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Lonely Thing
"Tell me about the first war."
Remus inclined his head down to glance at Hermione. She was sprawled across the couch in the library, her head propped up against his chest, a thick, old book in her hands. Her fingers fanned through the pages of the book idly while she gazed across the room. When Remus didn't respond for a long moment, she shifted, looking up at him expectantly.
"What about it?" He furrowed his brow.
She shrugged. "Just… something. You hardly ever talk about it. I want to know about it. I feel like I should know about it… what with everything that's been going on lately."
He regarded her closely for a moment before giving in, "It wasn't too bad at first. Sirius, James, Peter, and I were excited to join the Order and start working. Sirius and James loved Auror training. But things got very bad within the first year after we graduated."
Hermione remained silent, listening attentively.
"There were a lot of attacks back then. Way more than you see nowadays, and half of them went unreported by the Prophet or the Ministry. As time passed, the attacks started to happen more and more and we were called more and more often to try to prevent attacks that often ended in death. That's when we started fighting among ourselves."
"Who?"
"Mostly James, Sirius, and Peter. Sometimes I fought with them as well. I think that was when Peter started to stray from us, though." Remus felt something clench in his chest at one particular memory of a fight they'd had outside a pub in London one night. Peter had ended up throwing hexes at Sirius. Sirius had responded with equal violence. The short-lived confrontation ended when Peter used a suffocating spell on Sirius. It was the darkest spell any of them had ever seen Peter use on another person. After Sirius was left gasping for breath on the ground, Peter stood there in silent awe at his own actions for at least a minute before Disapparating.
Hermione reached for Remus' hand, squeezing it gently.
"When Lily announced that she was pregnant, the fighting started to ease up a bit. The months just before and after Harry's birth were extremely hopeful." Remus remembered these times with a fond smile on his face.
"But then it started to get bad again?" Hermione's voice was low and foreboding.
Remus nodded. "Very bad. James' parents were killed, Sirius' brother died, Alice and Frank were tortured. It was just one thing after another. Then… then Halloween came."
Hermione turned suddenly, sitting up further and wrapping her arms around Remus' neck. Her fingers stroked the back of his neck in the most oddly calming way. It was the most comforted Remus had ever felt while talking about the war and that fateful Halloween. There was still an awful ache in his chest at the thought of James and Lily, but it wasn't as painful as it used to be. He wrapped his arms around Hermione's back, pulling her closer.
"We need to win this war," she murmured against his chest.
Remus nodded, unable to put into words how much he agreed.
The library was becoming a frequently occupied place for Hermione and Remus as their time in the Estate wore on. It was a quaint library, and with the drawing room a few doors down, nobody actually spent extended periods of time in the library. Thus, it was often left empty.
It was because of this supposed solitude that Hermione and Remus began to feel more and more secure within the library. They stopped worrying that anyone would come in, and focused instead on spending time with each other, enjoying each other's company without other prying eyes around.
However, their sense of security began to gain a bit too much hubris with time. On one afternoon, a few nights before the full moon, Hermione and Remus made a rather disastrous mistake in thinking that no one would be wandering into the library tonight.
Hermione sidled up to Remus just a moment after he plopped down on the couch. She could feel the symptoms of the full moon setting in heavily. Just the sight of Remus made her want to jump him. In fact… she just might have to do that…
Hermione tossed the book she was about to crack open aside, shifting completely to face Remus on the couch.
"What are you-" Remus' words were cut off as her lips met his in a fervent kiss. She swung her leg over his lap, straddling him in a manner that she knew would have him snogging her back with just as much passion.
Instead, Remus pulled back. "Hermione," he exhaled, eyes wild, "we should go to my room."
She shook her head, "I can't wait." Now she pressed her lips to the side of his neck and jaw. Remus hesitated for a solid couple of seconds before his hands came up to touch her. One hand tangled in her hair, the other clutched the back of her jumper tightly.
Hermione arched her body towards him, wanting to feel more of his warmth. She felt desperate for the feel of his skin on hers. Somewhere in the back of her mind, a voice told her that they really should go to Remus' room.
But Hermione didn't care, for a second later Remus' hand slipped under the back of her jumper, warm fingers tracing her spine, pulling her closer. Hermione moaned.
A split second after the moan left her lips, two things happened in very quick succession. First, the loud thumping of a door jutting open sounded through the library. Second, Remus' hands gripped either side of her hips and pushed her off his lap.
Hermione narrowly avoided falling completely to the ground, her feet somehow finding their place beneath her. She stumbled backward. Remus simultaneously stood from the couch, springing upward and whipping his head around to the doorway.
Hermione followed his gaze, not daring to even take a breath. Her eyes fell on the entrance of the library. There stood an array of people that she really didn't want to see staring at her right now. Gaping at her, with wide eyes and slackened jaws, were the twins, Harry, Ron, Ginny, Draco, and Sirius. She couldn't imagine anyone else that could possibly be staring at her right now, because it truly seemed like the whole household was standing just a few feet away.
