I would like to apologize. It has been crazy; I've been sick, there's been snow, I've been back-stabbed... I'll just leave this here for your enjoyment. Please review :)

Merlin looked so pale. With the color gone from his face, the manservant-slash-sorcerer seemed to be a sleeping child on his deathbed. The thought did nothing to comfort Arthur. Gently, he brushed Merlin's plastered hair away from his eyes. His fingers didn't feel the heat of a fever. At least there was that.

"Please wake up," Arthur whispered.

It had been nearly an hour since John Smith had gotten Arthur out of that gods-awful interrogation and finally into the room where Merlin was.

"Um, who are you?"

Arthur looked up, startled. Standing in the doorway was the strangest woman he'd ever see: long, unruly ebony hair; fierce, blue eyes; tall, thin frame; creamy, unblemished skin; and ears that were just big enough to peek out from her hair. The woman was oddly beautiful, in an ethereal, confusing way.

Not to mention, she looked so much like Merlin that Arthur could only stare, mouth agape.

The woman cleared her throat. "I said, who are you? And why are you wearing that ridiculous outfit?"

Arthur wrinkled his brow, rousing from his stupor. He stood up. "Ridiculous? Says the woman wearing…wearing… What on earth are you wearing?"

"I just so happened to come from a dance class, you prat," the woman said, putting her hands on her hips. Her tone was so much like Merlin's Arthur gapped again. "See? Legwarmers, tights, ballet skirt, leotard."

Arthur did see. He saw too much. She really needed to cover up her bosom.

"Now I won't ask again, who are you?"

"I, uh… Who are you?" Arthur had never felt this flustered before in his entire life. He hated it.

The woman crossed her arms. "Okay, I'll play this game." Walking up to Arthur, she stuck her hand out and said, "Pygmy Emrys; prima ballerina and Merlin, that bloke's," she nodded toward the unconscious form, "Twin sister. I'd say pleasure to make your acquaintance, but it hasn't been yet."

Twin sister? Just how many secrets did Merlin have?

"Arthur Pendragon," Arthur took her hand and shook it firmly. "Crown, uh, Crown Prince of Camelot and," he faltered under Pygmy's calculating stare. "And, I'm a, um, I'm Merlin's…

Pygmy raised her eyebrows, dipping and tilting her head impatiently. It was as if she were saying, "Spit it out already."

"…Boyfriend?" Arthur finished lamely, rubbing the back of his neck.

Pygmy squinted, looking bewildered. "You don't sound sure," she said slowly, her voice softening as she looked Arthur up and down.

"I…" Arthur flushed. "I don't really know what it means. I'm assuming it doesn't mean 'friend who's male', right?"

A mischievous glint formed in Pygmy's eyes, one Arthur had often found in Morgana's eyes when they were young children and she knew something he didn't.

"Oh, no," she all but cooed. "That's exactly what it means." Her eyes flicked up and down his frame. "You're strange, Arthur Pendragon, but I like you. Coffee?"

"Um, sure?" Arthur had absolutely no idea regarding what just happened. But there was no way in hell he was going to question it. He cautiously took the container in Pygmy's hand, sipping the black liquid slowly. It was much better with the sugar and cream Pygmy brought as well.

"So tell me, when is my brother due to wake up?" she asked, stirring the contents of her coffee together. Arthur mimicked her motions and found the coffee to be even more delightful.

"The men in white clothes–"

With a raised eyebrow, Pygmy interrupted, "You man the paramedics?"

"Er, yes." Arthur repeated the word in his mind, trying to remember it. "The…paramedics," he glanced quickly at Pygmy to make sure he pronounced it right before slowly trudging on, "…said that Merlin was in a, um, medically induced coma that 'should last a few days because both the blood loss and the poison made his body very weak.'"

"Blood loss and poison?" Pygmy repeated. "What the hell were you two doing?"

Hesitantly, Arthur informed, "We… We were running from a, uh…a sorcerer, who shot Merlin with a poisoned arrow, trapped us in a stone maze, and then proceeded to send us…here." Arthur glanced around at the white walls, finding neither solace nor danger in them.

"You were running from a…?" Pygmy gasped and jumped to her feet. "Oh my God! Oh my God!"

Arthur stared at her with wide eyes, trying to inch away from her sudden and exuberant exclamation.

"You're… You're Arthur! The Arthur! Aren't you?"

"I… What?"

"Oh my God! Merlin always said you were real. Whole reason he wanted to be a Time Agent, you know?"

"Um, no, I don't know…?"

Pygmy ignored him. "He's been gone for a year! A whole year with you!" She turned to face him, a smile so big and bright and Merlin.

Arthur swallowed uncomfortably. "He's…been with me a lot longer than that."

"Oh?" Pygmy scowled. "And he didn't send me any letters. How rude." Then she grinned and Arthur found himself thinking that Merlin was nowhere near as strange as this woman. "Let's wake him up a little early, shall we?"

"Uh, h-how do you propose to do that?" Arthur asked, watching as Pygmy closed the open door.

