Hello everyone, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas! I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has decided to favourite or follow this story. I know this subject is a little tetchy but I'll try to do it justice. I do some what find it hard to write as Ana, as she's now become the character we all know and love (Even more so with the films) and I hope I can portray her as good as needed. So, where were we Flynn?… ( Small rushed chapter. I just wanted to upload.)

Chapter 4: Confessions of a Moguls Wife

Flynn studied my face carefully, searching for answers that my mouth won't give.
"Anastasia, for me to understand and help you. I will need you to tell me how you feel. Everything you say is confidential and Christian has obviously brought you here for a reason, although I do know how he can overreact".
I blink. Why do I have be such a coward when it comes to expressing myself? Christian isn't in the room, so why can't I open up and get all this hurt off of my chest?
"I feel numb" I squeak out and I'm sure that this sentence is now becoming my new catch phrase.
"Start from the beginning Ana, when did you start feeling this way?".
I have all these feelings in my head but I don't know where to begin. Surely he knows about the baby? Christian would have caught him up on that much right?
I toy with my fingers and I have this massive rush of anxiety. I can feel my breathing getting faster and I don't want to be here. I'm too uncomfortable.
"Ana?" Flynn pushes me to talk but I really don't want to. This isn't going to help me. Yes, I need closure but talking to Flynn who probably knows more about my sex life that necessary is not going to do anything. I want to do this my way, and in my own time.
"I can't" and I get up and practically run out of the office. Tears stream down my face and I run straight pass a confused and shocked Christian out of the building.
"Ana!" Christian calls but I ignore him. I walk straight pass the car ignoring Taylor, I just keep walking. For a second I wondered why my husband was not on my trail or even Taylor – but I was alone and it felt good. I walked further and then down this ally way. I had no clue where I were but I found myself in this park and sat on a swing. It was getting dark and I felt the cool air swirl around my hair, pushing it into my face. It felt lovely. Christian wasn't with me and I knew he was going to be worried. I grab my cell phone from my pocket and notice it was on silent from my appointment, I have 14 missed calls. Oh? And they are all from him. I want to ring him but apart of me knows he is going to be furious with me. I man up and ring his number.
On the second ring he answers.
"Ana, where are you? Tell me now" and he is angry. Surprise.
"I'm not sure. I'm in a park. Not far from Flynn.. I don't think" I whispered out.
"Stay there, I'm coming to get you" and he hung up on me. Great, Mr Fifty was back and I knew that his hand would want to twitch when he's found me.
I sit on the swing doing as I am told, I start to think about all this shit and realise I am a fucking mess. I'm not trying to be this drama queen or make life much harder than what it is, but everything has happened so darn fast.
My sex life – well, I am more experienced than I could ever have imagined. I never thought that I would be involved in such things.
Christian's past – never in my world did I imagine that I would have this amount of shit on my shoulders when I stumbled in to his office that one sunny day.
Marriage – and since when did I say I were going to be married at my age? I am the wife of one of the most wealthiest men in America.
Then there is the baby – I knew I was not ready to have kids, of course someday but not this soon after becoming Mrs Grey, and for sure I knew Christian definitely was not ready. But that does not meant this hurt any less. The pain is still real and I still feel empty. I know this will take time and I tell myself this everyday but I'm so fed up with being this mopey, emotionally unstable woman at the minute, it's putting strain on everything – specially the man I love and we have both been through too much shit to let me affect us like this right?
I get dragged out of my thoughts when two headlights appear in the parking lot next to the park and I know already that it's Christian.
I see him walk out of the car, doing up his suit jacket as he does so and walks over to me. His face is calm yet I can see relief in his eyes.
He sits on the swing next to me and for a moment I want to laugh. Christian Grey is sat on a child swing and yet, he still looks divine.
I peer over to him slightly. He is staring straight ahead. Shit, he's mad.
"I'm sorry". I have said this too many times since I've been with him.
"Anastasia, I am so mad. I didn't know where you went. I had Taylor go to walk after you but you had disappeared from sight. Flynn was confused to why you walked out."