"Fuck," Remus whispered, running a hand through his mussed hair and looking up at the ceiling in exasperation.
Hermione took a deep breath, anticipating that this stunned-silence of the others wouldn't last much longer. She straightened her jumper, turned toward the small crowd in front of her, and waited.
Ron exploded.
"This is what you've been going off to do!?" he jabbed a finger violently at Remus.
"Ronald, please calm down," Hermione took a subconscious step towards Remus, who was clenching his fists tightly and staring at Sirius. The two appeared to be having some sort of silent conversation. A second later, Sirius sprung into action, shepherding everyone into the library so that he could shut the door behind them.
It was too late. Lavender, Luna, and Neville were nearby and had heard Ron's shouting. They were now standing in the doorway as well. "What's going on?" Lavender asked.
"Hermione's fucking Lupin, that's what's going on!" Ron shouted, throwing his hands up in the air exasperatedly.
Hermione felt her stomach drop. Is this how everyone will react? She looked at the others. Harry wasn't saying a single word, just staring at Hermione and Remus as if trying to decipher some complex puzzle. Beside him, Draco was grinning. Hermione decided she would have to find out what was going on with him later, but for now she had to deal with the others.
She sent a pleading look at Ginny, who immediately recognized what was needed of her.
"Shut up, Ron, and go take a seat," Ginny ordered, grabbing Ron by the arm and jerking him towards the couch. "You too," she told the twins, who appeared to be in a mixed state of shock and mild amusement.
Next Ginny turned to Harry, placing a hand on his forearm and gently urging him into the room. He complied, still not saying a word, just staring at Hermione and Remus.
Meanwhile, Sirius tried to usher Neville, Luna, and Lavender inside, closing the door behind them so no one else could possibly join the group of people who now knew Hermione and Remus' secret. Neville walked into the room in a disoriented sort of silence, falling onto the couch between Luna and Draco, who both looked surprisingly unsurprised. Lavender was grinning from ear-to-ear as Sirius guided her toward the couch. "I knew that was a hickey I saw on your neck the other day!" she exclaimed, leaning around Sirius to grin and point at Hermione.
Hermione cringed, feeling her stomach tie in knots and a headache set in. It was too close to the full moon for this…
Ginny approached Hermione and Remus. "Maybe you should just explain to them?" she offered gently. Hermione turned to look at Remus. He wore a straight, guarded expression, and hardly held eye contact with her for more than a second. She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded at Ginny, turning away from Remus to face the rest of the group.
"First of all I want to say that this is none of any of your business, but Remus and I are in a relationship." She took a deep, shaky breath after saying these words. "We're going to talk about it now because neither of us want anyone else to know at this point, and hopefully if we explain some things to you, everyone here can help us keep our secret for a little longer."
She took another deep breath, narrowing in on Ron now. "However, if any of you are going to get upset and try to reprimand either Remus or myself, I will not include you in this conversation."
Ron was unfazed. "Then you'd better explain what's going on here quickly, because to me it looks disgusting."
Hermione clenched her fists, stepping closer and staring menacingly at Ron. "Do not test me, Ronald. It's too bloody close to the full moon for this."
Her feral tone silenced Ron. He seemed to have forgotten momentarily that he was insulting two temperamental, pre-moon werewolves.
"Now," Hermione exhaled, trying to calm her racing heart, "I'd like to make it clear that this relationship was not going on while we were at Hogwarts, and none of you have any reason to be concerned over whatever position of power Remus may have had over me. I've graduated, and we're both adults." With these words Hermione shot another icy glare at Ron.
"I have a question," Harry spoke up, gazing at Hermione alone.
"Yes. Of course, Harry," Hermione could feel the apprehension rise within her. She knew for certain that both Remus and herself cared far too much about Harry. It would hurt deeply if he had a reaction anything like Ron's.
"Why does it seem like Ginny and Sirius know about this?" Harry's inquiry was laced with suspicion.
Hermione hesitated. "They do know about it. They have known… for a while."
Harry furrowed his brow, his gaze shifting over to Sirius, and then to Remus. Hermione could tell just from that look that he was planning on having a conversation with the two of them later.
Remus stood rigidly a few feet away from her. God, she wanted so desperately to be alone with him right now, just to talk this over with him. She wanted to know what was going through his mind; because she worried it was the worst kind of thoughts- regret, doubt, and embarrassment.
The room had descended into a state of awkward silence. Suddenly, Fred and George cut the tension.
"Well, Granger, I have to admit I'm not very surprised you'd be the one to get with the Professor," Fred chuckled.
"Though I think we ought to have expected it all along," George continued.
Fred nodded thoughtfully. "At least it's not Professor Snape, right?"
