Why couldn't he have died?
Why did everyone in his family have to die?
Why did this happen to him?
He remembered back when Feliciano was only four years old, he was seven, when their two year old baby brother, Romeo, died because he was sick. The doctor claimed that there was nothing they could have done to save him.
He remembered a year after that their father left. He remembered the sneers of that man as he walked away dumping the two and their mother alone in the streets until their grandfather was nice enough to give them a home.
He had no friends. They said he was too much of a foul mouth. He was not smart. His teacher enjoyed mocking him when he came after school for a retest.
But Feliciano, somehow Feliciano was different.
Feliciano was kind and naive and that's it. Sure, he was not smart, but somehow everyone loved him.
He didn't understand it.
Why couldn't he and Romeo switch places?
He knew that his brother blamed himself for their mother's death, and at first he did too. But Feliciano is only ten. He couldn't change anything. He wasn't the one who drove the car.
He was sitting at home watching TV.
Watching TV isn't bad. Watching TV didn't kill anybody.
But that is what his brother thought.
Why couldn't he be like his grandpa or Mom? He wanted to comfort his younger brother and help him get past the death of their mother.
But he isn't like them.
He isn't like Romeo.
He isn't like Feliciano.
He's just Lovino.
Dumb and foul Lovino.
So why keep the useless one?
He knew that they were lying again.
Both his brother and his grandfather tried to avoid looking straight into his eyes as they told him the small problem they were facing.
He had been told that they had to stay in town for a bit longer.
"Why?" he asked.
"It's nothing you should worry about Lovi. Take this extra time to say goodbye to your friends. You won't see them for a while," his grandfather said.
"Yes, Grandpa." He mumbled as he retreated back to his room. His grandfather was pretty bad at hiding secrets. He knew that he was struggling financially after using most of his savings to pay for his mom's funeral. His grandfather probably had to delve into his retirement money to afford everything.
Maybe Lovino could get a job too. He may not be a hard worker, but he would be willing to do anything in order to help his family.
But then again, his grandfather would never allow it.
They were just children. The two should enjoy life and have fun, he would say. But how could the two be happy if their grandfather wasn't?
Lovino sighed, why does the world have to be so complicated. He walked over to the kitchen counter and opened the cookie jar. He could sure use some sweets right now.
"B-big brother?" Feliciano mumbled, peaking through the doorway.
"What's wrong? Are you hungry?"
The younger boy shook his head. "I...I had a nightmare.
Of course he did. Nightmares were a frequent event at the Vargas household.
"Alright then, come in. But don't you pee on my bed!"
Lovino's younger brother brightly smiled as he ran up and jumped on Lovino's bed.
"So what was it this time? " Lovino asked softly.
"I...I had a dream that I...I saw Mama and then...she yelled at me...and and..." Feliciano eyes started to water.
The older boy mentally frowned. Is this what his brother was worried about? "You idiot," he said. "You know Mama will never be angry at us. She loved both of us."
"But it was my-"
"No it was the idiot bastard-"
"Bad words!"
"...Driver who wasn't looking at the road. It's all his fault."
"But...but it was my birthday."
Lovino scoffed. "So? That doesn't mean anything. Mama was still planning on shopping. We're out of bread anyway."
Feliciano stayed quiet before looking up at his brother with hopeful eyes.
"Big brother? Can I sleep with you?"
Lovino sighed. "Alright but just tonight, ok?"
"Ok!"