. He still tasted the lipstick, but his hand was clean. "So that's it?" he asked.

"You tell me," Erica replied.