They spent the next few days feeling uneasy around each other. Although they were grateful for each other's company, it was difficult to put aside their uncertainty and inhibitions. Emma feared that Regina's mercy would run out and be torn from her if her lover changed her mind, and Regina feared that Emma's promises, though surely heart-felt, lacked weight and were impossible for her to keep. Still, they comforted each other with silent gestures of affection. When Regina stood in the kitchen after Emma returned from work one night, making them dinner, Emma stood behind her with her hands lightly placed on her waist.

"Emma…" Regina said softly, her freezing as her hands rested on the counter.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure that this is really the life you want?"

Backing away slowly and removing her hands from the girl's waist, the blonde replied, "What do you mean?"

"This. Us."

"Of course I want us!"

"No, I mean… like this. The way things are now. With all the expectations that have been placed on you. By me."

"I don't… I don't know what you mean."

"I expect you to be a respectable human being. I expect you to stay out of trouble. If you're with me, that is. More than that, though, I want you to be happy. If you can't be happy like this, I want you to leave and pursue what you really want."

"You are what I really want."

Having remained facing away from her lover so far in the conversation, Regina turned slowly and looked into Emma's piercing green eyes. She was always stunned by their radiance and their ability to captivate her with every glance.

"Emma…"

"You are."

"But are you-"

Instead of allowing Regina to finish, Emma took a few steps forward, closing the distance between their bodies, cupped Regina's face in her hands, and kissed her lips passionately.

"I can do this," she said, finally breaking away. "I can be good for you."

"Emma. It's not about-"

"No. I mean it. I can behave. I can stay out of trouble. And it's not just for you. Of course, I'm tempted to go back to that life. It's all I've known my entire life. But I know it's only going to ruin me. I know that. And I want to be better. For me and for you."

"Really?" Regina asked, not hiding the surprise in her voice.

"Yes. I want this for both of us. And if you left me, I would still try to be a good person."

No longer holding back, and ignoring her reservations, Regina threw her arms around the girl with enthusiasm and embraced her.

"God, I love you so much."

Smiling softly, Emma stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head, saying, "I love you too."

Abruptly, Regina broke the silence that had fallen between them.

"Emma… Do you want kids?"

"What?" the blonde gawked, clearly startled by the question.

"Do you want to have kids?"

There was a long pause as Emma slowly pulled away and stared at her lover.

"I don't know," she finally answered, her face reddening slightly.

"Oh."

"What?"

"Nothing. We should eat. Dinner's done."

"Regina-"

"Go ahead and sit down. I'll bring the food out."

"Let me help you."

"Go sit."

"Regina, what's the matter?"

"Nothing. Please, go sit down and let me serve your dinner."

"Regina, I don't need you to serve me. I'm a grown-ass woman, and I-"

"I said sit."

Raising her eyebrows in surprise at the tone of command in Regina's voice, Emma turned and walked away, then waited in the dining room for her lover to appear with their meal.

Emma thought about the conversation that Regina had cut short for the rest of the evening. By the time they were beneath the bed sheets, intending to fall asleep, her head was spinning. Finally, when she could stand it no longer, she spoke.

"Regina… Do you want kids?"

"What?" Regina replied, startled awake by the sound of Emma's voice, which had abruptly broken the silence that had allowed her to drift off to sleep.

"Do you want kids?"

"I…" the brunette started, feeling the words form a lump in her throat. "Someday… Yes, I do."

What else could she have said? She supposed she could have lied, but where would that land her? What kind of a lover would that make her? And how would that break Emma's trust in her when she found out? She had to tell the truth.

Emma was quiet for a while as she stared up at the ceiling, thinking hard about her response.

When she didn't reply after some time, Regina asked, "Emma?"

"I'm just thinking," Emma assured her.

"What… What about?"

"About us."

"What about us…?"

Regina's nervousness showed in her voice. She was scared of what Emma might say, and it made her palms clammy with cold sweat.

"Us, together, Christmas day, with little munchkins running around, chasing the new puppy we just got them."

"What?"

"You. Me. Kids. Dog. House. Christmas."

Swallowing hard, Regina sat up in bed.

"Emma?"

"Yes, love," the blonde replied calmly, folding her arms behind her head as she looked up at her partner.