Somehow, Pygmy's grin widened. "Magic, of course!"

"Ma… You have it too?"

A small golden orb formed in the palm of her hands; it reminded Arthur of the blue one that guided him out of the cave safely all those years ago. Which was technically many more years ago now, wasn't it? And, oh gods, that blue orb was Merlin's creation, wasn't it? Arthur was starting to have a headache.

"Merlin didn't tell you?" Slowly, Pygmy pressed the palm of her hand to Merlin's chest, where his heart lay. Merlin made no show of the orb affecting him, but when Pygmy removed her hands, there wasn't a trace of the golden orb. "Our father, Balinor, was a Dragonlord. There's no dragons left on earth for us to bond with, but we still get the magic part of it."

"D-Dragonlord?" Arthur exclaimed softly. Even more secretes! Wait… "Balinor? No, that's… No, he was with us… Back in the…"

Pygmy looked thoughtful while Arthur struggled with his words.

"Well, he was a Time Agent too. He told us he'd start in the past, searching for his home planet, Kaida. I guess he must've gotten stuck."

Arthur blinked. "Kaida?" he asked.

"Yep! Kaida, planet of the dragons!" Pygmy laughed. "Merlin and I are half human, half ancient alien spices that can do magic. Can you believe that? Well, it's not really magic, you know." Pygmy continued talking as if Arthur's world wasn't being contortioned into one big, deafening question, "It's technically science. Our brains are just wired differently than a normal human's brain, so we can do all sorts of cool tricks."

The bright smile melted once Pygmy saw Arthur's face. "Arthur? Are you alright?"

"No," Arthur breathed. He sat back down, nearly missing the chair. "I… I really don't… No."

Understanding dawned on Pygmy's face. "Oh," she said in horror. "Merlin never… He never told you any of this, did he?"

Arthur shook his head slightly. It felt both incredibly heavy and incredibly light; a paradox he never figured could exists in the same sensation. Arthur was almost certain than just one more piece of information and Arthur's head would simply explode.

For once, Pygmy was silent.

"Merlin… He should wake up in a few hours' time," she said quietly after a few moments. "He won't be in a state for explaining, but it'll be a start." When Arthur nodded, she continued, "You know, I bet that armor is getting a little uncomfortable. Why don't I buy you some proper, forty-third century clothes, okay?"

Numbly, Arthur nodded his head. "Okay."

x~X~x

"This place is massive!" Arthur exclaimed in shock. He turned to Pygmy incredulously. "And there's dozens of these?"

"Millions," Pygmy corrected with a grin.

Arthur's eyes widened slightly as he turned to look at the building again. Getting here had been mind boggling – no horses, only the strange, hovering box carriage things. ("Cars, Arthur.") And according to Pygmy, there were even faster transportations called trains, airplanes, and space ships. ("I'd like to go on one." "In due time, Arthur.")

Walking into the shopping mall, Arthur's jaw dropped. Rows upon rows upon rows of clothing! How was he supposed to pick?

"We've got five hours," Pygmy informed him. "Let's get started."

"Where do we start?" Arthur asked, slightly dazed.

Pygmy laughed. "Probably in the men's section."

Arthur nodded distractedly, his wide eyes still trying to take everything in. "Sounds good."

Pygmy laughed again, grabbed Arthur's hand, and ran the rest of the way into the store. (Thank gods they left Arthur's chainmail in the hospital room; although the "scrubs" were much too thin for Arthur's tastes.)

"First stop, underwear," Pygmy announced, spreading her arms.

"Oh," Arthur blushed deeply. It wasn't too difficult to understand what garments these were supposed to be, especially since there were pictures. "I…"

"Aww! Look at the blushing beauty," Pygmy teased, nudging Arthur's shoulder with her own.

"I am no blushing beauty!" Arthur protested indigently, which would've worked had his entire face not been as red as Dr. Quinn's lips.

Pygmy patted Arthur's shoulder. "It's okay, I've shopped with my brother for underwear loads of times."

"That seems highly personal," Arthur commented glancing awkwardly at the rows of underwear.

"It's no big deal, really," Pygmy shrugged. "Okay, so boxers or briefs or both?"

Arthur stared blankly. "I'm getting tired of saying this, but I have no idea what you mean."

"Oh, right." Pygmy regarded him carefully.

Arthur was about to ask if everything was okay when her eyes moved down. She was staring at his… Right at his… Arthur resisted the strong temptation to cover himself.

"Definitely boxer briefs," she said, winking – which meant something, Arthur's sure, he just has no idea what.

Arthur left the underwear section with a red face, a bag of black socks, a bag of plain boxer-briefs, and a black pair of boxer-briefs with pictures of blue pointy hats and golden stars. They made no sense to Arthur, but Pygmy found it highly entertaining.

To make matters even more embarrassing, Arthur realized he'd never be able to pay Pygmy back.

"Seriously, it's no big deal," she said, which only made Arthur more distressed.