Hermione winced, looking around the room at several disgusted expressions; the most volatile looks coming from Sirius and Ron. Neville looked highly disturbed where he sat meekly on the edge of the couch. Draco, on the other hand, let out a low chuckle, looking at the people around the room as if it was all extremely entertaining.
Ron noticed Draco's apparent amusement. "Something funny, Malfoy?" He inquired stonily, his jaw clenched.
Draco quirked an eyebrow, "You Gryffindors take some things far too seriously. So Granger and Lupin are involved. It's not a big deal, and don't tell me none of you have noticed the looks they've been giving each other." He looked around the room once more, narrowing his eyes, "Merlin, you've all been too blind to see it?" He let out an incredulous laugh.
Most of the other occupants of the room glared at Draco. Hermione found it quite wonderful to hear him make light of a situation like this, even if he was implying that she hadn't hid her relationship with Remus well.
The room fell into another bout of silence. Hermione tried to assess the situation. Standing a few feet away from her was Remus. He wasn't making eye contact with her. She swallowed dryly, turning away and looking at the others. Ron sat with his arms crossed and a stern expression on his face, but he was thankfully remaining silent. Harry looked agitated as well, but in quite a different way. He stared at the ground, studying the carpet and clenching his hands together.
Hermione took a step closer to Harry. "I'm sorry," she murmured, "I didn't want you to find out like this, and Merlin knows that neither did Remus."
Harry picked up his gaze to glance between Hermione and Remus. Then, he looked at Ginny and Sirius. Both appeared to be debating whether or not to say anything, but they remained silent in the end. Finally, Harry stood up. "I'm going upstairs," he said quietly.
"Harry," Hermione pleaded, taking a step forward as he exited the room.
"Don't worry," Harry murmured, giving Hermione one last backwards glance, "I don't plan on telling anyone your secret." His words were spiteful and biting. Hermione felt a wave of nausea rise in her gut.
After the door shut behind Harry, the room was silent for a long moment. Sirius finally spoke. "I'll talk with Harry. Don't worry."
Hermione sent Sirius a thankful half-smile as he slipped out of the room. Once he was gone, she took a deep breath, looking around the room once more. She turned to Remus, taking a step closer and attempting to get his attention. He looked at her, his eyes filled with pent-up anger and shame. She should have expected this; Harry's reaction would undoubtedly leave Remus feeling awful.
Remus held her gaze and she tried to find something to say. A voice in the back of her mind kept telling her that this was going to put a strain on their relationship that she couldn't easily talk him out of. Her stomach churned with anxiety and anger. Why hadn't she just listened to him and agreed to go to his bedroom? It was so stupid and now she'd put nearly everything at stake because of it.
Deciding that she needed to push through her regretful thoughts and focus on how to deal with her problem now, Hermione turned to address the rest of the group. "We would really appreciate it if all of you kept quiet about our relationship. Remus and I don't plan on keeping it a secret forever, but we really need more time before it comes out to anyone else."
The room was silent. Everyone was watching Hermione. "Will you do this for me?" she asked, looking at each of them individually. Most nodded in agreement, though Ron refused to meet her eyes, a hard frown on his face. Hermione supposed that she should settle for this; there wasn't much more she could do.
Her eyes fell on Ginny, who was, in all likelihood, her last ally in this room. Ginny stood up. "Dinner will be ready in a little while. We should all give Hermione and Remus a moment."
Everyone followed Ginny's suggestion. Ron was the most reluctant of all, standing and glaring at Remus as he left the room with the others. Ginny stayed behind after everyone else left the library.
"Do you think they'll tell someone?" Hermione asked her friend, "Dumbledore? Your mum?"
Ginny considered the question before shaking her head. "I'll make sure they don't. But… I think both of you should prepare for what will happen if others do find out." Her gaze shifted between Remus and Hermione.
"Thank you, Ginny," Remus said, voicing his first words in several minutes.
Ginny smiled and slipped out of the room.
The silence that descended upon Remus and Hermione was almost unbearable. Hermione turned to him, fingering the hem of her blouse nervously. "I'm sorry, Remus," she said, "I should have listened to you. We should have gone to your room."
He shook his head. "Don't blame yourself. This was bound to happen eventually." He looked so tremendously self-pitying and it made Hermione's chest ache. He took a deep breath, studying her for a moment. "I'm going for a walk outside," he said at last, resignation heavy in his voice.
Hermione didn't say anything. Remus walked past her, towards the door to the library, his shoulders slumped in defeat. Hermione took a shuddering breath, trying to ignore the feeling of abandonment within her.
Author's Note: Okay, so I've been a bit M.I.A. lately, but I have a reason: I finished high school! The last few weeks have been crazy, but now I'm on summer break until September (when I start college/university) and I'll have much more time for writing.
So how did everyone like this chapter and all its drama? Review? You know I just adore hearing from all of you.