"Do you want that?"

"I've never wanted kids before you. But imagining a family, a home with you… I want that now. I didn't think it was possible to be so happy. But I am, with you, and I want that forever."

Feeling more than relieved, Regina exhaled her anxiety and rested a hand flat on Emma's stomach.

"I love you, Emma."

"I love you too, baby. What did you think I was going to say?"

"I thought you were going to tell me to go fuck myself."

"What?"

"I never really imagined you wanting kids. You've always sort of avoided them in general, and you've never said anything about wanting any of your own, so I just… I was scared that if I told you I wanted them, it would scare you off."

"Well, it didn't. It just surprised me, I guess. I mean, I'm not surprised. I just… I never thought about you wanting them before."

"I'm glad I didn't scare you off… Emma… I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. When I thought… When I thought we were over, I…"

"We're not over," Emma told her softly, sitting up and lightly touching the girl's cheek. "We never will be. I'm here for the long haul. There's nothing you could do to get rid of me. Besides, even if I didn't want kids… if you wanted them, we'd have them. I'll give you anything and everything you want, Regina. Anything."

"Em… I want us to make decisions together. I don't want you to do things just because I want you to. Do you understand that?"

"I mean… I guess so. But it doesn't mean I wouldn't make sacrifices for you. I'd do anything for you, Regina."

"I know that, Em. I know. I just… You need your independence. And I get that. I want you to have that."

"I do have that."

"That's why I haven't protested you hanging out with Ruby."

"I know…" Emma told her. After a pause, she added, "But it bothers you."

With a sigh, Regina replied, "I don't know. I mean, yeah, but… I know you need friends. I just wish you could maybe pick some that don't steal things just for shits and giggles."

"She's just… a little misguided. Like me. She was adopted, and even her adoptive parents never gave a shit about her. At first, she did things for attention. Her adoptive parents' attention… friends' attention… lovers' attention. Then, it became habit for her. It's just the way she is."

"It doesn't have to be."

"I know that. She just doesn't realize that yet. She'll grow out of it, just like I am."

Regina waited for Emma to say more, and when she didn't, she placed a light kiss on her lover's cheek and started to move away. Emma caught her arm gently, though, and pulled her back, kissing her lips.

"I'll never leave you," she whispered, kissing her again and again.

"Emma…"

"No. Listen to me. She's not going to come between us, and she's not going to change me. I made a mistake, and it won't happen again. I want this life, not my old one. She's still my friend, but she's not my life. You are."

Overwhelmed with affection, the brunette pushed on Emma's shoulders until she was laying down, then lowered herself on top of her, kissing her lover's lips passionately. As Emma kissed her harder, Regina's hands wandered, under they were beneath Emma's shirt, palming her breasts, leaving Emma breathless.

"I love you," the blonde gasped, when Regina's tongue finally untangled from her own and slipped back out of her mouth.

"I love you."

Before Emma could say more, Regina's mouth was on hers again, kissing her even harder than before, until their teeth clashed. Equally as breathless as her lover, Regina subconsciously pressed her hips into Emma's, earning a soft moan from the blonde's soft lips.

"Regina," she whimpered. "We should st-"

But her lover bit down on her lower lip, and that was enough to stop her protests. It was too much to handle, but she couldn't refrain from reciprocating each movement.

"I want you," Regina told Emma, stroking her hair back.

"Regina, no. We need to-"

"Please."

"No, Regina. I said no."

Struggling to catch her breath again but finally unwilling to continue, Emma gently pushed the girl away and sat up.

"Emma-"

"Enough. We're going to sleep, okay? Just let me hold you."

"What are you waiting for? A stupid piece of paper that says we're married, according to the law? Is that really what matters?"

"You're kind of being a jerk right now."

Regina turned her back in silence and rolled over to face the wall, falling asleep shortly after without saying another word.

[LINE BREAK]

When Emma woke up the next morning, Regina was gone.

Emma spent the day at work second-guessing her decision to push Regina away and to end what they had started.

When her shift was over and she checked her phone, expecting something from Regina – a text, a call… anything – she only found a message from Ruby.

'Wassup, doc?'

As frustrated and anxious as she was about the tension between herself and Regina, she had to smile at this and quickly typed a reply.

