I never thought this little idea would get so much love! Thank you to all who have favored and followed me.
I'm sat in a blanket with a cup of tea (English breakfast tea- thanks Ana!) and a mind set to write… So lets move this along a bit and see how the Grey's are coping with their loss.
Chapter 3: First Touch
His eyes stared straight into my soul. Not with lust but with revenge. I had the urge to run, to flee. I was scared. He licked his lips and just as he was about to let of his torturous scream I opened my eyes.
I am panting. I could feel the sweat spreading all over my body. What on earth was that? I've never had a nightmare like that before.
I rolled over- it's 3.30am and Christian isn't besides me. Where is he? I grab the sheet and wrap it around myself searching for my lost boy.
I couldn't hear the soft melancholy tunes of the piano, so that option was out. His study was dark and had no signs of life. I looked in each room but couldn't see his gray eyes, the library, the games room – no, he wasn't there.
Only one room left to check and I could see the dimmed light underneath the door. The playroom. I took a deep breath and opened the door slowly. I popped my head around and saw Christian sat on the bed staring into space. I closed the door behind me and the light noise of the closing awoke him from his daydream.
"Hi" I spoke softly.
"Hi" he responded. His eyes were small. Tired.
"I couldn't find you. What are you doing in here?" I looked at him and angled my head slightly, like he does to me. Oh my poor fifty.
"I couldn't sleep. I found myself in here". Oh!
I walked over and sat next to him on the bed. It's been too long since we were intimate. I craved him – I did. I don't think we have ever gone this long without sex. I miss his touch. I take a deep breath. I remind myself of where we both have come from. Where he has come from. I place my hand on his cheek and pull his head towards me so our eyes meet.
I look deep inside his soul searching for some meaning but I know what he wants. Don't I want it too?
"Ana… you don't have too" he replies knowing me too well.
But shouldn't I try? All those times he tried for me. Bearing my touch when he couldn't stand the thought. I'm too fucking strong to let this affect my marriage right? I break contact and close my eyes. Come on Ana, man the fuck up. When I open them again I can feel the lust lazer through them into his.
I moved my face closer so our lips finally touch. Oh this is home. I feel his breath hitch and his hands are on both sides of my face- holding me.
Oh this is what I want. I have missed him. Our tongues intrude each others mouths and I start panting. All this pain, all this loss and frustration was being poured out of me- this would be the release.
Christian breaks our kiss and now searches my eye for answers. He's nervous- not wanting to push me. I smiled back at him and did something I haven't done in a while. I bite my lip.
I saw Christian close his eyes and I heard the soft groan in this throat. Oh, it's good to know I still have this effect on him after everything.
"Ana are you sure?"
"Christian. Please – Just love me"
"Not in here" and he grabs me wrapped in the sheets and carries me back to our bedroom.
Christian pushes the sheets off of me so I'm left with nothing but his t-shirt on. He places a kiss on my forehead and pulls me to the top of the bed. I'm laying underneath him and I feel this love and emotion flow through him into me. I love this man.
He trails kisses from my eyelids down to my neck. I'm squirming slightly with anticipation. Each kiss feels like a live wire connected to my groin. He sits me up and takes his t-shirt off of me exposing my breasts. He looks at me hungrily. I'm cautious but I never once take my eyes off of his.
Christian starts to trail kisses from my neck down to my breasts. He sucks and bites them full well knowing the destruction it's to doing to me inside. I moan frantically. Oh it's been too long.
He makes his way south. Kissing my stomach doing so. I feel instant pain, not real but mentally and tears spring to my eyes. I try to push these feelings aside. Why is it so fucking hard to let someone – someone who loves me so much, touch my stomach?
You know why Ana, you full well why.
I silently cry and continue to let Christian kiss me but he stops and looks at me. His eyes full with worry and hurt.
"No, please don't stop." I sniffle out. Like him, I have to just push on through. It helped Christian and it will help me.
He sighs not really knowing where to comply with me.
"Please" and he places his lips back on my stomach. I let out as sob but he continues on. I'm sorry little baby. I couldn't protect you but just know you are loved. I will think about you everyday. You were a shock but I wanted you, we could have all grown up together- but for now.. It's goodbye little blip. One day I'll meet you.
Christian still on my stomach starts to travel a little south. I start to sit back up and he halts.
"I'm sorry. I know it's been tough on you too. I've been too distant. We are in this together. I want you to know that I love you". His answering smile is breath taking and even in all this shit I've brought with me for the past week, everyday this man has been there for me. We are two souls combined, being each others band aid when we are both in need.
"I love you too, Ana. Don't apologise. I just want my wife back, all of her".
We begin to kiss again but this time it was more. I grab fists of Christian's hair as his hands are all over me too. Oh yes, all this shit, all this anxiousness has drowned itself and I can feel myself just wanting to be wrapped in my Christian.
