Don't ask me why, but I love writing awkward moments. You'll see what I mean soon ;)
(Okay so I reread my previous chapters and I'm just... *shudder* I feel like they're terrible! I'm so sorry! Don't worry, I won't delete, but for those of you who've stuck around this far, thanks. It means a lot *heart*)
"I can do it myself."
Arthur rolled his eyes. "Merlin, don't be an idiot."
"You don't even know half these things, Arthur!" Merlin protested, waving his arm.
"Oh, come on, Merlin. Give Arthur a little credit," Pygmy chastised, suppressing a smirk.
"I can dress myself," Merlin repeated, sounding like a petulant child.
Pygmy snorted. "No, you can't. Your taste in clothing is terrible."
Merlin crossed his arms. "I have a wonderful taste in clothing."
"No, you don't," Arthur and Pygmy said in unison. They looked up in surprise at the echo before nodding at each other, their faces portraying upmost agreement. This exchange was not lost on the petulant warlock.
"Says the man who's wearing a dragon on his shirt," Merlin muttered, glaring at his crossed arms.
For the sake of banter, and his dragon, Arthur defended, "My dragon shirt is glorious, Merlin. You're just jealous."
Merlin rolled his eyes, but a smile tugged at his lips. "There's nothing to be jealous of, sire."
"Oh-kay," Pygmy raised her hands up in mock surrender. "You win, Merlin. You are far wiser in the subject of fashion than the two of us could ever be." Her voice was dripping with playful sarcasm; Arthur was really enjoying this dynamic. "Get up, Merlin the Wise, and don on your clothing." She tossed him the garb in her hands.
Rather than catching it, Merlin's shirt smacked him in the face, causing both Pygmy and Arthur to burst into laughter.
"Not fair!" Merlin protested.
"Go on," Pygmy urged, muffling her laughter through her hand. "Put it on."
Merlin grumbled, but, after struggling to remove the upper portion of his "fucking hospital gown," and needing Arthur help with untying the "damned knot," he obediently put his arms though without a hitch. That just left…
"Now the buttons."
"I'm not a bloody preschooler, Pygmy," Merlin huffed, genuine irritation coloring his tone. "I know how to do up my own shirt."
Arthur admired the shirt Pygmy had picked for her brother. It was a "button down" (one of the shirts Arthur had tried on, but didn't end up getting because the buttons were too tedious) with a shade of dark blue that reminded Arthur of Merlin's neckerchiefs. The shirt was a combination of blue, black, and a little white—or "plaid" as Pygmy had explained the combination was called when she first brought it out.
Slowly, Merlin messily rolled up the sleeves of his button down until they were fitted around his elbows. His pasty chest was still visible.
"Are you sure you got this?" Arthur asked cautiously.
"Of course," Merlin said, flashing a tried grin. "After all, I'm the one who always has to dress the both of us. I can button up this shirt."
Pygmy giggled silently, murmuring, "Without context…"
Ignoring her, Arthur nodded solemnly, "I know." He wasn't sure what else to say. Yes, Arthur was well aware of what Merlin's duties entailed (and some of the duties that weren't exactly necessary, but he still had Merlin do it anyway), but these past twenty-four hours have really changed Arthur's perspective of…well, everything.
Merlin looked at Arthur strangely, as if he wanted to comment on the Prince's answer. Instead, he shook his head and concentrated on the white buttons. For the first two, he breezed through it easily. The third one appeared to be the bane of Merlin's existence. After what must surely had been ten minutes (it was closer to three), Merlin finally succeeded. Only to get stuck on the fourth button. His arms were shaking.
"Oh, for gods' sakes," Arthur muttered, unable to watch Merlin struggle for another ten (three) minutes. He brushed away Merlin's hands and protests.
To his embarrassment, Arthur had to try three times before he could put the button through the whole, but the second time, he managed it in one go. When Arthur went to do the next one, Merlin's hands stopped him.
"That's fine," he said quickly. "I don't like the rest of them buttoned."
Arthur nodded and backed away, feeling proud.
"Next, pants," Pygmy declared holding a pair of boxer-briefs. Then she tossed them to Arthur.
Confused, Arthur stammered, "U-Uh, what? But I'm–?"
"I'm already wearing, pants," Merlin blushed fiercely.
Pygmy made a face. "Oh no, you are not wearing the same pants you were teleported in. It's been days, Merlin. And those aren't even proper pants. They're more like…rags."
"She does have a point," Arthur conceded hesitantly, comparing the material of his time's pants to the future's version.