'Just got off work. You?'

'Chilling like a villain. Wanna chill?'

Emma hesitated as she walked down the sidewalk towards her apartment – she wasn't so sure it was a good idea to go back to Regina's right away – and considered her options. She could sit at home, alone, doing nothing… waiting for Regina to message her (which didn't seem to likely), or she could go out and try to brighten her sullen mood. She decided on the latter.

'Yeah. When?'

'Just come over. I'm bored and I have beer.'

[LINE BREAK]

"Hey, kid," Ruby said, beaming at Emma as she stepped into the apartment. When she noticed Emma's melancholy expression, she asked, "What's got you down, champ?"

"Kid? Champ? Really, Ruby?" Emma chuckled, moving to sit on the couch.

Ruby joined her on the sofa and wrapped an arm around Emma's shoulders, saying, "Sure. But seriously. What's the matter? You look like a kicked puppy."

"It's… It's nothing."

Rolling her eyes, the brunette scolded her, "Don't feed me that bullshit, Emma. I can always tell when you're lying."

"I'm not lying. I'm just… in denial."

Ruby laughed at this and kissed the girl's cheek.

"Tell me what happened."

"Regina and I got into… I don't even know what it was. It wasn't a fight. It was more like… a disagreement that ended badly."

"You wanna tell me what it was about?"

Shaking her head, Emma looked away. When Ruby squeezed her shoulder and lifted her chin, she sighed.

"She wants to have sex, and I don't."

"Whoa, dude. You're not sleeping with her?"

"Well, I'm sleeping with her, but I'm not sleeping with her."

"Uh-huh. Sure."

"No, really! I'm not!"

"How are you spending the night in her bed and not fucking her?"

"I don't know. I just… She's never had sex before. And I want it to be perfect for her, when it happens for the first time. I don't want it to be rushed or anything. And she doesn't understand that. She wants to jump right into it."

"Well, how long have you been dating?"

"Um… A while…"

"Then what are you waiting for?"

"I don't know, okay? I'm just. I don't want to rush it, that's all. Jesus Christ, Ruby. Way to make me feel like shit."

"Hey. Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad, okay? I just… don't really… get it..."

"Maybe it's stupid. I don't know. Maybe I should just give it up and have sex with her."

"Wait… Emma…"

"What?" the blonde sighed, giving Ruby a sad glance.

"Don't do anything you're not ready for, alright?"

"It's not about me. It's about her. She thinks she's ready, and I don't."

"Don't you think that should be her decision, not yours?"

"Well… I mean… Yeah, but-"

"But you're worried she's rushing it and that she'll regret it if you do."

Relieved that Ruby was starting to understand, Emma replied with a quick, "Yes."

"That makes sense. You want it to be perfect for her, not mediocre… Like it was for you."

"What?"

"With me."

"That… That's not…"

"Not what?"

"That's not true. It wasn't… It wasn't mediocre…"

After a pause, Ruby pressed, "But you regretted it."

"Because of the way you treated me!" Emma cried. "You-"

"I know. I'm sorry, Emma."

Emma's head fell into her hands, and to Ruby's shock and horror, she started to cry.

"Oh, shit," Ruby breathed. "Emma… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" When Emma began to cry louder, she added, "I never meant to hurt you."

As Ruby began to slide her arm away, though, Emma leaned against her and rested her head on her shoulder.

"Shit, Em…"

When she realized that Emma wasn't about to stop crying on her own, she wrapped her arms around the girl and squeezed gently, then slowly rubbed her back.

"Emma… Emma, it's okay."

Slowly, Emma's tears dried, but she didn't pull away.

Continuing to hold her, Ruby said softly, "Listen… You're not me, okay? You won't fuck up like I did. You won't hurt her. There will be nothing for her to regret, because you're not going to do what I did. You're going to love her and take care of her. You won't break her heart like I broke yours."

"But… But what if-"

"You won't."

"How do you know?"

"Because you're not like that. You're not a shitty person, like me."

"Ruby… You're not a shitty person," Emma sniffled, wiping her eyes.

Gently, Ruby pushed her hands away from her face and wiped her tears away with her thumbs.

"I'm not trying to talk you into having sex with her. I'm just pointing out that she'll have nothing to regret with you. I just don't want you to be afraid to give yourself to her, when we both know that that's what you really want."

