Torchwood season 4 (Miracle Day) has/will not happen in this AU.
I'm not used to writing Jack, and he seems a bit OOC here, but please forgive me! Here, have some cookies and my tears (::) (::) TT-TT
Oculoplania: (n.) letting your eyes wonder in order to asses someone's "charms"
Arthur snatched his hand back and wiped it off on his shirt. He's used to people bowing at him and kissing his hand, but they never undressed him with their eyes before – at least, not with the unabashed intensity that this Captain had been doing. The women were coyer with their oculoplania while the men were few and far between.
"And you know Merlin how?" he asked rudely, using his voice generally reserved for when Camelot's thrown room contained visitors that Arthur despised.
Captain Jack Harkness shrugged, still grinning despite watching Arthur whip his hand. "We went on a few adventures back when he was a wee little lad."
"I was fifteen, Jack," Merlin protested. "And you couldn't take a hint."
"Oh, I could. Still can. Just chose to ignore it," Jack said flippantly, ruffling Merlin's hair.
"Oi!" Merlin grumbled, his hands slapping Jack's away and beginning a feeble attempt at fixing the unfixable mess that was his hair.
Under his breath, but just loud enough to hear, Jack murmured, "So adorable," and gave Merlin an exaggerated wink.
"Oh, fuck off," Merlin muttered, glaring in that way Arthur knew to mean there was no real heat behind Merlin's words. Everything was just friendly banter.
Arthur glowered and resisted the urge to punch Jack; this familiarity he had with Merlin, Arthur's Merlin, should not be allowed.
"Have you seen the Doctor since he regenerated?" Merlin asked Jack with such genuine causality that Arthur received a kink in his neck from swinging his head towards Merlin too quickly. Regenerated?
Jack's face turned sad. "No," he said. "Have you?"
Merlin nodded. "Just once. He wears bowties now."
"Bowties?" Jack repeated with disdain. "Really?"
"Bowties are cool," Merlin smirked.
"I have no idea what that means," Arthur said, feeling lost and alone for the first time since Merlin woke up.
Merlin, for his part, looked chagrined. "Oh, it's… Just something the Doctor would say. Like a catchphrase."
"The Doctor?" Something clicked in Arthur's mind. "Was that… Was that my lawyer person from yesterday?"
"I think so," Merlin answered, smiling. "He does owe me a few favors."
"Yeah, he mentioned that." Arthur thought back to the strange man and promptly decided he was going to find out how exactly he and Merlin knew each other.
The door opened once again, but this time in a much calmer manner. When it wasn't Pygmy who walked through the door, Arthur couldn't help his disappointment.
"Mr. Emrys," Dr. Quinn said formally, ignoring Jack, who was eyeing her much in the same way he had been eying Arthur. "You have a clean bill of health and have been cleared. Once your sister returns and signs some paperwork, you're free to go."
"Really? Great!" Merlin grinned.
Dr. Quinn didn't leave. She looked at Merlin coolly as she informed him, in a way that was frightfully similar to the old Morgana, the one that hadn't betrayed Camelot yet, "No strenuous activity for at least two weeks, drink only pure water, and don't be alarmed if you feel suddenly tired periodically throughout the day."
"Yes ma'am," Merlin said, briefly placing two fingers on his forehead before snapping his arm out.
Rolling her eyes, Dr. Quinn said, "Don't take this the wrong way, Mr. Emrys, but I hope to never see you or your boyfriend ever again. Good day." She left, the click-clack sound of her uncomfortable shoes filling the silence.
"Boyfriend?" Merlin repeated once Dr. Quinn had shut the door. He looked up to Arthur in confusion, "What is she talking about?"
"Erm," Arthur rubbed the back of his neck. "That's what the cat lady called you–"
"What cat lady?" Merlin interrupted.
Arthur looked at Merlin hopelessly. "I don't know. She was there when we, uh," he spared a glance at Jack, wondering how much he should divulge, "Arrived. She called herself a nurse or something."
"Ah, you mean one of the Sisters of Plentitude," Jack said.
Merlin nodded, "Oh, okay, I understand now."
I don't, Arthur thought, but decided to keep that to himself.