I turn myself slightly then push Christian down onto the bed, his eyes wide with lust. It's my turn to show him that we are okay. I lean down- like he does me- start to kiss from his neck down. I kiss each scar that I have done so many times before. I kiss every inch of his front, working my way down to the pot of gold. My whole body had awoken and I feel alive, alive with love and lust combined. It was no one else for this moment – just him and I. I focus on my goal and start to kiss just above his pubic area. He groans and I know that he can't wait for me to place my mouth around him- and neither can I.
I grab him and start to suck. Oh he tastes so good. I can hear each moan escape his mouth and it instantly channels to my inner subconsciousness. She throws off her clothes, jumping up and down with joy. About time Grey she shouts.
I continue torturing and sucking until it's apparently too much. Christian grabs my face and pulls me back up towards him.
"Oh, I've missed you Anastasia" and plants a kiss on my mouth and I full well know he can taste himself.
I adjust myself and lower my body onto his erection. I tilt my head back and feel him. Oh this is what I have been missing. He feels heavenly and I know we are going to be alright. Christian grabs my hips and starts to move me. Slow he mouths and I take him all in.
"OH ANA!" he shouts and I know that he's been wanting this too. Nothing beats good old vanilla.
We start to pick up out rhythm- and we are so in tune, two bodies together as one. I can feel myself building and I know I'm close.
"come on Ana, let go. For me baby" and his words tip me over the edge and I orgasm shakily around him.
"Ah" I moan and he releases himself into me.
I lay flat on his chest, panting hard from our intense love making. I look up at him and he is smiling down at me.
"Are you okay?" he asks me.
"Yes. I've missed you.. I've missed this" and he kisses my forehead.
"We are seeing Flynn later today. Are you still up for that?" his tone wary.
Am I? I don't know. I mean maybe Dr Flynn could help with the nightmares. The weird recoil to touch- but I think I know the answer to that anyway. I think it over but it will make Christian happy.
"I think so. I'm a nervous" I answer honestly.
"Don't be. It's just a discussion Ana. I'll be there. I just want to help you baby". OH, he wants to sit in? Can I tell him these thoughts I've been having recently? That I have been feeling so worthless, useless and empty. What if he feels that it's all down to him. My fifty will always try and blame himself when utterly, it was all me.
I should've kept track of my shots, I should've told him about Mia, and I shouldn't have run to that evil bastard Jack Hyde. Maybe I could have saved some of this pain and upset I'm feeling now. But I know if I told anyone about Jack, then Mia would have been in even more danger. We couldn't lose Mia. But you lost your baby my subconscious thought and I wanted to swing for her. I made that sacrifice. I made the decision. It's on my shoulders not anyone elses.
I lay my head back down and look at the clock, 5am. That time went by so fast. I close my eyes and drift back off to sleep, dreaming of my copper haired little boy.
"Ana, Ana" I feel someone rocking me ever so slightly. I rub my eyes and stare up and see Christian. He's dressed in a suit and tie. He looks delightful.
"Time to get ready baby, the appointment with Flynn is in 2 hours". Oh? I slept for a lot longer than I had planned.
I got out of bed and had the hottest shower it would allow and then proceeded to get dressed. I threw on Jeans, a black t-shirt and paired them with my black converse. I also accompanied them with my navy hoodie, I wasn't feeling dressing like the girl who's married to a billionaire today.
I walked into the kitchen and on the side was a cup of tea – Breakfast tea – and a salmon salad with new potatoes. I was confused to why it wasn't breakfast but then I realised it was 4pm and I really just needed to eat.
I sat down and started to dig in and then I was joined by my husband. He had his iPad in his hands and was doing something on there whilst I ate – it's a hard life running the world you know.
"Taylor will collect us at 4.30" Christian mentioned. I nodded in response. God I was just so nervous.
Time was not on my side and it went by too fast. The next thing I knew was that I was in the car getting driven to Dr Flynn's practice. Ugh why did I have to agree to this?
His offices are just like I remembered. Ah, the last time I was here was when I was trying to get some answers about my forthcoming husband. It's strange how the tables have turned and now we are hear trying to get answers from my head – not Christian's. I sigh.
Christian rubs his thumb across my knuckles. I never before realised how many time's he has done that. Always caring for me my fifty.
We sit in the open seated area waiting for Flynn. I can feel my stomach becoming knots and I just really want to to turn to Christian and say, can we go? But I know I need this.
"Christian" Flynn greets us and shakes Christian's hand and then kisses me on the cheek. We are ushered into his office and Christian and I sit down on the brown leather couch.
"So Christian, what can I do for you?" Flynn asks. Oh, he didn't tell him that it's for me. I frown a little.
"Actually John, this time. It's for Anastasia" and Dr Flynn looks at me. Questioning what on earth is wrong with me.
"Anastasia, how can I help you?" I turn to look at Christian but I can't open my mouth.
"How about if I talk to Anastasia- alone?" and Christian frowns. Every time we come here with me he now gets kicked out of the session. I know he wants to know what's going on in my head too.
"Fine" he grumpily says and leaves the room. Sorry Christian.
"Right, Anastasia, What can I help you with?" and I still can't find my voice. I close my eyes and dig deep.