Emma sighed in response.

"Just think about it, okay?"

The blonde nodded her head and looked away again.

"It's gonna be okay, Em," Ruby whispered, tucking some of Emma's hair behind her ear. "I promise. She'll cool down and understand, whatever you decide to do or not to do. You love her, and she loves you, and it'll all be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"I just do, okay? I know you. I know how much you love her."

Again, Emma nodded, then paused before saying, "It wasn't mediocre with you."

"What?"

"The sex, Ruby. It wasn't mediocre. It was good."

"Emma…"

"I'm just saying."

"Why are you saying that, though?"

"Because I want you to know. I regret giving you everything, because you broke my heart, but it wasn't mediocre. You're good in bed, and I don't want you to think that I didn't… you know... enjoy it…"

Swallowing hard as she felt her heart rate increase, Ruby said, "Okay," and turned her attention to the floor, feeling uncomfortable with the thoughts and emotions that Emma had brought pouring back for her.

"Ruby, I-"

"Please, don't say anything else. I… I just want to let it go, okay?"

Biting her lip, Emma nodded and told her, "I'm sorry."

In response, Ruby handed her a beer and offered, "Let's get shitfaced."

Emma nodded and popped the cap off with the bottle opener Ruby handed her next and chugged half the beer before wiping her eyes once more. A few beers later, they were both past drunk.

"I don't deserve her," Emma suddenly blurted. "She deserves better than me."

"Oy!" Ruby shouted, startling the blonde to the point that she jumped slightly in her seat. "That's horseshit! You're perfect, Emma."

"Oh, I'm perfect, alright. A perfectly shitty person."

"Don't fucking say that."

The brunette shoved her – not hard, though – and scowled. Emma just sighed and rubbed her temples after setting her last bottle on the coffee table in front of them.

"You need to sleep here," Ruby said after a bout of silence.

"No, I should-"

"You're drunk, and you're staying. You take the bed. I'll take the couch."

"No way!"

"Why not?"

"If I'm staying, I'm taking the couch."

"Fine," Ruby laughed.

Then, she grabbed a couch pillow and hit Emma with it, earning the same response from the blonde in return. The pillow fight lasted until Emma had her pinned to the couch and covered her face with the pillow.

"'Kay. You're dead now. Surrender?"

"Okay, okay!" Ruby laughed brightly. "You win."

But when Emma pulled away, Ruby shoved her off the couch and pinned her to the floor, slapping her with her own pillow. As Emma went still, Ruby set the pillow down beside them and pinned the girl's wrists, staring down into her eyes.

"I love you, Em," Ruby said softly, looking broken and conflicted.

"Ruby…"

"I know," she replied, quickly pulling away and climbing off her friend before staring at the wall to avoid Emma's gaze. "I'm sorry. I should let you sleep. You probably have work in the-"

Emma's phone went off, telling her she had a text message, distracting them both from the conversation. The text was from Regina.

'Are you coming over or…?'

"She wanted to know if I was coming over," Emma explained to Ruby.

"You're too drunk to leave, Emma."

"I wouldn't leave anyway. I said we'd hang out, so we will. I wouldn't bail on you after saying we'd chill. I'm not just here because she's upset with me. I'm here to see you."

This earned a weak smile from Ruby, who looked relieved to have been told that she wasn't being used as a Plan B.

"Thank you, Emma," she said softly, sitting beside her on the floor. "Anyway, we should sleep. It's late, and you're slurring."

"I'm not-"

"You are. Come on. Get some sleep. I'll bring you out a blanket and a real pillow."

"I'm just gonna hit you with it," Emma laughed with a grin.

"Yeah, yeah, smartypants. Now, lay down and try not to barf on my new rug."

"I'm not gonna-"

But Emma realized, mid-sentence, that he stomach was flipping, and she was, in fact, dangerously close to throwing up.

"Lay down," Ruby said softly, with a gentle smile. "I'll be right back."

With a sigh, Emma did as she was told, lifting herself slowly off the floor and climbing onto the couch. By the time Ruby returned with the pillow, she was fast asleep, her arm hanging over the side of the sofa, with her lips slightly parted as she began to snore lightly.