He was the Crown Prince! Letting others buy him basic necessities made Arthur feel as though he was using them. And since he couldn't even hope to pay Pygmy back… When Pygmy informed Arthur that she wasn't doing this because he was a prince, but because he was Merlin's friend, it made him feel marginally better.

At least the rest of the trip wasn't quite so awkward.

Arthur got a pair of khaki shorts and three "jeans" – black, dark blue, and dark blue with rips in it, which Arthur refused to even try on at first because they were "tattered" and only peasants wear ripped clothing. Pygmy had smacked his head at that and told him if he didn't try them on right this second, she would magic them on right then and there. (Arthur couldn't help thinking Merlin would be proud of his sister.)

Next, Arthur got shirts, which were much easier to pick out. Four were plain colors (red, blue, black, and dark green), one was a red "collared" shirt, and the final one was a white shirt with a red and orange flaming dragon at the shoulder. He really liked that one.

Shoes were the quickest to buy. Pygmy bought Arthur a pair of black/white/red "Nike" sneakers.

"You hungry?" she asked when the shoes were paid for.

"Starving," Arthur answered, placing a hand on his stomach.

Pygmy nodded. "Perfect. Let's go to the food court."

As they walked, Arthur gathered the courage to ask, "Pygmy? Why is your name, well, Pygmy?"

Laughing, the girl shook her head. "I was wondering when you'll ask that. My mother loves birds of prey, she's completely barmy about them. We have a younger brother named Bateleur. He's three years young than us," Pygmy paused. "Me. Three years younger than me. He's seventeen."

"Does he look like you two?"

"No," Pygmy shook her head. "He looks more like our mum. He's still tall, mind you, our mother towers practically everyone, but he's a bit chubbier, though he'll argue more muscular," Pygmy rolled her eyes. "His eyes are brown and his hair is much more manageable."

"Lucky him," Arthur laughed, remembering a particularly amusing camping trip in which Merlin's hair spiked into a thousand different directions upon waking.

"Yeah, he's always rubbing it in our faces, the little wanker," Pygmy said grinning. "What are you in the mood for?"

Arthur looked around. The smell wasn't unpleasant, unlike his first two experiences with the future, but there were too many lights and too many signs that Arthur just shook his head. "No idea," he answered honestly. "You choose."

Pygmy hummed. "Okay, let's have Chinese. It's funny, most Brits love Thai, but me, can't stand it. Don't know why, since it's Chinese and Thai are really similar, but I just can't stand Thai."

"…Okay," Arthur said slowly, not understanding a word she said. Pygmy simply laughed again.

When they were sitting down, food in hand, Pygmy noticed Arthur's darting eyes.

"It's the aliens, isn't it?" she asked lowly.

Arthur nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

"They won't hurt you, I promise."

To Arthur, that didn't mean much. "I was taught that different was bad," Arthur explained quietly. "And it's weird having to adjust, knowing that I'll just be leaving again once Merlin's feeling better."

"It's a whole new world," Pygmy said. "Don't try to understand it all in one day."

Nodding again, Arthur began digging into his food. He had two Spring Rolls and some Chicken Low Mein. It was different, but quite delicious. Just before Arthur could ask Pygmy what she had, because it looked good too, someone else joined their company.

"Oh my God! Pygmy!" A blue-skinned girl threw herself onto Pygmy, nearly knocking them off the chair. "It's been so long! How've you been?"

Struggling to retain her balance, Pygmy began, "Oh, I'm pretty g–"

She was cut off when the blue-skinned girl pulled her into a kiss. Try as he might, Arthur couldn't stop himself from gaping.

"Nirina!" Pygmy gasped, pushing the girl away. She whipped at her mouth. "What the hell do you think you're doing? We broke up!"

"Yes, but I was hoping we could rebound again," Nirina (seriously, where are these ridiculous names coming from?) pouted. Then she noticed Arthur, her flighty demeanor morphing into one more serious and edgy. "Oh. Are you… With him?"

Pygmy crossed her arms and frowned. "If I said yes would you still try to kiss me?"

Nirnia rolled her eyes, smiling widely at Pygmy. "Of course I'll still kiss you, dear!" She started leaning in again.

Putting her hand up, Pygmy sighed, clearly disgusted. "Nirina, we broke up for a reason. That rebound was a one-time thing, and it's not going to happen ever again."

Nirina glared at Arthur, humphed, and turned on her heel.

"Sorry about that," Pygmy said sheepishly once the girl melted into the crowd.

"Oh, it's… Fine." Arthur stammered.

With a tilt of her head, Pygmy realized, "You… You don't know much about sexuality, do you?"

Arthur blustered his way through an attempted answer, giving up quickly. His silence was answer enough.

"Well then," cracking her knuckled, Pygmy continued, her eyes glittering with something intense and passionate, and it terrified Arthur slightly, "Get ready for a hell of a lot of information as I introduce to you the wonderful world of pansexuals, bisexuals, heterosexuals, homosexuals, and the ever loving asexuals."

Arthur blinked. "Um, what?"

Grinning widely, she said, "Looks like I got my work cut out for me!"