Glaring, Merlin muttered, "Not helping."
"He most certainly is helping," Pygmy said, purposefully misinterpreting Merlin's words. "I'll be outside, signing that paperwork I've been neglecting. Ta."
With that, Pygmy strode out of the room, her hips swaying the dress around her thighs.
Arthur sighed. "Best get this over with."
"Yes," Merlin agreed uncertainly.
Neither moved.
"I mean," Merlin rubbed the back of his head. "We've got the same bits and it's not… It's…
"Let's just get it over with," he finished lamely.
Nodding, Arthur moved to Merlin's side, gingerly helping him get out of the bed. As soon as he stood up, the "fucking hospital gown" fell down, pooling around Merlin's ankles.
"Er – Here," Arthur handed the boxer-briefs to Merlin, who nodded his thanks.
Using Arthur's arm as support, Merlin was able to step out of his old pants and into the new ones.
"Where's the jeans?" he asked.
Arthur pointed to the bag that Pygmy had carried in. Merlin walked towards it without help, but his steps seemed labored. He had to use Arthur's shoulder as support again to put the trousers on, but he was able to succeed in his effort.
"Dammit!"
Or so Arthur had thought.
"What?"
Merlin grumbled, a light pink highlighting his cheeks.
"What?" Arthur repeated.
"I can't get the button," Merlin said, sounding extremely annoyed with himself. "Or the zipper."
Arthur blinked. "Oh." Then it hit him. "Oh!"
"Yeah…" Merlin took a deep breathe. "Can you…?"
Despite the unfinished question, Arthur knew what Merlin was asking. "Uhm. Sure."
After quick deliberation, Arthur sank down on one knee, which caused Merlin to jump in surprise. Since he was still partially unbalanced, Merlin had to use Arthur's shoulder for support again. Careful to avoid…well, to avoid Merlin's intimate parts, Arthur zipped and buttoned, but before he could get back up, the door swung open.
"Jack?" Merlin squeaked, stepping back from Arthur, who stood up quickly and did the same.
"Boys," a voice behind Jack's said, cutting off whatever snarky and/or euphemistic comment the man was about to say. "I understand that infatuation is prominent between couples, but one of you," Dr. Quinn glared at Merlin, "Was just in a very traumatic accident. Please try to keep your hands off each other for a few weeks." She turned her fierce gaze to Arthur, adding, "Or mouths."
Arthur stammered something, trying to tell Dr. Quinn that it had been a complete misunderstanding and that Merlin was just a friend and he was asexual so nothing would happen anyway, but what had come out was, "Uh—I—Not what it—Um…"
Jack laughed, covering Dr. Quinn's retreating click-clacking heels. "Don't listen to her, you guys. I knew you'd finally come around." He winked.
"We did nothing of the sort," Merlin said, his fists clenching. "What are you doing here, Jack?"
"I told you I'd see you around, didn't I? Besides, I wanted to see your lovely sister here," Jack put his arms around Pygmy, who Arthur realized had been standing there the entire time.
"Nice show you guys," Pygmy said, her voice teasing. She left Jack's hand around her shoulders, reminding Arthur of what Jack had said about the similarities between him and Merlin's sister.
Merlin glowered. "Shut up."
"No, it was really quite amazing," Jack informed, his eyes preforming racking the both of them down.
"Stop that," Arthur hissed.
Jack just laughed. "You're too squirmy, princess," he said in a way that was too much like Gwaine. "Oh! I almost forgot." He pulled out a bundle of papers and handed them to Arthur, who took it very gingerly. "Passport, birth certificate, mortgages, and a whole bunch of other papers. I found it on my doorstep, so to speak. Had you name on it."
Arthur rummaged through the bundle; he had no idea what some of these words even meant.
"There's a whole history here!" Merlin exclaimed, peering over Arthur's shoulder. "Who gave this to you?" he asked Jack.
"No idea," Jack shrugged. "Like I said, it was on my doorstep."
"I know," Arthur said, looking at a picture of himself. "It was John Smith. My lawyer." He looked up at Merlin, "You called him 'doctor'."
"Oh." Merlin looked over the papers again; Arthur could practically hear Merlin thinking. "How thoughtful of him."
"Come one, boys," Pygmy said, rolling her eyes. "You can discuss this once you've eased the stress on mum's heart."
Merlin looked up. "She making lunch?" he asked hopefully.
Pygmy grinned. "Of course!"
"But you might want to consider a shower first," Jack suggested.
Merlin smacked him.