"Um, yes. That. Anyway, she called you that and, well, I wasn't sure what it meant so I just agreed." Arthur really wasn't liking how amused Merlin and Jack were looking. "And when I asked your sister about it, because it seemed to be much more than just having a male friend, she said that it really was just a male friend…" Arthur paused and licked his lips uncertainly. "But it's not…is it?"
"No." Merlin was trying to contain his laughter, but it shone brightly behind his eyes. "It isn't."
Jack had no qualms about concealing his amused; he laughed heartily. "Where did you pick him up, Merlin? I like him!"
"That's what Pygmy said too," Arthur muttered under his breath, once again wishing he could exchange Jack's unsettling presence for Pygmy's queer persona.
"Pygmy? Oh! Pygmy!" Jack's smile broadened and he looked around. "Mini me! Where is that girl anyway?"
Arthur felt offended on behalf of the absent woman. "Pygmy is nothing like a miniature version of you."
"Oh, sure she is," Jack shrugged, not seeming deterred in the slightest.
"No, she's not," Arthur insisted.
Jack laughed again, as if this was all fun and games for him rather than the serious business of defending someone's honor! "Okay, fine. Want some examples then? We'll both sleep with anything that walks and we both undressed you with our eyes."
"Jack," Merlin hissed, eyes narrowing in disapproval.
Arthur just blushed, remembering how Pygmy decided "boxer briefs" were the best underwear for him. Still, Arthur refused to accept that Pygmy had any other similarities with Jack. The man was too crude and lewd and all those other synonymous words than Pygmy was.
Sort of.
Because she did stare at Arthur's…
And there was the incident with that blue girl…
…
Dammit.
Pygmy might not be the same intensity as Jack…but she was lewd.
The silence that ensued was awkward. Arthur refused to look at either man in the eye –the blank walls were suddenly very interesting– as he begun to realize that, just like Merlin, Pygmy wasn't exactly the purest character in mouth or mind.
Several minutes later, when he was trying to count the amount of white squares that made up the walls, Arthur heard Merlin, gods bless that idiot, make a feeble attempt to change the subject.
"So, um… Hey, Jack, last I heard you were, uh, stuck in the twenty-first century."
Arthur felt Jack's eyes move away from his frame and thanked all the gods for it.
"Where'd you hear that?"
"Oh, a little bird told me," Merlin said sarcastically. "Where do you think?"
Jack sighed. "Yeah, I was stuck there. But then…"
As Jack trailed off, Arthur saw something he never thought he'd see on the man's face, despite only knowing him for barely ten minutes. It was shame. Shame and agony.
"Things happened," Jack explained, his voice strained. "My friend, Yanto, he…"
Arthur felt genuine sorrow, an emotion that you wouldn't think to associate with the likes of Jack; not simply because the man doesn't warrant sorrow, unlike how he warrants annoyance, but because this Captain Jack Harkness has the attitude of a man who doesn't let anything ruin him. In a strange way, he reminded Arthur of Gwaine, and even Gwaine cannot remain happy and carefree for eternity. Jack has seen death, Arthur knew. Once one has seen it, especially the death of people close to you, it's easy to locate people who have suffered the same. Whoever this Yanto man was, he was very dear to Jack.
Without completing his sentence, Jack finished, "I jumped into the Rift and ended up here. Well, actually," he clarified, "I ended up here about a century ago. I've just been hiding in the shadows for the last hundred years or so."
"Hundred years?" Arthur looked the man up and down. "You don't look a hundred years old."
Jack shrugged, "Long story."
"There seems to be an onset of Long Stories." Arthur glanced at Merlin, who shrugged sheepishly.
Something on Jack's wrist beeped. "Oh! I've got to go," he said, stopping the beeping with his thumb. "I'll see you two around," he winked.
"He's stranger than Gwaine," Arthur decided once the man disappeared.
"Oh, you've no idea," Merlin laughed. There was something off about it though.
Arthur frowned and turned to Merlin. "You okay?"
"Fine," Merlin said, sounding much more tired than he'd been a few minutes ago.
"I guess this is what Dr. Quinn meant," Arthur mused. He smoothed out Merlin's hair. "Go to sleep."
Merlin frowned. "Stop touching my hair," he muttered. "I don't like it."
"Uh huh," Arthur said, purposefully ruffling Merlin's hair once again. "Just go to sleep, idiot."