He turned to face me but he was not showing anger, he was showing love.
"You had me worried. I am worried. I don't know what to do. I've never had anyone be like this with me before. I've never dealt with all these new feelings. I lost a child too, Ana. Whether it was a shock or not. He was still apart of me and I may have no heart".

I want to roll my eyes but I stop myself from doing so.
"But it doesn't mean I don't feel these emotions too. And then you. You are so distant from me. You won't communicate and tell me how you feel. I want to be there for you, I want you to need me. But you shut yourself down and won't tell me. So I decided maybe Flynn can help. He's one of the best and yet, even with Flynn you couldn't express yourself. Ana, please – I love you so much, but I need to know, I want to know – let me help you. I can't go on seeing you like this".
That was the most he has spoken to me in since we've been home from hospital. Then it really hits me in the face of how much I am hurting him and that's not what I ever want to do. I place my hand across so I gently caress his cheek. His beard is starting to grow and I can feel the slight tickle of his hair on my palm.
"Okay" and our eyes meet. So I decided to do as I heard earlier and start from the beginning.
Still both swinging gently on these swings, I decided to open these walls I had built up these past few weeks and let him in.

"When Dr Crowe told me.. about the baby. I didn't even think that was going to happen when I woke up. I opened my eyes and saw you and I was happy. I knew I'd made it out alive from Jack and I knew we were going to he okay. I felt so much love Christian, even with the not so warm welcome from you"

Christian grimaced at the thought.
"I wanted us to be a family and grow up together. I always imagined a little boy with gray eyes and copper hair. Even though I'd only found out a few days before – the images flooded my mind and I was honestly and truly happy.
But then that happiness got ripped away from me all because I was stupid. I knew the risk I were taking when going to Jack but I couldn't let them hurt Mia. I remember the kick but I didn't think it would have resulted in this. I feel useless and empty. I was supposed to protect this little being inside of me but I failed.
I wanted to just hide away for days because I felt lost and ashamed that I had been so reckless. When you placed your hand on my belly, the feeling that came along with it shocked me. I wanted to recoil from your touch. Not because I don't love you but because of where it was. You were placing your hand where the baby was and it felt painful. That little heart that was once beating underneath wasn't there anymore and I couldn't stand the upset and guilt that came along with each touch".
Christian was listening to me intently, I never realised I could talk this much, especially about this however I could feel little bits of relief falling from my shoulders. I needed to get this off of my chest and the only person that could help me was Christian.
"I wanted to tell you. I did but I never felt okay to do so. I was scared. Scared of your reaction. Scared of facing all this sadness. But I know I should have told you. You've told me so much and let me in and I should have done the same to you. I love you Christian and I loved our baby too".
I look again at my fingers and I feel this nervous feeling. Christian tucks some loose strands of hair behind my ear and then stands up. He looks at me and he is just so breathtaking. Christian held out his hand and I place mine in his. We both said nothing. We didn't need to. We walked back to the car and drove back home, both in silence. He didn't respond to what I confessed but he didn't need to. I know he's processing thoughts in his head. He's right, this is all new to him and I should have thought about that. I take a deep breath and feel.. better.
When back home I go to walk to the kitchen but Christian pulls me towards the bedroom. I am confused why but I comply.
He leads me to the bed and gestures his hand. I take off my shoes and lay on the bed as he does the same. Our faces are in front of each other and his eyes are staring straight in to my soul.
"Thank you". Christian finally talks.
I smile and hold his hand. He places a kiss on my forehead and I know we are going to be okay.

This is the start of the next chapter. I will always love and remember my little blip. But it's time to be Anastasia Rose Grey, Wife of Christian Grey and get this shit back on track. I kiss Christian on the lips and soon we are lost in each other, showing how much we love on another.

-x-

A NOTE: This was basically a closing chapter on Sad Ana. I am going to continue the story with love and laughter. So, see you soon!